


It’s Only for the Cameras

by japanken



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Beta Concept Art Amity Blight/Beta Concept Art Luz Noceda, Beta Lumity dynamics, Body Worship, Consensual Non-Consent, Crying, Drunk Driving, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hate Sex, Lesbian Sex, Light Dom/sub, Light Sadism, Love/Hate, Masterbation, Oral Sex, Paid Actors AU, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Toxic Relationship, Tragic Romance, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Fingering, Wax Play, [SLOW UPDATES]
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 132,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27298213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japanken/pseuds/japanken
Summary: “Amity definitely likes Luz. She knows it when she kisses her. And Luz definitely likes Amity back because she’s really hot and cute, anyone could see that. But she’s tired of pretending, keeping her hands to herself all the time. Besides, she knows Amity wants her too. She just wants to have a little bit of fun with her because she’s there and she’s not going anywhere.She never expected Amity to actually fall for her like that. She never wanted that to happen. Really, the way Amity looks at her scares her a bit. What’s she supposed to do? She doesn’t love her that way, at least she thinks she doesn’t. Maybe she will, she hopes she does because Amity is...special. She’s cute. She deserves someone to love her and Luz just doesn’t think she’s the one.She thought Amity just wanted to have sex a few times and pretend it didn’t happen, they could keep filming the show and act like they never knew each other after that. That’s what she thought was going to happen and then…”Or,Amity takes the part on a new Disney channel show called The Owl House. She doesn’t get along with her co-star Luz very well. That is, until they find a new way to cope with their intense hatred for each other. Kind of.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 432
Kudos: 706





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz and Amity start off on the wrong foot, even if she’s got this weird attraction to her anyways.

From the very beginning, Amity  _ hated  _ Luz. 

On the first day of shooting, they film a couple of scenes, one of which with Luz and Amity at a convention and she challenges her to a witch’s duel. It’s a fairly simple thing to act out and Amity is still buzzing with restless energy, the tension between the two of them is delicious to her. Now  _ this _ was interesting,  _ this _ was worth it. It felt good to hate someone so bright and cheerful like her. It felt good to snuff out her light. 

She hates Luz. She’s  _ annoying _ and  _ overbearing _ and she thinks she looks so good. Which, she  _ doesn’t.  _ But Amity guesses that she’s not  _ ugly _ . She thinks maybe she wouldn’t mind her so much if she weren’t so arrogant and self centered all the time. She hates her stupid beanie that she’s always wearing and her stupid grin and she hates her voice and she  _ especially _ doesn’t like the way she feels when they touch. They  _ have  _ to touch and of course it’s not by choice but… this is Amity’s job so she puts up with it. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t give her a hard time. 

“I challenge  _ you—”  _ she points at Amity dramatically, false protagonist confidence on her face. —“to a  _ ditches wuel— witch’s duel! _ Agh!” Luz laughs, turning towards the cameras. “Shit. Sorry. Let me do that one more time!” She says to the cameramen. 

_ “Okay, rolling!” _

Amity sighs. This is the tenth take on this  _ one  _ scene and Luz keeps messing it up by laughing or some other variation of  _ annoying.  _ She doesn’t know if it’s on purpose and this is her way of getting Amity back for earlier or if she’s just genuinely this bad at acting. 

There’s a scene where Amity’s bullying the blue haired girl and she really gets a kick out of the whole being mean thing. She gets to prance around all pretty and perfect and she gets to hide behind her character even though she’s pretty sure she hates everyone on this set. Her acting is so convincing that they only have to do a handful of takes.

Amity gets home that night, crashing into her bed after a long day. For one split second, she kind of feels bad for being such a bitch to Luz for no reason. Maybe there was a reason. It wasn’t often when Amity had to share the spotlight with someone else. There was never really anyone she had to measure up to, be equal to. But now…

Maybe she’d go back one more time and make it up to her. 

One time, after the first thirteen episodes had aired, Amity thought she’d check if there was any fan content for the show. After searching up  _ #theowlhouse  _ on Twitter, she realized that it was a big mistake. At first, she was intrigued. There was tons of fan art and theories about the villain and season two conspiracies. She was surprised at how many people were talking about it and before now she hadn’t realized how big it was getting. 

Then she saw that people were shipping her and Luz’s character together. Romantically. 

Then the prom episode happened. Her and Luz were supposed to perform a dance number that was very complicated by two months when the episode was set to air. They had one month for rehearsal, so every day they were up bright and early to get to the studio and practice. Being on a ‘time crunch’ had become an unrelenting theme with working on this show. 

That was a bit too much close contact for Amity’s comfort. But she was professional and this was her job and this was a show, so she had to do it. But that doesn’t mean Amity didn’t make a fuss about it.

Every day she complained to her mom like a child on the drive there about how she hated all of her co-stars and especially Luz and how she doesn’t want anything to do with her  _ or _ the show anymore— but she didn’t listen. Luz had to put up with her bad attitude, like how she purposefully stepped on her toes as much as possible during rehearsals. During break time, Amity watched as Luz rubbed her bruised feet. She hated this. She hated her. 

Every time they messed up, Luz would laugh and brush it off passive aggressively. The only reason they’d messed up in the first place was because of Amity. 

So Luz ignored Amity like she wasn’t even there, like they weren’t in each other’s faces for hours on end every day. She had completely memorized her face at that point and when she closed her eyes she could still see her. Amity shuddered at not being able to escape her even in the darkness of her own mind. Luz was always there. Every interview and meeting. Every morning with her smug greetings and her cup of coffee from the cafeteria. 

They were expected together. And sad as the truth is, Amity was embarrassed. She found herself flustered most of the time and she couldn’t understand why. She wished this could be easy and pleasant, she wished they at least got along but they’re so far into this that she’d feel stupid being the one to crack first.

After all, she  _ did _ start this.

The days grew lesser and lesser, Luz and Amity worked really hard but it still wasn’t enough— the month was up and even though they weren’t even close to at least being  _ good  _ at the dance, they were on a time crunch and it would have to do. 

And why was Amity (pleasantly) shocked when Luz came out on set wearing a  _ tuxedo  _ with a pink  _ tutu _ ? With her hair slicked back? She looked ridiculous. That’s what Amity told herself anyways— that’s why her heart fluttered so many times against her will today. She’d gotten so used to seeing her in gray sweatshirts, black leggings and white flats, that’s why the change of clothes intrigued her so much. That’s why she couldn’t stop looking.

She regretted looking. Luz was coming from her changing room and a crew had stopped her to put a mic on the inside of her tux. The set was being prepared so she joined Amity by the water cooler and  _ caught  _ her looking. “See something you like?” She raises an eyebrow, grinning obnoxiously at Amity. 

“Not a single thing,” she shoots back quickly, darting her eyes away. Luz blinks and it goes quiet between them. Then she sighs, leans against the wall and taps her foot impatiently as she watches the cast and crew run around the set. 

“You sure are serious all the time.” Luz says. 

“That’s because I’m not here to play games with you. This is my job and unlike you,  _ I  _ take it seriously.” Amity moves to work the water cooler just to try and get away from her. She pushes the blue switch up but nothing comes out despite the cooler being full of fresh, cold water. Her throat felt really dry all of the sudden.

“I take my job seriously!” Luz pushes away from the wall, eyes burning incredulous holes through Amity’s head. “At least  _ I’m _ not rude to everyone just because I think I’m better than them!”

Amity pauses before attempting to push up on the blue switch again. “At least  _ I _ can be taken seriously and be appreciated for my work.” She shoots back calmly. 

“So, what’re you saying,  _ Amity?” _ Luz challenges, narrowing her eyes.

“What I’m saying,  _ Noceda, _ is that  _ you  _ are an abomination. I can’t imagine how you ever made it in this industry seeing as how insufferable you are.” 

Luz crosses her arms. “Wow. What a spoiled little princess you are. I’m sorry I’m too ugly for you.” 

“That’s quite alright, Noceda.” 

It goes quiet again but Amity still hasn’t got her cup of water yet. “You push it down, you moron.” Luz mumbles. 

“Excuse me?”

Luz huffs and stalks closer to Amity, pushing down on the switch over her hand and water flows into her flimsy paper cup. “See? Magic.” She says sarcastically and Amity blinks, her face heating up. 

As Luz walked off she said, “I swear you have some blonde under all that green hair dye!” And it took every muscle in Amity’s body to not run after her and do something she would regret. 

And why was Amity having a panic attack when this was the big moment, the first day of shooting? Luz seemed so unbothered by it as she cracked stupid jokes that sent the whole set into unfitting laughter. Maybe everyone else was nervous too about the time crunch. All of their rehearsing led up to this moment. 

Why did Amity blush when they were filming a CGI scene on top of a green screen covered platform as Luz rested her hand on her hip? She always did that during rehearsals. Why was it different now, with the cameras and the hot studio lights on them?

“It’s only for the cameras,” Luz whispered to her as the platform raised up, wanting to be done with this as much as Amity did. Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she wanted to stay here in her arms, a safety harness and the fall below binding the two of them together for the time being. 

They were up there for hours and the first day of shooting wrapped up. The next morning they came in, Dana let them both know that they got no good takes and they would have to do it all over again. 

They glared at each other, Luz’s eye twitches and Amity’s jaw drops. She storms off to the changing room and Luz chases after her. “Amity, wait!” She pants, trying to catch up to her in the seemingly endless set halls. “Can we talk?” 

Amity is nearing her changing room and she makes a run for it because she knows Luz is close—she suddenly breaks off into a side room, whirling around to lock the door behind her but Luz already has her foot in the doorway. She groans, massaging her aching temples. “ _ What _ ?” 

Luz forces the door open, closing it softly behind her. Her script book is folded and tucked under her arm. She’s already changed into that ridiculous outfit for the day and Amity is still in her sweatpants from this morning. “Can you tell me what the problem is?” She asks exasperatedly. 

Amity groans and decides to just ignore Luz. She’ll only slow her down. So she goes into her walk-in closet because— there isn’t much time before shooting starts for the day and she’s not even got her makeup on. Whatever  _ this  _ is, it’d have to wait. “There’s  _ no  _ problem at all, Noceda,” she says coolly from the privacy of the closet _ ,  _ a bit of sarcasm dripping in her tone. 

“Oh, so we’re on last name terms now?” She shoots back. 

“I don’t know what term you  _ think  _ we’re on, but we are  _ not  _ friends.” 

“That’s my point,” she says it like it’s so obvious, ever the intelligent person she thinks she is. “I just need to know what the problem is so I can  _ fix  _ it. There’s no reason we should hate each other to the point where it’s showing in our work.” 

Amity thinks it over and, no— she’s totally right. She’s so right, it’s almost annoying. The problem is that she doesn’t really know what the problem is. That’s the bigger problem here. It’s quiet until Amity comes out of the closet in her dress. Luz shamelessly looks her up and down— like she hasn’t seen her in this dress before. Quickly, she snaps to attention, determined that she can just solve the problem right here and right now. 

“We need to work together. Please, Amity?” She asks gently. “We’re supposed to be in love at this point—I think,” she pauses when Amity reddens. “In the show. I mean, you knew that, right?” 

“Um...” Is all Amity says, her throat is suddenly dry. 

“Let’s just talk it out, please,” she says again. “I don’t understand why we aren’t friends.” 

_ That’s why.  _ Amity crosses the room to her vanity and starts trying to get her hair to look decent. Luz comes up behind her and Amity can see the hopeful look in her eyes. Their reflections briefly make eye contact and Luz raises an eyebrow. She can’t stand it. Amity turns around to face her and sneers, “I  _ hate  _ you.” 

Luz sighs but smiles anyways. She holds out her hand. “Well, I hate you too. We have that in common. Can we both agree on that?” 

Amity takes her hand and gives it a firm shake. “Agreed.” 

“Alright then, it’s a start.” She laughs, hesitating before she turns to leave. She’s halfway out the door when she says, “See you on set, Blight.” 

She closes the door behind her and Amity sighs, releases a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. She looks at her stupid face in the mirror and she wants to claw her eyes out. She isn’t coming back here ever again. She never wants to see Luz’s stupid face ever again. 

They stand face to face as a safety crew clips them into the harness, the platform rises slowly with a mechanical  _ squeak.  _

“Noceda.” 

“Blight.” She grins and gives her this stupid smug look. 

Well. She’d get her fix of Luz’s face for the last time. Her stupid face. Luz wraps her arms around Amity’s waist and pulls her close—their bodies pressing comfortably together. Amity nearly stumbles from the suddenness of it. She lets out a defeated sigh, begrudgingly rests her chin on her shoulder, the velvet of her tux making her very sleepy all of the sudden. The scent of her hair gel. Her soft skin. Her hand placed gently on her back. She hates it. She hates her fucking guts. 

They do the scene a couple of times up there and each time, Amity gets more aggressive. She aggressively dips Luz over the edge of the platform, aggressively holds her hands and aggressively looks her in the eyes. Luz is trying so hard not to laugh. It’s no wonder they didn’t get any good takes that time either. 

After shooting has wrapped up for the day, Amity makes her way to the cafe/cafeteria on the first floor while she waits for her mother to come pick her up. She’s almost thirty minutes late, she acknowledges in spite of her annoyance, clicking her phone back off and placing it face down on the table. 

She really wishes she could drive. It’s about eleven thirty at night and she was almost sure the rest of the cast had made it home already because  _ they _ all knew how to drive themselves. 

She reaches into her bag and pulls out a salad she had brought for lunch earlier that she hadn’t eaten. She decides to eat it now hoping it’d pass the time a little faster while she waits. She’s relieved that the day is over. It’s pitch dark outside and there’s only a few people in the cafe from other shows being filmed here. She always looks around to make sure no one from her cast were hanging around before she sits down because she would rather not interact with them more than absolutely necessary. 

Except, Luz is still there for some reason. 

She comes from the breakfast bar out of seemingly  _ nowhere  _ much to Amity’s great dismay and mockingly clears her throat, pulling the empty chair out. “Anyone sitting here?” She asks but she’s already moving to sit down across from Amity. “No? Cool.” 

Amity glares at her, a curse on the tip of her tongue and then—Luz sets down her  _ food.  _ It’s a stack of at least four waffles drowned in at least one full bottle of syrup, dusted lightly with powdered sugar and a dollop of whipped cream at the top. Her stomach lurches at the  _ thought _ of even eating that. “Noceda!” She gasps incredulously. 

She’s already cutting into the stack of death with intense focus, her tongue sticking out to the side when Amity scoffs, eyeing her intensely. “That is a  _ copious  _ amount of sugar. This won’t help you in fitting your role and—,”

Luz cuts her off with an exaggerated groan, throwing her head back. “Oh. My. God. Does everything I do bother you?” 

“Rightfully so,” she leans back in her chair. She picks her phone up again to check the time.  _ Eleven fifty five.  _ She quickly puts it away because Luz is staring curiously at her now, syrup dripping down her face. She wonders how she’d react if she just leaned across the table and licked it off. Because that’s disgusting and incredibly unsanitary, of course. It’s to spite her. 

“Well, sorry I’m not some salad eating bitch whose only attribute is their body.” She glares pointedly at Amity’s aforementioned choice of nutrition. “Wanna know something?” Luz asks after a moment of silence, stuffing another full bite of sugary demise in her mouth. “Every day I come to work on this show, I dread it because of you.” 

Amity is quite honored to hear this— it delights her actually. “The feeling is mutual.” She says coolly. 

Luz looks at her as if she’s studying her and it makes Amity incredibly uncomfortable. “So what was your deal earlier?” 

“I don’t recall what you’re talking about,” she checks her phone.  _ Twelve ten _ . 

Luz sighs. “We’ve only been shooting for  _ one  _ scene.” She says exasperatedly. “I thought you were gonna push me off and kill me!” 

Amity takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Just a little longer, her mother would pull up soon and she could finally get out of here, away from this delinquent of a girl. “I don’t care.” She mumbles. 

“Huh? What was that?” Luz leans in across the table overbearingly, that grin on her face. 

“I said I don’t care. I’m leaving.” She stabs a bite of her salad on her fork and aggressively shoves it in her mouth. Aggressively chews. Aggressively swallows. 

“You can’t just leave the show.” Luz says, a fit of laughter begging to come forth but somehow she manages. “We’re so far in. You signed a contract.” 

“Yeah, well. No contract can make me stay here with you.” 

“Why?” Luz challenges. 

“Because I can’t stand you.” 

“But why?” 

Amity pauses. She didn’t quite know. 

She suddenly pushes her chair back, its metal legs screeching against the tile flooring. Amity grabs her bag and heads toward the door, seriously starting to consider walking home. Luz could be alone with her plate of diabetes if that’s what she wanted. She pushed open the glass door and came out into a back parking lot, the cool midnight air hitting her face. 

Pulling out her phone, the clock read twenty minutes after twelve. No one was coming to get her, she settled at last. Maybe her mom had fallen asleep or blacked out drunk again. Whatever. She’d just have to call a Lyft. The doors push open and Luz walks up beside her. Amity pretends to be busy on her phone and it’s quiet for a moment. Luz crosses her arms, looking observantly over all of the cars. 

“You know, you should really start trying to get your license. You are old enough to drive,” she says like she’s enlightened the planet earth, like Amity doesn’t know this already. Amity decides to stay quiet and focus on getting her credit card info into the Lyft app instead. Luz is obviously disappointed that she couldn’t get a rise out of her this time. So she tries again. 

Reaching into her pocket, she pulls out something dangly. Something like—car keys. She clicks a button and a black Honda chirps to life. Amity’s head snaps up, her eyes wide. Luz smirks. So  _ that’s _ her car. Amity had seen it multiple times back here but she never thought… _ Luz  _ of all people. 

“Well...I must be going,” she says cheerfully, walking slowly to her car, watching Amity’s face the whole time. She opens the door and pauses before she climbs in. “See you bright and early, Blight!” She slams the door and pulls off, leaving Amity alone. 

She screams, stomping her foot angrily. How does  _ this  _ girl have a car but  _ she _ doesn’t? Why does  _ she _ know how to drive when Amity is too scared to even  _ touch _ the wheel? When she gets home, she’s going to  _ beg  _ her parents for a car. Something bigger and faster and more expensive than Luz’s cheap little Honda. 

She ends up ordering a Lyft and she goes to head back inside the cafeteria while she waits. She pulls the metal handle to the door but it doesn’t budge. And then the lights turn off. It’s closed. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity asks Luz for a ride to work.

It carries on like this for a while. Eventually they did get the scene and the episode released. But it didn’t help Amity’s case either. People went  _ mad  _ with their shipping after that episode. And Amity thought to herself every day,  _ I’m never coming back here.  _ But the humiliating truth was that she craved Luz. She craved their bicker, the hatred, the dynamic. It gave her a reason to wake up every morning, to come on set and try to one-up her. That was their normal. That was their thing. 

One morning, Amity woke up alone in her house. She had overslept. Everyone had already gone out to work and that meant  _ she _ had no way to get to work. 

Amity weighed out all of her options. She could walk, but it was starting to be so cold out and it’s not like the studio was close or anything. She could call a ride but she had already spent most of her money on her half of the rent and food. She was literally out of time so that meant she had to take drastic measures. Scrolling through her contacts list, all the way at the bottom was a forbidden number. 

_ Noceda🤮 _

They’d only texted a few times, Luz mostly being the initiator of her one sided conversations. They’d only exchanged numbers simply for business reasons. They were co-workers after all. And Luz had a car. And Amity was late to work and…

With shaky hands, she typed out a message. 

_ ‘Can you pick me up  _ ?  _ I’ll pay you’ _

Sent. 

Not even a minute passed before her reply came. And it was only a thumbs up emoji. Then, ‘ _ send me your address’. _

Amity was hesitant at first. Why would she send Noceda her address? She could be a murderer for all she knew. But...this was only drastic measures. Drastic measures made for drastic decisions. So with a nervous rush, she shared her location. Luz replied with another thumbs up emoji and ‘ _ be there in 20’ _ .

Amity sighed, sinking into her sheets. What has she done? Now she’s going to know where she lives and she probably—wait! Amity jumped out of bed because- she wasn’t even dressed yet and Luz was going to be here in twenty minutes! Half of that twenty minutes was just her trying to decide on what to wear, even though she was just going to change into costume anyways. And usually, she didn’t give getting dressed  _ this  _ much thought. But… 

Ultimately, she decided on a pink, sleeveless dress with a white trim, black knee high socks for the cold and white sneakers. Even though it was freezing outside and she probably should have worn her boots and her puffy jacket but a loud car horn sounded in front of the house and that meant it was time to go, probably. Grabbing her phone off her bed, another text from Luz popped up, ‘ _ I’m here’ _ . 

_ ‘Coming’ _ , she quickly texted back, biting back a smile from the thrill of this. She’s going to be getting in Luz Noceda’s car. She squealed to herself. She grabbed her bag and headed down the stairs. When she came out, she was met with that same black Honda. It looked much less impressive in the light of the day but— it was still a way for her to get to work. 

She walked behind the car to the passenger side, just so she could gain her composure for a moment before getting in. She tugged on the handle and Luz unlocked it. When she opened the door, she was blasted by the scent of that cheap gas station air freshener and an obnoxiously sweet smelling perfume. Well, at least it wasn’t a bad smell. “Hey,” is all Luz says. 

“Hey,” Amity shoots back calmly. She climbs in the seat, reaching over to buckle her seatbelt. Luz reaches over to turn on the heater and she stops to look at Amity and her incredible outfit, she assumes. This is the only reason she did it, even if she was freezing her toes off. 

“Aren’t you cold in that?” Luz asks, the heater kicking in and the scent of burnt air fills the car. 

“No.” Amity says simply. It’s incredibly awkward now. Luz clears her throat awkwardly and pulls out of the driveway and onto the main road. 

They drive mostly in silence until Luz says, “You can turn on the radio if you want,” 

“No thanks. I’d rather not touch anything in this car more than necessary.” She says. Luz blinks but keeps her eyes on the road and Amity relishes in it. First hit of the day and she’s off to a great start. She peers over to the ceiling pocket on Luz’s side and sees a picture. 

From here it’s distorted and a bit hard to make out but she’s pretty sure it’s a picture of Luz and her mom. Luz is wearing her usual beanie and beside her is a shorter woman in nurse scrubs. It’s kind of weird to Amity and she realizes that Luz is actually a person too. She has family and other things about her that no one knows. She’s not just her rival, the person she loves to hate. She sort of grows fond of her in that way.

They make it to the studio and do only a few things that take up the whole day. For this episode, they’re playing some made up version on rugby. Amity’s character breaks her foot and Luz has to carry her. At first, Amity thinks it’s just another throw away thing and even though no one said anything about it, she’s starting to see it now. She was told to act flustered around Luz for the past few episodes and she couldn’t really imagine why. But this, she got it now. 

Willow and Gus were there too. She was told Eda and another guest star were also appearing in this episode but they’d film their segment separately. She didn’t really see Eda much but when she did, she usually had a lot of scenes with Luz. Sometimes, she got to sit in and watch. Those two together were oddly charming. They have a bond onscreen and off it seemed. Amity wishes she had that. Maybe it’s her fault she doesn’t. 

And after another long day, Amity finds herself in the cafe again. She’s sitting in the nicer area, separated from the cafeteria with carpeted floor and warm lighting. She sat by herself at a booth table, on her laptop trying to get a few assignments done. She was rudely distracted however, by Luz, Gus and Willow’s loud laughter as they entered the cafeteria. They were talking and joking around like they were best friends. She guesses they were. How was she supposed to know when she distanced herself from everyone all the time? 

Luz got them a table and Willow and Gus sat down while she headed to the breakfast bar. Amity was immediately reminded of her previous...breakfast endeavors from the night before. She comes back with three cups of coffee perfectly balanced in her hands. She slides them across the table to her two co-stars and she winks. “Just how you guys like it,” Amity hears her say. 

They all sit there, laughing and talking and sipping their coffee. Amity wishes she could just go right over there and join them. She felt so left out. She couldn’t help but stare. Luz looks up and catches her and she raises her eyebrows. She waves over at Amity and Willow and Gus turn to look at her. She isn’t really on the best of terms with them either. 

Amity quickly looks back down at her computer screen. Then they burst out in laughter and she can’t help but wonder what they’re laughing about. She wants to laugh too. Her eyes drift back up and she meets Luz’s gaze again. She flicks her eyes back down. It continues on like this in an agonizing cycle until Willow and Gus pack up to leave about an hour later. She looks up and sees their table empty. 

That’s odd, she thinks. She never seen Luz leave and she usually hangs around here for a bit longer. Amity twists around to see if Luz maybe went towards the back of the cafe but she sees nothing as she peers over the booth. 

Amity sighs, turning back to her computer. At least now maybe she could focus on her work. “Hey Blight,” she hears her voice and Amity nearly jumps out of her skin. Then Luz  _ jumps  _ over the booth and plops down next to her instead of just walking in like a normal person. 

Amity takes a deep breath to compose herself. “Noceda.” 

“ _ Noceda,”  _ Luz says mockingly. “So serious. Are you a lawyer?” 

Amity blinks. “What?” 

“Nothing,” she says quickly. She folds her arms behind her head and leans back against the booth, her eyes closed. Amity shakes her head, trying to get herself back in focus. She was on a good workflow up until now and she was not going to let Noceda be the reason she’s missing credits at the end of the school year. She clicks away on her laptop, trying to ignore the warmth from the girl beside her. 

“What’cha working on?” Luz suddenly leans closer and Amity flinches. 

“Homework.” 

“Ah, okay,” she says and leans back again. Amity is confused but she keeps trying to work either way. What was the point of these needless interactions? “Hey, good work today by the way.” 

Amity stiffens. She can’t even remember what she did today, it’s been such a long one. “You know you’d be lying if you said you were just acting though,” she says vaguely and Amity waits for the next part that never comes. 

She pinches the bridge of her nose, just trying to relieve some of the stress. Being around her can be so exhausting. “What are you talking about, Noceda?” 

“...I’m talking about how it wasn’t hard for you to pretend that you’re in love with me.” She opens one eye to grin at Amity. 

“It’s been my greatest challenge,” she shoots back after the initial shock had cleared up, turning back to face her computer again. Luz just hums to herself. It’s quiet for a few more minutes. Amity gets exactly three sentences into her essay because she’s on fire with how close they are right now. But they’ve been closer before and it’s not like this is romantic in any way shape or form. She’s just tired and annoyed, that’s all. 

“You wanted to sit with us so bad,” Luz says suddenly, laughing quietly. Amity knows right away what she’s talking about. She doesn’t have any feasible excuse in her defense so she stays quiet. “You know, maybe you’d have some friends if you weren’t such a—“ she pauses when Amity glares at her— daring her. Luz giggles again and holds up her hands in defense.

Amity sighs and slams her laptop shut. Pulling her bag open she shoves it in and shuffles out of the booth, leaving Luz without exchange. She heads out the cafe exit, into the back parking lot just like last night. She pulls out her phone and starts to dial her mother but Luz comes out and walks over to her car. They make eye contact for a brief moment and then—“I could...give you a ride if you want.” 

“Okay,” Amity agrees faster than she cares to admit. She comes to the passenger side where Luz is holding the door open for her which— bothers her. They briefly make eye contact again and this time Luz gives her a bright, oblivious smile and in turn, Amity rolls her eyes. After she’s in, Luz passively slams the door shut and walks over to the drivers side. She unlocks her phone and hands it over to Amity. 

“What?” 

“Put in your address,” Luz says. 

“—But you picked me up from there just this morning,” Amity says in disbelief. Luz groans. 

“C’mon Blight. I can’t remember everything. Just do it!” 

Amity scoffs, taking the phone and quickly types in her address. She can just feel the Luz cooties crawling into her skin and she shivers. She doesn’t even have a phone case. What kind of delinquent didn’t have a phone case? She all but drops it back into the cup holder after she’s done. The ride is quiet and Amity is glad for it— she doesn’t have anything to say and she doesn’t want to hear her stupid voice right now anyways. They’re almost there when Luz makes a wrong turn. 

“What are you doing?” Amity asks suspiciously. 

Luz laughs. “Relax. I’m getting something to eat,” she says. They pull into a McDonald’s drive-thru, of all things. Amity’s jaw drops in pure horror. She can’t believe anyone would even bother coming here considering all of the nasty rumors about them online. It’s severely unhealthy and not good for someone like Luz who has to  _ look good  _ for her job. 

“Want something?” Luz asks her as they pull up to order. Amity scoffs and nods her head, turning to look out the window instead. She watches as cars zoom past on the highway. 

They wait an annoyingly long time just for what— a cheeseburger and some fries? Whatever it is she ordered, it smells like immediate death in a bag. How did she have such bad eating habits and manage to keep her figure? Not that she’s looking anyways but—“ _ Now _ I’ll take you home,” she says after stuffing her hand in the bag and dropping a handful of fries into her mouth, putting her greasy hand back on the wheel. All Amity can do is gag. 

They pull up to her house at around eleven fifty, she’s still got a few minutes to spare before curfew. Luz leans forward to peer up at her two story house, a terrace overlooking the porch. “Nice place,” she says casually, then, “Are you guys rich or something?” 

Amity lets out a bitter laugh. “ _ I’m  _ not rich. They are. I can barely afford food sometimes.” 

“That’s tough.” Is all she says even though Amity knows she’s dying to ask more questions. At least she’s got morals. Luz drums her fingers on the steering wheel. They sit there in an awkward silence before Amity can’t take it anymore and she practically jumps out of the car. 

She thinks about just leaving it like this. And she really appreciated the ride but she’d rather die than say thank you to her. But...she isn’t that mean. So before she shuts the door she leans in and sweetly says, “Night.”

“Night.” Luz says back. Amity is halfway to the door when Luz rolls the window down and calls after her, “Hey!” 

Amity whirls around and her heart flutters at all of the possibilities, the things she could say. “Don’t even think about asking me for another ride.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Amity calls back albeit a little disappointed. Luz leans out the window and gives her an obnoxiously toothy smile before rolling the window up and pulling off. 

She forgot to pay her. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity gets fed up with Luz so she climbs on top of her car to try and cause some destruction. What Amity gets is more damaging than anything.

They were walking back to the parking lot after another long day. It’s a longer distance to the front of the studio from all the way in the back. It was a big building—no small building could hold that much movie magic after all. Or something like that. Her legs are burning from the cold but somehow Amity doesn’t feel completely drained like she does when her day involves too much of a certain someone…

“Um,” she stammers, breaking the companionable silence. She feels like something should be happening. It’s too weird if everything is going well for once between the two of them. She wants to go back to being at each other’s throats even if that’s a bit childish. It’s easier than feeling like she wants to cuddle up close to her. Because of the cold. That’s weird. She doesn’t get why that’s happening. “Thank you. For driving me around so much lately.” 

“What do you want from me  _ this _ time?” Luz asks only half joking, she just rolls her eyes. Maybe it was a punch in the face to be so civilized with her all of the sudden. Maybe Luz just liked it better when Amity was hostile and cold. Amity feels stupid and embarrassed for even trying to be nice to her. Now she remembers why she never does it in the first place. 

Just when she was starting to warm up to her, just when she was starting to think,  _ this isn’t so bad.  _ She’s had lots of those moments lately. Perhaps it’s better than trying to change anything, Luz is hopeless and not worth the time of day anyways. They had roles, they were rivals. They were supposed to hate each other. It wasn’t supposed to change. Maybe it was less confusing that way. 

“Nothing...I… I just wanted to let you know that I appreciated the help.” Amity sighs, still slightly taken aback. She backed herself into this corner, this is what she gets for never saying thank you. Nothing she says, Luz will never take it seriously because— it was all a joke anyways right? They were only playing, that was their thing. It didn’t get to be anything more. It was never serious or genuine. 

But maybe that was her fault. 

* * *

Honestly to Amity it felt like all of the days were running together. The filming studio had become her second home and she’s probably spent more time here than in her house for the past month. The rest of the cast had gone home for the day and Amity was beyond ready to head home, de-stress a bit and have a good night’s rest. Dealing with  _ her  _ all day long really was starting to chip away at her patience.

But, Luz insisted they stay after shooting hours and practice lines for a new episode for a little while. And she agreed because, well she couldn’t imagine why. She felt obligated to stay here and suffer a little while longer because she liked to earn her rest, it made going home that much more rewarding. Actually, today was one of their better days and for being on a time crunch, they’d gotten a lot of filming done. And not to mention that Luz and Amity didn’t even bicker once. 

They were actually doing really good. Amity started to feel not-so-hopeless about this whole acting thing. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. If they kept this up then maybe she could get through this. She feels ashamed almost, for having these moments of peace with her. It could have always been like this if she just let it. Maybe...Amity was the problem. 

“This is much easier when we’re getting along isn’t it?” Luz says as she’s digging through her messenger bag. She turns to look at Amity when she doesn’t answer, there’s a smug grin on her face. Leave it to her to point out the painfully obvious. Goodness, she makes it hard to want to be nice. 

Amity decides that they’re both the problem. Probably. 

“I’m simply doing my job,” Amity scoffs in that obnoxiously uppish tone she gets around Luz, pretending to look over her script. 

“Me too,” Luz says back very coolly. She zips her bag back up having successfully received her script—it’s all crumpled and bent much to Amity’s annoyance. How irresponsible of her. But she seems completely unbothered by it and she comes to sit down on the floor in front of Amity who’s sitting on a stool. 

“Noceda,” Amity gasps in shock. “The ground is extremely unclean and—“ 

“Yeah, yeah,” she waves her off playfully, giving her an obnoxious Luz smile. “It’ll be alright, I swear.” 

“Sit on a stool.” Amity demands, there’s no room for argument in her voice. Luz groans and with a bit of a fuss she gets up and drags another stool to sit in front of Amity. 

They have a sort of impromptu staring contest before she asks, “Happy now?” 

“Immensely.” She adjusts on her seat, hides her face behind her script book. Her face is burning from all of that eye contact. She hates Luz. 

“Aww. You care about me,” Luz teases and she leans forward to give her an affectionate little slap on her arm—an unnecessary gesture in which Amity  _ really  _ doesn’t like. She flinches and gives Luz the dirtiest look ever. 

“Don’t touch me!” 

Luz stares at her in shock, she confusedly raises an eyebrow. It’s quiet for an awkwardly long time. “Okay,” she laughs a little bit. “Can you tell me what your deal is, like, seriously?” 

“I don’t want you touching me like that. L-like we’re friends. Because we’re not.” Amity stammers and it only makes Luz more confused. “Did I not make that clear?” 

“Crystal.” Luz deadpans. “But why do you hate me so much?” 

“Because you’re insufferable!” Amity groans, frustrated. “I have to put up with your-your  _ escapades _ all day and I—“ 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Luz holds her hand up. “ _ Escapades?”  _ She raises her eyebrows and tries her absolute hardest not to laugh. 

“This is what I mean!” She wildly gestures toward Luz. “You're scrawny and you’re rude, bad-mannered, reckless, you have no real regard for the fact that  _ this  _ is your  _ job.  _ You have terrible eating habits and you never listen to me—!”

“ _ That’s _ what you’re mad about? You’re mad because I don’t listen to you?” Luz jumps off of her stool and so does Amity. She’s getting out of here. So much for getting along. This just goes to show how quickly things can escalate with her. She’s walking away when—“Listen here,  _ Amity,”  _ Luz says, grabbing her by the sleeve and she pulls her closer. Amity blinks at the mere audacity of her to even  _ think _ of touching her again. They’re so close…

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but you  _ aren’t  _ the boss of me. You can’t control me like everyone else you know.” 

Amity yanks herself out of Luz’s grip, stumbling back. “How  _ dare  _ you grab me like that! Who in the  _ world  _ do you think you are!” 

“ _ I’m _ your coworker and I work on this show too. We are  _ equals _ , Amity. Got that?” 

“I am  _ not  _ your equal.” Amity says. She starts toward the door, grabbing her bag off the counter and slinging it over her shoulder. “You’re barely sane!” 

“Where are you going? Leaving like a coward just like you always do when we fight?” Luz crosses her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. Like she’s being the bigger person about this. 

“You’re the one who  _ grabbed  _ me!” Amity whirls around to shoot back at her. 

“Get back here and  _ fight  _ me then. Let’s settle this like real men.” She starts to roll up her sleeves and Amity has to bite down a laugh. 

“Resorting to violence is incredibly immature, Noceda. As if I’d ever waste my time fighting  _ you _ .” Amity laughs bitterly. 

“You’re the one who yelled at me for  _ doing my job,”  _ she starts walking toward Amity, there’s an aggressive little grin on her face. “If you ask me, you’re the one being immature. We’re  _ seventeen,  _ Amity. We should  _ not _ be having these kinds of fights.” 

Amity gasps when Luz comes up and pushes up against her. And she works up the nerve to actually  _ push _ Amity back against the wall. “This is our job. We’re actors.  _ Act like it _ .” Then she reaches around Amity and amidst her blood boiling anger, it melts away and her heart goes wild—she thinks—is she? 

Instead, Luz grabs her jacket off the coat hanger and rudely pushes past Amity to leave the room. “I’m heading out,” she hears her say to the rest of the crew in the break room but she’s too in shock to even think of what to do next. Who does she think she  _ is? _ Amity leans back against the wall completely frozen, her mouth hanging open. 

_ How dare she?  _

She flicks off the light and bolts out into the hallway. There’s no way she’s letting Noceda get away with that.  _ No one  _ gets to put their hands on her like that and just walk away. “HOW DARE YOU—!” she screams after her, sprinting down the hallway, 

“Don’t follow me, Blight!” Luz calls back, cool as a cucumber, not even half as worked up as she’s made Amity. She thinks she’s just  _ so  _ funny doesn’t she? She thinks she’s above all of this. Luckily, That’s all the fuel she needs to run even faster. She quickly signs out at the front desk, the woman tending it gives her an inconspicuous look. She runs out into the parking lot just in time, Luz is getting into her car. Amity runs up to the driver side and bangs on the window. She hears Luz groan and she rolls her eyes. 

“Yes, your highnesses? What is it?” She rolls the window down. 

“I have to ask,” Amity crosses her arms over her chest. “What makes you think you could just yell at me—“ 

“You yelled at me first!” Luz says incredulously, her jaw drops. 

“Don’t interrupt me when I’m speaking.” Amity says sternly. Luz just looks at her like she’s a crazy person and then chuckles. 

“Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I’m done. I’m sorry, okay? You win.” She raises her hands up defensively. 

“I’m not trying to  _ win  _ this argument, I have valid reasons and sources—“ Amity’s eyes widen when she’s cut off again. Luz is  _ laughing  _ at her. 

“What are you talking about?” She giggles, nodding her head in disbelief. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ‘kay?” She starts rolling her window back up. 

“No! You can’t just  _ leave.  _ We aren’t finished—“ Luz switches on the radio and the boom of the loud music interrupts Amity once again. She screams irritably, stamping her foot—she’s completely and totally at her wits end. “I have the legal rights to  _ sue  _ you for physical harassment!” She sees Luz laughing again, letting her head drop against the steering wheel, her shoulders shaking. She nods her head slowly at Amity and sticks up her middle finger. 

That was her last straw. Amity’s so angry she’s shaking with chaotic energy. She really doesn’t know what to do but she’s going to do  _ something _ . Right here, right now. She’s done holding back. So she jumps on the hood of her car and clambers up to the windshield and she can see Luz’s astonished expression through the glass. Amity  _ relishes  _ in it. Now that she’s up here she doesn’t know what to do—she thinks she’s going to cause some destruction, really get under her skin. The thought makes her giddy with shame but she doesn’t care one single bit. 

“What are you  _ doing?!” _ Luz squeaks, jumping out of the car. She runs up to the side where Amity’s leg hangs off as she struggles up to the top of the car. “Get off my car!” 

“Get out of my  _ life!”  _ Amity shoots back, out of breath from trying to keep herself upright. She wasn’t a very athletic person but for this she was, just to do this and ruin Luz’s life. She’d do anything to ruin her life. 

“You maniac! Get  _ off  _ my car!” Luz groans and kicks her shoes off, climbing up the hood after Amity and tries to grab her foot. Amity isn’t done yet, this whole thing is so delightful to her. She feels incredibly stupid and embarrassed but at least it was all worth Luz’s annoyance, that’s all she wanted. She keeps kicking and flailing to keep her away and eventually gets herself up to the roof. She sits right in the center and the metal creaks under her, she can already feel a dent forming under her weight. Luz is trying to get up the windshield but she keeps slipping. Amity watches, bemused to her heart’s content and Luz eventually gives up. 

They stare at each other for a moment. “What are you going to do?” Amity asks sweetly. 

“I’m gonna kill you, that’s what,” she says breathlessly, trying again to pull herself up. “You’re  _ crazy,  _ Blight. Crazy bi—“ 

Amity stretches her arms high into the air, yawning loudly much to Luz’s annoyance. She leans back on her hands, watching Luz with a lopsided little grin on her face. “ _ Getoffmycar. _ ” Luz drops her head on the windshield and Amity lets out an amused chuckle. 

After a short while, Amity gets her fix of powerless Luz and she actually starts to feel a bit awful now. She crawls up to the front and offers her a hand. She pulls Luz up and they sit up there beside each other for a weirdly tense moment before Luz makes her move. 

She gently rests her hand on Amity’s thigh and she gasps. “Don’t touch—!” She tries to scream but then Luz quickly walks her fingers up and—“Luz!” Amity flails, she loses her balance and almost falls clean off the car if it wasn’t for Luz grabbing her by the sleeve for the second time today. She can hardly believe that was only a few minutes ago. 

Luz leans in nice and close to Amity’s face and— _ “Get off.” _

Amity squeaks and all but flies off, down the windshield and jumps off the hood. She feels like her legs are going to give out underneath her any moment. What just happened? Her mind is blank but all she can think about is her hand—“I’ve got you  _ all _ figured out, Blight.” Luz jumps down from the roof and she quickly steps back into her shoes. “You’re weak.” 

Amity makes a desperate little noise. “That’s harassment!” She stammers. “I can sue you!” 

Luz gets back in the car, slams the door. “Sue me then!” She buckles her seatbelt and starts the car. “But you won’t! Because you’re all talk!” 

“I hate you!” 

“Love you too!” She rolls up the window and pulls off. This was going to be the last time she did that. 

The initial anger wearing off, Amity heads back into the studio and—she’s already signed off for the day. She left her jacket and script in the choreo room so she heads back down the hallway to retrieve them and—she gets all kinds of funny looks. She feels like a whiny little baby. 

Amity  _ begged  _ her parents for a car. She begged them for days and everyday they said no, if she wanted a car then she’d work harder to afford one. And she did work hard didn’t she? She considered herself a veteran for putting up with Noceda every day she went to work. She was a trooper being able to  _ pretend  _ she’s  _ in love  _ with her for the cameras and actually have it look believable. 

So when she finally got one months later, she couldn’t complain right? Beggars can’t be choosers can they?

“ _ This  _ is my car?” Amity asked, trying not to sound  _ too  _ disappointed. It  _ was _ a car after all. It’d get her around fine. It wasn’t like showing off to Luz was the only reason she’d even asked. 

“Is there something wrong?” Odalia asked albeit slightly annoyed. Amity turned to glare at her, the sparkle of her new pearl earrings caught her eye. 

“Not at all, mother,” Amity forces a smile. “I’m happy. Thank you.” 

“Take good care of it,” she scoffs. “It was  _ expensive.”  _

Amity glances back to the disgraceful hunk of metal called  _ car _ , the front headlight slightly hangs off. “ _ Really _ ?” She rolls her eyes at the scraped paint on the passenger door. It looks like they went to the junkyard and picked the first one they saw. And...come on. Her parents weren’t exactly  _ financially  _ tight or anything. Why couldn’t they get her anything nice for once? 

Odalia leaves Amity alone with her  _ new car.  _ It’s quite a disappointing sight and she admittedly knows it won’t even hold a candle to Luz’s. But she can’t be petty. And you can’t judge a book by its cover, so with a sliver of hope left, Amity opens the door and an eye wateringly terrible smell hits her in the face. She’s already felt like crying so she ignores it and sits down behind the wheel anyways. 

This is her car. She reaches up to turn on the light but it doesn’t come on. 

It’ll do. Probably. 

She puts her hands on the wheel. It feels familiar. Even the car she test drove to earn her license was nicer than this one. But it would get her to work and that’s all she really needed it for anyways…

Amity’s putting on her jacket the next morning when she hears a car horn outside. A rush of excitement hits her and she rushes down the stairs, out of the house, locks the door behind her. There’s Luz sitting in front of the driveway. She keeps coming back. Amity feels her heart skip but she ignores it because it’s probably just the cold morning air. 

Amity walks to her car, pretending not to see Luz parked there. She pulls out her keys and she’s unlocking the door when Luz rolls her window down and sticks her head out. “Hey!” 

Amity’s head snaps up and she pretends to be surprised. “Morning!” She waves at her, smiling brightly. Luz looks on confusedly as she climbs in.  _ Checkmate,  _ Amity grins as she pulls her seatbelt across and buckles it. She glances up at her mirror and sees Luz getting out of her car. Amity hears the door slam and Luz runs up to the drivers side, her eyes wide. 

“What’s this?” She sounds flabbergasted. Amity grabs the wheel, biting back her giddy little laugh. 

“My car,” she says simply. 

“You have a car?” She asks and Amity nods. “You have your license? You know how to drive?” 

“Yes,” she nods again. “I took your advice.” 

“My advice?” Her nose wrinkles in confusion. Amity just wants to reach up and pinch her cheeks, she’s kind of adorable when she’s not in control of everything. Stupid Luz. Never knows what’s going on. 

“You told me that I should learn to drive myself, so I did.” 

Luz is quiet for a moment and Amity relishes in her shock. “Close your mouth, Noceda. I’m perfectly capable of driving, don’t worry about me.” She says complacently, thoroughly pleased with the reaction she’s getting. It was quite funny. 

“So I guess you don’t need me anymore.” 

“I’ve never needed you. Trust me on that, Noceda.” Amity says— she’s incredibly sure of herself and it feels so good to prove Luz wrong on something for once. Even if her heart sometimes flutters and she gets nervous and she can’t understand why, it feels great to be sure of  _ something _ around her. 

“Okay, Blight.” She crosses her arms. 

Without a word, Amity leans out of the window and gives her an obnoxious toothy grin. She feels weird doing it and even Luz recoils from the shock of her doing something so bizarrely out of character. 

And that’s when Amity does what she’s been meaning to do ever since she got this stupid car. The only reason, quite honestly. She rolls up the window and backs out of the driveway, leaving Luz standing alone. Exiting the cul-de-sac at turtle speed, Amity squeals to herself. She won and this is what victory tastes like and it’s so good. She’s  _ nothing  _ like Luz. 

She’s better. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz and Amity kiss for fun but it turns into something more for Amity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️In this chapter, there is a very minor non-con and underage kissing scene.⚠️

Usually, Amity can handle herself on set. There’s hundreds of people she sees everyday and she’s usually able to get herself around to where she needs to be. She knew her schedule, knew her way around, knew what she had to do. Everyone knew her and they knew to move over when she was coming through. She exuded that confidence but now… she’s stuck because Luz took it from her. Stupid dumb Luz. 

Now she’s stuck losing her mind while everyone else just thinks that she’s really shy— of course she’d never tell a soul that the _real_ reason she keeps messing up her line is because Luz winked at her a few hours ago from across the changing room.

So, she makes the decision any sane person would and she calls Luz that night. She tried hard not to because she was probably asleep and it was late and all of these things and improbable factors. But she couldn’t stop thinking about her, no matter what she tried. Before dialing, she edits her contact info and deletes the vomiting emoji. She thinks, maybe she should have left it there to remind herself that this wasn’t feasible. This couldn’t happen. She needed to remember how she _used_ to feel about Luz, that’d help. But then she adds a heart instead because they're friends and that’s all. 

And maybe a harmless crush wasn’t such a big deal—if you could even call it that. She’s never had this happen to her before. But it was dangerous when they were in such close proximity all the time. She’s just mad that _this_ is the person we’re talking about. 

Luz answers the phone mid-groan and says, “Yes your majesty? What do you want from me tonight?” 

The name offends her and excites her at the same time. She chews on her nail to bite back the giddy smile she gets when talking to her these days. Which is weird. She doesn’t understand why that happens. “I need a ride in the morning,” she says even though she could most definitely have managed on her own. But it bothers Luz therefore it delights Amity. It’s a simple cycle, really. One has to suffer for the other to smile. “My car’s in the shop,” she lies. 

“Bright and early, princess,” Luz says affectionately. It sounds like a pretty little promise, one that Amity keeps in her mind for a long time. It sounds like a windstorm passed over her house on the other line as Luz climbs out of bed and scuffles around her room. 

“...What are you doing?” Amity dares to ask, her heart pounding in her throat. 

“None of _your_ business.” She says playfully. Amity pushes down the elated giggle that bubbles up inside of her, bites down on her fingernail a little harder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

“‘Kay.” Amity says coolly even though she’s devastated to have the call end so early. Maybe Luz just didn’t want to talk to her anymore. That’s understandable, she wouldn’t want to talk to herself longer than necessary either. But then she hangs up and Amity’s rethinking the entire conversation like it’s been her only meal in a long time. Her mind consumes it over and over again and she starts to get it into her head that her voice was too high and she feels like she wants to die and— _what do you want from me tonight?_

The way she says it. 

When has Amity ever wanted anything from her? She doesn’t want anything… she doesn’t think about the way she feels when they touch, what it’d be like to kiss her lips. She doesn’t want any of that but still she wonders. She definitely doesn’t _want_ it, though. 

Does she?

Amity groans, forces herself to sleep before she has a panic attack over anything else. In the morning, Luz has a bag of donuts in the car when she picks her up. The dewy morning air and the scent of fresh dough filling the car makes her stomach churn. But maybe it’s just that small smile and the way she says, “Morning, Blight,” that does it. 

Amity is all fired up and flustered so she resorts to the only defense mechanism she knows; she’s ready to scold her for her bad eating habits but then she notices the glaze sugar on the corner of her mouth. Her resolve completely melts away and she silently climbs into the car even though somewhere in the back of her mind she idly thinks, _if we kissed, it would probably taste sweet._ Luz raises an eyebrow, offers her a donut and— she’s not normally one to crave sugar but since it’s there… 

That day was an easy day for Amity and a hard one for Luz. Actually, everyone was in good spirits those last couple of days because filming for the last few episodes was wrapping up. Amity’s character had broken her foot so the most she’s had to do lately was a couple of scenes in a bed with a cast on. But Luz was the main character so she had _lots_ of work to do. And Amity’s sudden spike in interest in her didn’t help. She had a field day getting to sit in and watch those filming sessions. After they’d wrapped for the day, the both of them would head to the cafeteria together. 

“So, you’re renewing your contract right?” Luz asks, her mouth full of her third blueberry muffin. Goodness, it wasn’t fair that she never had to suffer the consequences of her atrocious diet. 

She’s been thinking about it on and off lately. The end of season one was nearing so that meant contracts had to be renewed by the time season two was up for production. She had all of her reasons right here in front of her. She’d said to herself so many times that she _wasn’t_ going to come back here. And she hated acting and she hated Luz and she hated being here. But… 

“I don’t know,” she admits, looking away. Luz nearly chokes on her muffin. 

“What! I was kidding! You have to, Ami! You can’t just leave!” Luz says, leaning over the table. Amity leans back in her chair just to get that bit of distance back between them. She crosses her arms, rolls her eyes, tries to act casual. 

“I hate it here. Why would I stay on something I don’t want to do?” Amity says.

“Nuh-uh.” Luz shakes her head obnoxiously. Amity raises an eyebrow. 

“What?” 

“You don’t ’hate it here’,” she lifts her fingers to air quote. “You love it. You get free coffee. Free food. _Me—_ ,”

“Which is _the_ _worst_ part,” Amity cuts her off for good measure. Luz sighs but laughs anyways. 

“C’mon. You’re a fan favorite. It wouldn’t be the same without you.” Luz offers her last bit of hope. Anyone knew that when Amity had her mind set on something, it’s hard to change her mind. Luz is no exception here. 

She most definitely, _probably_ is. 

“I’ll think about it,” Amity says with an extra bit of skepticism in her tone, just to keep Luz guessing. Even if she’s already decided on staying. It has nothing to do with Luz anyways. 

“Alright. Good enough for me,” she leans back in her chair, stretching out like a cat, yawning loudly. Itis is already taking over. Stupid girl. When she leans back, her arms over her head, her shirt comes up, revealing her perfectly smooth, flat tummy. She really hopes she didn’t catch her staring. They get a few weird looks from other staff at the cafeteria and Amity hides her face because there’s no bigger embarrassment than being caught with _this_ abomination. “C’mon Amity. Let’s go to a booth so I can take a nap. I don’t wanna go home yet.” 

“Absolutely not.” Amity folds her arms stubbornly. 

“Aww, c’mon,” Luz gives her a lazy little smile. “You can work on your essay and I can lay on you. Win-win!” 

“I've already finished my essay.” 

“Well make another one!” Luz shrugs. “I don’t care! I just wanna lay on your soft little body!” 

_Soft little body_ , that kicks Amity’s mind into overdrive. _How does she know my body is soft? Am I little? She wants to lay on me that bad?_ “Not gonna happen, Noceda,” Amity says firmly. Luz groans, suddenly jumping out of her chair. 

“Fine. Then I’m gonna need all the caffeine I can get.” She starts toward the breakfast bar but stops to ask, “Want anything?” Amity nods, picking up her phone to seem like she’s not interested when in actuality she wishes Luz pushed a little harder. She would’ve given in. It’s just important that she puts up a fight because she has an image to uphold. And she would have gotten up and left but her legs are still jelly from the whole thing. _Go to a booth and let me lay on you_. 

Please, she isn’t a delinquent. She is _not_ her friend. 

In the end and because Amity is an idiot, she moves to a booth table. When Luz comes back to their table, she looks around confusedly before she sees Amity on her laptop in the cafe area all the way in the back. Her eyes literally reflect the entire galaxy and she laughs as she rushes over but Amity pretends not to notice. “ _No way,_ ” Luz whispers because there’s someone studying at a nearby table. She sets her cup on the table and crawls in the booth to cuddle up nice and close to her. “I knew it. You _do_ love me.” She pokes her on the cheek and Amity groans. 

“ _Don’t_ push it, Noceda.” Amity warns through clenched teeth. Luz giggles, pulling her sleeves over her hands and grabbing her cup. 

“I can’t believe it. You actually _do_ have human emotions,” she says exaggeratedly. “You _aren’t_ a cold hearted witch!” 

“You’re acting very childishly.” Amity scolds, types quickly on her laptop, pretends she’s writing an important piece of literature that the entire world can benefit from. Anything to keep herself focused. She needs to stay focused. 

“And _you_ are acting like my girlfriend!” Luz says and Amity completely loses focus, freezes up. She most definitely said that for the sole purpose of seeking a reaction. And with her in such close proximity, she had to make her decision fast. She was _not_ about to give her that satisfaction. So instead she rolls her eyes and scoffs. That isn’t what she wanted so Luz tries harder. “Are you good at baking? I bet you’d look cute in a pink, frilly little apron,” she giggles. 

“Knock it off or I’m leaving.” Amity growls. 

“Fine. See if I care.” She says, casually sipping her coffee. Amity’s heart shatters. She doesn’t want to leave, she wants to stay right here forever and ever and work on her impromptu essay while Luz pesters her. 

Luz tries to be serious but she fails to suppress another laugh. She gets herself nice and comfortable and she really wasn’t kidding about _lay on you._ Somehow she ends up with her head in her lap, the rest of her body sprawled out on the seat. It’s a grueling effort to try and focus when this _girl_ was on her like this. But she sticks it out because Luz deserves it. She’s worked hard. 

* * *

Amity keeps stepping on Luz’s feet when they have to be quiet because up front the crew is setting up for sound check. They’re sitting together in the live audience auditorium where laugh tracks are recorded and all Amity wanted to do was get some of her homework done before she was needed on set. 

But Luz had other plans. 

Really, Amity doesn’t want anything to do with her after what happened. Just the sight of her car gets her all flustered and embarrassed which never goes unnoticed by Luz. She always teases her about it and tries to get her hand back on her leg…

Truth is, Amity doesn’t mind _that_ part. But she’s still got her image to uphold. And it’s not like she can escape Luz or anything. She _can_ keep her at a distance, though. Hence, why she’s delighted to know that all she has to do is step on her feet to keep her away. That seems to be her weakest spot. That may have been the most important thing she learned from dance rehearsals. 

During break time, the only thing she can do is sit on the floor and massage her aching, bruised feet, whining like a baby. Amity loves to watch because, wow. She did that to her. It fills her with such a sick and twisted kind of pleasure to see. One time she even brought her some medicated cream to help out with that a little bit because she's not that mean. Luz smiled, grateful and bitter but she _loves_ it. Amity does too. 

And if she was in pain then why did she keep coming close? 

Luz suddenly grabbed Amity’s hand and pulled her up, her laptop and books falling to the ground. It was urgent and frenzied so Amity knew that wherever Luz was taking her, it’d be interesting and exciting. Her essay could wait. She led her out of the auditorium and down the halls, Amity struggling and squirming but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. 

She pulled them into the utility closet, of all places. It’s dusty and smells mildewed. Nobody ever comes back here, there’s shelves and shelves full of unopened cleaning supplies and there’s an enormous water heater in the corner. Luz switches on the light, its weak and off colored glow barely lights up the stuffy room. 

Amity thrashes and hits at Luz but she easily catches her fists in a steel grip. “Stop fighting,” she laughs. Amity groans, using all of the strength left in her to pull away but to no avail.

“No. I have to fight.” She says, breathless and panting for air. Luz grins and pushes her against the wall, pinning her arms to her sides. Amity’s heart skips and she starts to panic. She knows she’s not in any real danger at all but she’s afraid of what Luz could be thinking in that stupid head of hers. 

“Don’t fight,” Luz tells her again, sternly this time. Their bodies pressed together and Amity’s mind is in flurries with new and unprecedented ideas and feelings she wishes she didn’t have right now. This is bad, _not_ good. _Not_ romantic. She needs to get out of here and be at the top like she always is. She can’t let this happen to herself. She struggles and tries desperately to wriggle away but Luz just gets closer. The heat from her is intoxicating and she _craves_ it. “I’m getting real tired of your bad attitude, you know?” Her voice comes out in a low rumble and she leans closer.

“So…” she looks at her wildly. “What are you going to do?” She bucks her hips forward, trying to get Luz off of her _at least._ She can’t focus with this excessive physical contact. The air is so thick in here and she can barely get a full breath of air into her lungs. 

_“I’m_ gonna teach you some manners,” she says and leans forward to give her a chaste, quick peck on the lips. Amity takes a deep breath and the tension fizzles out. She deactivates like a machine and Luz steals another kiss, this time it’s deeper and feverish. 

Initially, she’s shocked— but it’s short-lived when she suddenly becomes confused. She definitely _hates_ this…but she loves it even more. And this was what she’s been waiting for, wasn’t it? This was what she wanted. She thought she did. Stupid Luz, damn her for always having Amity confused over things she used to be sure of. 

Amity accepts it. She’s stuck and she’s being kissed…against her will. Kind of. She’d cry if Luz stopped. And it’s not really a kiss. It’s more like a sensual chastisement that’s specific to them. It’s not enjoyable in the slightest, it’s actually quite uncomfortable. She can’t breathe and she’s stuck and it’s really, really bad. Amity loves it. 

So she starts to fight back. She isn’t going to stand here and just let Luz run all over her like this. She has morals and standards and she isn’t a delinquent. This was just the bottom of the barrel, even for her. Even if she’s thoroughly delighted by how wrong this whole thing is. She kisses back roughly, trying to push her off by means of making out. If you can even call it that. It goes on for a little while longer, the both of them fighting for dominance and Amity losing. 

Amity _always_ loses when Luz is involved. But she doesn’t care because it hurts so good. And feel so bad. Somewhere in the mix Luz had abandoned her right arm to gently hold her face and she trails soft kisses to her chin. Amity’s mouth drops open at how good it feels and she hopelessly fails to notice that she’s not completely stuck anymore and she could make her escape if she really wanted to. But she doesn’t. 

Then Luz suddenly pulls away and unpins Amity from the wall. They stare at each other wildly for a moment before Luz bolts for the door and fumbles with the lock. “Hey,” Amity tugs at her sleeve and she pauses. It’s an awkward angle but Amity leans forward and kisses her again gently. They make out softly for a disappointingly short second because Luz successfully unlocks the door and they tumble out into the hallway again. 

“Catch you later, Blight,” Luz winks as she adjusts her beanie over her head, walking backwards down the hall. “That was hot.” 

Amity crosses her arms but stays quiet because—she has nothing to say. She’s completely and utterly in shock and incredibly wound up. The gap between the two of them grows bigger and bigger by the second and it hurts. Amity admits to herself for the first time that she wants to be close to her. Close like they were in the utility room. Close like she loves it. She’s got a head full of thoughts and she’s got to head to set in ten minutes. 

It’s incredibly hard trying to keep focus and do her job. She loves the thought of what she’s going to do when this is over. She’s going to hurt her so badly. 

Right after filming sessions are done, she runs to the cafeteria where Luz is always bound to go after their long days. She’s right where she knew she'd be, breakfast bar getting coffee. Amity makes a beeline there and Luz grins when she sees her storming over. “Hey, Blight,” she says casually, like nothing happened. 

“Noceda.” Amity stops once they're pressed together, just like earlier. She hopes she kisses her right here in front of everyone. That’d be scandalous and exciting. Instead, Luz looks down at her, completely unamused. 

“I can’t stay,” Luz slowly backs away and grabs five packets of sugar to dump into her coffee. Amity’s heart screams at the cold space between them, she’s much too distracted to scold her for her bad eating habits. “I have to head home early to help my mom with dinner,” she rolls her eyes. 

“I need a ride back home,” Amity says as a desperate attempt. Luz gives her a look and puts a lid on her cup. She pointedly ignores Amity and pushes past her toward the exit. Amity squeaks and trails behind her like a lovesick idiot. This is exactly what she didn’t want to happen, to end up being her puppet on a string. She’s tried to restrain herself for so long but all she could think about was earlier, the utility closet… 

She runs to catch up to Luz in the parking lot, and as soon as they leave the general vicinity of the building and away from any windows or other people, Amity sneaks up behind her and pushes her against the back of the building. She yelps, dropping her coffee on the ground and it bursts open all over their shoes. But Amity doesn’t care. Amity’s got Luz right where she wants her. She’s been waiting for this moment all day since…

Now she can’t decide on what she’s going to do now that it’s finally happening. She lunges herself forward and forces her into a sloppy kiss but luckily Luz doesn’t put up much of a fight. Her lips taste like caffeinated demise and excessive amounts of sugar but it’s delicious. The kiss only lasts briefly, Luz is gentle but Amity is aggressive and she insists on tugging Luz’s short hair, she loves hurting her even if it’s cheap and petty. 

Luz groans and reaches up to stop Amity’s restless hand but still she insists. So in return she violently pushes Amity back. She stumbles but flings back onto her like a maniac. “What do you want?” Luz asks in between her desperate kisses. 

Amity couldn’t answer that. There were so many things and she was so confused. Mainly, she just wanted answers; what did earlier mean for them—and did earlier even happen? She wants more kisses and she wants attention and she wants to hurt her really bad. She hates her and she wants to be in her arms. But she would never come right out and say that. 

“I need a ride,” she says, thunderstruck with this new obsession, her mind racing. “Remember?” 

Luz rolls her eyes and holds out her hand. Amity takes it faster than she wants to admit and they start to walk to her car. Amity has no idea _what’s_ going on. She’s so terribly confused and sleepy and infatuated that she can’t even think straight. She kind of hates herself for getting like this. This is weird. She’s not supposed to—“You don’t need a ride!” Luz coldly drops Amity’s hand. “Your car is _right_ there.” 

Oh, yeah. That was her car wasn’t it? She doesn’t know what she planned to do, just leave it here all night? She’s gotten so wrapped up in this that she’s gone careless. She really doesn’t care. She just wants answers. “Oh,” Luz pushes her and she stumbles toward her car. She really wishes she would stop pushing her. Despite her annoyance, she pushes it aside. She searches her pockets for her keys but doesn’t find them. “I don’t have the keys!” 

Luz comes close and yanks Amity’s bag off her shoulder and digs around inside it, pulling out the keys and giving her a look. Amity laughs awkwardly, snatching them and shoving it into the door. She misses the keyhole a couple of times but for a good reason. “Whoops—“ She yelps when Luz pulls her in by the hips. Suddenly the car can wait. Amity pants, her racing heart is making it hard for her to catch a breath. 

“What is it with you tonight?” She laughs. Amity whines and tries to kiss her but she puts a hand over her face. “Idiot,” 

“I hate you.” Amity takes her hand into her mouth and tries to bite it but Luz snatches it away at the last second. Then she leans forward and gives Amity the deepest kiss that she has to arch her back a bit just to support her weight. She’s so wound up she feels like she could die right now. Luz pulls away mid kiss, leaving her feeling terribly unsatisfied and insatiable. 

“I hate you too, Blight. See you tomorrow?” She winks, shoving Amity again and making her stumble against her car.

“I’d rather die than see you again.” Amity yanks her door open and quickly climbs in. She just needs some quiet time to think. This is just a dream. She’s just tired…

Weeks go by and things get perpetually worse. Well, better. But worse because Amity’s cracked. She’s completely and totally whipped for Luz and she’s just pretending like everything is normal. Amity knows it’s a joke, it’s a part of her scheme. They kiss all the time. 

In the dressing rooms, the cafeteria, the parking lot, the auditorium, on set, and their favorite place, the utility closet. Yes, it’s a recurring theme with them and every time Amity passes it to get to her dressing room she gets all weak in the knees like an idiot. They go there _during_ filming hours which always threatens their jobs and they always cut it close with getting back on time. But the kisses were necessary and served as punishment, if Amity is being obnoxiously rude or Luz is being particularly annoying, they kiss and it always sets the record straight. Or sometimes it’s just for fun.

It’s not like it meant anything. At least Amity thinks it doesn’t. 

One night when Amity was supposed to be asleep but was awake thinking about Luz, she decided that she had to get to the bottom of the whole kissing thing. She’s _supposed_ to be in on it and she is, partly. She likes the idea of kissing just because it’s fun and hot. But how can she not get confused when Luz kisses her extra softly like she’s a fragile little glass doll? How can she _not_ be wrung up on the fact that this does not mean anything? 

So, the first operation of order came, texting, texting, texting. Those three jumping dots send her mind into a flood. She never knows what to expect with Luz and that’s part of the reason Amity finds it so fun to be with her. Anything could happen and—to her, that’s thrilling. She just likes the thrill. That’s all. 

**_Getting ready for bed_ ** _,_ another text buzzes her back from her reel of all the possibilities. What does she say? Should she make a weird joke about being in bed or—or— **_you sure are texting me a lot lately lol_ ** _,_ another text. 

She thinks for a moment before typing her reply. **_~~I have to make sure you’re,~~ _**No, that’s too obvious. She deletes it and thinks again. **_I like bothering you_** **.**

**_ur good at that_ ** , comes Luz’s ten minutes late reply. Amity tosses her phone across the bed and whines, scrubbing her sore eyes with the back of her hand. She isn’t giving her anything to work with! How is she supposed to get any sleep tonight when all Amity can think about is— the phone buzzes and she quickly snatches it back up. The clock reads 12:04AM Thursday. On the lock screen is Luz’s latest text. **_Arent u gonna go to sleep?_ **

Amity quickly unlocks her phone, the message bar sweats nervously as she thinks of her reply. **_Are you?_ **

Two crying laughing emojis. **_That’s fair_ **

**_You should get as much rest as possible. We have an early day tomorrow,_ **Amity types and before she can overthink it she hits send. Right away, she regrets it and she feels like she wants to die again. It’s like a roller coaster, texting Luz. 

**_Aww_** **_you cute. U care about me or something?_**

**_I care that we’re coworkers and the final product of our work all depends on you._ **

**_That’s a lot of pressure u just put on me_ **

**_And why me? Doesn’t it depend on u too? Lol_ **

**_I’m not the problem here, Noceda._ **

**_Damn_ **

Amity basks in the rush. She got one whole conversation with immediate replies. That’s the most she’s ever gotten. 

**_Tmrw ill give you a big kiss_ **

**_And I’ll kill you._ **

**_Gn_ **

**_Good night._ **

That’s the end of the conversation, she thinks. She shuts her phone off, and places it down on her bedside table face-down. It’s late anyways and she should get some rest. Goodness, she’s a hypocrite. Amity gets lost in thought for a moment, idly chewing on her lip and she cringes at just how ridiculous this whole thing is. Why is she _texting_ her? Having civil conversation with her sworn enemy? That’s disgraceful. That’s not how it works. That’s not how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to hate Luz and count down the days until she could finally leave the show. Luz was supposed to hate her back. 

The phone buzzes again and Amity all but drops it off the table trying to snatch it back up. **_Want me to pick you up tomorrow_ **

~~**_Yes, please,_ ** ~~ she slams backspace. **_Sure._ **

**_K ill bring donuts_ **

Amity doesn’t type a reply—she wants to leave her on read and let her see how it feels and also—she doesn’t like sweets. Her stomach is already in knots and just the thought of _donuts_ makes her feel like throwing up. But she’s glad to not have to worry about driving in the morning. She can just rest easy knowing Luz will get them there safely. I wonder what’s going on with me, Amity thinks. She must be coming down with something. 

The next morning, their first kiss of the day tasted like glaze sugar. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz get drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Underage drinking and kissing in this chapter.⚠️

Today was Amity’s eighteenth birthday. It was... the day of her birth. That was for sure. She can’t quite remember the last time she’d gotten excited about her birthday. It used to be the one thing she looked forward to all year as a kid and now it hardly meant anything to her. 

It was another normal day, she went to work and she had done her part. Though today started off particularly bad as she was heading out, her mother pulled her aside and asked about her financial status. 

At first she was confused, why would she ask that? Amity could barely afford to pay her half of the  _ rent, ( _ yes, at seventeen) let alone afford her own place. It wasn’t like she never had  _ enough _ money— as you could imagine she was pretty decent with her job being acting and such, she never had much left after her many responsibilities. 

She was kicking her out. “No rush,” Odalia says in that overly saturated tone of voice she uses when there most definitely  _ is  _ a rush, and then she sent her off on her merry way to work for the money she never got to keep. 

So Amity got quite a bit of attention from Luz that day with her bad attitude and such. Though she was a little annoyed at how she had to work even on her  _ birthday,  _ she was glad nobody knew because she’d be passing around quite a lot of thank you’s today on set— and she isn’t very generous with those. She guessed the extra kisses made up for it a bit. 

It’d be her little secret to keep, today was her birthday. 

That was, until Luz asked later that day at the cafeteria, her usual cup of coffee in hand, “So, any plans tonight?” 

Amity paused. “What are you talking about?” She looks down at her computer to wade any rising suspicion. She has an essay due tomorrow and she doesn’t need any distractions. Though, she doesn’t know what she expected coming here with her. “Of course not.” 

“It’s your birthday,” she says, casual.

“How did you know that?” Amity whispered, lowering her head as if someone’s listening. And here she was thinking she’d hidden her sweet secret so well.

“Looked it up on Google,” she laughs a bit. “Idiot.”

Right. 

She’s  _ such _ an idiot. Why didn’t the thought ever occur to her that anyone and everyone knew today was her birthday? The ceaseless subtweets didn’t count. She wanted it from people that mattered. 

And now she’s feeling a bit salty. Why did no one at all say it to her today? 

Oh, and—Amity’s heart flutters a bit and she’s surprised to find that she’s still  _ very  _ confused about...them. Shouldn’t things have worked itself out by now? “I’m not doing anything…” 

Luz nods her head slowly. Without a word she stands up, slamming Amity’s laptop shut. “What—!” Amity’s about to go  _ off  _ on her about auto saving and deadlines when Luz holds out her hand and it all melts away. Amity doesn’t think twice to take it, she already knows she’s about to have either a very good time or a very bad one. 

She all but flies out of the booth and packs up her things in one fluid swoop because—Luz had an idea and her ideas are never good in  _ all  _ the right ways that Amity loves. She slings her bag over her shoulder and off they go out to the parking, hand in hand. “Where are we going?” Amity asks, breathlessly as they pull out of the excessive perimeter gates. 

“I’m taking you out to celebrate your birthday,” she shrugs and Amity panics at all the things  _ that  _ could mean. It’s just past eleven thirty at night and she kisses the chance of getting back home before curfew goodbye. She decides to shut off her phone. 

She’s been in this exact car with her countless times before, but tonight it’s somehow drastically different. She supposed that all of the past times were so bad because there was tension between the two of them somehow...everything is more or less out in the open. Actually, she doesn’t know what they are. Are they doing this as girlfriends or—or as coworkers? 

She really doesn’t know. Okay, this is miserable again. She starts to feel stuffy so she rolls down the window and lets the cool late night breeze filter through the car. And it’s much too quiet and she’s got nothing to say and she has no idea where they’re going and why she’s doing this so she reaches to turn on the radio and turns it all the way up. They turn onto the highway and to really make it seem like she’s got everything under control and she’s  _ not  _ insanely exhausted, she sticks her head out the window and screams. 

She looks over and sees Luz laugh to herself, focusing on the road.  _ Good,  _ she thinks this is cute. “You’re so awk, Blight,” she screams over the obnoxiously repetitive pop music. Amity whines. What is she doing here? In Luz Noceda’s car like this...so confused about everything?

Amity actually falls asleep for a short while and when Luz shakes her awake, they’re parked in front of some restaurant. Through her grogginess she panics— wait! I’m with  _ her? Where am I?  _ And the bumping music from inside the building makes her excited, like she’s about to embark on some epic quest tonight on her birthday. “Get your ID ready,” Luz says ominously and jumps out of the car. 

_ What!?  _ Before she can panic anymore, Luz opens the door for Amity and physically, actually pulls her out of the car. Slamming the door shut and without actually checking if she locked it, Luz grabs Amity’s hand and pulls her along the long walkway around the building towards the entrance. She’s running so fast that Amity nearly trips a few times trying to keep up. Her lungs are aching, the cold night air burning her nose as her heart pounds a mile a minute in her chest. 

She has no idea where she is, it’s past her curfew and she’s with Luz. How much worse can this night get? They enter the restaurant and the vibe is immediately exciting to Amity. It’s mostly dark, lit only slightly by the occasional overhead table light. There’s a nice but annoying top 50’s pop song playing and all the tables are close together. And it’s completely empty. Shocking for a Wednesday night. 

She decides not to ask where they are because it’s more fun not knowing. The place is so empty that they seat themselves, Luz pulling her to a booth table all the way in the back. “I’m starving,” she says, immediately picking up the menu on the table. 

Amity is  _ not  _ starving. She’s panicking and she feels like she could vomit. “Do you have your ID?” Luz asks suddenly, there’s a mischievous glint in her eye and that same shot of panic rushes through her again. 

“Yes,” she manages to croak out. Her voice is nearly gone from all the stress she’s under right now. Luz notices her tenseness and offers her a sympathetic look, the only one she’d get for tonight. 

“Just relax, Blight, geez.” She glances back down at the menu and gets a playful grin on her face. “You have to get this,” she points at a drink on the bottom of the page. Oh no. 

Amity nervously peers over to see it, it’s hard to make out under the dim ambience and glare from the overhead light but when she reads  _ alcoholic beverage,  _ she’s quick to glare at Luz. “That’s—no!” She gasps incredulously. “I can’t order that!” 

Luz laughs, giving her a condescending look. “Why not, Amity?” She teases. “You scared?” 

“No! Of course not,” she stammers. “I didn’t plan on getting drunk tonight.” 

“Why not?!” She laughs, she can see right through pathetic little Amity. “You’re  _ eighteen!  _ And who said you had to get drunk?” 

She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything about drinking and alcohol and getting drunk. She doesn’t even know where she is. She’s so confused. “It’s not going to happen, Noceda.” She crosses her arm, standing her ground. 

“ _ Coward _ ,” she sings, laying back against the booth. Amity feels like a stupid kid— she doesn’t know what she’s doing here. Why did Luz always make her feel so small? 

The waitress comes by shortly after, a pen and notepad ready to take their orders. “Have you ladies decided or do you need a little more time?” 

“We’ve never been more ready,” Luz grins up at the woman, easy breezy. 

“Alright,” she laughs. “What can I get for y’a?”

“Water with lemon,” Luz says, then her eyes flick over to Amity, watching her, just daring her. 

Amity doesn’t even know the name of the drink. With a deep breath and a quick glance at the menu again, she says. “Blue Hawaii!” She says but it comes out more like a question and Luz burst into a fit of laughter. Why...why was it called  _ blue Hawaii?! _ It sounds so innocent and fun and  _ not  _ like an alcoholic drink. 

“Okay,” the waitress says. “May I see your ID, please?” 

A pang of panic rushes through her.  _ Right.  _ She quickly digs through her bag with her laptop, feels around for her wallet and—gosh it’s already been probably more than thirty seconds. But the waitress just waits and Luz waits and everyone’s waiting on  _ her.  _ Thankfully, she finds it and quickly pulls out her identification card, her hand shaking as she hands it up to the woman. 

“Okay Amity,” she smiles. “Happy birthday! I’ll have that right up for you guys.” 

“T-thank you,” Amity says quietly. She walks away and Luz slams her fist on the table, limp with laughter. Amity glares moodily at her. 

“ _ That _ . Was amazing,” she says, falling over on the seat. She reaches under the table and traces her finger along Amity’s leg and she squeaks. Luz laughs sitting back up. “I’m proud of you!” 

“I’m going to be sick,” Amity whines into her hands. The minutes pass and eventually the nice waitress lady comes back with their drinks, including Amity’s  _ blue Hawaii.  _ It’s blue, hence the name and it’s actually quite simple in concept. Her dumb kid brain would think it was a blue berry smoothie had it not been served in a cocktail glass. 

After the waitress leaves again, Luz says, “You have to drink the whole thing.” 

“The  _ whole  _ thing?” Amity repeats nervously. She doesn’t even know what kind of alcohol was in this drink. She didn’t know her tolerance levels or if she should even think about drinking this. She lifts the glass to her lips and gets a whiff of it, the alcohol burning her nose. It smells so good. 

“Go ahead,” Luz watches with sweet anticipation. “Finish it or you’re a baby.” 

Amity wants to shrivel up and die. How is it that Luz can make her feel like such a dirty little piece of human scum  _ and  _ like she’s going to explode with excitement at the same time? She has to prove herself now more than ever. She’s eighteen. So she tilts the glass and starts to chug and she doesn’t stop for anything. 

She starts to get a headache as soon as she’s halfway through it but still she doesn’t stop. The drink is thick and it’s burning her throat and she needs to cough and she feels dizzy and how did she get here? With Luz like this...so in love with her but she’s eighteen and Luz is seventeen and this  _ so  _ wrong and she’s a creep and this is—

She has to stop just seconds to the last sip and slams the glass back down onto the table. Luz claps but it’s just background noise to Amity. She feels like it’s going to come right back up so she pulls the glass back toward her  _ just  _ in case. 

But  _ then _ Luz snatches it and downs the last bit of the disgusting blue glass of death. Amity gasps. “Luz! You can’t—!” 

“Relax! It was only a little!” She says and she already sounds drunk.  _ Wow.  _ This is crazy. This is the point of no return. She’s made the worst mistake of her life and now she’s stuck. Suddenly, Amity feels intensely calm, like so calm she’s wondering what she was so worried about just a second ago and it feels so surreal. She lets out an unprompted giggle and Luz giggles with her. “This much,” she pinches her fingers together. 

“I used to think alcohol was poison,” Amity laughs because suddenly that’s a really funny thought to her. 

“What? No,” Luz waves her off. “Alcohol is the coolest thing ever.  _ Trust me. _ ” 

“I  _ really  _ wanna kiss you right now.” Amity says suddenly and she throws her hands over her mouth immediately after. She can’t really remember what kind of relationship they have and she probably just ruined it. 

Luz pauses, a blush rising to her cheeks. “Me too. You’re really cute, by the way. Have I ever told you that?” 

“No,” she casts her gaze down to the table, feeling sad all of the sudden. She doesn’t know why but she really wants her attention. Like, she wants her to pay attention  _ only  _ to her. Forever. She’s never felt fully  _ loved  _ by her and that little bit of affection made her heart beg for more. 

“Well, you are. And you’re smart and you’re a bitch,” she ticks off five fingers. “That’s five things.” 

Amity pauses, trying to get her eyes to focus so she can actually  _ count  _ her fingers and confirm for herself that it was in fact, five things. “What?” Her eyebrows furrow in deep concentration. “No it’s not.” 

“Whatever. I suck at math.” She sighs. “I always get an F.” 

“It’s okay,” she feels this intense need to comfort Luz but then she comes to the sudden realization that her arm isn’t going to reach all the way over the table and she  _ has  _ to comfort her so she stands up to reach across and gently stroke her arm. 

Luz smiles and pulls Amity’s hand up to her mouth to give it a sloppy wet kiss. Amity gasps, that may be the most romantic thing to ever happen to her. “I want to kiss you.” Amity says again. 

Luz suddenly stands up, slamming a few dollars onto the table. She takes Amity’s hand and they run out of the restaurant, back around to the parking lot without a word. Her heart’s racing at what could happen, the thought of her lips on hers…

They make it back to the car and Luz pushes Amity against the passenger side’s door. She gives her a deep, sloppy kiss and Amity moans into it, she tries to return it but she’s too drunk to do anything. 

Luz pulls away and Amity whimpers. “Get in.” She tells her. 

“Wait—!” She tries to kiss her again but Luz pushes her back. 

“You have to be patient.” 

With a bit of a fuss, Amity gets herself into the car and fumbles to buckle her seatbelt. Luz gets in and they immediately pull off. They drive for a while but they only take the empty streets. Luz swerves every so often but it’s a good thing they’re alone on the road. Amity just thinks it’s fun like a roller coaster at Disneyland and she sticks her arm out of the window, high fiving the late night breeze. She’s got a hot date tonight.

After a long forty five minutes, they’ve driven so far that they’re on a single narrow road, the only thing for miles to the left or right is empty field, the occasional car zooms past them. 

Luz parks on the side of the road, the car is crooked but in her mind it’s perfect. She stumbles out of the car and rushes to help Amity stand up because she’s practically a noodle at this point, the entirety of her drink has settled into her system. 

She holds her hand, a supporting hand on her back as they wander into the open field under the inky black night sky. “This is cool,” Amity looks around like there’s a lot to be seen here. Like it’s not just tumbleweeds and dirt. She throws her head back, flails her arms out and does something resembling a twirl, letting out an excited scream. This is the best night ever. She briefly wonders what time it is. Oh well. 

She twirls and screams and tumbles around so much that she becomes dizzy. She stops, shaking her head to try and focus on that dark blob walking toward her. Oh, it’s Luz. “Awww,” she stumbles onto her and Luz catches her by the arms. “You’re really cute.” 

Luz gives her a lopsided little grin and they kiss gently, Amity almost seems a bit hesitant but as it goes on she relaxes. This is fine? This was fun. She doesn’t know why she was so worried before. Then Amity teasingly pulls away and asks, “Wanna get married?” 

“Nope,” Luz laughs and kisses her again. Amity can’t help herself but melt into it but once she gains her composure again she pushes her away angrily. 

“Why not?” She gasps. “I’ll wear the dress and we can go to the Bahamas for our honeymoon.”

“Sounds dumb,” Luz snorts. She pulls away, dropping Amity’s hands and she spins round. “I’m never getting married!” She screams at the dark sky excitedly. Amity looks down, a sad, jealous feeling blossoming in her chest as the worst headache of her life pounds in her temples. She’s not exactly sure why but it’s there. She hiccups, stumbling toward her. She plants a firm hand on Luz’s back and she stumbles into her. 

Amity, by the miracle of some kind, manages to hold Luz and herself up without tumbling over like she has so many times already. They stare at each other, Amity searches in her eyes for sympathy or a sign-or—or something.  _ Doesn’t she love me? Aren’t we in love? _

Luz suddenly leans in, a quick kiss and then bites down on Amity’s bottom lip. She gasps, shuddering before she pulls away from the painful love bite. She guesses it doesn’t really matter if they’re in love or not. This is fun either way. 

“Don’t bite me,” she says, trying to sound stern but it comes out much whinier. “That hurt.” 

“Good,” Luz says, nips at her lip again and Amity moans in pain. She wishes she would do it harder. “Someone’s got to punish you.” 

“ _ Punish _ me?” She giggles elatedly. That sounds dirty and exciting. She wonders… “Have I been bad?” 

“Very,” Luz says and Amity gets a shock of intense excitement. Why does she hang on her every word? Why is everything about her so…

She’s so confused so she leans forward and kisses her again. That always seemed to help, for a second at least. At least when they were kissing, she was only feeling one thing. 

She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to feel. Is this real and serious or is it all another night to her? Luz kisses the corner of her mouth and then—gently flicks her tongue over Amity’s lips and she shivers delightedly. She loves it when she does new stuff to her. 

Amity, unsure and incredibly thunderstruck, she slowly sticks her tongue out to meet Luz’s and they touch for one bizarre, jolting moment. She’s much too dizzy to do  _ that.  _ She thinks she’d pass out if she tried to do that tonight. “You creep,” Luz says darkly.

“What _?”  _ Amity asks, confused beyond comprehension. Weren’t they  _ just  _ making out one pico-second ago? What—

Luz reaches up, fumbling to unzip her jacket, slowly inching it down and Amity shivers from the cold. “This is so wrong. You can’t…” she pulls her into another kiss but somehow Amity is the bad guy here. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks between soft, quick little kisses. It’s so sloppy that it barely counts but still it makes Amity feel all glowy inside.

“You can’t kiss me.” Luz groans into her neck.

“I’m trying not to,” she admits. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Me either,” another kiss. “Amity, I think we’re lost.” 

“Really?” She asks, breathless. She’s gently kissing her and it feels so, so good she thinks she’s going to die right here in this field in the middle of nowhere. “You got us lost.” 

“Happy birthday.” She gives her another deep kiss and Amity nearly falls over. She’s really drunk. What is she doing? Is this real? These kisses feel so real and soft and sweet that she thinks, they’re definitely girlfriends. Right? She kind of forgot. Once she comes out of this insanely terrible hangover, she’s going to tell Luz how much she loves her. But what could she do  _ now  _ that would get the same point across? How could she make  _ her  _ feel fluttery and special and beautiful?

“You too.” 

They both called off of work the next morning. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity doesn’t know what to do, so she masterbates to Luz’s voice.

Amity was at orientation, getting the script and spiel for a new episode that was about to go into production. These are the usual Monday meetings when new episodes get approved and the main cast have it in their contract that they’d attend for ’insight’. She was there with Willow and Gus because Luz was ‘late’ again.

It’s a painfully awkward and slow twenty minutes of small talk and looking down at her phone. She thinks they know that something weird is going on between her and Luz because they keep giving her weird looks and stares. And also Willow’s, “So Amity,” she laughs for a split second. “Seen Luz lately?” 

“Unfortunately.” Amity sighs, trying to keep a casual tone of voice. If they know then why do they keep trying to rub in her face? Why is it any of their business?

She doesn’t know why they’d have any reason to know.

And it’s not like they go around kissing each other in public for everyone to see. Plus, Amity liked to think that she hid it well, her desperate infatuations. It’s not like she’s constantly thinking about her or anything. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Luz suddenly bursts through the door. She’s got her usual cup of coffee in one hand, a roll of papers in the other. “There was traffic.”

“There’s _always_ traffic, even if you took the streets,” Gus says sarcastically and Willow laughs quietly beside him. 

“You have _no_ say in this. You can’t even drive yourself to the store.” Luz shoots back, dropping her bag on the floor and plopping down in her seat right opposite of Amity. They catch each other’s eye and Luz grins, raising her hand up to wiggle her fingers at her. Amity rolls her eyes and tries not to make it too big a deal and get Willow or Gus suspicious. 

“You’re definitely late because of the coffee,” Willow says, narrowing her eyes.

“Gotta have the coffee. Can’t function without it,” she shrugs, an easygoing smirk on her face as she glances toward Amity again. Her face heats up, partly because she’s embarrassed and the other... she’s thinking about earlier today. Actually, Amity and Luz drove here together. Amity headed in early— as to not raise any suspicion with their two other coworkers while Luz took her very necessary detour to the cafeteria. 

And...it couldn’t be more obvious, could it? Luz gave her some extra attention in the car for her to keep quiet about everything and—it’s not like she was planning to go around and tell everyone she sees. Putting up a fight only did her more good than bad. They _didn’t_ drive here together and there definitely _isn’t_ anything weird going on.

It’s a good thing they’re actors because they are _selling_ it. At least, Amity thinks so.

During the _‘meeting’—_ random, completely unrelated conversations mostly between Luz, Willow and Gus, Amity sits quietly, her arms crossed as she stares at everyone in disbelief. She _can’t_ believe these are the people she associates with. She can’t believe this is what they’re doing instead of what they’re actually here for. 

“Unbelievable,” Amity rudely clears her throat over the heated conversation about whether or not the Bermuda Triangle exists. “You are all acting very childishly about this _meeting._ ” 

Everyone pauses and she can feel their eyes on her—she suddenly stands up, her and Luz staring at each other as she rises. “When it comes time to film, you will all be clueless,” she sticks her nose in the air. “You all ought to take your jobs seriously one of these days.” 

Luz raises her eyebrows, bemused in every sense of the word and Amity knows right away what she’s thinking. Her heart skips and she suddenly loses her resolve. She must put on a show for the cameras. Willow and Gus are watching. 

“Then why don’t you start us off, _Amity?”_ Luz asks pointedly. 

“It’d only be a waste of my time,” she starts toward the door, she’s so distracted by her racing heart that she struggles with the doorknob. 

“That’d be a shame. We wouldn’t _ever_ want _that_ !” She gasps exaggeratedly and she hears Willow laugh as she closes the door behind her. Amity stands outside the door for a moment to steel herself, taking a steadying breath. Then, she holds her head high and walks calmly toward the lobby. She’s in trouble, _yay._

Halfway down the hallway, she hears the door open and close again and immediately, Luz comes jogging round the corner. Amity stands, frozen in place with how weak in the knees nervous she feels. Luz comes right up to her and they kiss for a brief moment before Amity forces herself to pull away—they’re still in public and anyone could see them. “You couldn’t even stay with them?” She whispers. “Now they’re going to suspect us!” 

“Doesn’t matter, Blight,” she takes her hand and Luz drags her, Amity can’t help but stumble along. How did she get like this with her? She’s so confused. 

And then the next thing she knows...

“You always have to have _everyone’s_ attention,” she pushes her against the wall, they’re back in the utility closet. 

“Only your attention,” Amity releases a shaky breath. She doesn’t know what she’s done this time but apparently she’s really made Luz mad. She’s pinned against the wall with the shelves on it and they painfully dig into her spine but she’s much too distracted to care. 

Luz pulls Amity’s face towards hers and they kiss, not for the first time today but it feels that way. They’d only given each other a quick peck in the parking lot because Luz insisted on heading to the cafeteria _first_ even though Amity wanted to get to the conference room ten minutes early—that annoyed her immensely. Lately, everything about her was annoying. 

It’s deep and slow and urgent, but Amity’s gotten used to the different types of kissing they get into. She isn’t too worried about it but she can’t help but feel like this one is trying to tell her something like, _I love you_. Maybe she’s just delusional. She wishes...

They share another sloppy, open mouthed kiss for a quiet moment, it’s peaceful and romantic and Amity gets her hopes up. For what, she doesn’t know. But then she bites down hard on Amity’s lip and she gasps, writhing in pain and pushing her away. She’s never done _that_ before (though the sting of it is slightly familiar). “You have. To give. Everyone else. A chance.” Luz says sternly. 

“No.” She shoots back evenly, mainly because she wants more and because she has no idea what she's talking about. Luz groans but satisfyingly delivers. “Ah-! Why would I let... _you_ boss _me_ around?” This is so exciting and romantic in the worst way possible, she curls her toes delightedly. The kiss gets so deep that Amity’s back bruises as she pushes into the wall shelves, but at least the pain is grounding. If it weren’t there then she'd just float away like a hot air balloon. Luz abruptly pulls away again. 

“Because the world _doesn’t_ revolve around you,” taking her hand away, she moves it down to her hips and...that’s a new thing that started happening. She never knew a simple touch could make her so crazy and yet here she is, squirming restlessly. She keeps coming back here, with her coworker that she hates and they hate each other so much that they just can’t keep their hands to themselves. 

It’s all so crazy. 

“Yes it does,” she says desperately, aching for her touch. “Please,” 

“Please what, Amity?” Luz groans but it sounds more like a whimper. She’s just as desperate as Amity is here and she loves that. They kiss again and this time Amity tries to slip her tongue—“Hey!” Luz jerks away. “No tongue.” 

Amity doesn’t care. She wonders what Luz will do if she tries it again. So she lunges forward for another kiss and it’s all tongue. It’s weird at first and Amity immediately knows why she was so opposed to it. It’s warm and their teeth bump against each other and it’s uncomfortable and—ugh. It’s amazing. 

Luz seems to agree too. She doesn’t push her off like Amity expected her too but instead she rests her hand on her shoulder to keep her from tackling her. She tries to kiss back but it’s weird and wrong. They both opt with just going back to a regular kiss but that doesn’t mean Amity stopped trying. She’s so confused she can’t even breathe. 

“You have to _stop_ trying to control everything.” She pushes Amity off, taking her arms and pinning them to her sides like she always does. “You aren’t special.” 

Amity struggles, trying to get her arms free. “You aren’t the boss of me,” she says. Luz gives her a look and Amity tries to stand her ground but no, she’s definitely right. She’d do anything Luz said if it meant she would…

“You’re going to _stop_ trying to make people listen to you.” 

“Or what?” She asks, already excited just thinking about the possibilities. She gains a bit of leverage and manages to wriggle away but Luz only traps her by pushing her hips against hers and it makes Amity go wild. 

“Or I’ll _make_ you.” 

“How?” She dares to ask. 

“I’ll torture you until you listen.” She says and it sounds like she’s only half joking. Amity’s heart skips a beat.

“You’re such a hypocrite,” she sighs, her fatigued muscles give way, letting Luz push her back against the wall. But she loves it. “ _This_ is torture.” 

“But you love it.” 

She sucks in a deep breath before their lips crash together again. This time it’s soft and playful and friendly. Amity’s so confused. Luz pulls away and they both laugh. “I love it.” She sighs, just barely above a whisper. 

Luz lets her go and turns to get her bag off the ground and the sudden lack of contact gives her whiplash—it’s devastating. She wants to be stuck against the wall underneath her like that forever. She loves it and she dreams about it and she hates it. But she’s at work and this is ridiculous and she doesn’t know what’s going on. Amity whines, her head spinning.

“Noceda…” she bites her tingling lip, suddenly feeling incredibly self conscious and guilty. “I think we should stop...this.” 

“Why?” She comes back up against her and she almost thinks about changing her mind. This whole thing is just too wrong. She has to stand her ground and put a stop to it before it gets out of hand. 

“I don’t want to get in trouble,” she sighs. She really doesn’t want to stop. It’s killing her to be so close...if she just leans in a little further and—“You’re not…” she trails off, her face burning with shame. 

“Because I’m a minor…” she says quietly, pressing another soft kiss to her lips and Amity shivers with an unprecedented delight. “You feel like a creep?” 

Amity nods, her eyes squeezed shut. Really, she feels like the kid here. She can’t believe… “Alright then,” she says simply. “But you won’t stop.” 

“Why not?” 

“You’re weak. You’ll keep coming back like a creep,” she says and Amity wants to shrivel up and die. She’s right. 

They leave the closet and Luz heads to the auditorium while Amity makes her way to the bathroom. 

These are the third pair this week but luckily she began to keep a spare change in her bag ever since this whole thing started happening. Sometimes she just makes it impossible to control herself. This is definitely the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to Amity. Ever. 

“I want more kisses,” Amity says after another long day in the cafeteria. Luz wags her finger and her eyes follow it closely, she wishes that finger was—

“I’ll only kiss you if you’re being bad. You know that.” Amity groans, biting her lip. She’s got to keep it under control or she’ll run out of underwear by the end of the month. 

“I’ll be bad then,” she says. 

“That’s not how it works,” Luz says, snuggling up close and leaning to rest her head on Amity’s shoulder. “I do it because you hate it. Right?” 

“Right.” Amity sighs. For a moment she stares at Luz’s cup of coffee, it sweats nervously on the table and all she really wants is something to do with her mouth. So she picks it up and slowly sips it, the copious amounts of sugar in it is already curdled in her stomach but she basks in the thought that… her lips were on this part of the cup too. It’s like an indirect kiss. Kind of. 

That’s how desperate she was getting. 

Well, she didn’t realize it at the time that she could definitely be _more_ desperate. One night, she was laying in her bed just thinking about her like she always does. Like a weirdo who’s eighteen now and is still wrung up on her seventeen year old coworker. She’s so wound up but she isn’t a delinquent. She’s not going to even think about doing _that_. But it was tempting. 

She groaned, rolling onto her back. Squeezes her thighs together. Tries to ignore the ache between her legs. Tries to count the dots on the popcorn ceiling. Anything to distract herself. _One_ , _two_ , _three…_ then they all just blur together. She’s just having serious withdrawals, that’s all. It’s been two full weeks of nothing from her and it’s really starting to feel torturous. No kissing or touches, just teasing looks, lip bites...she counts ten more and inevitably loses focus, her mind has drifted to uncharted waters. She reaches up to pinch her lip, hard. The aching sting is Luz’s bite. Tugs at her bra strap, pretends it’s her trying to take things a bit further than they usually did. “ _Luz…”_ she says her name quietly as if to beg, begging to be touched or kissed or anything. Her eyes flutter open and her face burns with shame. What kind of delinquent is she? 

She needs to get a grip on herself. This is ridiculous. 

  
So, to get her mind off of it, she called Luz. She picks up on the second attempt and it kind of annoys Amity. She’s spent so much time imagining her and thinking of her and—she can’t even pick up the phone? 

“Hello?” Luz says, she sounds far away from the phone. Just her voice makes Amity feel worse. She doesn’t know why she does this to herself.

“What are you doing?” Amity asks casually, laying back on her pillow. She moves her hand down to scratch at her stomach, her skin is irritated from rubbing against the tight waistband of her jeans all day.   
  


“Playing Call of Duty,” she walks farther away from the phone and there’s a loud sound like she’s opening a bag of chips. It’s quiet for a moment then she says, “Why?” She sounds much closer now. 

“Of course. A lazy hack like you  _ would  _ play video games.” She swirls her finger around the skin on her thigh. It’s irritated there too. Luz stays quiet, taking her phone with her to sit down on the couch. “You  _ should _ be studying or applying for colleges. You could have made a healthy meal for yourself or participated in some type of sport. But instead you play video games.” 

“...Yeah, and?” Luz groans. Her resistance is delicious. She’d give her one  _ deep  _ kiss for this one and…

“You’re so lazy…” Amity sighs, unbuttoning her jeans. “And useless.” 

“Did you call me just to trash talk?” Luz asks. “I was in the middle of a game—“ 

“Don’t you think you’re better off doing something more productive to finish off your night?” Amity asks coldly, her hand drifts lower... 

“What do you want me to do, Blight?” Loud music starts to play in the background and she can hear controller buttons clicking. 

“Pay attention to me.” Amity demands. She gasps quietly when she reaches a bit lower. To her inner thigh. Maybe she should just get rid of every single pair of jeans she owns. 

“Not everything is about you. Didn’t I tell you about that?” 

Amity’s heart flutters at the memory, the closet, the kissing. Her hand practically flies down to that spot that throbs and aches all day because of Luz. First starting off with a gentle stroke, her hand is hesitant. She hadn’t done this often. She slowly traces her finger up to circle lazily over her aching sex, and right away the pleasure is too good. It’s teasing and slow and  _ agonizing.  _ She gets so caught up that she makes a little sound and Luz most definitely heard it. 

It’s quiet and Amity goes into panic mode. Maybe she wasn’t listening, maybe she was too distracted by her game to have heard it. “...What are you up to, Amity?” She asks slowly, knowingly.

“Getting some homework done,” she presses against her clit slightly, the shock of sensation rushing through her is overwhelming, the thrill of lying makes it all the more pleasurable. Maybe Luz would give her a few kisses for not being truthful…

“Yeah?” 

“Mmhmm,” she hums, easy breezy. She knows that they both know what’s going on now. She thinks about the utility closet, being pinned against the wall. Luz’s body pressed against hers, her strong grip keeping her trapped. She remembers her soft, warm lips taking dominance over her. She thinks about what it might feel like to have her kissing down her neck. Desperate for more, Amity exerts her fingers and spreads open her sensitive folds, pretending it’s Luz’s fingers forcing her open. “I’m being productive.” 

“Touching yourself to my voice?” She laughs and Amity’s too distracted to care. “That’s cheap even for you, Blight.” 

“I can’t help it,” she admits, crying out urgently, grinding against her own fingers swirling tight circles over her clit, pretends it’s Luz taking advantage of her, working her up to a sweet, sweet orgasm. “I just…”

“Are you even the same Amity I met a year ago?” 

“Not anymore.” 

“What happened?” She asks teasingly, the tone of her voice makes Amity’s whole body tingle. This is so wrong but what can she do about it? Not a single thing really. When she doesn’t answer, she asks, “What’re you thinking about?” 

“You know what I’m thinking about.” 

“I really don’t,” she says, then waits a moment. “Is it how I  _ used  _ to touch you?” The emphasis on  _ used to  _ makes her mind race. 

“Yes,” Amity mewls, immediately following intense embarrassment. The fingers she’s dipped deep inside herself makes up for it, and she imagines it’s Luz fingering her sensitive, tight walls, so soft around her fingers. “And how you bit my lip...” she crooks the tip of her fingers to dig her nails into a particularly perfect spot and she moans. 

“Mmhmm. And what about that time when I put you in your place for being bossy?” 

“I remember.” She begins to jerk her two fingers in and out in a thrusting motion, quickly fucking herself to the thought of Luz’s kiss, the sound of her voice. She’s so close, so ready to come. It’d be so easy to. So great. But she stops, pulling her fingers out of herself. She slips herself completely out of her jeans. She really wants—no  _ needs  _ to finish...but…

She gets up and goes to her closet to grab her pajama pants. She doesn’t want to touch herself anymore, she tried it and she kind of hates it. Though she does feel left out over not being able to enjoy something most people do, she probably won’t ever do it again and for that she considers herself pure. And she likes this torture. 

She goes to the bathroom to wash her hands and uses five pushes of soap. “All done?” Luz asks. 

“Yes,” she says, her stomach aching from the intensity of her previous endeavors. 

“Feel better, you creep?” She teases. 

Amity hums, “Not really.” Climbing back into bed, she stuffs a pillow between her legs just to ease the aching tension a little bit. 

“You’re insatiable.” 

“Love you,” she dares to say and the only thing Luz does is laugh. Whatever. It’s not like she was going to come out of this with a sliver of dignity to her name anyways. “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I want and I just…” 

“You just what?”

“I want to kiss you. I want your hands on me and I want to be in the closet.” She starts to slowly rub against the pillow, laughing maniacally to herself. She’s out of her head. What is she _doing_? 

“That’s creepy.” Luz says amusedly.

“I know,” a tear rolls down her face, she wraps herself up in her blanket and tries to relax a bit. “I’m a creep. I…” 

“You what?” 

“I don’t know…” she admits much to Luz’s pleasure. It’s quiet for a moment before she clears her throat on the other line. 

“Night.” Luz says sweetly. 

“Wait,” Amity squeezes her eyes tight. “Say it back.” 

“What?” 

“Say you love me.” 

“Blight...” she trails off and Amity’s heart flutters something devastating. “I don’t...” 

Amity moves to hang up the phone and tries to go to sleep. Tries to get her mind back to business _._ Back to what really matters. Whatever. She doesn’t love her either, she’s sure of it. That was stupid. She’s just so wound up that it’s begun to cloud her judgment. That’s all. 

That’d be weird and silly. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz and Amity have sex for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Smut and non-con⚠️

“ _ It’s a wrap!”  _ Says everyone in unison. There’s a bright flash and a  _ snap _ in between a single quiet and still moment when everyone is together and collectively agreeing on something. It’s a wall of people, a couple of the producers in back and all of the actors in front. It’s a momentous occasion, Amity has finally reached the end of her contract and she’s rid of this place. She never has to come back here again. Just like she wanted. 

It’s completely her choice and yet she can’t help but feel the tension, the obligation of signing a  _ new  _ contract for another-who knows how long term. They were so far into the show and Amity’s character has become more important as a whole, it’d be a shame if she left. She’s exhausted just thinking of the tabloids. 

* * *

It’s mid October and Amity is working hard to start the upcoming holiday breaks with a bang. She hasn’t done anything other than study, study, study. After all, she’s got all the time in the world. 

She’s typing up an essay at her desk when she hears the doorbell ring downstairs. Her mother answers it and she listens out for her greeting; that tells her who’s at the door. But this time she doesn’t hear anything so she decides—a little break from the computer won’t hurt. She’s starving anyways. 

So she heads downstairs and walks down the hallway and into the kitchen and—“Luz?!” She does a double take, nearly jumping out of her skin. 

Luz whirls around, an easy smile on her face. “Oh. Hey, Blight,” she says casually.  _ Oh?  _ This was  _ her  _ house. Amity storms past her and finds Odalia at the stove heating up a pot of tea. 

“ _ Mother,”  _ she tries to keep her tone even. “What is  _ she  _ doing here?” Luz waves at them. 

“ _ Amity  _ ,” Odalia sniffs. “She is a guest. Treat her with respect.” 

“Yeah, Amity. I’m a guest.” Luz grins and Amity’s jaw drops. Before she can say anything else, her mom takes the kettle off the stove and gets two of her most fancied tea cups. For  _ Luz.  _

“Which flavor do you like, Miss Noceda? We have Oolong and Jasmine for the upperclassmen and ...lemon, if you prefer,” she scowls. 

Luz takes a long time to think, a teasing glance at Amity. With a posh accent, she says, “Oolong, I consider myself an upperclassman.” 

“Of course, of course,” she scatters around to grant her wish. Luz cackles, takes a seat at the table while she waits and Amity storms up to her. 

“What the  _ hell  _ are you doing here?” She whispers aggressively. Luz looks up at her, trying to hold back a laugh.

“It’s my birthday. Well,  _ was  _ my birthday. I’m eighteen now.  _ Yay,”  _

Amity pauses, the heat rushing to her face. “S-so? What’s that got to do with anything?” 

Luz smirks and before she can say anything, Odalia comes to the table with a steaming cup of fresh brewed Oolong tea on a glass saucer. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Blight,” she says like she’s the most polite person ever. Like she didn’t just show up here to—

“Of course! Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything at all?” She asks excitedly and now Amity’s a bit freaked out. She’s not even this beck-and-call for her father, when he  _ was  _ here. 

“No thank you, Mrs. Blight,” Luz smiles politely. Odalia nods and she leaves the kitchen with her own cup of tea. She casually sips her tea and pretends Amity isn’t steaming over her until she obnoxiously clears her throat. “Anything bothering you, Blight?” 

“You being in my house, sitting at my dinner table like you live here is bothering me,” 

Luz suddenly jumps up. “There. Not sitting anymore,” she says and Amity groans. Luz takes her hand and pulls her toward the staircase, they pass by the living room where Odalia is watching TV and she says, “ _ Adios _ , Mrs. Blight! Amity and I are going to play some board games in her room,” and her heart flutters. Goodness, what was she planning to do? 

She follows Luz up the stairs, her heart caught in her throat. “Wait. Which one’s your room?” She asks when they reach the hallway. Amity pulls her to the last door on the left, pushing open the door. It’s extremely untidy and embarrassing and maybe she would have cleaned up a bit if she knew...

Amity gently shuts the door behind her, discreetly locking it as Luz wanders toward the dresser, examining all the little trinkets sitting on top. She hums observantly, “So this is the room where you spend all day thinking about me,” she teases and,  _ yes,  _ though she feels incredibly called out by how true it is. Amity’s chest hurts with how nervous she is—Luz is in her room. Like it’s normal. Like they’re together. 

It’s been such a long time since they’d seen each other— with the show going on hiatus and everything. They'd texted a few times on and off through the months but nothing really came of it—which Amity was happy about. With Luz out of sight and out of mind, she could focus more on her academic career. She was happy. She was doing good. 

And then today…

She really shouldn’t. She was doing so well. “Let’s make a bet, Blight,” Luz says. Amity has already accepted it. “If you can prove that you don’t want me, I’ll leave you alone.” 

“And how do you suggest I do that?” Amity asks, crossing her arms.

“You don’t need to. You’ve already lost.” Luz says and Amity realizes, yes, she has. But she was going to put up a fight for whatever else was about to happen. She would prove that she still had some fight left in her even if she didn’t quite believe it herself. 

“But...if you lose,” she hums. “I’m right.” Luz smirked evilly. 

“Bring it on,” Amity says, a rush of excitement flushes down between her legs as she walks up to Luz and pulls her into a deep kiss— her being the initiator made her feel in control and composed, which she was neither one of those when Luz was involved. Luz grabs her by the hips and pulls her closer and—a hand slips underneath the front of her shirt but—Amity really couldn’t care less. 

She moans, still fighting for dominance and it’s stupid and she’s turned on and Luz’s hand searches for the clasp on the back of her bra—“Why’d you come here?” She breaks away. “Just to mess with me?” 

Luz doesn’t answer and pushes her toward the bed instead. “No one else let you take advantage of them quite the way I do?” 

Luz laughs, trailing kisses down her neck. “What are you talking about?” 

“You know what I’m talking about.” She gasps when Luz nips at her collarbone. “I’m not going to just let you take my—!” She yelps. 

“Your what?” They back against the bed and she gently shoves Amity down—she easily could have withstood it but she’s much too determined to stop here.

Luz starts to pop open the buttons on Amity’s pants, slowly, one by one. Then she crawls up to straddle her. Amity’s going crazy, their warm bodies pressed together like this...it was so humiliating. She’s lost all of her power now. “Stop,” she says weakly. 

“I don’t think you want me to,” she says casually. 

“ _ Fuck,  _ Noceda,” Amity groans, her body breaking out into a cold sweat, she’s all revved up just from the heat and pressure of her. “Fuck you. I hate you.” 

“Hate you too,” She says back affectionately. She doesn’t let up and shows Amity no mercy. She really wants her to know how much she hates her back. It’s about time she gets a good wake up call about the world she lives in. She doesn’t control everything. She’s so self centered it’s like she gets off on power. Well now Luz has all of the power. And she relishes in it. 

“You were right about me,” she says breathlessly. “I’m weak. When it comes to you, I can’t control myself.”

“Why is that, Amity?” Luz takes Amity’s arms, pinning them down over her head. With her other hand, she gently travels her fingers down her face and roughly shoves them into her mouth. Unable to answer, Amity moans, obediently swirling her tongue around them. She feels so stupid and dirty, this is so degrading. How did this happen? Wasn’t she just writing an essay? “Answer my question.” She demands. 

“I’ont know,” she manages, Luz’s fingers now at the back of her throat. She presses down, making Amity choke. Her fingers wet and sticky with her saliva, she pulls them out of her mouth and slowly drags it down her lip, never losing eye contact. She then reaches down, hooking a finger to pull down Amity’s jeans.

“Stop,” Amity says again, firmly this time.

Luz ignores her and instead kisses a trail down to Amity’s neck, leaving her gasping for air. She nips at the skin there between her neck and shoulder and Amity sighs. She can’t believe she’s gone this deep, let this happen to herself. This was not what she expected to be doing today. 

“You are aware that this is sexual harassment, correct?” Amity asks even though it’s helpless, even as her hips roll slowly against her will. 

“No it’s not. You  _ want  _ me to do this,” she says between soft kisses on the tender skin of her collarbone. Reaching to undo the clasp of her bra under her shirt, Amity gasps incredulously but otherwise does nothing about it. “See?” 

Amity breathes out when her hand touches the bare, wet skin of her collarbone, the swell of her chest. Luz continues kissing and she slips her hand up the front of her shirt. She traces circles up her stomach, sides and around her belly button. “You like it when I touch you.” 

“Yes,” Amity says just above a whisper. It was getting so good now. She tilts her head back against the bed and clutches onto Luz’s hair for dear life. “I love it.” 

She doesn’t know what she wants.

Luz giggles softly, placing more soft kisses up her neck and slips her hand more upwards. She meets the fabric of Amity’s bra and her heart flutters a bit. She decides to tease her. “Not very big…” she squeezes a hand over the left side. Then brushes her hand toward the middle and to her delight she traced over a little bow. “Plain white, pink little bow in the middle. I knew it.” 

“You pervert. I’ll call the cops on you,” she stops to bite back a whiny little moan when Luz slips her hand underneath her bra. “I can’t believe…” 

“This is hot.” Luz says gently. “Admit it. This is hot.” 

She brushes her thumb over her nipple. Amity inhales a sharp breath, weakly bucking her hips forward, reminding her that she’s pinned here and at the mercy of this stupid girl as she unravels her like a ball of yarn...goodness, it’s hot. “It’s so hot. Fuck. Fuck you.” Amity bites her lip. 

“Is that a promise?” Luz asks, she’s amused as ever. She decides to press closer so that Amity can barely grind her hips. She whimpers, sounding deliciously desperate. “Haven’t you done this before?”

It takes Amity a moment to reply with her little gasps and shrieks. “No. I’m not a delinquent.” 

“How does it feel?” 

“Good. So good.”

“You’re enjoying this a lot, aren’t you?”

Amity’s entire brain goes blank and she forgets what hateful thing she was going to say next because Luz is swirling her thumb around and around without abandon and it’s driving her wild. This is so wrong. This is so dirty. Then she stops, much to her disappointed whine. 

“ _ You lost, _ ” Luz sings, her hand wanders lower and lower, under Amity’s waistband. Luz gasps when she feels the gigantic wet spot in the front of her underwear. But who was she kidding—she most definitely had one too. 

Amity seems to be much too distracted to have heard Luz’s empty threat. She couldn’t care less right now. She was incredibly focused on getting as much friction as possible from Luz’s fingers outside of her underwear. She rolls her hips against it and as another full wave of pleasure washes over her, she thinks that’s probably the best thing she’s ever felt. 

“Do you want me to go  _ inside  _ of your underwear?” Luz dares to ask, even though she already knows the answer. “Or do you want me to stop?” 

“ _ Don’t stop. _ ” She demands. Luz laughs and pulls her hand up to slip under her waistband. She takes her time brushing her fingers through the little bushel of hair there on her pubic bone. Then lower and lower. She’s most definitely found  _ the  _ spot when Amity all but screams. She throws a hand over her mouth to keep herself quiet lest her mother be listening.

“I’m going to tell everyone how I made you come,” Luz says into Amity’s neck, rubbing tight circles over her. Amity may as well have forgotten English, she’s babbling sweet nothings as she comes closer to meet her humiliating demise. “With my  _ hand, _ ” 

“ _ Fuck,  _ Noceda,” Amity groans, her body breaking out into another cold sweat. “Fuck you. I hate you.” She can’t believe she’s doing this, letting her degrade her like this. She loves it too much. She doesn’t want to get too carried away. 

Quickly reaching down, Amity puts a halting hand over Luz’s and she stops. “Stop,” she whispers. She pulls out and the cool air that fills the space between her legs instead of a warm steady hand makes her want to die. She almost wishes she kept going against her wishes and made her go all the way. That would be hot. Instead, Luz drags her fingers all the way back up and she wipes them off on Amity’s shirt. 

“You’ve got some serious self control,” Luz says, thoroughly amused. 

Amity doesn’t answer, she’s trying to keep focused or she’ll teeter over the edge and fall into who knows where. Somewhere she can never leave if she does. She doesn’t want to become some kind of pleasure crazed maniac, especially at her age. Even though she’s got absolutely no leverage here, this makes her feel like she’s at least trying to take back something. Her self control.

Her legs shaking with adrenaline and with a resolve of steel, she pulls her soaked underwear up, then her pants and then clips the buttons back together. 

* * *

“That was fun,” Luz walks out the door, she winks at Amity. “Let’s play monopoly next time.” 

Wandering back into her room, her legs wobbling underneath her, she collapses back into her office chair in front of her desk. Her essay waits patiently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who got the In the Span of a Week reference? 🍪 if u did


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity asks a question she already knows the answer to.

Amity’s at her desk trying to study when her phone buzzes. **Date tonight?** , it pops up under Luz’s name. She’s confused for a moment, maybe she sent that to the wrong person. That thought makes her incredibly jealous so, no, the text was definitely meant for her. 

And then she’s confused again. _Date?_ She wasn’t aware that they were on _dating_ terms. Let alone did she know they were on _one-night-stand_ terms and yet...why is she so surprised? 

She really doesn’t know what to say. Of course she was going to say yes but, _how_ does she say it? She isn’t desperate. At least, not anymore. It’s just casual fun. A casual date, probably. 

She takes a long while to reply, studies a little longer. She wants Luz to wait on her for once. If she always gave her what she wanted right away then she’d have all the power. Then this whole thing would hurt even more when it was all over. 

Finally after an hour, Luz texts again. **_???_ **

Amity bites back an excited smile, types her reply. **_Sure, but where would we go?_ **

**_Anywhere you want_ **

**_I don’t know._ **

**_I’ll pick u up at 6sharp_ **

**_Okay._ **

It was already three in the afternoon and now...Amity wasn’t going to get any more work done for the rest of the day. She was too nervous. For the next three hours, she passed the time with needless distractions, Twitter and Instagram. She would have a heart attack if she put any more thought into what she was going to wear. (A dress, she decides because it’ll be easier for later) 

Six rolls around and Luz shows up fifteen minutes early much to Amity’s annoyance. Either way she rushes downstairs, down the driveway where Luz was waiting outside the car. Amity rushes up to her and they greet with a deep kiss and it takes her breath away. It’s just the beginning of the night and already she’s so…

“Wanna go get drunk?” Luz asks straight out, a mischievous glint in her eye. Amity laughs but then she pauses when she realizes Luz is being completely serious. 

“No,” she croaks, still winded from the kiss and— _get drunk?_ “I don’t like the headache afterwards.” 

“Well then it looks like you're driving us home tonight,” she gives her another quick kiss and shoves her back playfully. 

“You’re going to do it anyways?” She squeaks, stumbling for her balance. She really wishes she’d stop doing that, pushing her around like she’s an object. Even though she kind of likes it.

“Yeah,” she shrugs. “I’m eighteen.”

“You keep saying that,” she climbs into the car when Luz holds the door open for her (how knightly of her to do so) and Amity knows exactly why she’s being so congenial tonight. She _knows_ how Amity gets when things are romantic—she hates how predictable she is but really she can’t help it. 

“So...where are we going?” Amity asks as they pull off, onto the main road. 

“I dunno. Somewhere I can get unlimited shots,” she giggles and Amity leans over to gently smack her on the arm. 

“You shouldn’t drink so much.” She rests her head against the window, stares longingly over at her friend. (Girlfriend? She doesn’t know) “It’s bad for your health.” 

Luz glances at her, a teasing grin on her face. “What, don’t tell me you care about me or something.” 

_I do. More than you could ever know._ “Of course not. You’re the one driving us. Shouldn’t you be responsible with your alcohol intake?” 

“ _Alcohol intake?”_ She raises her eyebrows, eyes still on the road. “Why do you talk like my grandma?” 

Amity rolls her eyes, tries to focus on something else. She doesn’t know why she events tries with Luz. Her defiance can be quite charming at first but it becomes excessive. She doesn’t understand the consequences of drinking so much but it’s a futile effort trying to talk her out of it. She doesn’t know why she even bothers with her at all, really. 

After a short drive, they pulled up to a small bar that was actually pretty close to the shooting studio where they filmed the show. As they pass by, Amity blinks because, oh yeah. That happened. And this is what came of it… even though it’s not a good thing in retrospect, she thinks Luz is the best thing to happen to her. Even if it hurts to look at her sometimes, like tonight. She knows what’s going to happen. 

It’s dark and cramped in here too, but this time it’s crowded like crazy and Amity feels like she’s suffocating being stuck with all of these people here. Luz doesn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest, she’s actually really excited. She’s been waiting for this, to finally be able to pull out her ID and order a stupid alcoholic beverage. 

It’s been a bit since her birthday and Amity definitely knows this isn’t her first time to a bar since then. She almost wonders who else she’s brought here with her. 

An hour passes by and Luz has had almost six shots of—(what was it?) tequila. She’d be on her tenth if Amity weren’t here to stop her. She’s incredibly uncomfortable and ready to leave this stupid place jam packed with intoxicated morons. But she knows what’s coming next and she wants to be relaxed about it. So she lets Luz get one more and she orders one for herself, just to loosen up a bit. 

“Let’s drink it together,” Luz leans in, talking loudly over the obnoxious bar chatter. They clink their stupid tiny glass shot cups (that cost like, five bucks a round) and Amity quickly downs it because she hates the burn and she hates alcohol. Immediately, she feels her shoulders drop and her teeth unclench and she feels _great_. Now she can finally wholeheartedly laugh at Luz’s stupid jokes and be one with the atmosphere. Melting into the background. She feels ready for anything now! 

They get the bill and Amity gawks— _forty five dollars_ for a few shots! That’s ridiculous! Luz seems completely unfazed and readily hands over her credit card. “What’s the matter, princess?” She asks when she sees Amity’s shocked expression and— _princess._

“You just spent so much on alcohol,” she says incredulously. “You just wasted perfectly good money!” 

“Well spent,” she says and leans back against the booth. They wait anxiously for the waiter to come back with the receipt because they’re both ready. As they tumble out into the parking lot, Luz leans on Amity for support because she can barely walk in a straight line let alone all the way back to the car without stumbling. 

Amity hadn’t realized it before but now she understood why Luz parked all the way in the back. The parking lot is full but in the back, it’s completely empty and dark save for the bar’s neon glow. Her heart rushes with sweet anticipation and once they make it to the car, Luz immediately pushes her against the car and fervently kisses her lips. 

“Did you have fun?” She asks gently, kissing her all over the face like she’s a baby. 

“No,” she says, an anxious tremble in her voice. “That was terrible. Never take me to one of these again.” 

“Aww, I’m sorry baby,” she kisses her neck and Amity’s mouth drops open at how good it feels. “Well...if I can make it up to you in any way…” 

Amity knows she really shouldn’t. The sooner she stops doing this, that’s when she’ll move on. she has to move on. She knows she’s being used and yet...she can’t stop. 

Luz knows just how to press her buttons and make everything okay. She knows exactly how to make Amity do exactly what _she_ wants. She knows how to make her feel like she’s stuck. 

“Let’s do it,” she whispers, pushing her flush against the car and Amity has to clutch onto Luz or else she’ll lose her balance, she was weak in the knees for more than one reason now.

“Where?” She asks and she really, really hopes she doesn’t say—

“In the car.” 

Amity gasps. “Luz, that isn’t very sanitary and it’s extremely—” 

She cuts her off with another kiss and, goodness, she hates how that always works on her. Why is she so weak? She always tells herself that she’s never going to let this happen again. It’s so wrong and terrible and—“You know you want to.” 

“I...do,” she stammers. “I really, _really_ do.” 

“But?” 

“I don’t think we should do it in the car. In this parking lot,” she gasps, Luz bites her skin right between her neck and shoulder. 

“C’mon. It’ll be fine, trust me.” She moves to unlock the driver’s door, leaving Amity alone and panting for air. Then she comes back and gives her a quick peck, hands around her waist to guide her away from the back door so she can open it. She climbs onto the small seat, scooting over as far as possible to make room for Amity. “You coming?” She laughs. 

Amity ducks in thinking to herself, there’s no way the both of them were going to fit comfortably on there but— still she was determined more than she was wary. After sitting down, she shuts the door behind her and then turns nervously to face Luz, who’s already unzipping her pants. “How are we supposed to do anything?” She asks, genuinely confused. 

Luz pats the empty space between them. “Put your legs up here.” 

Amity confusedly obeys and swings her legs up so her back is against the door and she’s facing Luz entirely. And as if she weren’t incredibly cramped enough, Luz crawls in between her legs, spreading them open. She feels the cool air and Luz pressing right up against her just right. 

Really, she could stay like this forever if she wanted. With everything in her, she was going to enjoy this. Car sex. She’s never even dreamed of doing this, she’s never thought of herself as the type of person to do something so special in a _car_ and yet it has this appeal to it that she finally understands. She really wants this, even if it’s not real. 

They kiss gently, affectionate and deep. Luz slips her tongue into Amity’s mouth and she delightfully welcomes it— when they touch, she can taste the bitterness of the tequila and for a split second it takes her out of it. This really isn’t Luz. She’s very drunk and Amity is too but just slightly. At least she can string together one coherent thought while Luz seems to only have her mind set on one thing. 

She finally tries it out and slips her hand under Amity’s skirt. She gently strokes her through her soaked underwear and she moans into the kiss, readily melting underneath her. She thinks she’s finally going to let herself finish this time, this is too good not to. She doesn’t know how much longer she can control herself with Luz, she’s too amazing. 

But then Amity gets an idea and she reaches down to steady Luz’s hand. “What’s wrong?” She asks gently. 

“I want to try something,” she says, anxiously biting her lip. “Let me touch you?” She asks. 

“I’m not important,” she tries to brush it off but Amity stops her with a quick kiss. 

“No, please,” she whispers. “I want to make you feel good too.” 

Humming, she says, a bit unsure, “Okay. If you really want to…” 

“Thank you,” she gives her another kiss and then, “Okay, lay down.” 

Well, she does some weird rendition of laying down because the car is so small and her whole body just _barely_ fits laying across the bench. With a bit of intricate maneuvering, Luz ends up on her back, shoulders pressed against the window and Amity sits on top to straddle her. She’s never been on top before.

She feels so in control, on top of her like this. She’s never been so turned on before in her life. She’s going to torture her, like she always did to her. Finally, she’s got her chance. Their bodies press flushed together on the tiny backseat, the pressure in just the right spot. It’s so perfect. She’s so perfect. 

But she has to stay focused for just a little longer. She clears her throat with faux confidence, trying to assert her dominance because Luz seems completely unfazed that now _she’s_ the one at the bottom now. Just the thought of that makes Amity flushed. 

Her eyebrows shoot up. “Before we do anything, we need to set down some ground rules.” Amity says strictly. 

“Okay.” Is all she says. Damn her for being so smug. What, does she think she’s too good for ground rules? 

Amity groans but it doesn’t deter her. In a moment, she would make her sorry. “We need to have a safe word,” she says and she’s relying heavily on that one shot of tequila she took. “I was thinking _red light_ for stop.—” she looks down and there’s an embarrassed tinge on Luz’s cheeks. “What?”

“Noted. Continue.” 

“You have to respect the safe word. Got that?” 

Luz nods and she sits up to remove her jacket. Laying back down against the window, Amity realizes that people can _definitely_ see in here. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Maybe she should call this off and go home. 

But then Luz suddenly intertwines their fingers. It’s a gentle and romantic gesture that makes Amity’s heart flutter. She just wants to enjoy this moment before things get too heated. She wants to enjoy the quiet domesticity of this. _She_ finally has Luz. She can do whatever she wants. 

Amity shifts down so she’s laying between Luz’s legs, her thigh pressed perfectly between Amity’s already wet crotch. But she ignores it because she wants to be _closer._ They kiss gently and this time Amity is the one to teasingly bite at her bottom lip. Their tongues slip together and Luz makes a needy little sound that shocks Amity. _Checkmate._

Now Amity gets to trail kisses down her neck. She’s never been the one to do it before. Luz moans again and she sympathizes because she _knows_ how great it feels. She’s never done anything like this _to_ her. She never knew submissive Luz could be another one of her many twisted fantasies and yet… 

She stops, resting her head on Luz’s chest and they lay there quietly for a still while. It’s such a perfect little piece of a moment that Amity knows she’s never going to get again. It almost feels like they’re actually together. Maybe they are? She doesn’t really know. 

“I love you,” Amity whispers into her neck, her chest flushed with nerves but she says it just for the heck of it. She knows there aren’t any mutual feelings going on here. Perhaps they’re both in it for drastically different reasons. “Say it back.” 

“Damn, Blight. Don’t do that to me.” She brings a hand up to comb through Amity’s mint hair. “I don’t know. I can’t think. I’m really drunk.”

“I need to know how you feel about me.” She says, even though she’d rather just keep living in her silly illusion that possibly, she does feel the same way. “Please.” 

“I love you. In a casual way. We’re just casual, right?” 

“...Yes.” 

“This is for fun. We’re old enough to do what we want.” 

Even if she knew... it still stings a little to hear it out loud. She’s trapped in a distant kind of sadness, or melancholy perhaps. This meant nothing to her, so why should Amity think of it as anything more than just _casual?_ She doesn’t know if they even have the same _casual_ in mind. She doesn’t…

Luz suddenly reaches down and grabs a handful of Amity’s bottom and that immediately lights her on fire again, much to her annoyance. She doesn’t even want to do this anymore. But she has to, to prove that this doesn’t matter to her, either. And that simple touch makes her remember just how deliciously she’s pressed up against her thigh and she’s wearing a dress and her underwear—

She starts rolling her hips, she’s lost all control over herself once again and all she wants is to feel her. Everywhere. She’s embarrassed by how, if she wanted to, she could come just like this if she kept it up. But she needs to stay in control so with a steadying breath, she makes the grueling effort to stop grinding herself. “Red! Red light,” she pants. 

“What’s wrong?” Her hand halts and Luz groans impatiently. 

“ _I’m_ in control right now. You don’t get to touch me remember?” 

“Well hurry up! I’ve been waiting for you to do something and I’m getting impatient.” 

Amity sits up, shifting so she straddles her stomach and it gives her delightful access to Luz’s crotch. “You have to be patient. If—” she gasps when she feels the new pressure of Luz’s body underneath her hit just right. “If you aren’t...then I’ll have to punish you.” 

“You’re grinding again,” Luz deadpans and Amity quickly stops herself. “Come on. Hurry up,” she whines. Amity relishes in the complete power she has now. She’s got it back. With an elated giggle, she reaches behind her to teasingly splay her hand over her crotch. Luz lifts her hip to try and get some friction but Amity quickly pulls it away. 

“Blight!” She hisses. “Come on! I don’t do that to you.” 

“You make me feel like this,” she tentatively reaches in her underwear and gives her a gentle stroke and Luz moans. “You make me feel so cheated and…” she stops when Luz moans again, much louder—it makes her crazy. “I always feel so...teased with you.” 

She slips her hand out and Luz squeezes her eyes shut. “Why do you do that to me?” Amity asks. 

“Because you’re so easy to do it to,” she says breathlessly. “I like seeing you miserable.” 

“ _You_ make me miserable,” Amity hikes up her skirt and shoves a hand down her underwear. She loves to be miserable, only for Luz. She gently strokes herself and moans loudly just to tease her. 

“Fuck. Don’t leave me hanging, Blight,” she whispers, jerking her hips forward. She’s losing focus again. _Okay,_ she pulls her hand out of herself and reaches back to gently finger Luz again. She whines, much to her delectable delight. It sounds so good. She never knew this could be so good. 

She doesn’t want this to end. 

Luz takes Amity’s hand, the one she used on herself and _puts it in her mouth._ That’s incredibly disgusting in theory but seeing it is really hot. She imagines the warmth of her tongue on her—“Ow!” She yelps when Luz bites down on her fingers. “Don’t bite me.” She scolds her and immediately stops stroking her. 

“Nonono,” she whines again. “I’m sorry, please—” 

“You have to apologize.” 

“I’m sorry!” She says quickly, laughing a little. Amity gives her a look. “ _What_?” 

“I think you deserve punishment for that.” She says ominously. 

“What are you gonna do?” 

She lifts up a bit to reach under herself and grabs Luz’s shirt, she pulls it all the way up until it’s bunched under her neck and her bra is showing, in all of its plain white glory. Amity slips her hand under it and grabs her small, warm breast under there. Luz yelps and jerks her hips again. “Come on,” she groans. 

Without a word, Amity uses both hands to slowly pull her bra all the way up so that it’s under her neck and her chest is completely exposed. Amity looks up to see Luz’s eyes closed, her face burning hot with shame. “Not very big,” Amity hums to put the cherry on top. 

“Can you please…” she trails off quietly. 

“No. I’m going to torture you like you torture me. And you’re going to take _all_ of it.” She teasingly flicks her exposed nipple and Luz squeaks. “I want you to feel _exactly_ how I feel all the time.” 

“How do you feel?” She asks in a strained voice when Amity sticks her fingers inside of her once again. 

“I feel...terrible,” she says. “And I don’t want anything to do with you. But I keep letting you…” she gasps at the hand that Luz slips under her dress. “Stop. Ah—red light,” she moans. 

“Let me touch you,” Luz begs. A desperate little moan when Amity pulls out again. “Don’t stop.” 

“I’ll stop as much as I want, because I’m in control.” She reminds her sternly. “You’re powerless.” 

“No I’m not,” she says and—she’s completely right. “You’re still miserable.” 

“Because of you,” Amity pulls her own shirt and bra up and Luz stares at her chest shamelessly. “Am I just an object to you?” 

“Yeah, pretty much,” she groans and Amity’s heart drops. With an unprecedented anger, she shoves back inside of Luz with one hand and she gently strokes herself with the other. She doesn’t stop. “You’re just the girl I hate,” she gasps, rocking her hips quickly to keep up with Amity’s pace. “But someone’s gotta put you in your place.” 

“I’m just a toy that you play with whenever you feel like it,” she sighs, rocking to her own touch. She’s so upset. This is so hot. She never wants to stop. She’s finally going to come but not to Luz. Never to Luz. She’s not going to give her anything else. 

“You’re a maniac,” Luz starts to pant, she’s breathless and sweating and she feels like she’s going to burst. Amity feels her clench around her fingers but she keeps aggressively shoving and pushing because she _hates_ Luz. She hates this stupid person and she wishes they never crossed paths. She feels like she could cry. “Stop it, you crazy bi—” 

“Use the safe word.” She says contentiously, keeps fingering and stroking. Luz groans and weakly tries to push her off. 

“Red light,” she sighs. 

Amity immediately stops and they stare at each other for a jolting moment. Suddenly, Luz pulls her down and their lips meet in an aggressive makeout. It’s lip biting and tongue warring to the third power and Amity really doesn’t care anymore. She grinds herself against Luz’s leg until she comes for the first time with her. It’s not momentous, it’s just another thing she’s lost to her, another thing unrightfully given. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” she says weakly into her neck. 

“Then don’t.” Luz says irritably. She doesn’t know what _she_ has to be mad about. Amity’s the one who’s lost everything, Luz _has_ her and even if she wants to leave, she can’t. She knows she won’t. 

“Take me home. Now.” She shuts her eyes tight as tears burn down her cheeks. “And don’t ever come near me again.” 

The drive back to her house is silent and jerky—Luz is still incredibly drunk but somehow they make it without a scratch. And as they pull away from yet another inevitable kiss, Amity says, “I love you,” but Luz doesn’t say it back. 

She thinks she’s okay with it. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry ceciliasol😭I took your idea and made it sad. I’m trying to get you guys ready for the ending.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few of the other times Luz and Amity got together, even after she thought she was done.

It’s their second date, Amity notes idly somewhere in the back of her mind. 

They’re at some dated-looking cafe with metal countertops and neon signs that sells grilled cheese and other homemade junk, but Amity isn’t hungry. Not for food, at least.

She sips her strawberry milkshake, the sweetness is already giving her a stomach ache but she doesn’t care. 

She doesn’t know when she started liking sweets. 

Then they catch each other’s eye in an awkward little glance and Luz raises her eyebrows in question. Amity doesn’t want to pretend anymore. She’s tired of being dragged around and keeping quiet. She wants Luz to acknowledge her and stop acting like she isn’t there. Because she is here, everyday. For her. 

She gets the sudden urge to throw up and her stomach churns because she’s never consumed so much sugar at one time in her life. Paired with the way she looks, so close but unreachable. She has her but not completely, not like the way Amity is completely hers. She just wishes Luz felt the same. She wonders why she even bothers with her if she doesn’t even like Amity like that. Why does she keep coming back, picking her up, kissing her, touching her if she doesn’t feel the same? 

She’s so confused. 

“Let’s go,” Says Luz and Amity practically flies out of her seat, at her heels like a little kitten. Hanging on her every word like it’s all that she stands for. They kiss softly in the parking lot, Amity can taste her chocolate milkshake on her tongue. It’s teasing and fast, Luz laughs into the kiss. It’s so light and quick that something deep inside of her begs for more. It hurts so good. She wants more. 

“I hope you know how much this hurts,” she leans back against the car but Luz pulls her in and just slightly lifts her off of her feet with a deep kiss and Amity shivers with delight. She hates that she loves her so much. She hates how she’s stuck. “How much I’m hurting.” 

“Who’s fault is it?” Luz asks, setting her down on the hood of the car so she can stand between her legs and kiss her dizzier than she already was. She hates how they’re so open for the public to see. She hates how this is a private and tragic moment but Luz still insists on making her feel terrible. It’s not her fault that she can’t control herself. “You don’t even know what you want.” 

“You’re right,” she says, a wave of melancholy washes over her as they kiss again. She hates how their kisses used to be fulfilling and exciting but more and more it always leaves her feeling desperate than anything. She feels empty like Luz is sucking all the life out of her and she can’t escape because she doesn’t want to. This is  _ completely  _ Amity’s choice, her fault, her problem. “I just want you to touch me.” 

“How should I touch you?” She asks and there’s a giggle in her tone. Damn her for making everything dirty. She feels less than dirty right now. “Like... _ this?”  _ She slips a gentle hand on her hip. 

She guesses, maybe it’s her fault for enabling her. Amity makes a breathy little moan because she can’t help herself. She’s too desperate. “Can’t we go somewhere more...private?” She asks and Luz raises her eyebrows incredulously. 

“To do what?” 

“Don’t play dumb with me.” She bites her lip when Luz rests a gentle hand on her thigh, dangerously close to where she feels the empty ache most. “You know what I want.” 

“You want me to…” she pokes a teasing finger against the wet spot on her underwear and Amity gasps, trying to grind her hips closer but Luz suddenly pulls it away. 

“Yes,” she breathes out in a shaky whisper. Why does she have to make this so hard? 

“I think you have a problem.” She rubs her finger close again. “You always want my hand in your pants,” she laughs when Amity moans, her face burning a bright red. 

“Don’t make me sound like a delinquent.” She says, struggling for air. “You started this. Now finish it.” 

“Yes ma’am,” she says obediently and she pulls her off the car, arching her back as they kiss again. “There’s this one place…” 

“Take me there.” She says almost immediately. She doesn’t care. She can only think about one thing right now and that’s Luz’s hand, touching her everywhere. She never wants to stop. She can’t imagine stopping.

  
  


* * *

***

She comes up between her legs, their bodies pressed flush together. Amity idles in the pleasant tingling sensation happening between her legs, she likes the torture of it. She likes how it’s a constant reminder of how wrong this is and how she shouldn’t do this. 

Her mind goes up in flames at how warm she is, how soft she is, how solid she is. She fits her perfectly like it’s already meant to be this way. Like she’s supposed to do this. 

“I don’t think you quite understand how bad this is for me.” She says after a quick, teasing kiss. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” 

“You want me here.” She laughs gently, her playful voice fills the quiet room. She’s right. “You’d be sad if I left.” 

“You’re right.” She moans submissively. She’s done trying to hold herself together. She just wishes Luz would do something. The tension is driving her crazy. “I can’t do anything about it…” 

“You acknowledge the problem at least,” she quietly laughs to herself, slowly gliding Amity’s zipper down. Everywhere she touches her it burns like a flame and it makes her want to die, it hurts so much that this doesn’t mean anything. But still she wants it. “But you keep coming back.” 

“I can’t help it.” Amity actually giggles despite herself. They kiss softly and it’s so gentle that it tickles on her lips. She smiles, the sweet sensation shoots right down between her legs. She wriggles her hips a bit, just wanting to feel her close. She can’t get enough of her. She thinks she’s addicted. “I want you.” She says sweetly even though she knows it doesn’t matter how many times she says it. 

“This isn’t my fault, Blight,” she says in a flirtatiously contentious voice, a hand already gently tracing around chest and Amity wriggles under it elatedly.

“We’re both at fault here.” Amity snaps back, biting at her lip when Luz’s hand teasingly brushes past her crotch, scandalously slipping up her dress to bother her nipples. She must stand her ground. “You’re wrong for still engaging with me. You have all the power here.” 

“I know,” she grins. Amity suddenly gasps, hissing at the hand tugging at her nipple. “But I’ve got an empty schedule until winter.” 

Amity’s heart skips and a brief wave of anger washes over her. She  _ knows  _ this. Still she can’t help the rage she feels when she hears it. “I’m only here to keep you busy until you go back to work?” She asks, bitterness creeping into her tone despite the immense desire burning in her chest. 

“I’m only doing what you asked,” she says. “And I think you asked me to touch you.” 

_ Right _ . 

“You’re right,” she says, breathless. 

“I’m always right.” Luz pulls her hand out of her dress, much to Amity’s intense displeasure. She aggressively snatches Luz’s hand and shoves it back up her dress but she pulls it right back out and sternly tells her, “Be patient.” 

“I’ve been patient,” she practically whines. “You always make me wait.” 

Luz grins at her and tugs roughly at her ear. It’s an annoying little sensation of pain but it turns Amity on more, despite herself. She’s so beside herself tonight. She isn’t helpless (even if she liked the thought of that) so she reaches up and tugs at Luz’s hair, not hard enough to make it hurt. But she takes it to a whole other level and Luz tangles her hand through Amity’s green hair and takes a fistful of it, pushing her head back against the wall. She loves how needlessly assertive it was, how the gentle kisses up her jaw makes it all okay. 

“What  _ exactly  _ do you want?” She asks in a low whisper, slowly tracing a finger back up her skirt, the one she chose just for this moment. Just to make things a bit easier for Luz. Even if it was to torture herself more. 

“You,” she breathes out shakily, her eyes flutter closed. “Even if you don’t want me, I don’t care.” 

“I want you like  _ this _ ,” she scrapes her fingernail slowly up her inner thigh, her hand brushing up against Amity’s damp underwear.

“You only want me for sex.” She says sharply, even though she loves it. Even though she loves the way Luz has her right now, so completely on her knees, begging for more.

“No,” a gentle stroke. “That’s all  _ you _ want me for.” She says and maybe she’s right? Amity feels a deep rush of guilt—she doesn’t know. She can’t think straight right now. 

“No,” she gasps sharply, Luz slips a hand inside her underwear. “I love you...so much. I want you to touch me and kiss me like I’m yours.” 

“You are mine.” 

“I am,” she confirms it like it’s the first time, like she’s even had to say it at all. Like it’s obvious. She guesses, maybe it is. “Even if you don’t love me, you could pretend. That’s good enough for me.” 

Luz hooks a finger around her waistband and slips her underwear down. They drop to the floor, pooling around her feet. “Geez. You’re desperate.” Luz gives her a soft kiss on her neck. 

“Yes,” she shudders delightfully. “I want you to take control and torture me,” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“I love our fights and the way you hurt me,” she clenches around the two fingers that slip inside of her with ease. “I don’t care if you use me.” 

“So, what do you want, Amity?” 

“Everything,” she lets out a whiny little sound. “Give it to me.” 

“I don’t know what you want from me,” she says again, strokes her faster and Amity arches her back a bit just to get that sweet, sweet pressure inside of her again. 

“Why do you have to, ah—!” She gasps. “Make my life so miserable?” 

“You have to tell me what you want or else I can’t help you.” 

“You’ve never helped me,” a lewd shriek at the finger that’s slipped deeper than she’s ever felt before.  _ Goodness,  _ it feels amazing, she can’t believe she’s here right now, letting this happen. She can’t believe she’s like this. “You always give me hope that maybe…” 

Luz pulls out to gently swirl her sticky fingers around her—“Maybe what?” 

She loses her nerve because it doesn’t matter. “I love you,” she says again and her stomach twists at how she doesn’t say it back, flutters at how Luz gently touches her sensitive spots, she feels so happy that she knows just how to make her come.  _ Maybe she does love me,  _ she thinks for a split second. And she takes her hand out again, examining the sticky white on her two fingers with a proud smirk on her face. “You pervert.” She says weakly. 

“I’m not the one who just had an orgasm over  _ two  _ fingers,” she says, teasing. “You don’t last very long.” 

“You’re just too good.” Amity bites down on her lip as she watches Luz rub her come around between her two fingers. She’s ready to go again already. She’d last longer this time, just to prove to Luz she was worth something. “I want you inside of me again.” 

“You’re full of energy tonight, aren’t you?” She gently glides her fingers over Amity’s lips, top then bottom.  _ Gross,  _ she feels her mouth water in disgust. But somehow it wound her up even more, the vulgar absurdity of it. She squeezes her eyes shut, quickly flicking her tongue over her lips to taste herself. It’s disgusting with a hint of sweetness that makes her even more wet and Luz kisses her softly before licking over her lips. 

“That was extremely unsanitary.” She shivers with repulsion. 

“And extremely hot.” Luz grins. “Stop acting like this isn’t your wildest fantasy coming to life.” 

“It is,” she says and she hates how she is right all the time. “I want you to touch me.” 

Luz raises her eyebrows playfully amused, simply touches her finger to Amity’s chest and keeps it there. “Like this?” 

“Touch me everywhere,” she trembles as her finger drags down, lower and lower. “Touch me like you love me. Let’s just pretend.” 

“‘Kay,” she wraps her arms around her hips and pulls Amity into a hug. “If I loved you...I’d hug you like this,” she says softly into her ear. She feels so pent up with nerves and anger and arousal that she doesn’t even know which one to act on, if she should at all. She wants to let Luz take control, make all of the moves. She didn’t see any point in doing it herself if it didn’t even matter anyways. “I’m just pretending, Amity.” She says sweetly as she rubs comforting little strokes down her back. It feels so good and Amity hates it. The contrasting tone of her usual rough and sexually charged touches— now suddenly it’s just soft and gentle. Romantic. Sweet. 

She wishes she could have both. She loves both. “Fuck you,” Amity sighs into her shoulder. “I hate you.”

“You love me.” She slips her hand up to gently cradle the back of her head and she pulls Amity closer. “And if I loved  _ you, _ I’d probably do this,” a little content moan from Amity and she leans forward, nuzzling into Luz’s neck softly. It’s such a simple gesture, these touches but it’s all she’s ever wanted from Luz. She almost feels touch starved, like the  _ other  _ kinds of touching they do aren’t exactly like this, sweet and stable and loving and sure. She can only imagine how special and fulfilled she’d be if only they weren’t pretending. 

Luz suddenly pushes her back against the wall and kisses her fervently. Amity hates it so much despite her rolling hips and her aching body because she just wants to feel her close, feel loved. She feels used and toyed with. “But...I don’t.” She says at last. 

“Yes you do,” Amity says because she refuses to believe it. 

“You wish I did.” She says and—she’s got to love her, the way she’s eating her up and kissing her down her neck and teasing at her clit, the two fingers slipping in and out of her at a quick and steady pace that push her over the edge for the second time tonight. Her cry of pleasure and agony and desire and desperacy, how she takes whatever Luz gives her because still she loves her and she loves it even if it’s sick and terrible and twisted and tragic. How she comes two more times after that and still she isn’t satisfied. She doesn’t know what to do anymore.

* * *

***

“Can you leave?” She asks, trembling tears rolling down her cheeks as she lay cuddled in with Luz on her bed, an arm wrapped around her waist. She shivers at the hand still idly teasing her nipple but it doesn’t do anything to her. She’s lost count of how many times she came to her hand, her mouth, her words, to the thought of things she wished would happen, could be. She’s completely exhausted and she feels nothing anymore. Not even the sad ache in her chest that’s usually there is present anymore. Not even the prickly tingles between her legs are there. 

“If you want,” Luz whispers and gently kisses her forehead. It’d make her sad if she weren’t so wrung out of feeling anything right now. She’s just tired. Actually, the thought of Luz leaving and making her sleep alone really bothers her now that she’s thinking about it. But she has to stand her ground. 

“I don’t want to see you ever again.” She says. 

“You always say that. And then  _ this _ happens.” Luz snorts. Amity cuddles closer, burying her face in her neck and she shivers at the cold buttons of Luz’s jacket against her bare skin, the rough fabric of her jeans rubbing against her tired clit. Luz is still completely clothed and Amity is entirely nude. What is she doing wrong here? She considers just falling asleep right here but she really needs to get into her pajamas because suddenly she feels uncomfortable being the only person naked. Amity pulls back and Luz gives her another soft kiss and she weakly kisses back. She’s so tired. 

With a grueling effort, she gets out of bed and immediately upon standing up she feels her legs wobbling under her, threatening to give out. The three steps to her dresser are unstable and difficult. Getting into her pajamas is a whole other ordeal as it is slow and tedious because all she can think about is Luz and how she’s in her bed and how she can feel her eyes on her as she struggles with her pajama top. She doesn’t bother with putting underwear back on because she thinks (she hopes) Luz will try to get in her pants again. 

She turns around to start her journey back to the bed and sure enough there’s Luz staring at her, an amused glint even in her tired eyes. “What?” Amity asks, limping to the bed as close as she can get and then she crawls back under the covers, cuddling herself back up to Luz. 

“You're acting like I beat you with a sledgehammer,” she laughs and even though it’s condescending and teasing, she still thinks it’s beautiful and contagious so she laughs along too, at how ridiculous this night has been. How stupid and worthless she feels.

“Well, you jammed me with your hand well enough, don’t you think?” She pulls the cover up over them before Luz has the chance to say anything weird and perverted. Her body is so warm and perfect, she can’t believe she’s here in her bed right now like this. Amity pulls herself as close as possible because she feels like she can’t get enough, she can’t connect with her no matter how close they are or how much they have sex. 

“You want me to stay?” She asks. 

She can’t bring herself to say it because she’s not even sure herself. Luz has made her feel a lot of things tonight but the most prevalent was  _ terrible  _ and really she doesn’t want anything to do with her for a week at least. She doesn’t like the fact that she’s in her bedroom like this or the fact that she likes her company or the fact that she wants her closer even if she’s done nothing but torture her. But still, she nods because she wants her, really badly, to just stay right here with her at least for another hour if not the whole night. 

“What will you say when your mom walks in here?” She asks, a sly grin on her face, an arm slipping around Amity’s waist. 

“I’m eighteen, it doesn’t matter,” she yawns. “Good night.” 

“Night.” 

“Love you.” Amity says and it’s the last thing that echoes in her mind before she falls asleep. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz just wants to get back at Amity for being a bitch for no reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe ok this is what i came up with for the first chapter in Luz’s perspective, it’s a little thing but hopefully you like it and I’ll be working on chapter 11 soon. It’s 1am so let me sleep and I’ll be right with you all

Luz _needed_ to be her friend, not because she _wanted_ to but because she had to. It’d make things easier for the both of them if they could just get along. She doesn’t like girls like Amity. She’s overly saturated and rude and oh god—the green hair. Immediately upon meeting her, Luz hates the green hair. It just _screams_ obnoxious rude bitch and she’s pleased to know her hunch is correct when they first shake hands. 

It’s a stiff and forced gesture that Amity clearly thinks she’s above doing. She probably thinks everyone here should already know her name by now, she probably thinks she’s the star of the show here. Right from the start she is rude and unbothering, extremely unprofessional and Luz wants to put her in her place first thing. But she waits because, maybe she’s just having a bad day. 

The next day, Luz finds out that, no. That wasn’t the problem. Amity is just a bitch with a superiority complex. The green hair said it first. She really hates it, how she thinks she can walk around here, like this whole thing isn’t a group effort. Like _she’s_ the one making the whole show. She doesn’t run the show, that’s what Luz wishes she’d get through her thick head.

She knows Amity hates her too but she can’t really picture why. After all, Luz has done nothing but be nice to her. She’s not used to people hating her, everyone she knows likes her and she didn’t expect _this_ to be the place where she made her first arch-nemesis. Amity is a bit melodramatic. 

“You think I want to be here anymore than you do?” She snaps when Luz tries to exasperatedly help her out with the zipper on the back of her dress. She really wishes they had separate dressing rooms because this is just… “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, trying to talk to me. You shouldn’t talk to me.” 

“You’re really rude, you know that?” She tugs boredly at the zipper. “I just want you to hurry up so we can get this over with.” 

“I don’t like you, can you get away from me?” She whirls around and her angry glare meets Luz’s unamused stare. “Why do you keep insisting—!” Luz pushes her away and Amity stumbles, her eyes widening incredulously. “How dare you!” 

“You were in the danger zone,” she laughs stiffly. “You’re lucky all I did was push you. I actually feel like I could snap your neck right now.” 

Amity pauses, stammering in shock. “No wonder I feel incredibly unsafe around you. I’m alerting the HR’s.” 

“Do it then,” she gestures toward the door. “Be my guest. I’d be happy to be kicked off. You’re a nightmare to deal with.” 

“You’re just so…” she groans, struggling for a new insult. She wishes Amity were creative with her excessive name calling at least, to give her something to laugh about. She never says anything she hasn’t mentioned before, bad mannered, rude, and—“insufferable!” She says finally and Luz rolls her eyes.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she shoots back irritably, heading to leave because she can’t stand to be around her any longer. She’s too petty. She’s only ever concerned with herself, she thinks she’s better than everyone else and the only thing she wants to do is make Luz’s day as tedious as possible—that’s what it seemed like anyways. 

And she hates people like that. 

She doesn’t know what her problem is. She knows Amity’s probably just got something bothering her, so Luz tries again. She tries to be nice but sometimes it’s really hard when the person we’re talking about is a snotty, stuck up princess like Amity. 

She sits with her at the cafeteria after shooting is done for the day. She studies her like she’s some kind of intriguing puzzle that she can’t figure out. That’s when Luz starts to like the green hair, it fits her. She can finally appreciate the little things that she _can_ see, like the way she does her eyeliner and her black nail polish. She’s kind of hot. Luz doesn’t want to like her, though. 

“I don’t get you,” Luz says to her one day, Amity looks up from her phone with an annoyed grunt. 

“I don’t know why you keep pushing it, Noceda.” She snaps. “I really think it’s in your best interest to leave me alone!” 

“Why? You gonna kill me or something?” She snorts. Even if the thought is funny, she doesn’t put it past Amity to kill someone. She thinks she’d definitely do it if she got angry enough. And Luz liked seeing her angry, weirdly. She decided if this was going to be her everyday then she might as well have a little fun with it. “I think you like me.” She grins and something flashes in Amity’s eyes. 

“I want you to leave _right_ now.” She growls and Luz tries her absolute hardest not to laugh because it’d only make this worse. Who does she think she is, talking to another person like that? Luz stands her ground and just gives her a smug little look, leaning back in her chair. “Noceda, you—you really, _really_ irk me sometimes.” She says, taking slow calming breaths to relax herself. 

“Then why don’t we try a do-over?” A friendly but still smug smile. “We really did start off on the wrong foot. Completely your fault, by the way.” She reaches a hand over the table and Amity only crosses her arms, staring at it incredulously. 

“And what makes you think I would ever touch _your_ hand?” She glances up at her and meets Luz’s amused but annoyed glare. 

Luz sighs, drops her head on the table, gives Amity a look. “Okay. Is there a _stick_ shoved up somewhere deep inside your—!”

“No, I reckon there isn’t. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had one somewhere.” 

“Okay. I’m trying to be nice to you!” Luz groans. “What do you want me to do, Blight?” 

“Don’t talk to me unless absolutely necessary. I _don’t_ like you, if you hadn’t already got that.” She says, completely serious. “And I _don’t_ want to see you more than I have to. But still, you insist on following me.” 

_Huh._ Luz gets a pretty brilliant idea. “If you don’t like me sitting here then why didn’t you ever tell me to leave?” 

Amity blinks, her pretty little mouth slightly drops open. “This is public premises,” she stammers. “You’re entitled. That’d be excessive of me to ask that.” 

That makes Luz wonder. She thinks about it for a while and she realizes, there’s definitely some sort of weird attraction going on between the two of them. Amity is conventionally pretty. How could she not think so? She doesn’t hold herself accountable until later, when one day she’s enjoying a stack of buttery waffles, Amity as her silently aggravated companion. She sees her eyes, how they flick away when she looks at her. How her mouth twitched when she licked the syrup off her lips and, _oh._ She thinks she gets it now. 

She thinks Amity probably likes her, a little bit. She laughs to herself as she’s trying to fall asleep one night— _of course._ It all makes sense now. It’s just like the movies. People are rude to you when they like you. 

But Luz doesn’t want to like Amity. She’d rather die than fall for such a rude, psychotic narcissist like Amity. But…

She _does_ want to test her theory because—she’s just a naturally curious person like that. So over the course of their long days together, she watches her more closely and she holds the door open for her and she gives her subtle little hints or- reaction tests, she likes to call it. 

Amity definitely likes Luz. She knows it when she kisses her. And Luz definitely likes Amity back because she’s really hot and cute, anyone could see that. But she’s tired of pretending, keeping her hands to herself all the time. Besides, she knows Amity wants her too. She just wants to have a little bit of fun with her because she’s there and she’s not going anywhere. 

And if Amity didn’t like her then she’d push her away when she leaned in for a kiss, right? She wouldn’t kiss back or even bother trying to hangout with her. She thinks it’s just their thing, it’s weird and confusing but fun and that’s why Luz likes it. She knows it isn’t serious so she can just do whatever because it’s stupid and inconsequential, they’re just dumb hot and bothered teenagers. 

She never expected Amity to actually _fall_ for her like that. She never wanted that to happen. Really, the way Amity looks at her scares her a bit. What’s she supposed to do? She doesn’t _love_ her that way, at least she think she doesn’t. Maybe she will, she hopes she does because Amity is...special. She’s cute. She deserves someone to love her and Luz just doesn’t think she’s the one. 

She thought Amity just wanted to have sex a few times and pretend it didn’t happen, they could keep filming the show and act like they never knew each other after that. That’s what she thought was going to happen and then…

She gave herself more time, more time because Amity kept coming back and she still wasn’t feeling like she wanted to marry her or anything. She feels terrible about Amity. They’re so far in and she’s completely ready for anything—anything _Luz_ wants to do and anything Luz says. She begs to be touched and held and loved and Luz can’t give that to her. 

“I love you,” she says more often and Luz is completely halfway about the situation. _Yes,_ she was right about Amity and she _did_ love her. But that was the problem. This was her fault. 

She likes messing with Amity, even still when she cries after they’re done. She feels used, she says. Luz doesn’t want to feel bad about it anymore because it’s eating her up but she can’t _ever_ imagine stopping with- whatever this is. She still wants to touch her and kiss her and play with her because...it was fun. And she was bored. 

“Say it back,” Amity demands and Luz groans. 

She hates Amity still. No wonder she couldn’t get herself to fall in love. It’s been so long, an exhausting but fun year with her and still they’ve gotten nowhere. But Amity keeps coming back and as long as she comes back, Luz won’t ever turn her away. Amity has all the power here. 

She doesn’t know what she wants to do with her because she doesn’t want to like her and she doesn’t want to get attached. 

So she takes Amity on a date, like that’d help either of their cases with how knee deep they are and how terrible this whole thing is. But still, Amity comes back and Luz doesn’t know why. If she’s hurting so much then shouldn’t she just stop? 

Luz acts like an asshole because she feels like an asshole. There’s no way she can try to change herself now and plus Amity seems to like it. She seems to like when Luz talks down on her, pushes her around, treats her like crap. She doesn’t have to pretend with Amity, not like this. 

They run into a new bar, Luz tugging Amity along behind her. She’d said multiple times she doesn’t like coming to these, getting drunk. She always says, “No, Luz, no,” but she still comes back anyways. Really, no has no meaning for them anymore. She always says no but keeps going anyways.

She starts to think that maybe Amity doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know what to think or do because all she can think about is Luz and that’s the part that really bugs her. 

Amity and Luz are blissfully drunk again, the tips of her pale ears are a bright pink. She says weird and crazy stuff and all Luz can do is just listen. It’s fascinating. She asks if she wants to get married and if she wants to have kids. She asks about moving in and she mentions new things for them to try. 

“I don’t think we should do this for much longer,” she says in a drunken drawl, they’re sprawled out on Luz’s bed. This is their first time in her room and now she thinks she’ll never be able to sleep in this bed without feeling a bit guilty. “I feel like shit.” 

“Me too.” Luz says, her eyes flutter closed. She’s pretty exhausted about today and the past year and a half. “But I want you.” She says inconspicuously. 

“You want me?” She giggles and—damn, she shouldn’t have said that. “ _Now_ you want me?” 

“I’ve always wanted you. You’re too perfect.” They kiss sloppily and Amity moans. 

“You’re really drunk. That’s all.” 

“You’re right.” Luz says and Amity moves to cuddle closer. She’s okay—no, she’s accepted it now, she’s used to hearing it. Or, not hearing it. She remembers how much that bothered her.

But no one’s ever looked at her quite the way Amity does. At worst... she feels bad for a while. But then she just smiles because Amity’s smiling at her too. She doesn’t get why she still smiles. 

She sees how Amity looks at her, like she’s the best thing in the world. Sometimes she doesn’t feel that way. She sometimes gets tired of being like this all the time. She hates the warm pink flush to her cheeks when they kiss because it isn’t happy or special. She hates the way she slightly bites her lip when she wants more. She hates how she still feels obligated somehow. 

Amity leaves her or, tries at least. She’d tried that multiple times already and it never really worked out the way they expected it to. But this time, it’s Luz’s fault that they get back together—she hopes that makes Amity feel a little less terrible this time around because now she’s the one who’s awake at two in the morning texting her. 

And, Amity is weak, she knows that already. It’s not her fault that this dumpster fire of a relationship is still hanging on by some thread. She guesses maybe the only thing that’s keeping them going is their undying passion... _ugh._ What is she doing? 

Amity isn’t a hard person to persuade. In anything, really. She wasn’t hard to get close to, she isn’t hard to touch and she definitely doesn’t put up much of a fight, especially when it comes to Luz. She’s a strong and level headed person, obnoxious sometimes but with Luz she seems to use her heart instead of her head. Which is definitely the problem. 

They stumble into yet another bar, first up on their vicious cycle that they both love so much. She thinks Amity is starting to like drinking now and it makes her a bit sick to the stomach, how much she’s changed her. She orders a generous amount of whatever it is she wants to try —she obviously knows nothing about alcohol but it’s cute to Luz. 

The pink flush on her pale face is how she knows she’s drunk, which doesn’t take long after the first sip. She loves her Amity, her amazing, stupid, foolish Amity. She doesn’t know what she’s doing here but because Luz is there, she’d go anywhere. She wonders what she wants and why is she being so persistent. 

She knows she has Amity forever, as long as she wants and as long as she’ll have her, as long as she keeps coming back. And Luz hopes she does because this is fun. They have long stressful days and this is nice, to just be here like this with someone she’s got this weirdly terrible but amazing relationship with. 

But she had no idea it was going to get _this_ far. Luz dreamed of being with Amity, fantasized about it a few times because she hates her so much. She knows Amity is just a trope and she could be easily taken down a peg with a few kisses and things if she wanted. 

She guesses that maybe she just got a little carried away with her petty revenge quest. 

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz become girlfriends.

“My mom’s on a late shift tonight,” Luz mentions casually as she unlocks the door. She thinks about last time they were here together. They had both been drunk and only focused on one thing…

It’d been another long day of filming with the show’s second season in high demand. Amity is really exhausted but Luz is more than happy about it. She’s tired, sure, but she isn’t exactly ready for bed yet. It’s about ten thirty in the evening and her mom wouldn’t be home until early morning. 

They walk into the living room and Luz switches on the light. Amity seems to be a bit nervous about something and she can’t really imagine why, they both know the ultimate end goal of tonight. But just to push her a little bit, Luz smiles and says, “There’s someone I haven’t properly introduced you to yet,” 

Amity’s face turns red and Luz has to laugh, she can only imagine what kind of crazy things are going through her stupid head right now. Luz disappears into the hallway for a moment and she comes back with a cat in her arms. “Ami, this is King,” he jumps out of her arms, prancing over to his food bowl. 

“A... _ cat _ ?” She laughs after a moment. “I didn’t expect you to be the type of person to have a cat.” 

“And why not?” Luz gets a bag of cat food out of the top cabinet and pours some into King’s bowl, he starts to eat right away. Then she takes the smaller bowl next to it and fills it up with sink water, placing it back down for him. She kneels down to gently pet him as he eats, Amity stands against the wall with her arms crossed and she’s got an endeared little smile on her face. 

“You’re really cute,” she says quietly. Luz grins and slowly walks toward her, they just stare at each other until she leans in and gives her a gentle kiss, Amity sucks in a sharp breath through her nose. 

Then, Luz brushes past her and goes into her room. Amity stands stricken against the wall for a moment before rushing to follow her, she’s all wound up just from one kiss. Stupid. 

Amity comes in and stands still as she watches Luz change out of her clothes, she takes off her jacket and puts on a loose tank top, turns on the fan. Then she glances expectantly at Amity and she quickly slips out of her shoes, placing them neatly in the corner by the door. 

She shuts the door, locking it.

Luz sits on the edge of her bed and pats her lap— and Amity rushes to climb on top of her, straddling her like an idiot who’s just helplessly in love. “Hi,” she says, a bit breathlessly as she wraps her arms around her neck. 

“Hey,” another soft kiss. “Wanna try something... _ different _ ?” 

“Like what?” Amity asks quietly, shivering when Luz  _ licks  _ her on the chin. 

“I can show you.” She giggles and then walks a hand up her side, Amity arches her back a bit under the teasing touch. She reaches her chest and gently caresses it, kisses her more. 

“I don’t want to do anything,” she says hesitantly, even as she rocks her hips. “This is bad for me.” 

_ Great _ , here she goes on her pointless tangent again. She’s learned to just ignore it at this point because it doesn’t matter. She knows Amity still wants her to. “I always try to leave but… look where that gets me.” 

_ Continuing _ ...

“You’ve ruined my life…” she moans at the hand reaching under her shirt and Luz doesn’t know if she should be offended or honored by  _ that  _ statement. “You’ve turned me into an alcoholic.” 

“Hey, don’t blame your trash self control on me,” she shoots back even though she  _ knows  _ she shouldn’t have, it only sets Amity off more. 

“You’ve taken so many of my firsts...I bet it doesn’t even matter to you, does it?” She asks bitterly, gently biting her lip as Luz reaches down between her legs. She can’t exactly do much from this angle…”I’m just another girl, aren’t I? You just like to mess with helpless girls, don’t you?” 

“Blight,” she groans. “You are  _ not  _ helpless.” 

“I  _ am _ helpless. You make me that way. You never give me a choice.” 

They kiss again, a bit roughly because Amity is upset again, just like she always is when they do this. Then Amity pushes her down and sticks her hand up her tank top. “Blight, off.” She says sternly. 

Amity glares at her. “No. You have to let me touch you, too.” She starts to unbutton her pants. 

“Red light,” Luz says and grins smugly when Amity turns red, her hand stops in its tracks. “Off.” She says again. 

Amity groans and climbs off, glaring irritably at her. “That’s not fair.” She says. “Why don’t you ever let me touch you?”

“I don’t want you to touch me,” she says and Amity raises an eyebrow at how vaguely that answers her question. She’s already climbing on top of her, giving her soft kisses and gentle touches because she knows she loves that. Anything to make her submit. 

“We’re  _ both _ in this relationship,” she says in between kisses. “I  _ want  _ to make you feel good, too.” 

Pointedly ignoring that last part, she says, “This isn’t a relationship.” 

“Then...what is it?” she asks albeit slightly annoyed, she’s starting to get impatient. Funny how this is the time when they disagree most. Such a special moment between two people and yet for them it’s more like a heated conversation. And that’s one of many questions Luz doesn’t know how to answer but usually anything she says is good enough for Amity. “I  _ want _ to touch you.” She says again, stern this time. 

“No.”

“But why not?” She lays back as Luz straddles her, helpless just like she always says she is. She can’t really answer that question either...but Amity is an easy person to persuade and really, Luz knows she doesn’t  _ have  _ to answer it. She can make her forget about it in a few seconds. “ _ You _ just don’t want to lose control.” 

Luz pauses. “I’m always in control, even when you think I’m not.”

“You’re right.” Amity sighs, letting Luz take control over her and she pins her arm to her side. She loves it so much, Luz knows. 

“I’m  _ always _ right.” She leans forward and gives her a gentle but firm kiss, Amity doesn’t even try to kiss back because she’s already lost, just like she always does.

“This is so unhealthy for us, Noceda. You  _ know  _ that.” 

Luz ignores her and instead focuses on getting Amity’s pants unbuttoned, a practiced motion she’s come to memorize in the past year. They’ve been doing this for a while. It doesn’t get old, the constant crashing, the ups and downs. 

Her underwear is already damp in the front, despite her thrashing hips and her resistance. “I need to leave you. I don’t know why I keep…” 

“Shut up, Amity.” Luz rolls her eyes, peels her underwear away.

“You keep using me and I  _ know  _ you don’t care about me,” she hisses, Luz gently strokes her and she really just hopes it’ll shut her up. She’s so persistent with acknowledging her problem but she won’t ever do anything about it. “But  _ I _ care about  _ you _ and I...I know I shouldn’t but you make me so—hmmm,” she moans. “I love you, so...much.” 

“You don’t love me.” 

“Yes, I do. I want you. You’re all I can think about and it’s ruining my life and I—eep!” Luz slips inside of her, hoping she’d just save the spiel for later. “I know you don’t care. You just don’t. And I can’t make you.” She sighs, jerking her hips forward. “I’m the problem. But I don’t care.” 

“About what?” 

“I don’t care if you hate me. You make me so crazy and I love it. I can’t leave.” 

“I know,” Luz says, touching her just the way she likes, slow and steady. 

“I have to have it, the way you make me feel...ah,” Luz suddenly stops and pulls her hand out. It’s so difficult to do this with her sometimes. She’s a maniac but she loves her screams and her body. She needs it. “Don’t stop.” 

“Are you going to keep crying?” Luz asks. 

“I have every right to,” she whines. “You...you’re very selfish.” 

Luz gives her a look and Amity says, “Touch me.” 

“I’m not doing anything until you stop.” 

“I’ll stop then,” she whines and jerks her hips again when Luz puts her hand back. Keep her waiting for a little longer, why not? Honestly, she’s feeling a little tired now and she thinks she could probably just fall asleep right here. She shifts, moving off of Amity and lays down beside her, burying her head between her neck and shoulder and she lets her eyes flutter closed. 

“What do you want me to do?” She yawns. 

“Can we just...hurry this up,  _ please?”  _ She says quietly and a single tear rolls down the side of her face, her eyes are squeezed tightly shut. 

So she reaches down between her legs and just strokes her, lousy and sloppy but it gets the job done because, Amity. She comes not even a full minute later and Luz takes some of the sticky white on her fingers and lazily swirls it around on her inner thigh. She doesn’t care. She’s sleepy. 

“This is so... _ stupid _ .” She says in a weak little voice and she shudders. Luz hasn’t looked up but she already knows she’s crying again. She gives her shoulder a tender little kiss, if that helps any she doesn’t know. She just feels kinda bad. 

It’s quiet for a long time and Luz is practically asleep when she breaks the blissful silence. “Let’s stop this,” Amity says softly making a miserable noise, like she has so many times before. Luz just laughs. “I mean it this time. I can’t keep doing this...” 

“You always say this, Amity.” She groans and Amity stays quiet, reaches over to gently brush a hand through her hair despite herself. They stay there for a moment like that, the silence is comfortable but sickening.

“Let’s break up.” 

“We were never together.” 

Amity blinks, taken aback. Like she wasn’t aware of this already. She had to have known, right? “Fine. Let’s part ways.”

“It’s not gonna work. As long as we work together it’s gonna keep happening.” 

“You’re right. Our contract…” 

“It’s not up for another nine months.” 

It goes quiet again for a while and Luz almost falls asleep again. Amity is thinking hard, though, like there’s anything to be done anyways. Really, this was their problem and more specifically, Amity. She’s the one who keeps coming back. She’s the one who’s deeply in love even if it’s hopeless. “We’re not going to break it off until we leave the show. I can’t help myself when we...if we…”

...

“Then let’s not. Let’s stay together.” Luz says gently into her neck. She feels Amity freeze. 

“...What?”

“Just for a little longer. We’ll keep it going until our contracts are up and then…”

“ _ Then  _ we’ll break up.”

“Sure, whatever you want,” she kisses her neck gently and Amity squeaks a little bit. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” Amity says all too quickly like an idiot. Did she even think about it? Is she really  _ that _ stupid?  _ That  _ desperate? Luz was mostly kidding but this is just… “Wait.” She pushes Luz away and sits up, staring at her apprehensively. “We need to set some rules first.”

Luz rolls her eyes and Amity grabs her face sternly. “I’m serious. Why did you ask me that?” 

“I don’t want to stop just yet,” she kisses the finger that’s rested over her lip and Amity is clearly pleased by it. She’s so hopeless. This is hopeless. There really isn’t any good reason this should be happening right now. “Let’s just go with the flow for a few months. It’s been so long already.” 

“What’s a little more torture, right?” She says and she gets a melancholy kind of smile before Luz is kissing her again, very gently and romantically like girlfriends do, at least she thinks. 

“This doesn’t mean I love you,” she says and Amity freezes, her mouth drops open. And just to keep her burning, she says, “But...it doesn’t mean that I  _ don’t  _ …” 

“You love to make me miserable, don’t you?” 

“You love it.” 

Amity giggles, sick and twisted but she doesn’t care. “I love it. I want you to hurt me  _ more _ .” 

She leans forward and bites down on Amity’s bottom lip, hard. She moans in pain, writhing under her. When she pulls away, her lip is a bright red color, the blood has rushed to the surface but the bite wasn’t quite hard enough to draw any. “More.” She says urgently. 

“No, you crazy bitch,” she laughs and Amity shuts her up with another kiss. They slip tongues and Amity also tries to bite her back, but it’s not nearly as hard.

“Don’t call me that.” She pushes Luz away, somehow managing to get out from underneath her and ends up on top of Luz again. She doesn’t care anymore. Amity  _ tries  _ to pin her arms over her head like she does her but it doesn’t work because she’s weak and stupid. “Arms up.” She demands and Luz obeys amusedly, raises an eyebrow. 

She keeps her arms there even as Amity shifts to fully remove her own underwear, she sees her just slightly biting her lip and that means she’s already set to go again. Instead, she takes a deep breath and they stare at each other for a tense moment. 

“Rules,” she starts sternly and she reaches up to hold onto Luz’s shoulder for some reason. “You  _ have  _ to say you love me.” 

“Not gonna happen,” she quickly says back and Amity groans. She can feel a wet spot soaking through her top right where she’s perched on top of her and she gets a rush of something even between her own legs. So resistance is what turns her on. 

“You  _ have _ to let me touch you.” She tries again and Luz only laughs. “You have to let me do  _ something.”  _

“Touch me,” Luz says. Amity blinks, confused. 

“Promise you’ll play fair?” She asks cautiously. “I don’t want to be in a one sided relationship.” 

“Isn’t that what it’s always been?” 

She pauses again. “Can you stop making me feel like shit for  _ one  _ second?” 

“Okay, I’ll tell you what,” she offers her hand and Amity takes it, listening intently, hanging on every word so closely. “I’ll let you do whatever you want,  _ sometimes.”  _

“How much is  _ sometimes?”  _

_ “ _ Once a week.”

“Twice.” 

“Okay, twice,” Luz rolls her eyes. “I’ll say I love you, just to pretend.” 

“You have  _ got  _ to be kidding me.” 

“And,” Luz suddenly pushes her off again and pulls her into another rough kiss. Amity hesitatingly kisses back. They’re both so confused. “No more sex tonight. I’m sleepy.” 

* * *

  
  


**One Month**

*******

This time they’ve taken their drunken escapades to the middle of nowhere, she’s not completely sure where they are and she drove here in a daze. It’s vaguely familiar and she can’t really remember why. It’s an empty open field, all she remembers is driving straight for a seemingly long time and seeing as how over crowded and populated the LA area usually is, she is convinced—and has convinced Amity that, “We’re in Ohio,” 

“What?” She sees Amity’s face scrunch up in confusion and she leans to look out of the window, as if that’d tell her anything about anything. “No, we’re not.” She laughs after a while. 

“Yeah, we are,” she insists still, even if she’s a bit unsure of herself anyways. But Amity is easy to persuade so she guesses they’re in Ohio for tonight. They stumble out of the car and Luz takes her phone out to put on some weird early eighties Japanese city pop song. 

Amity looks thoroughly confused and Luz giggles. “You have to appreciate other cultures, Amity.” She says sweetly. “Dance with me?” She opens her arms and Amity practically flies into her like the lovesick fool she is, Luz knows she is. They’re kissing when Amity pulls away to laugh, the upbeat music and its foreign vocals make her snort.

“This is really romantic,” she says, tries to follow along with the gentle sway that Luz has started. “I want to get married.” 

“Okay,” she shrugs. “When’s the wedding?” 

“Tomorrow?” She asks then rests her head over her shoulder. “Anything you want.” 

“I’ll propose to you—”  _ hiccup _ . “After we go ring shopping.” She pauses when Amity clings onto her tighter. All she wants to do is dance and this isn’t working. She pushes her off and she whines so she gives her kisses to make it better. Then, tracing her hand down Amity’s arm, she interlaces their fingers together, hand back on her hip and she tries for a more ballroom esq waltz but they’re both much too drunk to do anything right. 

And yet it still works somehow. Kind of.

That’s how they ended up here, in the middle of who knows where, slow dancing to city pop from Luz’s phone that she’s hastily set in the dirt on the ground and as they stumble around, they come uncomfortably close to stepping on it or kicking it, way too many times to count. 

Well, they were  _ probably _ slow dancing. Something close to that, at least. She’s using her extensive knowledge from dance rehearsal from the prom episode when she had to dance with Amity. She remembers how hard that was, how exhausted she’d come home after those long days. The tedious struggle was to try and compromise with Amity, to be touching her all day, to be so close. That was when she hated her. She still hates her, she thinks. 

A hand on her hip, she used to squirm and shudder under it, threatening her to move it but Luz liked how much it  _ used to  _ bother her. Now she just seems delighted by it. She wonders what changed her mind.

They spin round and Luz tries to dip-and-twirl Amity multiple times but it never really works out the way she wants it to—but she doesn’t care because Amity’s perfect and she’s funny and she loves this and she doesn’t know what’s going on. She feels like this is some kind of weird fever dream happening. But they’re both totally into it and she guesses that  _ that’s  _ all that matters. 

  
  
  


**Two Months**

*******

  
  


She knows Amity didn’t want any of this to happen either. She can feel her hesitance sometimes, even if she already knows that the answer is yes, to any of Luz’s late night or midday questions. 

So, when she says, “Let’s do it here,” ever so softly as they kiss on the sand, the waves loudly crashing on the shore, Amity says  _ yes _ , just like she knew she would. They’re at the beach in late spring and it’s actually starting to get quite cold as the sun lowers over the horizon for the rest of the evening. She doesn’t know why they’re here exactly, it had been another one of their on-the-whim trips after work, even though they’re both dead exhausted. 

She guesses she just wanted to do something fun before it ends. She can’t keep doing it anyways, as much as she wants to be childish and immature, she’s an adult now and she needs to take control of her life and herself, at some point eventually. And Amity was her biggest distraction. She can’t imagine how distracting she must be to  _ her _ , who’s already so knee-deep in her studies and college applications and adult junk that made her sick just thinking about it. 

But right now, she’s only thinking about  _ one _ thing as Amity kisses her softly, like she’s the one with the resolve. Like she wants something from her. 

There really isn’t anyone here, they  _ could _ do it. 

Really, it’s become something like a game for them—but only Luz is playing to win. How many places could they do it? How many times in a week? How long does it last? She thinks she’s the only one who’s keeping count. “You always want to do this in public…” Amity trails off hesitantly and her gaze finds something over Luz’s shoulder. 

“Pay attention,” she demands, giving her another kiss and her eyes flutter closed. “If you don’t make any noise, no one will know.” 

“This is incredibly indecent of us,” she says, lowering her voice as if she thinks someone’s listening. “I don’t think…” her resolve melts away into the ocean with the waves...Luz already has a hand inside of her pants, and Amity bites back a ticklish little moan. “We really shouldn’t.” She says even as she scoots herself closer to make the task a bit more discreet if possible. 

“But you want to,” Luz insists sweetly, another soft kiss as she wriggles her hand under the various layers of clothing Amity’s decided to wear today. “What did we say about underwear...?” 

“Sorry,” she laughs a little and she’s definitely  _ not  _ sorry but Luz can’t help but laugh too. She knows how ridiculous they are, this whole thing is. 

She gasps, Luz successfully gets her hand under and already Amity’s having such a hard time keeping the noise down.

“Be quiet,” Luz tells her again sternly but it’s futile. 

“You don’t get to tell me that.” She says, stifling herself. “You try keeping quiet when there’s a—!” She tries to say but Luz just cuts her off with another kiss. 

They got a few weird looks that evening. But they didn’t care.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz and Amity’s relationship over three more months. They basically just...bang.

**Three Months**

*******

Amity’s turned on again, much to Luz’s immense amusement. She can tell by how fidgety she is. She doesn’t know it, but she’s watching her. It’s kind of funny how she acts when she thinks no one’s looking. Amity just _looked_ like a naturally unapproachable person, she looks mean like she eats children for breakfast or something. She’s always got her arms crossed, always has a bored expression on her face like she’s got a million other places she'd rather be. Stuck up bitch. 

But Luz is the only one who knows why she’s so restless, so stone faced. That’s _her_ Amity, her stupid, insatiable Amity. She’s seen her in ways that no else _ever_ will and she knows _exactly_ why. 

When they get out of this meeting, the first thing she’ll do is give her exactly what she wants, with exceptions of course. Anything that’d torture her. Now Luz is a bit twitchy herself, just thinking about _that._ She taps her foot impatiently, tugs at the collar of her hoodie because she feels really stuffy all of the sudden. 

Later, they’re in the cafeteria and Amity’s really desperate. Luz is trying to get her coffee but she gets a little distracted. It’s a good thing today was an easy day, there’s close to nobody in the cafe. Amity takes her hoodie drawstring and puts it in her mouth, bites anxiously on the tip. She wonders what’s got her so worked up.

Amity’s staring at her intently, they exchange no words and the tension is incredibly thick but playful. She nibbles a bit harder on her drawstring, it’s covered in teeth marks. Luz reaches to slowly pull it out of her mouth and she grins when Amity whimpers. She gently drags it across her lips and she rips it away when she tries to snatch it back into her mouth. Finally, she takes it away from her completely and puts it in her own mouth, biting down gently on it. It’s slightly wet from her saliva still. _Yuck_. 

Amity’s face turns a bright red and her pretty little mouth slightly drops open. “What’re you thinking about?” Luz quietly asks, teasing. 

Amity blinks.

“I have a meeting to attend, Noceda,” she shoots back, snatches the drawstring from her mouth and it falls down on her chest. Luz leans forward and takes a deep but quick kiss that absolutely stirs the pot even more. They’re both desperate for more but somehow Luz manages to control herself and pull away before she gets too carried away. But it only makes the day harder for them. 

“Okay,” she giggles. “Will you actually pay attention this time?” 

She turns redder but keeps a stern face, the face that Luz knows is only a facade. She could turn that stuck up scowl into anything she likes if she really wanted to. “I’ll see you tonight.” She says and starts to walk away but Luz stops her. 

“You can’t come over.” 

Amity ignores her and keeps going, leaving Luz to her less than innocent thoughts. She’d show _her_. Later. 

It’s eleven o’clock at night when Amity pulls up in front of Luz’s house in her dinky little car. She chuckles to herself as she watches from her window, checks her phone and there’s at least ten missed calls and texts from her that she’d purposefully ignored. She’d come right into her trap. 

Amity knows who’s in control here. 

**Four Months**

*******

She pulls the drawer open and pushes a few things around. The suspense burns in the air heavy like smoke and Luz purposefully drags it on, she can feel Amity watching her anxiously. Then, twirling the ribbon around on her finger, she comes back to her trembling, naked girlfriend on the bed. Her beautiful body, the way it curves and how soft she is. How defenseless she is. It’s alluring. Truth is, she’s feeling a little conflicted about this. She thinks it’s incredibly funny but also intensely hot. Should she laugh or be turned on? Why not both, this _was_ Amity, anyways. She climbs back to straddle her again, the thought of her naked body up against hers, still clothed, it makes her feel in control. 

She was _not_ going to lose control tonight. Not this time. 

Amity eyes the velvet fabric warily with wide eyes, biting her lip. “Are you... _scared?”_ Luz asks, grinning evilly. 

“Of course not,” she blinks, trying to focus herself. Hesitantly, she presses her wrists together and she trembles with nervous excitement as Luz takes her sweet time with tying a decent knot. She goes slow and sensual, pulling the knot around her wrists as tightly as possible. Trying to keep a straight face. 

She doesn’t believe this is happening. Of course Amity would let Luz tie her up like this. She’s just this desperate isn’t she? Always willing to do whatever Luz wanted, and all for what? A touch and a kiss? Why was she still so persistent if there really wasn’t anything left for her in this relationship? Really, Luz is the only one having fun now, torturing her. She stifles a laugh as they makeout gently, she almost looks pathetic like this, more or less entirely exposed and up for the taking. It’s not like she _wasn’t_ always so vulnerable like this in everything she did, in every aspect of the word...

But...seeing her like this. It really does put things into perspective. “I guess you really are helpless now,” she says, pointedly staring at her exposed chest, her hands tied up over her head with that stupid bright red ribbon she’d spent way too much money on. 

The only thing left was her underwear. She thinks it’s best if she leaves them on for now. Even if they're already completely soaked down the front. Let her keep a little bit of her dignity, if she’s even got any to spare. Luz gently strokes her lips and Amity urgently takes her fingers into her mouth, nibbles them softly. “What’s the safe word?” 

“Red light.” She says dutifully. 

“You’re going to tell me _exactly_ how you want this?” 

“Do whatever you want,” she says, her voice is quiet and obedient. “I’m yours.” 

“That wasn’t what we agreed on, Blight,” she sternly reminds her. 

“Ah, forgive me. I forgot.” She arches her back at the gentle finger that trails along her chest, stops to swirl around her nipple. “I tend to lose focus when…” 

“You _need_ to stay focused,” she warns. “Or I can’t give you what you want.” 

“I want whatever _you_ want.” 

“I’ll forgive you just this once. But if you misbehave again, I’ll have to punish you.” 

Amity’s gaze is hot and heavy, so cloudy with lust. She’s never felt so in control before, she’s probably soaked through her own underwear just like Amity seems to do so often. She’s so hopeless. She never wants to stop. “Punish me how?” 

“I’ll hurt you. But it won’t feel good like you think.” 

“Example?” She dares to ask. 

_Wow,_ she’s such an idiot. She really doesn’t know when to quit, does she? Luz laughs and takes a deep kiss, trails her tongue down to her neck. She hears Amity’s soft breaths turn sharp when she bites down between her shoulder and neck as hard as she can. There’s deep teeth marks there now and a deep purple bruise already starts to form on her pale skin. 

“I want you to do that all over my body.” She says, much to Luz’s confusion.

“But...doesn’t it hurt?” 

“Yes, but…” she tilts her head back, moaning loudly at the hand that teases along her thigh. “I love it.” 

“You’re sick,” she tells her. Now she really wants to torment her a little. She loves to see her miserable and—maybe she’s the one who’s sick. She doesn’t care. 

She shifts down between her legs and now she has delicious access to her. She kisses her inner thigh, dangerously close to where she aches to be touched. “ _Please…”_ she begs quietly. 

“What do you want me to do, Blight?” 

“Fuck me…” she says. _Stupid._ She teases her waistband, pulling it away and then letting it slap against her clammy skin. Then she gives Amity the worst wedgie of her life, pulling her soaked underwear up, deep inside of her. 

She thinks she’ll just mess with her tonight. 

She decides to makeout with her inner thigh, swirling her tongue around and ignoring Amity’s desperate cries. She sticks her fingers in the leg hole and slips a single pathetic finger inside of her but Amity eats it up, pushing herself up and down to try and get some of that sweet, _sweet_ friction. 

She just leads her on like that for the entire night and Amity becomes delirious. Even hurt, Luz somehow gets her _entire_ fist inside of her and that’s when she comes, tears of pain rolling down her face and yet she still moans, says, “ _yesyesyesyesyes,”_ as she comes around her whole hand. 

And getting it out is a whole other story. She’s completely stretched out all the way which is hot but...her screams were less than sexy. And yet for some reason she still finds herself wet at the sound of them. 

“ _Luz…”_ she says it playfully, like a magic word, like it’s the answer to all of her problems. “That was _really_ hot.” 

They cuddle close, tangling their legs together and Amity wraps her arms around her tightly, burying her head in her neck. “Let’s do it every night.” She whispers. 

“Whenever you want, princess,” she laughs. 

She does her best to fight back her needy little smile. “I like it when you call me that.” 

“Because it makes you feel in control of something?” She asks and Amity nods. “How did I guess?” She rolls her eyes, despite her helpless grin. 

“That bruise is going to be a nightmare to try and cover up.” 

“Good. I want people to know who you belong to.” 

“I’m yours,” she delicately kisses her neck. “Always.” 

“You’re so beautiful. Your body...” 

“It’s yours.” She says and as Luz gently touches her everywhere, melting under the quiet affection she says, _yours, yours, yours._ And eventually she gets back down between her legs, slips effortlessly inside of her and Amity gasps. “Again?” 

When Luz doesn’t answer, keeps teasing at her clit, she shudders, clutching tightly onto her shoulder. For a moment she lets her keep going, starts rolling her hips against the tormenting strokes that’s sort of only happening because Luz can’t control herself and Amity is just so tempting, so easy to torture and ignore. “Ah...it hurts. Red light,” with a deep, grounding breath she says, “Please...stop.” An extremely contradicting little noise comes out of her. “I couldn’t possibly come again tonight. It’s... really sore.” 

“I’m sorry,” Luz says quietly, slowly slipping her fingers out and she feels Amity twitch in pain as she does. She’s so soft and delicate, it makes her want to touch her more. But she doesn’t want to hurt her, not there at least. 

“No, it’s okay. I like it.” Another lazy kiss on her neck. “The pain feels good. I love how you hurt me.”

She really just wants something to do with her hand. So trailing back up her side, her pale, creamy skin, Amity squeals and gasps under it like she’s ticklish or something. She grabs a handful of her small breast and she actually squeaks, shutting her eyes tightly and jerking her hips forward. She’s so cute and amazing and tiny, just begging to be held and touched and loved by someone who will. 

_I’m so terrible,_ Luz suddenly realizes, taking advantage of her like this. Her _coworker._ What has she _done?_ She stops gently rubbing her thumb over her nipple and Amity’s rolling hips stop with a needy little whine. She pulls Amity closer and they relax a bit. She’s calmed down from the slow wind up and she seems more at ease, comfortable like this, up against her fully clothed _girlfriend._ “Thank you for understanding, baby.” She says just above a whisper, brushes her lips sweetly against her collarbone. 

_Baby?_ It’s endearing but...she doesn’t want to be _her_ baby. This is wrong. _She’s_ in control. “Don’t call me that.” She says sternly but Amity only laughs, her smile tickles her neck. They sit like that comfortably, quietly for a while, their bodies pressed together in an affectionate way, so close and calm and perfect. It makes her really tired. 

“When will you let me tie _you_ up like that?” She asks.

Luz pauses, the thought jolts her a bit. She _never_ wants this to happen again. But Amity is a sweetie pie and she’s really sexy and Luz is so endeared that she says, “One day.” 

“‘Kay,” is all she says and cuddles even closer, happy and tired and content. “I came four times,” she giggles quietly, like it’s a confession, like it was a secret. And, _wow._ She doesn’t know what to say. 

It goes quiet again for a while. “What about you?” Amity asks, whispering. 

“...What _about_ me?”

“Didn’t you come yet?” 

“No…” 

She brings her hand down to her pants, already trying to slip under her waistband. “Let me help you.” She says and Luz initially pushes her hand away. But she tries again, a sweet little kiss on her jaw, “Let me do this.”

She’s already so tired but turned on even more so. Seeing her like that, being close like this, she feels miserable more than anything, the burning ache between her legs. Now she _knows_ what Amity must have felt like. So she unbuttons herself and allows Amity’s hand in, it slips eagerly into her underwear. 

She gives her a gentle stroke and already she’s lost control over everything. But she was being so sweet about it, so how could she not? She lets out a quiet little moan and Amity responds with an affectionate kiss, starts with tight circles over her more than desperate clit. She starts to move her hips against her hand, she needs this to be amazing if she’s going to let Amity get away with more than she intended tonight. “My poor baby,” another soft kiss. “You must be so pent up from taking such good care of me.” 

She can’t believe she let herself get like this, with her. She loves the nickname and she loves the talk-down, how condescending it feels but how sincere she’s being. Amity’s definitely getting a kick out of this too, she also rolls her hips and their limbs turn into a tangled, sweaty mess. Breathing heavy, Amity says, “You always take _such_ good... _good_ care of me.” 

_Ugh._ She feels so stupid but— wow this feels great. This is stupid and wrong and weird. This should _not_ be happening. But she can’t ever imagine stopping, _not_ doing this with her. It’s so bad for them but they’re both just wound up idiots and they _aren’t_ going to stop. She’s so precise and nurturing with her touches that Luz had no idea. She didn’t even know. “I could help you everyday, if you let me. I could make you feel so good. It’s time I return the favor, isn’t it?” She whispers, planting sloppy kisses up her neck. “Doesn’t it feel good?” 

“Mhm. Don’t stop.” She whines and rocks her hips faster, against _her_ Amity’s beautiful, amazing hand. Why did she never do this before? This is crazy, how great it feels. She’d do anything to feel this everyday, to be in her arms like this. “Don’t ever stop.” 

“I won’t,” she whispers, keeps on with that same fast paced way that she does, and she gives Luz exactly what she wants. She doesn’t tease or pull away or make her wait, like she did to her so often. She almost feels undeserving in a way, like an idiot for getting it so easily without having to beg. She just keeps going and going and going. She lets out a girlish, needy little sound that’s so embarrassing and out of character, she feels so humiliated but Amity doesn’t say anything. “You must be so...worked up. It’s not good to keep yourself built up like this all the time, you know. You should let me help…” 

“I love you,” Luz says despite herself, even if she shouldn’t have—even if she meant it. It’s stupid and _she’s_ stupid and she shouldn’t have let this happen to herself. _She’s_ supposed to be on the top, not Amity. She’s not supposed to be like this...falling apart underneath her like this. 

“I love you too,” she says back, earnest and fond. She doesn’t even question it. Probably because she doesn’t believe her. Now Luz just feels guilty and dirty and _terrible._ But Amity keeps going and makes her feel good because she _loves_ her, and Luz takes it all because she’s so terrible but turned on even more than that. 

“You’re so perfect,” she breathes out, just as she comes to Amity’s pretty little hand, black nail polish now sparklingly wet with her stupid arousal. 

Amity keeps going, letting her ride it out, her perfect orgasm. She feels terrible because she’s such a hypocrite, teasing _her_ for not lasting long and now look at her… “Feels better?” 

Luz nods because she doesn’t know what she’ll say if she tries to speak right now. She just pulls Amity closer. She hopes that’s good enough. Face burning with shame and guilt and regret, she presses a warm kiss to her forehead, lets herself be for just a little longer. 

“Amity?” She pulls her chin up and they stare at each other for one tense, teasing moment.

“Yes, my love?” She answers warmly. 

“Shit.” They kiss for a short second, it’s passionate and guilty but intensely romantic. “I love you.” 

Amity pauses, biting her lip, her eyes begging the question. “I love you too.” 

“Doesn’t that... bother you?” 

“Not anymore…” her eyes fall, melancholy washing over her. Damn. That’s…

“Shit. Do you want me to take you home?” She asks after another kiss. 

“No,” she hugs her tighter. “I want to stay right here. Can we go to sleep just like this?” 

“Anything you want.” 

  
  


**Four and a half Months**

*******

  
  


She feels so empty. She’s desperate but usually she can control it, at least she thinks. Luz is right there, just a reach away from her, she could feel her and kiss her and touch her. They were girlfriends by some loose thread, the relationship was still hanging on. It shouldn’t be happening, it’s wrong and stupid and bad but still they continue. She thinks that’s part of the reason they’re so attracted to the idea of it, that’s what makes them keep coming back to each other. It’s dangerous and... they’re bored. 

Well, Luz is bored. Amity is in _love_. Openly now, she doesn’t try to hide it anymore because Luz knows and still she doesn’t care. She just can’t help herself. Oh well. Amity has accepted it and...she’s fine because in her mind, the pain is worth the kisses and the pleasure and thrill of their nights together. The feeling she gets when they touch. Seeing that smile, hearing her voice, knowing it’s hers, kind of. For now. 

  
  


They’re in the car and it’s cold outside, but Amity doesn’t care. Being so close makes her buzz with nerves even still and it’s been almost a year now that she’s been suffering, putting up with this. Cars rush past them on the freeway, everyone’s got somewhere to be, they’re in such a rush and they know exactly where they’re going, exactly why they’re out. The city bustles with lights and billboards of unimportant things, buildings full of unimportant people. It’s getting dark and the sky twinkles a twilight sunset, and Amity thinks, _that’s how I feel._

But she doesn’t know why _she’s_ here or where _they’re_ going. She doesn’t know what she’s doing here except that Luz is here and that’s her only business, that’s the only reason she cares. She only comes along just hoping for a kiss or a touch or anything really. Her girlfriend, she’s with _her_ right now. She doesn’t know why. She’s just here for the ride. She lets her head drop against the headrest, turns to stare adoringly at the girl driving the car. “Girlfriend?” She says, giggling. 

“Blight.” She says back and it kills Amity inside. But the chase is what she loves, she thinks. She doesn’t plan on giving up anytime soon. 

“Love you.” 

Luz turns and gives her this sultry grin that speaks volumes and makes Amity’s heart do something complicated in her chest. Even if it’s not the real words, it’s good enough for her and she thinks, _yeah, that’s fine._

  
  
  


**Five Months**

*******

  
  


Amity’s scooping a little bit of green mush onto her plate when her sister comes up behind her, a concerned hand on her shoulder. “Mittens!” She says the childish nickname fondly, and even if she hates it, it’s still endearing to hear. They haven’t seen each other in months, apart from screens and on Netflix’s latest romcom. Today was the Blight family’s gathering and even if Amity wanted no business with these people who only expected the world from her, she has to be here with them as per her mother’s request. 

And, she wanted to see her siblings, as much as she regretted staying behind and not being who knows where doing who knows what with her _girlfriend._ “Did something happen?” She asks.

Amity whirls around to greet her older sister but then she sees her staring at her _shoulder._ Where there had been the last few remnants of a bruise and a hickey. She thought it was barely noticeable. She knew she shouldn’t have worn anything other than a turtle neck and long sleeve. She’s such a fool. “I’m fine,” she forces a small smile. “I tripped the other day and—,” 

Emira’s eyes widen, now enlightened, for she, ever so smartly has put the two pieces together. “ _What_?” Amity asks incredulously. 

“Nothing,” is all she says and she grins. At the dinner table later, she sees her brother Edric staring at her shoulder and she feels just about ready to die of shame. 

Later the next day, they’re both cuddled together again after another long night. “My whole _family_ knows that we have sex.” She says as she tenderly rubs at a fresh bruise on her neck, it’s purple and it pulses with a sharp, aching pain. Luz looks alarmed for one split second and then she becomes her usual smug self again. 

“Do you… want me to stop?” She grins and it’s sizzling hot, it makes her stomach ache. They’d only just finished and already, Amity’s all worked up again. 

“No,” she gasps, incredulous. “Don’t ever stop.” 

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity gets birthday sex and birthday blues. Good for her. 🧁

**Six Months**

*******

  
Amity moved into her apartment the day before her nineteenth birthday. It took some time but she’s finally here, finally free, she has her own place now and she doesn’t have to worry about her mother getting in the way anymore. Doesn’t have to worry about how loudly she’s screaming. 

It’s a small and rundown complex that’s twenty minutes farther from work than she originally was but oh well, she’d just have to get up earlier. She didn’t have a lot of stuff, just boxes of clothes and useless junk that she couldn’t get rid of from home. Other than that, she has a dresser, a small TV and a mattress without a frame. 

It’s going to take her a while to get everything unpacked and put away but the first thing she made sure to do was get her bed down because well, Luz was coming and… 

She’s lost focus again. Goodness, she never stops thinking about her. It’s her first night in the apartment and she’s trying to cook something to eat by following a simple recipe. But the thing was, she hadn’t actually cooked before and she didn’t exactly want to burn her apartment down on the first day. She feels so stupid, not being able to make something even remotely edible for herself. 

She ends up eating something resembling _food_ that night. She lays down on her mattress, stares up at the ceiling. She’s so happy. Her life is finally happening. She’s finally a real adult, taking care of herself. In her new apartment. She’s got a car and she’s turning nineteen in a couple of hours. 

She’s so successful! She curls up, wrapping herself up in her blanket. Tries to go to sleep but she just can’t stop thinking about Luz. No matter how excited and great she felt about moving forward with her life, Luz was still the main thing on her mind. 

And, tomorrow was her birthday. Her heart flutters at the thought of what’s going to happen _tomorrow._ Well, she _knows._ But waiting is the hard part. Not knowing _how._ She squeezes her legs together, already getting so worked up—she was supposed to be asleep for goodness's sake. Not thinking of her hot girlfriend. The way her hands feel on her body. The way she makes her feel. 

She feels sort of lonely, being here by herself. Knowing her mother isn’t across the hallway in her room or downstairs making tea or something. She wishes Luz was here _right now._ The most important person in her life. She loves her so much, her heart aches at the emptiness she feels without her here.

She thinks about turning on the TV but then she’d stumble across Disney Channel and see Luz, which wouldn’t help at all. So...the better option clearly is to text her. She reaches for her phone that was on the floor charging, texts her girlfriend. **Hey. Are you awake?** She starts off simple because she doesn’t want to seem _too_ desperate. She _is_ an independent woman after all. Her girlfriend was a compliment, not the missing piece. 

**Yep about to go to sleep,** she replies quickly. Amity sighs with relief, she doesn’t know what she’d do if she weren’t awake. Cry, probably. **U miss me ;)**

**I do❤️,** she grins as the dots jump, Luz typing her reply. 

**Let’s meet tomorrow. I’ll give you a happy birthday kiss 🎂**

**I want more than a happy birthday kiss and you know it.**

**Ur just horny all the time arent you**

**You are too.**

**Fair😇but only for u princess**

It’s so stupid and cheesy but still, her chest aches at the nickname, _princess._ She feels so helpless, an empty pit in her stomach at how much she wishes she were here. She wants to feel her close all the time. She could hardly focus on everyday tasks sometimes. She doesn’t think Luz gets even _half_ as worked up as Amity does over her. 

It hurts a little, but she doesn’t care. **Come over tonight?** She replies, even if she knows it’s stupid and hopeless and desperate. 

**You have to be patient. Control yourself blight**

**I’m trying. You make it so hard sometimes**

Luz sends a wall of kissy emojis and **good night.** Just, _good night._ Amity groans, shutting off her phone and hastily drops it on the floor. She makes everything so hard. She makes it hard to think. Tomorrow, she’d give her a piece of her mind about how upset she makes her. 

Eventually, she drifts off into a comfortable sleep and doesn’t wake up until early morning. She checks the time— it’s only nine in the morning. _Dammit._ She just wants to skip to _later._ When Luz… no. She has to stay focused. 

She gets up, does normal basic hygiene stuff. It’s a grueling effort not to reach down and just let herself off the hook while in the shower. She needed to wait. It’d only make later all the more rewarding. 

She goes out to distract herself, walks around some stores and just treats herself because—it’s her birthday and she deserves it. And Luz doesn’t matter. That’s later. But still, she can’t help checking the clock every twenty minutes. 

And, eventually the sun sets and the time rolls around and Amity is beyond excited. Like a nineteen year old who’s hooked on her eighteen year old coworker. Who’s also kind of her girlfriend. Even if they’re both legal and everything’s fine, the year gap still means everything to her. She feels almost offended by it, how she gets over someone who’s one year _younger_ than her. It’s stupid. _She’s_ stupid. 

Luz shows up at around eight thirty and Amity practically flies to the door and whips it open before she could even knock. She gives her a look and Amity’s face reddens, _gosh_ , she’s desperate. It’s all better with a soft kiss and she stumbles out of the way when Luz pushes past her into the apartment. “Nice place,” she says, walking into the kitchen. 

Amity quickly locks the door, leaning against it for a moment just to try and catch her breath. “Thanks,” she calls back, rushing to catch up with her. 

Her heart pounds in her chest, Luz has a bag in her hand. What’s in there? Maybe something to hurt her or fuck her with or— “I brought you something,” she says, an easy grin on her face when she sees Amity staring. She sets it on the island in the middle of the kitchen and she takes out a flimsy to-go container. Amity’s heart sinks a little bit when she opens it to reveal a single chocolate cupcake. 

She sits down at the counter as Luz rummages through the drawers and pulls out a fork. Amity sighs, resting her head on her hand and pouting her lip. “I don’t like sweets,” she says. 

“Yes you do,” she insists sweetly. “Oh—I almost forgot.” She shoves a hand in her pocket and pulls out a single pink candle, she sticks it in the middle of the cupcake, giving Amity a smug look. She grabs the pocket lighter that’s conveniently placed on the counter and lights it for her. “Make a wish.” 

Amity gives her a bored look, the light of the flame dancing on her stupid smug face. Fine. She’d make a wish, entertain her stupid game. She quickly blows it out and Luz claps for her like she’s a baby. Then she takes the fork and takes a big piece out of the cupcake. “Have some,” she tells her, mouth full. 

“I don’t like chocolate.” 

“Yes you do,” she insists still, taking some frosting on her finger, smearing it sensuously onto Amity’s lips. Her eyes briefly flutter closed, the slow, teasing gesture makes her heart race. She’s such a damn tease. Impatient, she takes it into her mouth and sensually sucks the rest off of her finger. It’s only a matter of time before she gets the hint, right? They don’t lose eye contact as she swirls her tongue around and gently bites down. Luz’s mouth slightly drops open and Amity relishes in it. _Checkmate._

She pulls her finger out, and leans over the counter. They kiss deeply for a moment before she pulls away and teasingly asks, “What’d you wish for?” 

“That you’d cut the bullshit and fuck me already.” She whispers, nipping at her bottom lip and it elicits a satisfying moan from Luz. Amity takes a slow, steadying breath and with everything inside of herself, she pulls away from another fervent kiss and stares expectantly at her girlfriend. She saunters around the counter, hands shoved in her pockets with a stubbornly smug look on her face. They stand, bodies pressed flush together and it drives Amity _wild._ But she stands her ground for a little while longer until Luz reaches up to gently hold her face, leaning in to give her a sweet, chaste kiss. 

Amity lets out a desperate little sound, pushing to kiss back against her short, teasing little pecks. She’s going _mad._ They stumble into the living room and ultimately end up against a wall, just how Amity likes it. She doesn’t ever take her mind off of the way they’re up against each other, so warm and firm and much too overdressed. 

They helplessly make out for a while and eventually Luz tries to stick her hand down her pants, _already._ Geez, she doesn’t even try to wait to get to the good stuff. But tonight, Amity _wants_ to. She wants to wait and build up the tension. She _wants_ to be romantic and sweet. That’s why she clutches at her hand, stopping her. “Wait.” She says quietly. “I...want to show you something.” 

Luz gives her an inquisitive look, raising her eyebrows. She looks so befuddled, her mind is cloudy with thoughts that are probably less than innocent. Amity takes another deep breath, anxiously biting her lip. She doesn’t know what she’s going to think of this so she’s a bit nervous. Hesitantly, she pulls her shirt off over her head, tossing it to the floor somewhere she’d find later and be revolted by the memories of it. She glances back at Luz who’s looking at her with a little smile. “Lingerie?” She asks, incredulous. 

Amity nods. “I just thought...I’d try it.” Her face burns with intense shame, she can just _feel_ Luz’s perverted eyes on her. She laughs, burying her head into Amity’s neck. She can feel her smile, the affection in the way she kisses her jaw. 

“You did this for me?” She asks quietly, still laughing. 

“Yes. You’re the only one I’d do it for,” she laughs a little bit herself. “You know that.” 

“I _do_ know that.” 

She briefly loses focus as Luz kisses her neck. But that’s so first base isn’t it? She can’t believe how crazy neck kissing drives her still even after all this time. Pulling herself away and much to Luz’s impatient groan, she tells her, “Wait, there’s more,” and she quickly steps out of her loose lounge pants. They drop to the floor and underneath is a very short, red skirt. So short that it just _barely_ covers her up, but that’s the appeal of it, she thinks. Luz looks her up and down, her jaw drops. She presses their bodies back close together and they kiss feverishly. “Put your hands on me,” she demands, breathless. 

Luz quickly obeyed, moving to hold Amity’s rocking hips. “Don’t you like it?” She asks. 

“I love it. You’re so beautiful,” she kisses her, tries to slip a hand down the back of the skirt. “And perfect.” 

“Only for you,” she gasps at the firm hand squeezing her. “I want you to fuck me.” 

“Is _that_ what you want?” She laughs. 

“Mhm,” she hums sweetly. “I’ve been waiting patiently all day.” 

“You have to keep being patient,” Luz tells her sternly. Then she gives her another deep, steadying kiss before she pushes her back just slightly so that she can kneel down in front of her, just level with her crotch. She already knows what’s going to happen but still, nothing could have prepared for the dizzying sensation of having her clit be licked, even if it was quick and teasing. She lets out a frenzied yelp, throwing her head back. 

“Fuck. That feels so good, babe.” She moans desperately. Luz laughs against her thigh, ducking her head under the skirt to quickly slip her tongue over her again. Amity thinks she could come right now if she let it go on for another second. “Wait. Stop, please.” She whimpers and pushes Luz’s head away. “I can’t stand up. I’ll fall over.” 

“Bed. Now.” Luz says. So they stumble into the room like two idiots, Luz struggles out of her shoes and jacket, pushes Amity down onto her stupid floor mattress and climbs on top of her all in one frenzied swoop. She straddles her and pulls another thing out of her pocket, _The Red Ribbon_ from before. She teasingly dangles it in Amity’s face, brushing it over lips. Desperately, she holds her hands together for Luz to tie her up. It’s not like she did a good job with the knot or anything, she’s much too distracted to even care really. It comes undone long before they’d hoped. 

And then, the next few moments are a blur. This time, her head is _between_ her legs and she gives Amity exactly what she wants, what she needs. She’s never felt something so amazing before, it makes her want to cry, her tongue swirling around mercilessly, hitting all of her spots and places she didn’t even _know_ she had. It burns with pleasure and it almost completely paralyzes her. She lets out desperate, carnal little screams, whiny mewls, weakly rocks her hips around, a hand tightly clutched in Luz’s messy hair. “Ah...I fucking hate you.” She squeaks out and Luz laughs. 

She opens her eyes to look down at the sight before her, Luz between her spread legs, a hand keeping the skirt from falling in her face as she relentlessly goes down on her. _Wow._ She thrashes her hips wildly, sucking in a sharp breath. Something about the view from here made her heart race. It was definitely the skirt. The skirt was hot, they’d both collectively agreed and left it on for _this_ occasion. 

“Hate you too. It’s a good thing we won’t have to do this for much longer,” she says back affectionately, a gentle, long stroke from her tongue and— _what’s that supposed to mean?_ She doesn’t have much time to react because then she inserts two pumping fingers as she licks and _wow_ Amity thinks she might die from this intense arousal. She will _never_ have anything as good as this. Never, ever. She’s _never_ going to stop. She doesn’t care about anything as she pants for air, whines and screams while Luz just completely destroys her self control and everything she stood for in just a single night, a single gesture. Goodness, she’s such a puddle for Luz. 

She has, quite possibly the greatest orgasm of her entire life right then and she doesn’t let it go unnoticed. She makes an embarrassing, carnal little sound and she feels Luz laugh against her but she doesn’t care. She licks her a few more times, once going _deep_ just to get all of Amity’s sweet, guilty come. It’s disgusting to watch but also really, _really_ hot. Amity’s in a whole other state of existence as she takes in long, even breaths to steady herself, her eyes closed. 

Luz rests her head against her thigh, it’s warm and smooth and comforting to Amity as she comes out of her adrenaline high. She looks up at her smugly and Amity weakly smiles back at her. “Is _that_ what you wanted, birthday girl?” She asks, sticking her tongue out and slipping inside of her again. She bucks her hips, whimpering desperately and she clutches her hair again. “Relax,” she says quietly, reaching up to untangle Amity’s hand out of her hair. 

“Please, stop,” she says weakly. “Stop, stop,” 

“Do you _really_ want me to stop?” She slips three fingers inside this time, she pushes them deep inside, and slowly back out in a teasing, burning sensation. It hurts _so_ good. She licks right above the entrance where her fingers easily slip in and out. It’s the best thing she’s ever felt, even if it’s against her will and that’s wrong and it’s painfully stretching her out. She loves it, she’s never stopping. 

“Fuck. _Yesyesyes,_ fuck.” She moans deeply, jerking herself against it without abandon and she pushes herself to come for the second time, it’s a weak and helpless orgasm. She clenches around her fingers before Luz quickly pulls out, leaving her with nothing but an empty feeling, a tingling sensation burning in her clit. “No more!” She says as Luz starts to lick her again. 

“Why not?” 

“I just had two orgasms! My vagina feels like it’s about to fall _off!”_

“Aww, I’m sorry baby.” She purrs, climbs up between her legs and their bodies press comfortably together. They get into a deep makeout and Amity tries her best to kiss back, even if it’s sloppy and weak. This girl is going to be the death of her. She can’t control herself, her being so close like this. They slip tongues and Amity can just _taste_ herself which is revolting but extremely sexy. She’s already set for round three, even if she’s aching and sore and tired, she wants her amazing fingers right back inside. All the time. Fuck. “Best birthday sex?” Luz asks, conceitedly and proud of herself. 

“Best birthday sex,” she confirms. “Let’s go all night long.” She gives her a quick bite on the lip, tenderly licks over the bite marks. Luz immediately walks her hand back down between her legs but Amity stops her. Because she’s tired. And… _It’s a good thing we won’t have to do this for much longer._ “Wait.” 

“What’s wrong?”

“Give me five minutes…” she lets go of a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Now she just feels stupid. “Get off of me.” She says suddenly and Luz looks at her confusedly. But without a word she rolls off, laying beside her on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling. Amity groans and turns her back to Luz, curls up into a pathetic ball. Her heart is still racing from that incredible orgasm but she feels less than happy about the person who gave it to her. And she can’t help but asking...“ _Wait,_ so...are we actually together?” She tries to keep her tone even. It’s not a big deal. 

It takes Luz a while to answer, and when she does, it’s just, “...This again?” 

And that _really_ doesn’t make Amity happy. Big deal. Everything changed so fast. She wants to be in her arms right now, not wishing she’d leave. “Do you _actually_ want to be with me?” she asks and Luz doesn’t answer. “...Do you _actually_ love me?” 

Still, she doesn’t say a word. “Answer me!” Amity yells. 

“When did I say that, Blight?” She groans. 

“You’ve said it...so many times. I actually thought…” 

“Just don’t believe anything I say, ever. Okay? Then you wouldn’t be let down so much.” 

Wow. Amity suddenly feels _very_ uncomfortable. And she’s _naked!_ Why does she even bother with her? Why did she ever let it get this far? Why did she think she would change? She blinks, taken aback with shock. “Get out of here.” 

She hears Luz groan, but she doesn’t get up. It goes quiet for a moment and Amity simmers in her regret, hugs herself tighter because she couldn’t with Luz. This is her fault, for going on with this and letting it happen. If she’d broken it off a long time ago, this wouldn’t be happening and she could have saved herself the headache. She can’t control herself, not when Luz makes her feel so good, so helpless. 

How is it that a single person could make her feel like the happiest girl in the world, to wanting to die in the span of a few minutes? Only Luz. And it was just going to keep happening. And even if it’s stupid and pathetic, she quietly starts to cry again because she always cries and she’s an idiot. 

Luz puts a gentle hand on Amity’s shoulder and she twitches under it, shrugging it off. Then Luz shifts closer, cuddling up behind her. She wraps an arm around her waist, nuzzling her hair softly. “I’m sorry. Is it because of what I said?” She whispers. 

She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know what she’s so worked up about. And sure it’s _what she said_ but she’s said so many things. And she’s not supposed to believe any of it? What is she _doing?_ Amity almost wants to laugh at how foolish she realizes she’s been, so blinded by whatever it is she loves so much about Luz. She doesn’t even know. “I do love you. You _know_ that.” Luz says when Amity doesn’t answer. 

“No. I _don’t_ know that. You _told_ me not to believe anything you said!” 

“I was just mad. I’m sorry.” 

“Luz. I don’t want to do this anymore. If you don’t love me, I’m only wasting my time.” She says, a shaky sigh. Like she’d be doing anything else if it weren’t for Luz. Like she could ever find anyone else that made her feel the way Luz does. Like she’d even bother. 

“I love you.” Luz assures her, and even if she knows it’s not true, it’s still good enough for her because she doesn’t want anything _but_ Luz. They always have these little disagreements and they always resolve it, temporarily at least. Even if they’re just sweeping it under the rug, at least Amity can move on from it and let Luz take control again. Like she always does. “I’m sorry.” She says again, softly kisses the back of her neck and Amity shivers. 

“No. I’m sorry. This is my fault. This whole thing is my fault,” she laughs a little despite everything, melts under the arm that pulls her closer, her body pressed against Luz’s chest in a delightful spoon. She feels like she could just fall asleep now. Everything’s okay.

She feels terrible. 

But still, she doesn’t argue with her tongue or her hand or that grin because it makes her feel good, for a while. 

They fall asleep to the Disney Channel, the blue light sets the dark room in a soft glow. They’re wrapped under the blanket, Luz’s shoulders are bare.

“ _I’m Luz Noceda, and you’re watching Disney Channel!”_ says her professional A-grade Disney Channel actor voice from the TV, the happy guitar riff in the background. And then it fades into a laugh track, their latest sitcom takes up most of the four AM slots. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity gets fucked over once again but she loves it, even if it makes her miserable.

**Seven Months**

*******

She feels like she’s on an elevator. It goes up and up and up, there’s relaxing music that plays constantly and it helps to soothe her nerves a bit. Luz is on the elevator with her too, standing in the corner with her arms crossed and she stares boredly at Amity. It goes up and up, so high and it feels so good. When she finally starts to reach the very top floor, it falls, all the way back down. Down and down, it crashes and slams back to the very bottom. But Amity stays on and rides it out, the long and treacherous journey back to the top. All she wants is to see what’s on the final floor. Maybe something well worth the wait and well worth the pain. 

She’d follow her to the ends of the earth. All for that feeling she gets when she looks at her. She doesn’t know what that look means, she’s been trying to figure it out for a long time now. She wishes it was love but she knows it isn’t. 

She does things that any person in their right mind wouldn’t even _think_ of doing. But she guesses _that’s_ her problem, that she _isn’t_ in her right mind, ever. Whenever she’s with Luz, she doesn’t know what she’s thinking. 

Like how they do things in public more often than not, things that are rather kept in a bedroom. She hates herself for allowing it but she knows Luz likes it. And if Luz wanted to do it then Amity did too. Even if she feels humiliated and worthless after. 

It’s like her brain turns on autopilot, _yes to anything Luz says,_ because she knows that if she were making coherent and rational decisions then maybe Luz wouldn’t like her anymore...and that’s the scariest thought of all for Amity.

It’s like a hazy dream with her, it’s like she loses her sense of self when she’s with her. She loses her value and pride. She isn’t a person, she’s just _her_ person. And even if that’s weird, Amity likes it. She _loves_ it, the way Luz uses her so shamelessly. She likes being used and toyed with and violated, sick and twisted as she feels. She doesn’t know why. She thinks Luz made her like this. 

She loves the pain and the pleasure, it’s such an addicting mixture of sensation, one she wishes she didn’t crave and one she wishes she didn’t need. She likes the way she becomes a thing rather than a person because...she could be anything Luz wants her to be. For what, she doesn’t know. All for love. All for those moments that come so infrequent, those times when she tells her, _I love you._ It feels good, even if she knows it’s not true. 

She wonders what it feels like to be appreciated, to feel loved and to be an equal in a relationship. She doesn’t know. She’s never had anything to compare this to and maybe, she thinks, that’s why it’s so hard to let go. 

Firsts are always the worst.

She’s been trying to let go. She just needs a little more. More time and more love. She doesn’t think she’ll ever love again after this, not after Luz has taken so much. Luz has drained her of anything and everything she ever thought she had. The capacity to feel love or give love, she doesn’t think she can do it anymore. 

She finds it harder to be with her more and more these days. She feels like an accessory or a carry on, only acknowledged when Luz got bored. Even if she loves being pushed around, pulled apart, wrung dry. She can’t picture herself with anyone else like this.

That’s why she likes it when they go on dates. She gets so much attention and it feels really good. She gets to dress nice and feel good about herself. She feels comfortable with Luz. She feels like her girlfriend and not just her thing. She gets to tease and joke and be assertive. She gets to roll her eyes and flirt because there are so many things she loves about Luz. She loves her touch and she loves the feeling she gets around her. 

If a person could make you feel like this then it had to be love, right? It didn’t matter if they made you cry every night and made you question your sanity, consider your well-being.

Every night she struggles with the thought that eventually Luz will get bored and leave. She wouldn’t wake up wrapped in her arms or to her soft good morning kiss. She wouldn’t be dragged into bars or end up driving across town for no reason anymore. No more impromptu make outs or road trips.Then she’d have to deal with the idea of her with someone else like this. Her touching someone else like this. Her looking at someone else like this. It kind of makes it hard to enjoy her time now when they’re together. 

It kind of makes her sick.

She doesn’t know if Luz is genuine or not. She doesn’t know what to feel when she _does_ say it. She doesn’t know how to take that look, the one that _practically_ says it. She doesn’t know if she means what she says. And Luz says a lot of things, things that make her want to cry or things that make her want to get married tomorrow. 

And she can’t stick up for herself anymore. It’s easier if she just doesn’t anyways. She doesn’t want to argue with her, those soft kisses in the break room or that sparkling glance. She can’t ever control herself. Not when she’s never felt like _this_ before. If her happiness is the cost of this feeling then...

She takes what she can get. 

And she gets a lot. Every other day she feels like she _never_ wants to have sex again. But there’s just something that changes her mind every time. Luz knows how to make everything alright. Maybe it’s because she’s addicted to the way she feels, the way they touch and the way they kiss and the way she sounds. 

Or maybe it’s because she knows that’s the only thing keeping this relationship going. It shouldn’t be happening. But it is and, she thinks it’s because of the sex. But when she thinks about it, can you even call it that? It’s more like Luz taking advantage of her body. But she likes it. And she thinks Luz just likes the feeling of being in control. If that’s what she wants then Amity will give it to her, she’d gladly give up her body to make her happy... and to get that feeling. 

And every other day she questions herself. A real relationship, what’s it got to be like? Over time she thinks she’s lost sight of what she _thought_ love was. Because this was _her_ love. It was different for everyone, right? It doesn’t matter what she _used_ to think because this is different. Completely different from what she thought or expected. She doesn’t think she wants real love if that isn’t what Luz is.

She wants to marry Luz one day, in a perfect world. She wishes Luz were romantic and sweet like in the movies. She guesses that the hope of her being sweet is what keeps her coming back too. Maybe Luz just doesn’t want to have sex tonight, maybe she just wants to watch a movie, she thinks and immediately laughs it off. She knows Luz and she only wants her for one thing. And, as many times as she’s come to this conclusion, it’s fine. That’s fine if she got to cuddle her after and just pretend. 

It’s the little moments that keep her from ending it all, that keep her on Luz like a lovesick moron. It’s partly the sex but really it’s the lazy, affectionate kisses after they’re done, the ones that feel _real and romantic._ The way she sometimes reaches for her hand when they’re out, it makes her want to cry. When she introduces her as her girlfriend. When they have real and genuine conversations that aren’t about sex. When they can see eye to eye on something, when they aren’t arguing. 

Sometimes, she gets to act out how she’s feeling. She sometimes tries talking back or pouting her lip because she gets tired of keeping quiet and just following along like she’s a pet or something. She sometimes forgets that she’s a person too.

Everything in her life is about Luz now. Wear this short skirt for Luz, say this for Luz, do that for Luz, get up for Luz, keep going for Luz. She feels exhausted. One morning she wakes up on one of the few times that Luz isn’t here. She stumbles into her bathroom, head still pounding from a slight hangover. And that’s when she catches a glance of herself in the mirror. She blinks, taken aback with shock. She looks so beat down and weak. Bruises _everywhere_ . Dark eye bags, empty stare. She’s really just... _tired_. She barely gets any sleep anymore with their long nights and then early mornings to get to work. 

Somehow she’s impressed. How a single person could take away all of her livelihood, her energy. She loves Luz even more for it. She wonders how much worse she can get. 

Amity’s laying in bed one evening while she waits for Luz to show up. She’s really tired and actually feels like she might be coming down with something. She’s curled in a pathetic little ball and she stares blankly at the plain white wall, just thinking about what she’s going to tell her. She doesn’t want sex tonight. 

She’s dozing off when she hears Luz enter the apartment. Her heart leaps with anticipatory excitement. She’s so happy. She loves her so much, even through the pain and tears. “Ami,” she calls affectionately from the kitchen and Amity almost wants to forget about being tired to just run in there and kiss her senseless. But she stands her ground. 

After a moment, Luz wanders into the bedroom, slips out of her shoes and she crawls into bed with Amity, cuddling up behind her and tangling their legs together. Amity just wants to stay like this for a while, no sex or even talking. Just being here, so close in a loving and intimate way. She sighs in blissful relief. _These_ are the moments that keep her coming back. This is what makes it so hard for her to leave.

It’s blissfully quiet for a moment and Luz pulls her into a hug, gives her an affectionate little squeeze, gives the back of her neck a kiss. “I love you,” says Amity quietly, her heart aching at the simple domesticity of the touch, the gentle way she can feel her nuzzling the back of her neck. “I love you _so_ much.” She says again in a little voice because— wow, she’s at such a loss for words.

“ _Hermosa..._ love you too.” She whispers. Amity almost wants to scream, how happy she feels. She doesn’t believe it, how much progress she’s made. She didn’t have to tell her to say it back. Even if she knows that Luz just says it to get what she wants. To Amity it’s good enough. She feels happy like this. 

She relaxes a bit, feeling comfortable and loved, the quiet peace she feels being in her arms, she feels like she could say anything. She feels like they’re close. She feels like they’re equals. Telling her might come easier. Maybe she’d be fine with cuddles and a movie at least just for tonight. 

Her soothing strokes on her chest suddenly stop and she brings her hand down, gently begins to draw little circles on the back of Amity’s thigh and it feels so, _so_ good. It’s sweet and teasing and—immediately, there’s a wet spot on her underwear and Luz knows it. She knows _exactly_ how to get her worked up. She hates that. A feverish moan escapes her and she jerks her hips back against her. “Luz...stop,” she groans, thoroughly annoyed by how easy she is. How easy it is to make her break. Luz made her like this. 

Hesitantly, Luz stops but keeps her hand there as it traces up her hips so it just barely tickles her skin. “What’s wrong babe?” She asks sweetly and Amity shivers, she knows that works on her. It’s almost weird just how well she knows how to push all her buttons. Ugh. She isn’t going to win. There’s no reason to put up much of a fight anymore. She can’t. “Feeling nervous?” 

“No...” She bites her lip, every inch of her body in flames of protest. She wants her to trace her skin everywhere. Kiss her neck. Be her toy. “Let’s just wait awhile.” 

“Why my love?” She asks softly, her lips brushing her neck. Goodness, this is going to take everything in her. 

“I’m sleepy. Can we take a nap?” She offers up weakly, pretends to yawn and she reaches her arm back to playfully pat her face. She’s so distracted. She feels her cheek, her soft lips that kiss her hand. She’s really trying it out tonight. It’s almost funny. “I want to go to sleep.” 

“And... _I_ want to touch you,” she says quietly, the smoke in her voice makes the wet spot bigger despite her hesitance. “Or...do you want me to use my _mouth_?” She asks and then slowly drags her tongue up her neck. Amity moans and starts to roll her hips when Luz walks her fingers under her dress. She’s already lost. Nevermind about telling her. Maybe next time. 

“ _Yes,”_ she says, breathless, she’s gone careless just like she always does when she’s so helplessly turned on. Nothing matters anymore. 

“You just can’t control yourself can you?” Luz laughs quietly in her ear, slips her hand between her legs. Amity lifts her leg slightly to let her hand through and it easily gets into her underwear. She slips two fingers inside just like always, it’s a familiar but pleasurable feeling that she’s grown tired of but just can’t seem to pull away from. 

“Luz. I don’t want to do this.” She says sternly after a whiny little moan, rolling her hips in time with each frenzied flourish in and out of her aching clit. 

“Then why haven’t you stopped me?” 

“You’re too amazing. You make me feel so good,” she gasps, moaning urgently. “I can’t…” 

“You love it when I don’t stop.” 

“You’re right. I love it.” She laughs after all and she lets her keep going even if it hurts and she’s tired. She’s about to come when Luz just suddenly stops. She always does that. Amity groans. “Why did you stop?” 

“I want you to beg for it,” she challenges. “Since you were so against it just a few seconds ago. What changed your mind?” 

“I don’t want it.” She says, even as her clit screams for more. “I just wish you would listen to me.” 

“I’m listening,” she says and then slowly slips back inside of her wet, slick mess. Amity sucks in a deep breath, letting out a desperate cry. “I think you want me to keep going.” 

“I _don’t._ I want to stop.” 

“If you _really_ want to stop, then do something.” She laughs knowingly as Amity grinds on her hand still, kisses her neck softly. “If you _really_ don’t want this, then stop me.” 

“I can’t. You’re making it so hard. Why do you always do this to me?” She whimpers, hissing as her fingers hit her in all the right spots, the aching spots and the sore spots. “Why do you always make me choose?” 

“It’s all up to you, Blight.” She says, easy breezy, another little kiss up her neck. Amity hates those kisses. Each one makes her feel worse, like this really _isn’t_ her choice. She doesn’t really have control here like Luz says she does. It’s not a fight anymore. “You love this.” 

“You love torturing me.” 

“You’re right,” she says and wow, it sounds weird hearing it from Luz this time. She’s so used to being the one to say it. It feels good to be right about something, even if she already knows what Luz is after. “I love seeing you so helpless all the time.” 

She really is helpless. Amity could have easily pulled herself away and told Luz to leave but... she doesn’t want to. She can’t. She likes it. She loves how bad this is. This is so bad and wrong and terrible for her but that’s why she likes it, she loves how Luz doesn’t listen, the frustrating arousal that comes with it. She finally has a cheap orgasm over her two fingers and that stupid thought. It’s not like it was the best one she’s had neither the worst but it’s just... _stupid_ and she hates that Luz got another cheap laugh out of her. What’s it all for? 

Luz pulls her hand out of her dress and wipes her fingers off on her own shirt. “Looks like you enjoyed that. I don’t think you wanted me to stop.” She says quietly and Amity can just feel her stupid grin. “You just don’t know _what_ you want.” 

Amity stares blankly at the wall, there’s anger and affection bubbling up inside her. She wants to knock her teeth out but also turn over and make out with her for the rest of the night. “You okay?” She asks, another one of those condescending kisses on her neck. 

Amity sniffs, a few tears roll down onto the bed as she starts to cry again. Luz wraps her arms around her again and pulls her close, soft lips brushing her shoulder. “Aww. What’s wrong?” 

“You never listen to me.” She whispers. “I just wish you’d listen to me.” 

Luz pauses but stays quiet. ”But you kept going. And I told you to stop.” 

“You wanted me to keep going.” 

Well. Did she? Maybe she did. She doesn’t know! Her body wanted it but Amity didn’t. “But I told you to stop.” 

“Why does this bother you now? You always tell me to stop.” 

She’s right. She always does that. But she never actually means it, does she? Amity doesn’t know what she means or what she meant or what she wants. This is all her fault. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, trembling.

“It’s okay. I want you to stop me next time, okay?” She hugs her and despite how terrible she feels it’s still comforting. Maybe she does love her. 

After a while, she asks weakly, “Do you want to watch a movie?” 

* * *

Amity needed to get away. It was the holiday weekend and she was off of work until Tuesday. So she invited herself to her sibling’s place, a condo they shared in the next state over. You could make it there in a day’s drive with minimal stops but goodness knew that Amity is too unstable to drive anything farther than the local grocery store. So on Friday they came down to get her and they all drove back up together. 

They made her feel normal, being with people she knew and loved. The fact that they loved and cared about her in return took her breath away, she almost wanted to cry over how great it feels to know that you’re wanted. They didn’t want anything from her. They didn’t take anything from her. They only wanted her. And she loves them.

And she tried not to think about Luz. But she couldn’t help but think about how much she loves her. Even if the relationship is incredibly bad and unfulfilling and all of these horrible things, she misses her and craves her touch. She wants her so badly. 

By the end of the first night, Amity regretted leaving. She wishes she was in her bed naked with her, crying or feeling content she didn’t care. She hadn’t been kissed or touched all day and her body was feeling it. Or, not feeling it. She feels stuffy and wound up in the big empty guest room bed.

She tosses and turns, hugs a pillow to her chest and pretends...pretends she’s with her. This is exactly the reason she took this trip. She needs this time to think. About how she feels and what she wants without having any distractions in the way. All of her decisions must be made from an unbiased perspective and not made in the heat of the moment. 

Amity would do some crazy things in the heat of the moment. She doesn’t trust herself sometimes. In the heat of the moment, she would marry Luz if she asked, even if that’s really bad and not at all what she needs right now, she’d do it because Luz makes her like that. She makes her so helpless. She doesn’t want anything but her. 

She thinks she’s going to end it. She needs to end it.

Laying here by herself, hugging this pillow like an idiot who’s so desperately in love with someone who just doesn’t feel the same. Someone who uses her body and hurts her and tortures her and makes her cry. It’s a little funny thinking about it all in hindsight. She sheds a tear, laughs quietly to herself. She loves her so much. She doesn’t care if it’s bad. 

She wants to be with her. All the time. She doesn’t care. No matter how many times she’s pushed her away, she comes back and every time she gets hurt once again. Luz is clear in what she wants so why can’t Amity be? If she loves her then she shouldn’t give up, right? If she wants something...then she should take it. 

She wants Luz more than anything. More than her career and more than getting accepted into the prestigious colleges she applied to. More than her life. More than anything. Even if it hurt, she still wanted it. Because she couldn’t deny the way she makes her feel. It feels so good and she wants it. More than anything. She could make it work. _They_ could make it work. 

They could try. 

Maybe she was getting her hopes up a little bit too high. It’s never what she expects with Luz. But she wants her right now and she isn’t giving up. She thinks about packing up and calling a ride to take her back to town. Then she’d bang on her door and confess her love and that even if the road is rough she still wants to try. 

But she thinks this time away is good for her and for them. Maybe Luz would realize something about herself during this time too. She hopes. Amity groans, rolling onto her back and she stares up at the ceiling. This is the longest they’ve been apart in a while.

She wonders if Luz misses her. She hasn’t gotten one text. 

This relationship is dead weight on her back. She knows it and still she couldn’t care less. Flipping over, she grabs her phone and rushes to text her. 

* * *

Amity’s pulling her bra strap back up her shoulder when her older brother knocks on the bathroom door. “You okay in there, Mittens?” He asks, sounding slightly uneasy and awkward. He probably knows exactly what’s going on, doesn’t he? “It’s been an hour.” 

She silently curses to herself, quickly pulling her clothes back on and making herself face him. She hurriedly unlocks the door and she meets his confused glare. “I’m fine. Why can’t you just let me finish my makeup in peace?” 

He glanced behind her at the counter. She has her makeup bag and its foreign contents splayed out messily around the sink and her phone is to the far right, away from the chaos. He raised an eyebrow but remained oblivious, at least she hoped. “My bad. Well, Em says to hurry up or we’re gonna miss the tour.” 

“Got it. Will do.” She says and slams the door in his face, leaning back against it. She can’t believe she’s doing this. 

  
  


* * *

***

  
Luz wakes up early that morning to get ready before work. The first thing she doesn’t do is check her phone so when she’s walking out the door and her phone comes on, her lock screen has a single message from **Amity🐇** that says **one attachment** , she gets a little bit more than a good night text. 

She doesn’t want to think about her right now. She has a long day and she really doesn’t need any distractions because despite her love for torturing Amity, she does take her job seriously. She’d look at it in the break room during downtime. 

She never did. She stumbles into her room at eleven thirty at night and it’s only when she gets another text from her that she remembers to check. When she opens the text, what greets her is a picture of Amity’s naked body in all of its glory. It’s a mirror selfie. She has her tongue sticking out and she has an arm across her chest to cover her nipples. 

Luz is confused for a split second and then, oh. She’s suddenly incredibly into it. Something at the back of her head says, this is weird and bad and wrong but she’s had a long day and…

**Hi❤️** another text pops up from her. 

**I’m a little conflicted about the pics👀**

**Don’t worry about it. I miss you❤️I wanted to give you something so you won’t miss me as much**

Dammit. She’s such a fool. She wishes Amity would just leave her alone. **You look good 😌 I can’t wait for you to get back**

She takes a long time to reply. **Baby😍me too. Why didn’t you text me?**

Luz pauses. **I lost my charger and didn’t find til after work**

**Okay.**

**Have a fun day?**

**No. It’s miserable without you**

**How so?**

**I want you…**

**Like how? 😳**

She doesn’t reply for a while but eventually a video pops up. She’s hesitant to play it at first because she knows exactly what this is. Amity fills the screen, she’s laying in a bed in a dark room, she pulls her skimpy camisole down her shoulder and her chest is suddenly bare. She slowly traces around her nipple, pinching it. She moans quietly and you can just barely make her face out at the top of the frame and she bites her lip before the video abruptly ends. **What else are you doing with that hand,** Luz types to the best of her ability with one hand. 

**Thinking about naughty things😽you touching me**

**I’ll touch you all day when you get back**

**Good. I was hoping we’d do more than touching though.**

**You want me to bruise your pretty pink lips 😜**

**I want you to hurt me**

**I can do that.**

* * *

***

On Monday evening around seven, Luz pulls up in front of the house. Amity’s heart leaps, she goes over her speech in her head, the one about loving her so much that she feels weak. About how she’s willing to try. 

She rushes outside, knocks gently on the window and she sees Luz fumble with the lock. She opens the door and climbs in and— wow she missed her so much. What does she say? _You’re so beautiful, I love you so much, let’s have sex right now and also I want to get married—_? “Hi,” she says for lack of a better word. It comes out sounding breathless and desperate and it definitely gets the point across that, wow, she really, really wants her. Nailed it. 

Luz gives her a look, that grin that makes her feel like melting. “Hey,” she says right back and Amity clutches at her thigh to soothe the ache just a little bit. She just needed to wait. Be patient. 

Just then, Ed and Em come out of the house lugging Amity’s two gigantic suitcases. She almost feels bad but she’s too distracted. The suspense is killing her. What’s Luz got to say? She hopes it’s romantic and sweet and everything she’s ever hoped for. She knows she’s giving her too much credit but she can’t help herself. Everything she’s thought about had led up to this moment. She would just have to be patient. She wants her so bad. “Mittens!” Emira calls, a strain in her voice as she pulls the suitcase down the driveway. “Where do you want this?” 

Amity looks at Luz and she becomes speechless again. She’s prettier than she remembers. She looks exceptionally soft and huggable today in her gray sweatshirt. She must have just gotten out of work. Luz raises her eyebrows teasingly and it makes her want to crawl in her lap right now and just kiss her for hours. 

Oh, right, suitcases. She shakes her head feverishly to regain her composure, her eyes begging the question. Luz leans over her to yell out the window, and her soft body presses slightly against hers and— is she _trying_ to give her a heart attack? “You can just put it in the back!” 

“Okay,” Em calls back sounding a bit unsure. They eventually make it to the back and Ed helps her load the first suitcase into the trunk. Amity feels really terrible now. She should probably go out there and help. But she won’t. She glances back at Luz again, bites her lip anxiously. They just stare at each other like idiots until a knock on the window interrupts them. 

Amity whips her head around to meet her sister’s confused glare. “Hello…” she waves at Luz and she waves back, completely unamused. “So. Who’s this, Mittens?” 

“Uh. This? This is, uh,” She trails off, stammering for the right words. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before she finally comes up with an answer. The correct answer. “This is my coworker.” 

“Coworker? _Hm.”_ Em pulls her phone out of her pocket, glancing suspiciously at Luz again. “What have you worked on?” 

“Uh, the Disney Channel,” she shrugs, an embarrassed but smug smile on her face. “They kind of just recycle me.”

“ _Disney Channel_. That’s all?” She raises an eyebrow, completely unimpressed.

“Yep,” Luz yawns and she stretches her arms over her head, making a show of it. Drops her hands back on the wheel. “I’m up and coming, you know?” She winks at Em. Amity feels something terrible boil up inside of her. Is she _hitting_ on my _sister?_ Her jaw drops and she gives Luz a dirty glare. 

“Name?” Emira asks, still unfazed. 

“Luz Noceda, ma’am,” she answers dutifully, almost mockingly. 

Em types something quickly into her phone. Glances back up at her. She leans her head in the window. “License?”

“Up to date.” 

“Tags?” 

“Current.” 

Em types something else into her phone. Then she stands up, discreetly handing it to Edric who’s standing beside her having loaded the trunk. “License plate,” she tells him and he takes the phone, walking around to the back of the car again. Luz’s eyes widen incredulously. 

“Damn. What, do you think I’m gonna kill her or something?” 

“I’m just looking out for my little sister.” She says sternly. Amity groans, dropping her head in her hands. She’s so embarrassed. Ed comes back and she examines the photo closely before exchanging a look with Luz. “Text us when you get home alright, Mittens?” 

“Yes!” She forces a big fake smile. “Okay! Thank you! I love you guys! Bye!” She reaches to roll up the window and she waves at them. “Go, go!” She tells Luz and she quickly steps on it. They leave Ed and Em standing on the curb, they get smaller and smaller as they get as far away as possible. Amity sighs, dropping her head back against the headrest. Who do they think they are? Do they not trust her? 

“Damn. Are all Blights just attractive maniacs?” Luz asks. “I thought I was gonna have to show her my boobs!” 

“Okay, that’s...horrifying. Stop being weird about my sister.” 

“Hey,” she raises a hand in defense. “She’s hot. Just saying. I don’t make the rules.” Amity’s mouth falls open again but she stays quiet. “Don’t be jealous, Blight,” she teases. 

The ride back is long and torturous. She doesn’t know what to say or if she should just stay quiet. She only wants one thing. She can’t focus on anything else. It’s been such a long three days without anything and she’s starting to go crazy. She watches her hands, steady on the wheel. She wants her to hold her like that. She wants those hands on her, inside of her. She wants _her_ and nothing else for the next week or two. 

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It’s true. 

They tumble into Amity’s apartment around one in the morning after having visited the local bar. They didn’t drink _that_ much. 

They left her suitcases in the car because well, that could wait. The ache in her chest couldn’t. As soon as they get in, Luz pulls her close and they just stare at each other for a long moment. They’re so close and this is her girlfriend and she’s missed her so much and—Luz leans in and kisses her...cheek. 

Then she pulls away to kiss her other cheek. “What are you doing?” Amity asks, just barely above a confused whisper. 

“Building the tension,” she says smugly, brushes their lips together but kisses her chin. 

“I would _kill_ you if I weren’t so beside myself.” She groans and kisses Luz herself. They kiss deep and passionately, it’s so great. It feels like the very first time they kissed, electrifying and heavy with unresolved tension and feelings. They stumble into the room, against her bed that now has a frame and headboard. Yay. Go Amity. 

“Let’s do it right now,” she says urgently. “I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Be patient,” she tells her, not for the first time today. Amity whines, tilting her head back as Luz kisses down her neck. She’s so crazy for her. 

“I saved myself.” She says quietly. 

“Good girl,” she says and wow is it gratifying. She never knew until this moment that she needed to hear that. It winds her up past the breaking point. She bites her lip feeling very degraded all of the sudden as Luz pets her head like she’s a dog or something. 

“What about you? Did you save yourself for me?” She asks anxiously, fighting back a little grin when Luz pauses. 

“Not with those videos you were sending me…” she says quietly, almost sounding embarrassed. 

“Did you touch yourself to my videos, Noceda?” She asks, starstruck, her heart aching from the excitement of that thought. It’s almost endearing, thinking about it. She missed her enough to actually do that. 

“Hell yeah. It was really sexy, okay?” 

Amity giggles, feeling the little kisses coming back up her neck. She holds the back of her head for dear life as she simmers in her own sweet, shameful arousal. “Did you miss me?” 

“More than anything.” 

“Wow,” she gasps at the unexpected nip at her collarbone. “What did you do while I was gone?” 

“Nothing. I don’t have anything to do outside of you.” 

Amity lets out an elated giggle. “I’m your only hobby?” 

“Mhm,” she hums playfully and she gives Amity a deep kiss. She moans blissfully into it, so helplessly in love with this person who doesn’t love her back. She thinks maybe they’re in love right now. She can tell by the way she’s holding her and kissing her. 

Still , she doesn’t care. She’s never wanted something more in her entire life than this. She needs it right now. She takes Luz’s face into her hands, gives her a quick peck. “Well I’m here now. Don’t hold back, okay?” 

Luz leans in again and bites her lip so hard that Amity thinks it might bleed. It’s warm and pulses with pain. “I won’t.” She assures her and it makes Amity shiver. “Take off your clothes.” 

Amity peels herself away from another deep kiss and sits down on the bed, trying to get everything off in one frenzied motion when she gets an idea. As she slips out of her underwear, she bites her lip before saying with faux assertiveness, “You take your clothes off too.”

Luz pauses. “Please?” she asks a little less confidently. After a moment, she groans and begrudgingly pulls her shirt off. Amity freezes up with shock. Well that was surprisingly easy. Her heart races at the sight of Luz in just her plain white bra. She almost wants to laugh, she really doesn’t even need to wear a bra anyways. She steps out of her pants, giving Amity a bored look. “Underwear too.” She says with her newfound authority. 

Much to her annoyance, she doesn’t listen. Amity scoots back on the bed, laying back but propped up on her arms and she looks at Luz expectantly. “Come here.” She motions with her finger.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do.” Luz says, crawling over her. She holds herself over her with her arms on either side of Amity’s hips and they stare at each other with a strange charge of tension before Amity gives her a sweet kiss and she feels Luz’s resolve melt. As they kiss, she gently traces her shoulder and discreetly dances around her bra strap. She slowly slips it down her shoulder but Luz moans in protest and pulls away. “Stop it, Blight.” 

“Why don’t you ever get naked _with_ me?” She asks, sounding a little sad. “We’re both having sex. Not just me.” 

“I don’t…” she sighs, pulling her into another kiss. She reaches down and strokes Amity’s clit and she moans, clutching onto her shoulder. But she knows exactly what she’s trying to pull. She reaches down to stop her. 

“Wait, babe.” She whispers and pulls her into a hug. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just want to make you feel good.” She says and Amity wants to just melt under her. She loves her so much. This is why she won’t give up. She keeps giving her hope. “Can you let me do that?” 

Amity gives her a deep kiss, one that says _I love you_ and _you’re my everything._ She wants this girl more than anything else. “Only if you let me make you feel good too.” 

“Fine.” 

“Good girl,” Amity says, grinning. They make out and she feels like she wants to just do this forever. She could stay like this and kiss her lips all day long and not get tired of it. She loves her so much, she just wishes she’d _let_ her. “Can I take this off, my love?” She asks sweetly, slipping a finger under her bra strap again. Luz nods, pulling away from the kiss to help take it off.

It falls off but Amity doesn’t draw any attention to it. She knows she’s nervous but Amity is needy and she wants this. She wants to feel her in a way she never has before. She takes the bra as they kiss and she tosses it away, out of sight and out of mind for the rest of the night, she hopes. She pulls her close and their bodies pressed together in a delightful sensation of skin to skin she’s been starved of ever since this relationship started. She feels so amazing and warm and soft and Amity only wants to hear the moans and sounds she makes when they touch. She rarely gets to make _her_ shiver and squeak. 

Their chests brush together and Amity gasps at the sweet feeling of it. Goodness, she loves her so damn much. She falls back in shock and Luz falls on top of her which makes their chests press flush together in the most delicious way. It almost hurts. 

Then Luz takes control again, dammit. She can’t do much about it anyways. She trails soft kisses down her neck and Amity clutches at her hair, she’s already breathing heavily at something so small. They’ve done worse. And still she’s so weak for her. “Babe. Love you,” Amity says quietly and makes a little noise that makes Luz laugh. Then she goes lower, runs her tongue quickly over her nipple and she shudders, arching her back and pressing softly against Luz. 

“Does that feel good?” She asks teasingly, swirling her tongue around and Amity writhes under it. This is a _new_ kind of torture. Luz has never done _this_ before. She’s never bothered with this before but she supposed the videos gave her a little bit of inspiration. She isn’t complaining. It sends short shocks and waves of teasing pleasure between her legs, she slowly rolls her hips against each current. 

“Yes...I love it. I love you. Keep going.” She gasps softly at the way she brings her hand down to caress her small breast and squeezes it. She drives Amity wild. This is romantic, right? She can’t help but take this the wrong way even if it’s painstakingly clear. She doesn’t know. But does she really need to when this feels _so_ good and she’s so helpless and she doesn’t want anything but this? 

“I love the noises you make,” she gives her chest an affectionate kiss, then drags her tongue back down to bother her other breast. “It makes me want to hurt you more.” 

“You’re going to hurt me?” She manages to ask through her gasps for air, every little lick and and bite takes her breath away. She wishes this were real. That’s all she wants. 

She clutches for Luz everywhere, her hair, her arms, her face, her shoulder, her hand slips down as she pleasures her without abandon. Nowhere can keep her down, make her feel stable as she takes it all, this new teasing pleasure. She wants it so bad. She needs this. “Are you turned on?” Luz asks playfully.

“Yes. I want everything.” 

“I know. Because you’re such a good girl... you can take anything I give you.” She walks her fingers down her stomach and Amity whines desperately. “Do you think you can take it?” 

“I can take it. Anything for you, I love you,” she says and it tumbles out in a horny word vomit, her mind is only focused on her hand, slowly slipping down to where she really _needs_ it to be. She’s never been so wound up before, it’s crazy. Luz reaches one finger down and fingers the top of her clit, rubbing a tight, teasing circle over its wet, slick mess. Amity rocks into the touch, basks in the torment of it. “ _Fuck._ Babe, don’t stop. Please give it to me.” 

“I’ll give it to you,” she says and gives the rest of her an affectionate pat, teasingly splaying her hand on top of her dripping wet clit. “But you need to be patient. Okay?”

“I’ll be patient. Whatever you want.” She says obediently. “Let me have this.” 

“Control yourself. Can you do that?” 

“I can do it.” She whispers. She’s never wanted anything more and she definitely _can’t_ control herself for it. “Give it to me.” 

She gets an extremely aggressive fingering, deep inside and teasing strokes. It all sends her to the moon and fireworks burst in her head and she thinks, yeah, she wants this. She wants this girl to be _hers_. 

Before she comes, she stops Luz and says, “I want to come on your mouth.” And in a frenzied motion of clammy nakedness, they end up like this with her head between her legs and it doesn’t take Amity much of anything to come to her soft strokes of her tongue. She’s so weak and tired and in love. She thinks she’ll propose to Luz after this. 

And she somehow managed to score a real one because she ends up between _her_ legs and...wow. Amity’s suddenly nervous, she’s never done the tongue thing before. But she’s determined to please her future wife because she loves her so much and all she wants is to be with her. She can’t get close enough. 

She gives her a hesitant lick, gets the first taste of her sweet, terrible girlfriend. Luz shudders and arches her back, grabbing for Amity’s just-fucked minty green hair. She laughs, happy to know she’s not the one who’s totally a losing fight to oral sex. 

She goes for another quick lick, then another and then another. This is amazing. She should really do this more often. She wants Luz to suffer and writhe under her for once. She swirls her tongue, folds it in and goes deep inside of her aching clit as Luz grinds away to her desperate advances. _I love you! Can you please love me back?!_ Is what she’s trying to say with her tongue and then she gets distracted by her girlfriend’s whiny moans and yelps. It’s so endearing and sexy that Amity doesn’t know _what_ to do. 

“Amity…” Luz squeaks out and she strokes her hair lovingly. 

“What’s wrong my love? Are you about to come?” Amity stops to ask sweetly and she slips two fingers inside of her because she knows it feels torturous and she wants Luz to feel every last bit of her loving aggression. Luz moans and nods. “Go ahead. Come all over my face,” she says, teasingly desperate. 

“Shut up,” Luz bites back despite her major disadvantage here. 

“I want you to come for me, okay?” She fingers her affectionately, dips her fingers _deep_ inside of her warm, soft pink walls. She goes as deep as she can get and ignores Luz’s screams of pain because Amity’s endured worse, hasn’t she? She deserves this tiny bit of pain to put her in her place. She wants to make Luz struggle to walk in a straight line. She wants to disorient her thoughts and make normal everyday tasks a hassle because all she can think about is how sore her clit is all day. She deserves that. 

“ _Fuck._ Amity, don’t stop. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” she groans and gasps and jerks her hips and she suffers the wrath of Amity’s intense and burning love for her. She hopes this is good enough. She doesn’t stop and in fact she goes harder, even after she tastes her girlfriend’s sweet sticky come. Luz has to physically shove her away because if she didn’t then Amity would keep going. She loses control of herself sometimes. 

They’re laying together, basking in the afterglow when Amity decides to spill her guts out. She’s had a hard enough time trying to keep it in and she just loves Luz so much that she can’t help herself when she says, “You’re my one and only love,” she laughs, a bit hysterical. “I only want you.” 

“Love you too, _hermosa,_ ” Luz says back weakly, still winded from Amity’s amazing job, she assumes with great pride. She gives her a soft and affectionate little kiss on the lips and she feels like the luckiest girl in the world. Luz definitely loves her. 

“I don’t know if you want this...but I do. You’re my life. I want you to love me too but even if you don’t want me...can you let me love you?” She bites her lip anxiously. 

They makeout feverishly and Amity soaks it up with her sponge heart. This is why she gets hurt so much. Suddenly, Luz pulls away and pushes her face away but Amity in her lovesick desperacy, she gives her hand a sloppy but sincere little kiss. “What’s wrong, my love?” She reaches up to cup her annoyed face. 

“I don’t want you to think this is…” she pulls her hand away from her face. Amity’s heart shatters in a single moment and she blinks. “Let’s clear a few things up, yeah?” Luz groans exasperatedly. “We _aren’t_ dating,” she ticks off a finger. “Got that?” 

Amity nods, swallowing down her tears. It’s a brutal effort to look into her eyes as she confirms all of her greatest fears. And as if to confuse her further, she takes a teasing kiss before going on. Amity is so confused that she wants to cry but she keeps a straight face and takes a deep breath. She _hates_ her. And yet even after everything, she can’t help the tingle between her legs. 

“And I _don’t_ love you.” She says. “Got that?” 

“Understood.” Amity nods obediently, looks away as tears cloud her eyes. They spill out and Luz sighs, reaching up to gently wipe them away. She pulls her into a hug, burying her face in her neck. 

“Don’t cry. Please?” She whispers. “Talk to me.”

“I feel like shit.” She sniffles, still gently stroking her hair as if she’s not crying and boiling with anger and regret. “I just don’t understand.” 

“What?” 

“Why do you _keep_ coming back? Why do you _keep_ telling me you want me if you really don’t? _What_ is the point?” She asks, desperate for answers. “What do you get out of this?” 

“You, in pain,” she says and chuckles darkly. “You’re such a fucking idiot.” 

“I am an idiot,” Amity laughs along at her own misery, pulling Luz in closer. 

It’s quiet for a little while. “ _You_ asked _me_ to be your girlfriend.” 

“Amity.” She groans again and bites her on her shoulder. “If you really want, I’ll fuck you for two more months. It really doesn’t matter to me.” 

“Nothing matters to you.” 

She doesn’t have enough energy left in her to cry anymore. 

The silence is lazy and affectionate, Amity rests her chin on Luz’s head. Even after everything she still feels possessive and strongly about her, even if she feels like garbage. Her crotch is tingling, happily and tired after a good and thorough fucking. She wasn’t going to argue with her about that. It felt _amazing._

This is her person. Her girl. She finally has her, she’s finally got her under control, holding her close. She never wants to let go. “Don’t treat anyone else like you treat me, okay?” She says quietly but stern as she gently strokes her hair. “It’s not right.” 

“Yeah well, you seem to like it.” She says sarcastically and Amity could just _feel_ her eye roll. 

“I like it...but others won’t. It’s terrible and bad but _I_ like it because there’s something wrong with me.” She gives her a soft kiss on the forehead, being incredibly in control gives her the best feeling. Almost like _she_ wants to torture her a bit. That would be new and exciting. 

“There’s something wrong with me too.” She admits quietly after a moment. Amity loves that, hearing her accept something like this for once. Having her be so open is a side she never really got to see from Luz. It’s almost endearing to her. She can’t believe how everyday, she never fails to find something else about her that she loves. She doesn’t want anything else to hold her back. “I’m sorry…” she whispers. 

“It’s okay, my love. I don’t care. I’m happy you apologized.” 

Luz pulls her tighter as if she can’t get close enough. She wants to feel her close, she wants to be hers. But she really, _really_ shouldn’t. It’s moments like these when she thinks everything’s okay, and the things she’s endured are worth it, all for this. But it’s not and she knows it. “You know...even if you’ve never meant it, I think that... in your own _sick_ and _twisted_ way, you _do_ love me.” Amity says. 

“What makes you think that, princess?” 

“You love my body,” she grins knowingly, teasingly presses herself closer, rocking her hips sensually against her. “But I am curious. What is it that you love so much about it?” 

Luz sighs and runs her hand along her bare skin, finally resting on her bottom. Amity shivers under it. She wishes she’d do something with it...she’s such a tease. “You’re so beautiful. I wish I looked like you.” 

“Are you jealous, Noceda?” 

“Of course,” she sighs again and closes her eyes. “How can I _not_ be?”

“You don’t need to be. I’m yours, remember?” 

“I know.” 

  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz get drunk again and then they have sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️ RAPE AND NON CONSENT IN THIS CHAPTER.⚠️

Willow wakes up at six every morning to do her daily stretches and exercises before work. She does casual arm circles, squats, jogging in place. It makes her feel productive even if she doesn’t do much with her long days. 

But, really, she has a good life. Good family, great job, awesome friends, a stable support system. She’s pretty happy. She walks into the living room around seven thirty to find her dads in the kitchen. There’s her usual premade lunch in a typical brown bag waiting for her on the counter, despite its mundaneness it makes her happy. 

She drives to work, jams out to her favorite song by Paul McCartney and then switches to a podcast as she sips her caramel latte from Starbucks. She gets to work right on time just like always. She doesn’t get called to the set much anymore these days because she’s not as relevant to the show as she used to be, which is sad but she’s glad for it. It gave her new opportunities and she actually works full time for another show on Nickelodeon now. 

But she’s glad to come back here anytime, for the first thing she’s ever worked on. She wouldn’t be here without it. Mostly, she’s a background character and she has small scenes with Luz or Gus or Boscha that are filmed in a day and they don’t call her back for another few weeks. 

She gets to roll call in the break room a bit early and everyone is there just waiting for the crew to sign them in. Eda’s here, her head is planted face first on the table and she snores softly. Gus sits with his lip pouted slightly, his hood pulled tight around his face. There’s some guests like Boscha, who stands with her arms folded by the vending machine, its humming buzz sets the room into a quiet lull, and minor background characters. 

Then there’s Luz and Amity, who are sitting as far away from each other as possible. Unusually so. Luz stares blankly at the wall and Amity burns holes in the table, her arms crossed and the impatient tap of her foot is uncomfortably audible from under it. 

This is how it always is with their early mornings, everyone looks so dead. You’d think they’d be used to it by now. Willow is the only one who’s coherent enough to say something. “Morning,” she says to no one in particular and in response she gets varying grunts. Eda snores. Amity doesn’t even bother. 

She takes a seat next to Luz but she doesn’t say anything. Luz doesn’t either. She seems bothered by something and she’d rather not open that can of worms this early. So she scrolls through her phone and sips her latte and keeps to herself. 

About half an hour passes by and finally Dana comes through the glass door and she leans against it, she’s looking down at a clipboard. “Morning guys,” she says apologetically, looking up. “Sorry about the early day. I’ve been pushing to get more breathing room in the schedule for you guys but you know, we’re on a t—”

“ _—Time Crunch,_ ” Luz, Willow and Gus chorus. Dana rolls her eyes, smiling. 

“You got it. Roll call. It’s unnecessary but you know we have to do it.” 

Everyone raises their hands except for Eda who’s still fast asleep and Dana looks down to check their names off the list. “Alrighty,” she points to Luz first with her pen. “We need Luz, Amity, Gus, Willow and Eda up front for segment three and all the rest of you will be called as needed,” she says dutifully and everyone mentioned makes their way out the door. 

“Don’t worry, miss ma’am,” Gus grins sarcastically as he brushes past his boss, giving her a playful high five. “I didn’t have any plans for this lovely Saturday anyways.” He says and she rolls her eyes. 

“I’m sorry guys,” she says just as Luz is passing by. 

“No problem. You know I’m happy to be here,” Luz smiles and gives Dana a good natured fist pump. Eda is next and she gives her an apologetic pat on the back, still groggy from her power nap. Second to last was Amity who just completely ignores her, breaking the high five trend as she pushes past to follow after Luz with tunnel vision. That’s the most action she’s seen from her all morning. 

Last is Willow and she rushes out, exchanging a friendly smile with Dana, not wanting to be late when they start filming. She heads down the halls to the dressing rooms and as she enters her own small but comfy room, across the way she catches the door to Luz’s clicking shut and she sees Amity’s mint green hair trailing close behind her. That’s odd. But at the time, Willow doesn’t think much of it.

She gets quickly into costume, her green Hexside uniform and her cute round glasses that she loves. Then she rushes down the hallways to get to the main set location, just various parts of the school. She stands behind as the crew readies everything and Gus joins her before Amity and Luz show up but stand very far away from the rest of them. 

It gives Willow a feeling of warmth and joy, seeing the cast in their uniforms as well. Luz’s colorful sleeves, Amity’s pink and Gus in gray. She feels happy to be a part of something like this, even if it’s just for the camera. She feels grateful to have these people in her life, they have their own routine and normal going on and she feels really lucky to be here with them.

She tilts her chin up as a crew inserts her mic into her shirt, she exchanges a goofy grin with Gus as another crew digs inside of his uniform too. Glancing over to Luz and Amity, they seem to be acting strange. Stranger than normal at least. Amity seems to be wobbling on her own two feet and Luz keeps wiping her mouth on her sleeve for some reason. Still, they pretend not to see each other and Amity crosses her arms, looking up at the ceiling. 

At break time Willow, Gus and Luz head to the cafeteria. They sit in the cafe area in a booth because Luz says she’s tired. They all slide in and Willow sits across from Gus and Luz. She pulls her lunch out of her bag, revealing a sandwich that looks awfully similar to Gus’s PBJ. “Ooh! Wanna trade?” He asks. 

“Sure,” Willow laughs and they quickly swap their lunch. Taking a bite into the best sandwich to ever be made in human existence, its sweet and savory counterparts melting in her mouth, she hums delightedly. “This is _so_ good, who made it?” 

“I did,” he beams excitedly. “Isn’t it the best thing ever? PB&J making _is_ my specialty,” he says and Willow giggles. Luz scoffs and rolls her eyes. 

“Please. It can’t be _that_ good.” She laughs and Gus raises an eyebrow, exchanging a look with Willow. 

“Luz. Open.” She says and Luz begrudgingly complies, and that’s when she breaks off a piece of said sandwich and feeds it to her. She chews it dramatically and pretends to be deciphering peanut butter and jam levels, struggling to keep a straight face. 

“It’s pretty great,” she grins after she swallows it and Gus nods solemnly. 

“What’s your secret, Gus?” Willow asks playfully, giggling uncontrollably. They’re knee deep into their sandwich discussions when Amity prances past, stiff as ever. Luz freezes as she watches the green haired girl dump her trash into the bin. She grabs a few napkins and starts to walk past again when Willow stops her. “Hey Amity,” she says cheerfully. 

Amity freezes in her tracks, groaning. She takes a deep breath and turns to face them with a less than pleasant smile on her face. “Hello, Park.” 

Willow hesitates for a moment, catching Amity’s nervous glance at Luz who waves teasingly at her with a pretty little grin. “Would you like to sit with us?” 

Amity pauses, looks away to think it over for about a split second. Then she smiles, naturally this time. “I’d love to.” She says unconvincingly. 

“Awesome!” Willow smiles and she scoots herself over to make more room for her. Amity slides in next to her, smoothing down her skirt in the back before sitting down. Immediately, there’s tension and Willow isn’t exactly sure why. 

She exchanges a glance with Gus who looks uncomfortable and stiff. “So, Amity…” she laughs awkwardly. 

Amity looks at her expectantly, raises an eyebrow and Luz looks on with intense focus. “How have... _you_ been?” She falters when she spots a dark bruise just peeking out from underneath her collar. That’s odd. “Oh... _Amity…_ ” Did she hurt herself? Willow, being the ever loving and concerned person she is, reaches up to gently touch it and— that was _not_ the right decision. 

At all. 

Amity squeaks, flinching and she ducks away. After recovering from the initial shock, she gives Willow a dirty glare that could probably kill. “How dare you _touch_ me!” She demands harshly. 

“I’m sorry!” She stammers, holding her hands up in defense and she scoots farther away from her, backs herself into the corner. She glances toward Luz who looks like a deer caught in headlights and then Gus who’s frozen with shock. _Dang it, Park. You always have to go and ruin everything. That wasn’t even a full minute!_

“I’ll call authorities on you!” Amity continues on her rant, climbing onto the seat to stand up over Willow. “You don’t have the legal rights to look at me like that!” She shoves an accusatory finger in Willow’s scared, trembling face. Then thank goodness, Luz decides to take action. She jumps out of her seat and rushes behind Amity to grab her around the waist and she lifts her off of the seat as she screams and kicks like a child throwing a tantrum. 

Luz drops her down and Amity’s face turns red with anger. She whirls around to face her, a nasty curse on the tip of her tongue—but when she is met with Luz’s completely unamused frown, she immediately deflates, loses her resolve. “W—what?” Amity stammers, swallowing hard but never losing eye contact with the other girl. 

“Stop being a bitch,” she says simply and grabs Amity by her shoulders. She actually cowers under her, the tips of her ears turning a bright shade of red. She bites her lip slightly under Luz’s bored scrutiny. “Get out of here. You’re annoying.” She says and then shoves her back so hard that Amity stumbles and nearly falls. 

“Fuck you!” Amity whimpers once she regains her composure and Luz is already sliding back into the booth—in which she replies by raising her middle finger up and sticking her tongue out. Amity lets out a frustrated growl as she runs through the automatic doors that lead back to filming grounds. 

Luz chuckles when she sees Willow, still backed into the corner of the booth for dear life with wide eyes. “Sorry about that, Willow. You don’t need to be scared of her. She’s all talk.” 

“She was definitely about to kill Willow,” says Gus, dead set on his statement. “I’m not even joking.” 

“No,” she laughs again and waves him off. “She has anger issues I think. Sometimes she just needs someone to take her down a peg.” 

Willow and Gus exchange looks again for the one hundredth time today. “Well...I’m definitely avoiding _her_ for the rest of my life.” She says as she shifts to sit up correctly. “She’s so angry all the time...I wonder what her problem is,” she sighs and adjusts her glasses. 

“Maybe she’s having relationship problems. You know how teens are.” Gus says and when Luz and Willow turn to glare at him, he laughs sheepishly. “What? I’ve seen it first hand.” 

Willow sighs again, feeling personally offended by her and Amity’s encounter. She tries to think back to when they first met because maybe she did something to upset her. Why else would she have a problem with her like this? As a pacifist, she feels uneasy about the whole thing. Maybe she should bake her some cookies and try to apologize again tomorrow… “Gus is right, though. It could be a sign of domestic abuse. Maybe she’s in trouble,” she says, sounding concerned. “I _did_ see some kind of bruise on her neck. I think I saw more than one.” 

At that, Luz pauses, turning a bit red in the face. She brushes it off, scoffing, crossing her arms and looking up at the ceiling. “Serves her right,” she mumbles. 

“That’s not right, Luz.” Willow sighs. “Just because she’s mean doesn’t mean we should be mean back.”

“Ehhh,” Gus laughs. 

“Gus!” 

“I don’t think anything’s wrong. _I_ think she’s just a bitch,” Luz picks at her nail nonchalantly. “We shouldn’t entertain it.” 

“How do you know? Have you talked to her?” 

Luz pauses again. “No—not—not _recently_ ,” she stammers. “We only really talk during rehearsal and even then it’s just her insulting me or some shit,” 

“That’s odd,” she hums, glancing pointedly at Luz when she shrugs. “I wonder what her problem is.” 

“Guess we’ll never know,” Gus says in a mysterious, wistful voice. “She’s a mystery to us all.” 

* * *

Finally, this long day was coming to a close. Looking back on this morning, Willow felt like a whole year had already come and gone. She was making her rounds through the building and the multiple rooms she’s been in to make sure she gathered all of her belongings; she probably wouldn’t be back here for a while. 

She’s leaving her dressing room when once again she sees Amity trailing closely behind Luz in the hallway, they argue back and forth in hushed voices. Willow is just a bit weirded out by how many times she’s seen them together today, so close like that. 

It’s not like it’s any of her business but...

She thinks she kind of knows what’s going on. She thinks...maybe…

Yep.

This just confirms it. 

She takes the cafeteria shortcut to get to the parking lot faster and—lo and behold, she sees those two making out in the cafe, at the very back. It’s definitely them, the bright green hair and the red beanie. Just over the booth wall she can see Amity’s hesitance and Luz’s dominance over her. That explains the little scene from earlier. 

She gets it now. Willow stops dead in her tracks, frozen with shock. It’s none of her business but still she can’t help but feel a bit betrayed by the sight of it. Luz _lied._

This is just...she’s never seen anything like this. They kiss, soft and quick before Luz pulls away to give her this smug look. Amity bites her lip, whimpers like a lovesick idiot and leans forward to kiss her deeply again. You can practically _smell_ her desperacy. It’s kind of sad to watch. 

Then Luz pulls away again and runs her tongue over Amity’s lips and— _ugh._ Willow can’t tell if she’s revolted or endeared. She says something and Amity is visibly hanging on her every word. Luz pulls her into a hug around her neck and Amity’s shoulders drop, but she doesn’t move. 

And that’s when Luz turns to look behind them over the booth. She doesn’t seem to register it until she turns back around to do a double take. Her eyes widen and she looks down, ashamed. Then Amity twists around to look and immediately she turns red, quickly turning back, ducking her head. 

She feels like she’s just witnessed something very wrong. 

Luz quickly shuffled out of the booth, running to the spot where Willow stood shell shocked by the door. They just stare at each other for a moment and then Luz chuckles awkwardly. “Heyyy, Willow,” she grins. “Don’t say anything about this? To anyone? Please?” 

“I’m not,” she blinks, stammering. “It’s none of my business anyways.” 

“Okay, phew,” She deflates but there’s still a paranoid edge to her voice. “I um, we just...you know?” 

“Yeah,” Willow laughs loudly. She has no idea what just happened. “It’s… that’s great. I’m happy for you guys.” She smiles. “Really, I am.”

“Uh, thanks! And...you won’t like...tweet this or anything right?” Luz asks anxiously. “I just don’t want…” 

“Yeah! Definitely not. That’d be...not-cool of me. I won’t. Promise.” 

“Okay. Great. Uh, thanks.” 

Willow does her best to hold back her tears and she Usain Bolts it out of there. She was going to confess to her today but good thing she didn’t. She’s in some kind of relationship with...Amity Blight. Of all people. 

Wait. So does that mean...if Luz….the bruises… 

* * *

  
  


“ _Shit._ We got caught!” Luz laughs quietly and she offers her hand to Amity who’s still sitting at the booth with her heart in her throat. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Amity whines and she looks away anxiously. Willow saw them. She most definitely saw them kissing and everything and— _ugh._ That was a really romantic, intimate moment for her and it was amazing but… she just feels awful now. Willow is _definitely_ going to tell everyone and they’re going to get in trouble and it’s going to become public and she’s going to get humiliated. 

More so than she already is.

They head to the choreo studio because well, Luz and Amity were hanging out there earlier and she left her computer bag in there somewhere. And as they’re walking silently down the hallway and Luz gives her that look, she knows what’s coming next. 

That’s why she isn’t surprised when she hears the door close behind her. That’s why she isn’t surprised when she feels Luz comes up behind her, gently resting her chin on her shoulder.

Now she doesn’t want to move at all. “Hi,” she breathes, completely forgetting what she was doing because her girlfriend feels so warm against her. “I love you,” she says. 

“Love you too,” she stops, like she had more to say but decided against it. “Are you worried?” 

Amity nods. “No.” 

“Good.” She kisses her neck. “I _love_ you.” She says it fiercely this time and it _really_ does something to Amity’s insides. She gasps in blissful ecstasy at the hand that creeps up her chest. 

_Goodness. She’s not going to come out of this sane._

And that’s when Luz pushes her against the wall, their bodies crashing together in a frenzied and deep kiss. The empty ache in her chest becomes a bottomless pit, the closer they are, she feels like Luz is harder to reach. And still she loves the way it feels because she loves a chase. She doesn’t want anything that’s just handed to her. She wants to take it. 

And even if she knows she can’t, trying and failing is the sexual frustration she craves. She’s sorted this out in her head: she’s an idiot and this is why she’s never going to get out of this in one piece. She doesn’t exactly know what Luz wants from her so she gave her the only thing she has. Her heart, her body, her soul. Still, she doesn’t want it. 

So why is she so persistent? Why does she like making her cry and miserable if she doesn’t care? Why is she making her feel so loved, so bad? Why is she softly kissing down her neck, massaging her through her underwear just right like it’s her day job? _Why_ does Amity allow it?

Why does Amity like it so much? She thinks she likes it _too_ much, too much for her own good. She loves it when Luz teases her and makes her wait. She loves the bruises and the dull ache. She craves her hands on her body. She loves it when she doesn’t stop, she loves it when she touches her and violates her like she’s a toy. She loves it so much that she’s not quite sure on where to draw the line...

“ _Why were you being so bad today?”_ She asks, biting gently on her collarbone. Amity wants to scream because she _doesn’t know._ She loves this. It’s so wrong and they could get caught any minute. She doesn’t need any distractions. 

Amity bites down on her lip, steadily rocking her hips. “You weren’t paying attention to me…” she breathes out in a shaky sigh. Luz stops kneading her through her pants and Amity groans. She _really_ wishes she were wearing a skirt right now. She’s so worked up and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to do anything until she gets that under control.

“Not everything is about you,” she purrs affectionately and Amity just wants to melt. Maybe she’ll just take her pants off right now. They could go quick… “Haven’t I told you this before, Blight?”

“You did, but…” her mind goes blank for a split second when her hand slips under her waist band. _Wow,_ she’s already two steps ahead of her. She giggles and tells Luz exactly what she wants to hear. “I don’t care.” 

“You should behave yourself.” Luz tells her sternly and pushes her hand lower. A rush of excitement shoots up between her legs and she suddenly doesn’t care about anything else. She needs this. Leaning back against the wall, she tries to open her legs as much as possible just to make it easier for her girlfriend. Either way, if she wanted something then she’d take it no matter how hard it is. But Amity wants to make this fun and easy for her. Maybe then she’d realize how much she loves her and how easy it is. How little she wants. 

“I’ll _behave_ when you show me how those fingers work…” she says and then shudders. She really needs to work on her dirty talk. Her embarrassment is quickly forgotten when Luz gets right inside of her, slowly circling _the_ spot. Amity thinks she's going to come right now. Good. She could just get this done with and go about her night. It’ll be quick. “ _Yes. Don’t stop.”_

“You’re such an idiot.” Luz laughs, exerts her fingers and spreads Amity out, pressing her palm over her clit. “Letting me do this to you here. _At work.”_

_“_ I don't care,” she just barely manages to stifle her needy, desperate cry that definitely would have gotten them caught, panting for air. But she knows that if she wants this, she’s going to have to get Luz worked up too. 

“Can you stay quiet?”

“Don’t want to,” she shoots back and bites her lip, anxiously awaiting the repercussions. Luz gives her an especially rough little thrust with her two fingers and Amity makes sure to scream _especially_ loud. 

Luz pulls away and gives her a stern look, quickly pulling her fingers out, much to Amity’s great disappointment. “Fuck.” She breathes out, melting into the soft kiss they’ve tangled into. It’s gentle and sweet until it turns painfully delicious just like it always does. Luz bites down on her bottom lip, hard. Amity yelps, swiping her tongue over the already broken skin from previous bites. It tastes like blood.

“Can I take you out?” Luz whispers into her neck, kissing softly there now too. 

“ _Yes,”_ Amity says without even a second thought. Whatever Luz wants, she does too. She wants something bad to happen, she wants to feel herself be destroyed and she _wants_ to be sad. She wants all of her. Anything she wants. 

Without a word, Luz brushes past her and opens the door to leave the room, leaving Amity with her pants down and her hopes up. She thinks about just reaching down and letting herself off the hook because she knows it’s about to be a long night. But she decides against it because whatever Luz had planned was going to be so much better. She knows her body better than Amity knows it. 

With anger and frustration teasing her patience, she pulls her pants back up and grabs her computer bag before rushing out after her hot girlfriend like the little kitten she is. She is nothing if she’s not beside her. 

Luz _doesn’t_ open the door for Amity to get in the car which is both equal parts disappointing and annoying. But she knows what she’s getting herself into. Luz isn’t that type of person or—she is when she wants to be. When she wants something. She guesses that the reason she doesn’t bother with trying anymore is because she already knows the answer is yes. Amity really should adopt some standards but really, how can she when one simple touch makes all of her morals disappear with the wind?

“Where are we going?” Amity asks, just barely shutting the door before Luz was already pulling out of the parking lot. She turns on the heater and—as an afterthought, buckles her seatbelt. 

“I dunno,” she shrugs. Amity’s stomach twists with delight. That’s usually a good sign that things were going to get exciting or at the very least, fun. Maybe she’d even get to finally come. She’d come so close and it was so good and she was so ready. 

Or maybe she’d bruise her some more. Her hands or legs or other places. A bruise on any of her private spots would be really painful. She hopes she gets to feel it. She wants to feel her pain the way she inflicts it. She wonders what that’s all about though. 

All of her bruises have the same dull ache. Some are purple and fresh, the pain sharp. Some are brown and faded, still present but they only hurt if they’re bothered or touched. She has a few on both of her inner thighs. Those are in clumps. The majority of them are on her shoulders. Then there are single ones in odd spots if Luz is feeling adventurous, as if it’s her body to bruise like that. Amity doesn’t care. She likes it, she likes it so much. It’s really not her body anymore. 

It’s all for her. She knows it’s the little things that please Luz, like the outfits or a new soap that she tried. It makes her feel special and it’s worth it just to hear her say, _you look pretty._ She’d do anything for her love and approval. 

So that’s why when they pulled into a lazy neighborhood shopping centre, Amity asked, “The grocery store?” 

“No,” Luz laughs. “I need to get something before we go.” 

“What is it?” 

She pauses, then grins. “Nothing. Don’t even worry your pretty little head, ‘kay?” And then, “Need anything?” 

She thinks for a moment and then, “I’m coming in too.” 

Luz groans but doesn’t say anything and gets out of the car. She didn’t say _no._ Taking that as a sign of approval, she jumps out and hangs onto her arm as they walk in. It’s pitch dark outside, the biting cold burns the tip of her nose. Before they enter, Amity looks around and tries but fails to recognize where she is. 

Oh gosh, she’s somewhere she doesn’t know with Luz. There’s really only one way the rest of the night is going to go. She hugs herself closer as they walk through the double sliding door, the overly bright fluorescent lights and check out machine beeps greeting them. “Where are we?” She asks softly next to her ear. 

“By my house,” she says and _oh._ Maybe not as adventurous as she thought. But still… “I was gonna go to the pier but I can drop you off if you want.” 

“No!” She dejects quickly. They cut through the toiletries aisle and across to the refrigerated section. “I’m going wherever you go. Babe.” 

Luz laughs quietly and Amity knows she’s endeared by it. She just wants to get out of here so they can go wherever they were going to go because all she wants is to fuck. She just wants to feel her, everywhere. She wants to be hurt and pushed and pulled. 

“What do you need?” Luz asks her. 

Oh, yeah. 

“Oh! Right. Um. Sanitary pads.” 

“You’re on your period?” She raises her eyebrows. 

“Not yet. I just…” she bites her lip, feeling very self conscious all of the sudden. “I want to be prepared.” 

“Okay,” is all Luz says and they turn back around to the toiletries and sanitary aisle. She’s still curious though. 

“What did _you_ need?” She asks again and leans forward to kiss her ear. 

“It’s nothing.” 

Amity groans. Why doesn’t she just say it? She’s going to see it either way. She really frustrates her sometimes. 

The silence is awkward as she decides on pads or tampons. These are both from brands that she’s never heard of before so she’s a bit skeptical. She glances over to see Luz standing beside her, boredly reading a label on a birth control kit she picked up. She looks unamused and patronizing, as if she doesn’t have any business here. Like _she_ doesn’t have a period. 

Amity decides to bug her a bit. 

“That’s a real thing girls use, you know.” She says sweetly, still thinking about if she wants this or that. 

She hears Luz snort. “I know.” 

It’s quiet again. “When’s your period?” 

“...It was earlier this month.” 

“So… what’s your problem with it?” 

“Huh?” 

“You seem like you’re upset about something.” 

“I’m not. Periods are just annoying, that’s all. I hate it.” 

Amity giggles quietly to herself, decides to just get both and then grabs some wet wipes as an afterthought. “You like it,” she insists playfully as she brushes past her to leave the aisle. She relishes in the way that Luz rushes after her. 

And then they end up in the alcohol aisle. 

“Should I get this one or this one?” She asks and takes two different bottles sitting beside each other into her hands, giving Amity a completely innocently cute inquisitive look. 

Amity blinks, narrowing her blurry eyes to read the labels on the bottles. The one in her right hand says _whiskey_ and in her left is a smaller bottle with a green label that says _Patron._ “What’s the difference?” She asks, genuinely confused. 

“Eh,” Luz shrugs and slides the smaller bottle back onto the shelf. “I dunno. Whatever’s gonna get me drunk _faster.”_

“Bigger doesn’t always mean better.” 

Luz leans in and gives her a soft kiss, immediately shutting her up and melting her resistance. “You’ll have some with me right?” She asks sweetly, their lips brushing together teasingly. And...how can she refuse her? 

“Yes,” Amity whispers and kisses her back deeply, resting a hand on her shoulder. A wave of excitement rushes over her when Luz pushes her back and she stumbles, the fragile glasses clattering noisily behind her, only to be pulled into a deeper more frenzied kiss. Right here in the alcohol aisle in a store she doesn’t know at approximately eleven o’clock at night. She’s making out with her girlfriend. Wow. She’s so successful. 

Getting intensely heated up and her growing nerves about someone coming down the aisle and seeing a moment that she’d rather keep private, she pulls herself away with a grueling effort and puts a stern hand on Luz’s chest when she tries to lean in again. “Please…let’s get out of here.” she says. 

“Kay,” is all Luz says before flicking her tongue over Amity’s lips again. She sucks in a sharp breath, hoping with every bone in her body that she does it again. But she doesn’t. Of course not. “Let’s go checkout?” 

Speechless, Amity nods feverishly and trails behind her silently as they walk to the front of the store. Her lips still wet with Luz’s saliva, she closes her eyes and licks over her lips, collecting that sweet, disgusting, sticky spit onto her tongue put there by her girlfriend. She shudders from the absurdity of it, how desperate she is. She wants _more._ That’s why she’s here. 

They get in line at checkout three, behind two other people. Amity stands stiffly beside Luz who’s flipping through one of those stupid celeb magazines on how they think America’s top charter might be pregnant. Of course she’s into that stuff. They move up in line and she sets her two pound bottle of whiskey on the checkout belt. Amity hesitantly sets down her two boxes of period product, glancing cautiously at Luz who’s pulling out her credit card and ID.

“Forty-five,” says the bored twenty-something looking girl behind the counter. Luz's eyes widen at the price but still happily swipes her card. She moves up in line and gets her precious beverage into a bag while Amity irritably pulls out a few dollars to pay for her stuff, visibly annoyed by how Luz would pay an arm and a leg for worthless garbage but not ten bucks for her own girlfriend. 

As they’re walking back to the car, Luz grins and flicks Amity in the ear. “What’s with the face princess?” 

She bites her lip, ducking away from her grabbing hand. She feels like an idiot. “Mad I didn’t pay for you?” She asks teasingly. She unlocks the car and hastily tosses her bag of alcohol in. Amity opens the door for herself and gets in, feeling incredibly stupid all of the sudden. “I don’t just pay for anyone, Amity.” She says as she’s turning the heater on, starting the car up. 

She sighs, leaning her head against the window as they pull out and back onto the main road to the highway. She wants to go home now. “I guess I’m ‘just anyone’, then.” 

“Shut up, Blight.” she rolls her eyes and reaches her hand down into the bag to fumble with the fancy lid on the whiskey bottle, keeping a steady hand on the wheel. “You always get so butt hurt over everything. Just relax a little bit.” 

“How can I relax when you get me so…worked up!” She shoots back and she sees Luz grin again. Damn her. “Not like that. Well, _yes,_ like that.” She groans violently. “I hate you. I’m so confused and—and angry. I’m so stupid. I need to go home. Can you take me home?” 

“It’s too late for that. You’re stuck with me for the night,” she says ominously and Amity isn’t exactly _mad_ about it. “And you are right about one thing. You’re pretty stupid.” 

Anger bubbles up inside her chest, and she glares over at Luz but it goes unnoticed in the darkness of the car and headlights from around them. “Fuck you. Stop making me think you’re actually going to do something for once.” She says and hugs herself, desperate to relieve the intense regret she feels right now, off into the night going who knows where with this girl who she doesn’t really know but is madly in love with despite everything. 

“What do you want me to do?” She asks contentiously, daring her. “Do you want me to propose to you or something? Is _that_ what you want?” 

“No,” she croaks, her heart racing in a flurry of anger and guilt and excitement. “I just wish you treated me better. That’s all.” 

“But you love it. You don’t want me to treat you better.” 

Amity squeezes her eyes shut, tears burning and threatening to spill out. She hates that she’s right. She wishes she weren’t like this. She sniffles, staying quiet. After a while, Luz lifts the bottle of whiskey up and she takes a thirty second sip, downing half of the bottle in one go. She bursts into a coughing fit, rolling the window down to duck her head out, all while driving on the freeway. Somehow, Amity’s hoping the car crashes. 

She sets the bottle back down and wipes her mouth off with her sleeve. She glares at Amity when she giggles quietly at the whole thing, watching silently. “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.” Luz says quietly. 

“...I’m not.” Amity says shakily, her throat is tight from the crying. “I want you no matter what.” She says sweetly. 

“Me too. I’m sorry I’m such a bitch. I don’t know what to do.” She admits hesitantly and then turns to look at her again. “Love you,” 

Amity freezes up, her heart twists in confusion and longing and guilt. She’s absolutely got emotional whiplash from this girl. She’s still really mad and annoyed but she doesn’t want to be anymore. She wants to get through this so they can go back to normal as soon as possible. She almost feels stupid for getting upset. “I love you too, Luz. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I’ll make it up to you later, I promise.” 

Her heart practically leaps out of her chest, something tingles in between her legs and she bites her lip, fighting down a needy smile. “Babe!” She giggles incredulously. 

“You’ll forget how to walk for a few days,” she says, laughing along with her lovesick girlfriend and— _oh god._ She’s in trouble. She squeezes her legs together, trying to get herself to calm down because she needs to be patient. She has to stay focused. She makes it so hard sometimes. 

And to distract herself, she reaches down and grabs the bottle of whiskey. She’s determined to finish the last half and as she tips her head back to drink, the strong smell of it immediately discourages her. She gets about two and a half sips before she’s coughing it up and gasping for air. Her eyes water and her throat _burns_ so bad but it feels so good and she knows she’s made Luz proud or, turned her on at the very least. If tonight was going to be a long night then she’d rather not be mentally present for most of it. 

Regaining her composure, she goes for attempt number two and finishes all but a corner left. It was a big bottle. 

* * *

She doesn’t know how long they drove or, really anything that has to do with time because time is stupid to her now. It doesn’t really matter anymore. The only thing she’s worried about is her girlfriend, her cute, hot, sweet girlfriend who she loves so much and will literally eat dirt for. All she wants is to feel her hands on her body, inside of her. She wants to make out and eat her out and all of these terrible things that it’s definitely begun to cloud her judgement. Or rather, the ache between her legs did first. half a bottle of whiskey second. Intense passion third. 

She stumbles out of the car and her and Luz use each other as a human-walking tool. They can barely stand up and _everything_ is funny. It’s funny how they accidentally bang their heads together when Luz pushes her against the car to kiss her sloppily. It’s funny when she bites her tongue because it hurts so bad. It’s funny when they nearly fall over as they walk into the entrance of Santa Monica pier. She doesn’t know how they got here and how far away from home she is or what time it is or where her phone is but she literally doesn’t care. 

For a split second she gets a little worried about two things. The crowd is coming _out_ of the main entrance and they’re going in. Are they closed? Is something going on? Will they let two people in that are _this_ drunk? Luz laughs when she looks over at her as they walk, the cogs are visibly turning in her head. “You look stupid. But pretty,” she laughs, hiccuping loudly. 

“Thanks babe! You look pretty too,” she says back very happily. Because she is happy. She wouldn’t rather be anywhere else ever except here in the late hours of the night, under lights and neon signs and live music and adventure around every corner. She looks around for once when she can finally peel her eyes off of her girlfriend and she sees a lot of other young couples. 

They look normal. Not like her and Luz. They look loving and easy and happy. And...Amity isn’t _not_ those things but...there’s something missing here. She can’t really think of what it is. They stumble down the boardwalk, through the crowd that’s mostly filtering out to leave. There’s smells coming at them from every direction. There’s seafood and Mexican and also maybe sushi? She doesn’t know but she’s really, _really_ hungry all of the sudden. 

“Let’s get something to eat, okay babe? Then we can do whatever you want.” She says sweetly, starting to drift to the side which causes Luz to almost fall over and trip over her drunken feet. Each step is shaky and uncertain and incredibly difficult. 

“Wait!” She gasps and loses her balance, stumbling into Amity and knocking her off balance as well. By some miracle they don’t fall down and they recover good enough. Luz stays behind Amity, wrapping her arms around her neck to keep herself upright. Apparently that was really funny to the both of them because they get into a fit of uncontrollable giggles, a few tears run down Amity’s cheeks as they wander slowly into a random restaurant that she doesn’t know the name of. 

Amity knows that she’s going to have to interact with another human for this part. She’s incredibly unstable and her mind feels like it’s running laps and can’t actually focus on a single thing. All she feels is her girlfriend’s warm body pressed against her, hanging onto her and relying on her for support. That makes her feel so amazing to finally be taking charge of _something_ in this relationship. 

They walk up to the queue where the receptionist is cleaning up the booth for the night. Amity clears her throat like a rude bitch and harnesses her full brain and mental capacity to say, “Can I get a table for me and one other person?” 

He jumps to attention and tries to stifle a groan. “Sure thing,” he tells her with a truly exceptional customer service voice. Amity wants to tell him he’s doing a great job for a college freshman wearing glasses-nerd who’s probably studying for computer science or something. 

They shuffle behind him as he leads them through the dark and empty restaurant, round booth tables and obnoxious hippie t-shirt displays. 

It’s one of _those_ places. _Ugh._ Just by the type of indie rock music playing and the copiously obnoxious decorative set pieces and neon lights, she can tell they’re in a seafood restaurant. Which is fine but it probably costs a fortune. See? She’s making rational decisions and thoughts here. She didn’t drink _that_ much. 

She makes sure to go slow so her beautiful amazing girlfriend can stay up and stumble along behind her without any trouble. Even if that meant stopping every five seconds to let her catch up and then losing the waiter. 

Luckily, they get a table and are left alone for a while to decide on what they’re going to order. Amity doesn’t really know. She can’t read right now. Well, she can… but the letters aren’t registering in her stupid Luz infested brain. Instead, she opts for staring at her beautiful girlfriend who’s sitting back in her chair, looking down at the menu with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She’s probably having a hard time with reading too. 

Amity laughs after hiccuping loudly and she reaches over the table to slap Luz in the face with her menu. “What’s wrong my love?” She asks sweetly. 

“I don’t want any of this _shit,”_ she says and then laughs. “I don’t want… shrimps with pasta. That’s disgusting!” She cackles, throwing her head back. Amity lets out a little giggle, the sight of her girlfriend laughing makes her want to cry. She’s so beautiful. She feels really emotional right now, more so than usual. She wants to be in her arms and feel her warmth. 

Amity sniffles after shedding a pathetic tear while Luz is in hysterics over lobster rolls. “It’s _sixty_ bucks!” She laughs incredulously and— she just looks _really_ cute. 

“Babe,” Amity croaks, reaching over to interlace fingers with her girlfriend. “Can I sit next to you? I feel so far away.” 

“Yeah. Get over here,” she says, looking at her with confusion. Amity stands up on her wobbling legs and pulls her chair to sit beside her girlfriend. Finally, with the gap between them closed, she feels like her life is complete or at least starting to come together. Amity sits back down, sniffling and wiping another tear from her face as she leans into the arm that Luz wraps around her. It feels so amazing. “What’s wrong?” She whispers into her hair. 

“I just… love you _so_ much,” she says, biting back a sob and burying her head into Luz’s neck. It’s so soft and warm and she’s _never_ leaving. “You’re all I want. And you’re here. And I have you. But I don’t feel good enough for you,”

“Aw, babe,” Luz pats her head and pulls her closer. Amity leans in all the way so that she’s practically in her lap. And what’s the difference right? She fully climbs on top of her, straddling her amazing girlfriend right here at this table in this restaurant because she can’t help herself. She sobs some more into her neck, under her comforting pats on her back. She’s so amazing. She wants to leave right now and just run off into the night with her and never go back, ever. “You’re good enough. I’m trying to be good enough for _you.”_

_“Babe!”_ She hugs her tighter and kisses her neck softly, uncontrollably sobbing. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” 

“You mean the world to me,” Luz says quietly, laughing. “Stop crying,”

“I can’t. Luz. Tell me you love me.” 

“Love you. I love you so much. Just stop crying, okay?” She pets her head again and Amity nuzzles into it. 

“Okay babe.” She whispers and bursts into a fit of laughter. “Wanna get married?” 

“Not tonight. Maybe next weekend because we’re off?” 

“Okay. And let’s—,” Amity pauses because the waiter shows up again. 

“All ready to order?” He asks with a pinch in his voice. He’s trying not to laugh at the sight before him, these drunk teenage girls sitting so indecently at the table. Luckily, Amity’s back in her seat by the time he comes back around to give them their order. They aren’t _not_ touching though because how can they? Luz is giving her the biggest hickey ever on her neck when he sets down the mango milkshake that Luz ordered and then a dish of fries. That’s all they ordered at this fancy seafood restaurant that they both hate for some reason. Poor waiter. 

“Babe, stop, stop,” Amity gasps excitedly when her girlfriend nips at her collarbone, licking over it gently. It’s a grueling effort to push her off before things get too out of hand and Amity has a hard time with controlling herself, especially in her scatterbrained state of mind. Damn whiskey. Luz groans and begrudgingly pulls away. 

“Why won’t you let me do anything?” She asks, leaning over to take a sip of her milkshake. 

“We can’t do _anything_ in this restaurant! We’re in public!” She says, glaring at her incredulously. And yet she can’t help the grin that spreads across her face as she thinks about the what-ifs. What if Luz _didn’t_ stop and really wanted her way? What if she stuck her hand down her pants and Amity had to try and keep the noise down? What if… 

“Eh,” she shrugs, plucks the cherry off the top of her milkshake and she dangles it in front of Amity’s mouth. “Want this?” 

She crosses her arms, begrudgingly bites it off the stem and she chews it slowly while staring at her girlfriend’s lips to satisfy her urges. She wants to taste her and feel her and… _ugh._ Luz notices her shameless staring and smiles, deliberately biting her lip. “I want _you…”_ she breathes. 

“Control yourself, Blight,” she says in all its signature glory, takes another sip. Amity couldn’t count how many times she’s been told that. Each time it only makes things worse for her, the desperate ache between her legs, the tugging in her heart, her hands twitching to touch her. 

“You make it so hard…” she sighs, biting her lip and shifting to sit right in her chair, stares blankly down at the shiny table with stupid movie quotes written in stylized scrawl all over it. Maybe if she doesn’t look at her, it wouldn’t be too hard to ignore her screaming body, begging for her touch. “I love you so much.” She quietly tells her. 

“Love you too,” she says and reaches over to grab a french fry. Amity groans impatiently, taking the milkshake and drinking it angrily. At least it’s sweet and smooth and satisfying to drink. She swishes it around her mouth, trying to get rid of the whiskey taste on her tongue. Now that it’s gone, she sort of misses it, the bitter memory of earlier. It feels like it’s been a long night already. 

She remembers the anger and guilt she felt over something so small. She feels sort of stupid about it because looking at her girlfriend now, she can’t even imagine being mad at her. All she wants is her. Forever and always. She’ll wait as long as she needs to. 

They stumble out of the restaurant long after it closed, out onto the boardwalk again. It’s mostly empty, devoid of other people and they practically have the whole place to themselves. They wander around for a long time, walking past the parking lot, past the colorfully lit Ferris wheel. It changes colors, patterns and designs at such a dizzying speed that Amity’s eyes hurt just looking at it. 

They pass the roller coaster, more restaurants and attractions. Eventually they end up at the beach down under the parking lot. There’s a steep, squeaky wooden staircase down to the white sand and they have a really hard time with that being helplessly drunk and all. But they’re determined to get down to the shore, so they take each step with tedious precaution, hanging onto each other for dear life but it’s really funny to them which—doesn’t help. Amity stumbles down a few of them but luckily her beautiful girlfriend is there to catch her. 

Now on the beautifully quiet beach, the view is nothing but sand and the pitch dark sky for miles. It’s almost frightening to look at and it overwhelms Amity a bit, so she clings to her amazing girlfriend instead and focuses on her. They hug and inevitably start making out again because they’re both sick idiots. 

For some reason Luz is more aggressive than she was earlier, which Amity can’t decide if she’s happy or disappointed about it. She loves the writhing pain of her biting her lip to the point where the skin is broken and inflamed. She likes the needless assertiveness of the way she’s holding her head so she doesn’t move away from the kiss. She likes being called a stupid fucking idiot because she is. 

_I never planned to leave,_ she wants to tell her. 

The sound of the crashing waves, the bitter cold, the dark sky, the thought that there aren’t any people within miles of them as they kiss on this endless beach. It excites her and scares her at the same time. Who knows what could happen here with her… Amity pries herself out of Luz’s grip, away from the kiss to ask her sweetly, “Do you want to have sex with me?” Another kiss. “On this beach?” 

“Not _here.”_ She says. “We’d get sand everywhere.” 

Oh yeah. Beach. 

“I don’t care,” she says vigorously, holding her girlfriend’s face in her hand and giving her a chaste, sweet kiss that quickly turns sensuous in a matter of seconds. She pulls herself away like she’s fallen under water and she’s drowning. She needs to keep herself focused. They _cannot_ have sex on this beach. They _shouldn’t._ But… 

“Let me take you home.” Luz says hesitantly. 

“Then we’ll have sex. Right?” She whispers. 

“If you want to,” she tells her and they kiss deeply again. Amity loses grip on reality and her last bit of brain cell because her body wants nothing else. Amity kisses back urgently, desperate and loving. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more than this, babe.” She says quietly. “Please.” 

So they begin their epic journey back up the creaky wooden steps. This time, Amity goes up backwards to hold onto her girlfriend and make sure she doesn’t slip over her unsteady feet.

It takes a long time with her backwards steps and them stopping every once and a while to kiss each other, but eventually they make it back up to the parking lot and with a newfound mission, they get back into Luz’s car. Not before accidentally trying to unlock two other cars that look frustratingly similar to hers.

Maybe if they were in their right mind, they’d be able to tell the difference. 

  
  


* * *

They tumble into Amity’s apartment around two in the morning. 

She roughly pushes her against the wall and _ugh_ she’s never going to get tired of that. She loves being pushed and forced and shoved, it’s what she was made for and it turns her on more than anything. She’s ready for it, for anything and everything and nothing can stop her. She doesn’t want anything else but this. Nothing else matters, not their argument or how much she fucking hates Luz, not even how drunk she still is. 

Luz leans forward, burying her face into Amity’s neck and she kisses her softly. It feels so good and sweet and Amity is definitely not ever stopping. She’s hit the bottom of the barrel and there’s no way out. Even if there is, she’s never leaving. If this relationship ends, it’s because Luz did it. Amity, in her right mind, isn't going to do anything close to that. Not ever. Not when she feels _so_ good. Not when her hand is trailing gently down her body, traveling and touching and feeling like she’s a toy, swirling around her nipples through her shirt, rocking her hips against hers with great urgency. 

And amidst her burning arousal, she feels a heavy pressure down there that definitely isn’t sexy. “Wait! Babe. I need to pee.” She whispers and pushes her head away, the saliva on her neck feels sticky when the cool air hits it and she really just wants her cute warm girlfriend back on her. 

“I don’t care,” she grumbles and they kiss deeply again. But Amity really needs to pee. She peels herself away mid-kiss, much to Luz’s annoyed groan and she grabs her bag off of the counter to take with her. She stumbles into the bathroom, locking the door behind herself. 

She practically pees her bladder out and she feels ten pounds lighter and also completely sober. Well, kind of. Maybe. Okay, never mind. She makes sure to clean herself extra good for her amazing beautiful princess girlfriend before reaching into her bag, in between her computer and textbook is her new set of lingerie. She hates wearing this kind of stuff but she knows Luz likes it. And if Luz wants it, then she does too. 

She quickly pulls on her fishnets and a black school girl skirt. Then she realizes she doesn’t really have a top part. She pulls her shirt off and just stays in her boring plain white bra that completely throws off the whole _horny badass_ vibe but oh well. For now. It’ll come off soon anyways, she reminds herself with anxious anticipation. 

She unlocks the door and pauses when she finds Luz scuffling quickly through her bag. She stops and turns to look at Amity, raising her eyebrows. “Oh. Sexy.” She says, discreetly zipping it back up. 

“I want to kiss you,” she says bluntly with an unprecedented urgency. Her girlfriend just looks really cute and she wants to kiss those lips right away. Luz holds out her hand and she practically flies to take it because she doesn’t care. They kiss passionately, eventually stumbling against the bed. “Wait, wait, wait.” She suddenly pulls away. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I want to be above you,” she says and quickly climbs onto the bed, she stands on her knees at the edge and it gives her just an inch taller than Luz but it means everything to her. Now she has to slightly lean down to comfortably kiss her, which makes her very excited for some reason. She rests her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders and they kiss softly. 

“You’re really sexy,” Luz says sweetly, staring at her body with a burning gaze. She can practically feel it burning holes in her chest and she loves it. Nothing makes her happier than pleasing her girlfriend. She’s obsessed with her. 

“Thank you babe,” she smiles weakly, her sponge heart soaks up every last thing about the way she says it, the way she looks and the way she feels. Resting her arms over her shoulders, she tilts her head and looks her girlfriend in the eyes. She loves looking at her. She thinks it gets across way more than her words ever could because she’s speechless. Whenever she looks at her it’s with love and adoration and want. She wants nothing more than her. 

She always wants what she can’t have. 

Luz rests a hand on Amity’s hip, just above the waistband of her skimpy little badass skirt that Luz definitely thinks is hot. “You’re beautiful…” she nuzzles into her neck. 

“Mmm,” she moans in pure happiness, placing an affectionate kiss on her girlfriend’s head. “I love you so much.” 

They get into another heated makeout, Luz pulling completely away each time and it frustrates the hell out of Amity so she puts a hand around the back of her neck to try and keep her still but it doesn’t work. “Stop doing that.” She frowns. 

“Stop pissing your pants over everything,” she shoots back and reaches behind Amity to unclasp her bra. In a sudden motion it comes off and she gasps. Her chest comes up to Luz’s face from here so she’s got delicious and perfect access. 

“Already?” Amity asks incredulously. 

“...Yeah. What are you waiting for?” 

“Nothing…” She looks away, biting her lip, feeling a bit disappointed. She was sort of hoping they’d make out and say sweet stuff about each other for a little longer. “If you took my bra off then can I take something off of you?” 

“Like what?” She asks, skeptical. 

She definitely wants her to be naked too… but she wants that stupid beanie gone more than anything. Stupid-dumb-red-edgy-teen-beanie. She rips it off of her head and hastily chucks it across the room with a sudden wave of anger coming over her, all for that idiotic beanie. “I hate your stupid hat,” she groans. 

Luz laughs. “You think it’s hot,” she quickly flicks her tongue around her nipple and she laughs when Amity hisses, arching her back into it. “Admit it.” 

“No I don’t. I hate it and it’s stupid and it’s dumb.” She says, gasping and hissing and sighing as she urgently tries to edge herself to her first of many orgasms she hopes to have but it doesn’t come easy. She’ll just have to be patient. “Babe,” she whines. 

“Can I tie you up again?” She asks softly, trailing kisses up her stomach just above her navel. Amity feels her heart ache with affection and desire, she threads a weak hand through her hair, letting her head fall to the side as she melts under her girlfriend’s sweet touch. 

“ _Yes,”_ she tells her, makes a needy little sound. “You don’t have to ask. Do whatever you want.” 

“You never tell me what _you_ want,” Luz says pointedly and she tragically stops kissing her body. Amity feels her biting her lip against her skin and she wonders what’s got her so worked up. She wants to know. 

“What’s wrong my love?” She strokes her hair affectionately, biting her own lip as she looks down at her. Luz rests her face on her bare stomach, looking up at her with a contemplative frown. 

“You frustrate me a lot sometimes,” she says bluntly. 

“You frustrate me too. I’m always feeling so confused or terrible or both. It’s really annoying.” 

Luz looks away, concluding some thought in her head. She groans irritably and slips her hand down Amity’s skirt, circling her fingers roughly over her clit. Her head immediately falls back and she jerks her hips against each wave of pleasure that Luz so begrudgingly gives to her. She doesn’t know what the mood is supposed to be. But she doesn’t care when this feels so good. 

She suddenly stops to gently wiggle the skirt down her hips for better access. It restrains her from opening her legs but still Luz finds a way to get her tongue in just the right spot. “ _Babe,_ ”

She gasps in blissful ecstasy, dutifully brushing her hair out of her face so she can continue with her amazing hard work.

Goodness, she feels like she’s going to melt under all this pressure. She pants and gasps for air, moans and screams and yelps for dear sweet life. There’s nothing she can do but take it. It’s almost torturous, how incredible and intense it feels. The only thing she’s focused on is her steady wind up, up to the top of the peak when she can finally let it all go. She wants to come as fast as possible or she might pass out from the heat of this. 

Luz stops every once in a while, gives her tummy more soft kisses and they feel like little butterflies, so sweet and teasing along with the devastating pleasure of her tongue swirling round and round her aching clit. This was all worth it, the crying and the guilt and the shame and the anguish. It’s all worth it just for this moment and this one only. The pressure all finally builds up and she crashes, her whole body going limp under her hand and her tongue. Her hand lets go of the fistful of Luz’s hair, she can’t move her hips for a split second and everything is just rainbows and serotonin. 

But Luz is already onto the next thing. “Let me tie you up,” she says quietly. 

“Fine. But first I want to know why you always want me tied up,” Amity says sternly, trying to sound assertive even if her head is still spinning and she needs a break. 

Luz is quiet for a moment and then she slips her hand down her hip, squeezing the back of her thigh. “It’s sexy,” she kisses right above her clit again and tentatively flicks her tongue over it. Amity shivers, grabbing her hair again and pushing her away. “It’s hot how you don’t have a choice.” 

“You love how you have complete control over my body and I can’t escape?” 

“Yeah, pretty much,” 

“I’ll let you do that. I just want you to respect me.” Amity says a bit sadly. “Can’t you love me too?” 

“I do love you.” 

“No you don’t,” she says accusingly, like it’s big news all of the sudden. Now that she’s not completely on edge she’s starting to feel upset again. The argument, the regret, the mental anguish. She doesn’t know why she’s doing this anymore. “You keep saying that… but I don’t believe you.” 

“...So what do you want me to do?” Luz groans, kisses her softly. “You’re so annoying.” 

“Stop making me feel like shit,” she gasps, Luz tugging on her nipple sends her into another whirlwind of confusing feelings. “Stop. Listen to me for one second.” She demands aggressively but Luz doesn’t listen. Amity groans and pushes her away once again, pushing her hand off of her because she wants to be mad, not turned on. 

Luz gives her a bored look, like she’s completely unamused and above all this, like she doesn’t even care. And here she is, probably looking like a total idiot just wanting to be loved and appreciated. The things she does for this girl’s validation. She’ll do anything for it. She starts to feel antsy, not having her hands on her body. But Amity stands her ground and she stares sternly right back at her. “What do you want me to do?” She asks again, getting impatient. 

“Apologize. And maybe tell me you love me,” she says bitterly, feeling incredibly stupid and childish, begging for something she can’t have. Luz laughs, nodding her head in disbelief. 

“You’re _crazy.”_

“I don’t care,” she says and pulls Luz in by the shoulders again. They kiss with dreamy tenderness and Amity gladly lets herself fall back on the bed as her girlfriend starts to climb on top of her. She happily succumbs herself over to complete control of her teasing kisses and her hand that runs through her hair. It’s everything she’s ever wanted and she never wants it to end. She wants everything she’ll give. If only she loved her. 

“I’m sorry,” Luz whispers and kisses her chin, then her left eye. Then her right eye. Then her cheek, then down to her jaw and oh gosh Amity’s panicking. “I’m sorry,” she says again. 

“Babe… it’s okay.” She breathes out shakily and threads a hand through her hair again, hanging onto her for her sanity. And even if she’s still mad, extremely confused and conflicted, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because she says she’s sorry. And that’s good enough right? She doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter how she feels. If Luz loves her and is kissing her like this then that’s the only thing that truly matters. “I love you. It’s okay.” 

“Don’t be mad.” She says and kisses her neck. How _can_ she even be mad? This is… heaven. She feels so helpless but she’s glad about it. She wants this. 

“I’m not mad. I promise.” 

“Let me make it up to you?” She asks and Amity’s heart practically bursts. All she can really do is make a little sound, a useless, blissful mewl that comes from the immense happiness she’s feeling. “Please?” 

“Yes!” She gasps elatedly, absolutely overthinking the way she says it. She’s practically begging isn’t she? She giggles a little bit, feeling her hair tickling under her chin while she’s busy twirling her tongue around her nipple. Amity thinks she’s obsessed with the way it feels, how teasing and obnoxious it is, the way it makes her feel so crazy. It’s like torture. 

“Let me show you _just_ how sorry I am.” Luz says deviously and she sits up to give Amity this smolderingly mysterious grin, her hair is adorably messy and Amity’s heart just wants to explode. And she once again finds herself speechless, helplessly excited and nervous and twenty other things at once that she can’t really accurately describe. “Is that okay?” 

“Fuck. Stop asking me that and just fuck me,” Amity begs like an idiot and much to her immense displeasure, Luz moves off of her and scuffles out of bed. She flips on the bedside lamp and unzips her bag again to look through it. “What are you doing?” She asks, hoping she doesn’t sound as annoyed as she feels. 

“Hold up. I’m getting something.” 

“Something for _what?”_

“Something to fuck you with,” she says casually and that shuts Amity right up. _Yay._ Luckily, she doesn’t take too long and she hears her zip her bag up again. She sets something down on the bed before climbing back in and sitting on top of Amity again. 

In the dim lighting, something shiny and metallic catches her eye. _Oh god._ Luz notices her girlfriend’s hesitance and leans down to softly kiss her. “I’m going to tie you up now.” She whispers and it sends shivers down her spine. 

“Okay,” she stammers. “Where are you getting this stuff from?” She asks, eyeing the strange contraption warily. Luz locks her hands in each one and then ties it up to the bedpost. And now she’s deliciously incapable, her arms over her head, just the way Luz likes her to be. 

“Online,” she says simply, shrugging. She leans over to secure the knot, tugging at it before sitting back up. She tilts her head, looking down at her pathetic girlfriend with a smug look. Amity’s heart leaps at how much she loves and wants her, her mouth dropping open. “You’re such an idiot.” 

“I know,” she whispers, nuzzling against Luz’s hand, taking two fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue around them. 

“I have to punish you for being so bad today,” she slowly pulls her fingers out of Amity’s warm, desperate mouth and trails her saliva down to her chest. She makes a low grumble sound, sighing when Luz stops. “What’s wrong?” 

“I thought you were making it up to me…” she looks away tentatively, biting her lip again. “For being such a shitty girlfriend.” 

Luz pauses, goes back to tracing her finger lightly over her hips. “Isn’t it sexier if I’m _not_ sorry?” 

“You have a point,” she raises her eyebrows. “You’re never sorry about anything anyways, I suppose today isn’t an exception.”

“You’re right. Great observation, Blight.” She says with faux praise in her tone, condescendingly pats her on her head like she’s a dog. Amity groans and bites down harder on her lip. “Did that turn you on?” She laughs down at her. 

“ _Fuck._ Maybe...” She squeezes her eyes shut, wishing she could just crawl into a hole and die right now. She’s completely stuck here, with her girlfriend on top of her and at her mercy. She loves it. “Can you hurry up?” She asks quietly. 

“I want you to be a patient little pet, okay?” Luz says, laughing a little bit. She leans back down over her and brushes their noses together before kissing her softly. Amity moans, kissing back obediently, waiting for her prize. Waiting for the punchline. Then she pulls away just slightly, Luz’s lips ghosting torturously over hers. “Stick your tongue out,” she tells her. 

“Why?” Amity dares asking, trembling with nervous excitement. 

“Just do it like a good girl,” she says sweetly and that’s all the convincing she needs. She sucks in a deep breath and quickly sticks her tongue out between her clenched teeth, smiling anxiously. Luz immediately bites it and Amity yelps but takes it anyways. “I want to bite it off so you can’t scream,” she says darkly and Amity is turned on more than she’s alarmed. 

“You like it when I scream,” she knowingly points out, making Luz pause. “It’s why you hurt me so much. You _like_ to see me in pain.”

“Because you don’t deserve to feel good.” 

“Why not?” 

“You’re a bitch,” she says plainly, pushing her into another fervent kiss. They swirl tongues in an overwhelmingly hot makeout, it’s warm and sweet and teasing. How can she _not_ lose control and willingly offer up her body to this girl that makes her feel like a hot oven all the time, so bottled up with intense emotion? How can she not crave the way she touches her and pulls her and teases her like she’s some kind of toy? How can she _not_ love the way she feels inside of her, when she’s so pent up and aching for her _all_ the time? 

She can’t. 

“Ready?” Luz asks gently and she pulls away to sit up again, leaving Amity with nothing to to kiss and nothing to touch. Swallowing, she nods, whimpering and twisting and arching under her touch, the gentle finger she traces along her skin. All she wants is to be touched. 

“ _More than anything…_ ” she sighs, trying to relax her tense muscles, clenching tightly on nothing. 

“Are you gonna be _good_?” She demands. 

“Yes. I promise, babe. Promise, promise.” 

“Are you gonna behave yourself?” 

“Yes, yes, _yes_. Babe, I will.” She tries to pull her hands out of the cuffs, desperately wanting to reach out and touch her girlfriend but to no avail. “Stop making me wait.” Begging, she pulls her arms. “You always make me wait…” 

Luz gets this strange grin on her face like she’s trying not to laugh and she pushes Amity’s face to the side. She giggles, folding her top lip up and exposing her canine tooth. “You look so dumb,” she says lovingly, gazing down at her with condescending amusement. “But sexy.” 

Amity lets out a breath, feeling incredibly stupid and picked over. She wishes they could just move on to the hooking up part. She reaches her tongue up to lick the finger holding her lip and Luz yelps, quickly pulling it away. “Fuck me,” she says brazenly, daring her. 

“Are you sure?” Luz asks teasingly, moving to climb off of her perch on Amity’s stomach. She crawls to the edge of the bed and reaches for something, turning to flash Amity a pretty little smile to distract her. “Stop messing around.” 

“What!” Amity whines, getting extremely frustrated and impatient with this, tilting her chin up to peer over Luz’s shoulder and see what she’s up to. “What are you doing _now?_ ”

“Hold on a sec.” She says, sounding focused on something. Damn light. If it were a bit lighter in here then she’d be able to see. Then she hears something _click._

“What is that…?” She asks suspiciously. 

Without a word, Luz crawls back over to her, a playful smile on her face. She pushes her into a deep kiss that Amity immediately submits to. But nothing could have prepared her for when she pulled away, an impish glint in her eye and she said, “I bought a strap on.” 

Amity isn’t really surprised. Actually, she kind of expected it at some point. She giggles maniacally against her lips, pulling away to look at her girlfriend incredulously. “Oh my god babe. You got a strap on?” 

“Yeah! It was like, really expensive.” She starts to laugh uncontrollably. 

“Then _why_ did you buy it?” 

“Because I only want the best for you.” She kisses her nose softly and then as an afterthought, asks, “Do you wanna see it?” 

“No,” she says quickly. “I want you to fuck me with it.” 

“Are you sure?” She teases but this time she moves to get in between Amity’s legs again and she can rest easy knowing that she wouldn’t have to wait much longer. “I want you to beg me for it.” 

At first Amity thinks about resisting, just to get back at her a bit even if she knows it’d do her more bad than good. But then she feels something hard and _big_ press against her entrance and she immediately changes her tune. “Fuck. Babe.” She moans. 

“Do you want me to go _inside_ of you?” She asks, resting a hand on her knee and she bumps her hips slightly forward to press harder on her pulsing clit. It just slightly slips inside before Luz teasingly pulls back out again. It feels _so_ good. She needs more. 

“ _Please, please…”_ she whispers desperately at her wits end. 

“Open your legs wider,” she tells her sternly and she’s quick to obey, trying and failing because she’s so weak. So Luz helps out and pushes them open. Amity yelps in pain, trying to shut her legs but Luz keeps her open with sheer force. “I need you to be open so I can fuck you, remember?” 

“Okay babe.” She breathes and tenses to release the strain on her aching muscles. “Go ahead. Do it.” 

“What’s the magic word?” 

“Please. Pretty please.” 

“With a cherry on top?” 

“Yes. Whatever you want. I love you. Give me everything.” She begs, puffing her chest out in hopes that Luz will touch her. She’s such a slut for her… how did she end up like this, in bed with this girl who is younger than her but makes her feel like a stupid kid… letting her use her like this. This doesn’t mean anything. Somehow, that doesn’t upset her as much as it used to. It’s actually kind of hot, the way Luz is so shameless with her intentions. How she’s so unbothered by the situation. How she doesn’t hear Amity’s cries. 

“Do you _really_ want this?” Luz gently strokes her clit and Amity moans, trying to get that delicious friction and tip over the edge… to her girlfriend’s beautiful amazing sweet hand. The pleasure is almost too much to handle. “Or are you scared?”

“I’m _not_ scared. Give it to me,” she whines desperately when Luz uses two fingers to spread open her folds, uses her other hand to gently guide it inside of her. She hisses as it penetrates her soft walls and _oh my gosh_ it hurts so bad and it’s too big. Or rather, Amity is just tiny. She tries to take it, letting her eyes flutter closed, biting her tongue as Luz gently fucks her like the amazing girlfriend she is. 

It all becomes too much to handle and she can’t take it anymore, no matter how good it feels inside of her. “Red light,” she says shakily. 

“Make up your mind, Amity,” she laughs a little bit but doesn’t stop. In fact, she goes slightly faster with longer, deeper thrusts, pushing in all the way to the end where they meet, and then she slowly pulls all the way out just to tease her. “You’re so wishy-washy… you can never decide what you want.” 

“But it hurts babe… it’s too big for me.” She says, apologetic and sweet, just hoping it’d ease her up a bit. But Luz has _lots_ of opinions on Amity and she doesn’t hesitate to make it known. She thinks her flaws are what Luz is drawn to most. “Please...take it out.”

“I’m _not_ stopping,” she tells her, “Until you learn your lesson. This is punishment, _not_ for fun.” Giving her an especially hard thrust, it goes deep inside of her, so deep that Amity cries out in pain. “You were being _really_ bad today. What do you have to say for yourself?” She reaches up to push her skirt away, exposing her to the sight of her tight, wet mess getting absolutely destroyed as she slips in and out at a steady, biting pace. Even if she knows this is wrong and she’s nonconsenting, something about the way Luz isn’t listening to her, ignoring her pleas and feelings just to use her body for her own selfish purposes … that’s so hot to her and as she keeps going and going, she nears her first of many unwanted orgasms to her stubborn girlfriend that she’s so head over heels for. 

“I wanted your attention,” she says, dizzy from the pain. “You keep...ah—… you weren’t paying attention to me.”

“Not everything is about you.” 

“I know but… you make me feel like that. It’s your fault.” 

… 

They keep going for a long time and really Amity doesn’t have a choice. She comes so many times that she loses count, and finally after they’re both well over exhausted, Luz finally pulls it out, flopping down beside her, panting for air. They both lay there for a moment in silence, Amity simmering in her guilt and regret and anger and another whirlwind of terrible feelings, staring blankly at the ceiling. 

“You okay?” Luz asks after a while because she always does and Amity doesn’t really know why or if she ever actually cared. She turns to press a little kiss on her temple before she sits up to untie her. When she finally pulls her arms down, her shoulders ache from being extended for the entirety of tonight. 

She drops them at her sides and glares at Luz bitterly but she doesn’t seem to notice. “You didn’t listen to me… again.”

“Shut up.” She kisses her again. “We’re not even done yet.” 

“But… I used the safe word. I don’t understand.” Luz sighs and she glares at Amity. “Luz, I… don’t want to have sex anymore tonight.” 

“Why not?”

“I’m tired. And I’m mad at you.” 

“Right. Because you’re _always_ mad at me after we do this,” she groans and stands up to rip the stupid strap-on off. Then she leaves the room to go to the bathroom, leaving Amity alone with her painful thoughts and the memories of the past few hours. She doesn’t know what time it is or even where her phone is. She got so wrapped up in this that she forgot about everything else. She rolls to her side, hugging herself as tears burn her eyes and she starts to cry again. _Ugh._ She’s tired of crying after sex. She hears the toilet flush and Luz comes stumbling back into the room. Without a word, she gets back in bed and cuddles up in front of Amity, resting her chin on her head and pulling her close as she sobs. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. 

“It’s okay.”

* * *

  
  


Amity wakes up in a panic, but like most mornings, she finds herself wrapped in her girlfriend’s arms. It’s comforting and sweet to know that she’s still here. They had such a long night together… she bites her lip just thinking about it all again. She feels happy right now. Usually, she's filled with regret and shame, and the sound of her gentle snore or the feeling of her skin against hers doesn’t help. 

But this time it’s different and she can’t really figure out why. 

This time, she wants to stay cuddled close to her. This time she hopes Luz slips her hand between her legs again when she wakes up. She hopes they can stay like this in bed all day and not worry about anything—

Amity gasps, pulling herself out of Luz’s embrace and it immediately wakes her up. She winces, putting an apologetic hand on her bare shoulder. “I’m sorry babe,” she says quietly, nuzzling into her neck again. “I just...I think we’re late for work.” 

She feels Luz go rigid under her. “Oh.” Is all she says. She brings a gentle hand up to pinch Amity’s earlobe that’s still sensitive from the bite. It sends a shock of pleasurable pain down her back and she shivers delightedly. Her girlfriend is so hot and amazing and she’s violently in love with her. She loves the pain. She’s so happy that her girlfriend is here right now. She wants her more than anything. 

The pain is a constant reminder of just how out of control she is when it comes to Amity. She’ll have a good time putting on her earrings later. Oh well. 

Her mind goes blank when her hand slips up more, tangling in her messy, mint green hair to cradle the back of her head gently. It feels so good. Amity moans, letting out a contented sigh and curling closer into her girlfriend’s body. Luz lightly scratches her scalp with her fingers tips, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Amity wants to fucking melt. Why is she so amazing? She literally wants to marry her right now. She will be her wife gladly for the rest of her life if that meant she could wake up to this every morning. 

Extremely overwhelmed and taken by the swelling of her heart, the butterflies in her stomach and the ache in her chest, she gives her shoulder a weak little kiss. “I love you,” she says shakily, the tears in her voice are apparent that she’s attempting to hold back a happy sob. 

“Love you too,” she laughs quietly, gives her forehead another small kiss. She moves her hand out of her hair to gently hold the back of her neck. Amity loves it there most of all because it’s warm and comforting and soft and so, _so_ romantic. Sigh, she’s going to be the death of her. “Let’s not go today.” 

“Okay.” Amity eagerly agrees, no questions asked, the both of them avoiding the quiet anxieties they have over the whole thing. There would probably be some repercussions for this but she doesn’t really care or understand the extent of it because she’s in her girlfriend’s arms in her bed and they had sex last night. She pushes herself closer, as close as she can possibly get without suffocating her because all she wants is to feel her close. “Tell me what happened last night,” she prompts casually, biting back a grin. 

“... _You know what happened last night,_ ” she mumbles lazily into her hair. 

“ _Mmm_ , you’re right. I _do_ know.” She tentatively wraps her arms around her, sighing comfortably when she gets her silent approval by means of Luz’s happy sound that Amity loves so much. “I’m _really_ sore still…” she whispers. 

“You’re happy about it.” She says pointedly. Damn her for seeing through every little thing she says. Amity whimpers happily and curls in _closer_. She delights over the way she gently rubs her cheek with the back of her hand, petting her softly. Goodness she’s going to die. 

“”Why are you being so cuddly today?” 

“Want me to stop?” She asks teasingly, much to Amity’s panic. 

“No!” She says and Luz laughs quietly. There’s a comfortable silence for a long while, the two of them just laying there and enjoying each other. It’s pure bliss and Amity feels like she might explode from the quiet domesticity of this perfect moment. She can hardly believe this is real. Could she be dreaming? “...Do you have the worst headache of your life right now too?” She asks, and _definitely not dreaming._ Damn whiskey. 

“Yeah,” she shrugs. “Actually, I’ve felt worse. I deal with this all the time. You get used to it.” 

“...Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much,” she suggests with concern in her voice. “I really worry about you sometimes…” she whispers. 

“Aw,” she uses a finger to push her chin up to softly kiss her lips. “Don’t worry babe.” 

“Babe,” she laughs and kisses her back, deeply. “I’m really in love with you.” 

“No you’re not,” she tells her. “You just _think_ you are.”

Amity sighs but doesn’t argue back, not wanting to ruin the peacefulness of the moment. Nothing ever stays the same with Luz. They’re kissing when she pulls away to roll onto her back, staring blankly at the ceiling. She feels incredibly conflicted all of the sudden. “We should get up,” she sighs, ignoring the way Luz splays her hand over her bare stomach. 

Or, tries to. Luz only pulls herself closer and gives her jaw a gentle kiss. “Wait,” she breathes. Oh gosh. “Don’t you want me to…” 

“Go ahead…” She groans and gently reaches for her hand. Even after everything, she’s still such a serf for her. She can’t really help herself. She slips her hand down between her legs, under the stupid skirt. She’s just so tired that she can’t do much. She wants this and she’s taking it but she’s so exhausted. 

It’s just like always, nothing makes her feel quite as good. It’s such a practiced thing that they’ve done for so long, the way that Luz knows exactly what to do and where to touch because she’s done this so many times before. Amity feels a bit guilty about it for some reason. This girl who she’s so severely in love with, the same one that makes her cry alone in the fetal position for hours. The same one that hurts her for her own satisfaction, the one that gives her such a hard time. This is what they do…

And she dips two fingers inside, shallowly rubs against her tight, warm walls that invite her in with helpless urgency. She moans, steadily grinding herself against her girlfriend’s teasing strokes. Each thrust and pull aches from last night, a constant reminder of her shame. But it feels so wonderful. “It hurts so much,” Amity says even as she writhes and jerks her hips with great delight, not planning to stop. 

“Tell me what happened last night,” Luz says gently into her ear, keeping up a fast pace for her girlfriend to grind on. Amity moans, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes tight. The thought of that makes her _very_ tired. 

“You fucked me,” she falters, crying out when her fingers tip hits an especially tender spot. “And I liked it. You... _mmm_ ,” 

“I what?” 

“Nothing. Just please—,” she groans. Reaching down, she strokes her own clit just to help herself out a bit since Luz wanted to stop and slow down and _not_ let her come. She forgot what it was like, touching herself. She hasn’t done it in a while, not when it pales compared to what Luz makes her feel. But this is good. She rubs tight circles on the top, feeling her girlfriend’s fingers charging her relentlessly. “Yes, yes, yes,” she begs. “Please, please. Babe.” 

Luz laughs, kisses her neck and she stops when she feels Amity clench weakly around her fingers. “Out,” she says, sighing with a mixture of disappointment and relief when she pulls out. “Fuck. I’m so sore from that.” 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, laughing. Wiping her hand off on the bed, she turns on her back and glances at Amity with a playful grin. “Do you… forgive me?” 

“Of course.” She gives her a look, teasingly sticking her tongue out. “You always say sorry. And I always believe you. I think that’s my problem.” 

“Or...you’re thinking too far into it?” 

“I have every right. You’re so confusing.” She sighs wistfully. She sits up, her back screaming in protest. “I think I’m going crazy because of you.” 

“ _I think I’m going crazy because of you,”_ Luz says mockingly, laughing. “You’re already crazy. You’re a _craaazy_ bitch, Blight.” 

Amity turns to glare at her, a curse on the tip of her tongue. She freezes when she sees her girlfriend happily finger-fucking herself with the same two fingers she used inside of her. She instantly loses her resolve and gets incredibly turned on again. “Does that feel good?” She asks sweetly, mesmerized by the way she handles herself so hastily. It’s so hot. It’s so hard not to. 

Luz doesn’t answer. 

Amity peels her eyes away, staring down with agitated nerves, biting her lip again. She needs to get up and start her day. She can’t let Luz distract her anymore. Not now. She scoots herself to the edge of the bed and sits there for a moment. Contemplating her life. Thinking about her choices. How did she get here? _Ugh._ She stands up on her still incredibly unstable legs and she stumbles into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She avoids the mirror because she knows she looks like complete shit right now and she doesn’t want to feel any worse than she already does. 

Her girlfriend is right outside the door, laying in _her_ bed, touching herself. Why didn’t she just ask her to do it? She would have gladly got her sweet girlfriend off just like she did her. Amity groans, stepping into the shower and letting the warm water soothe her aching body. Luz knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows exactly how to get under her skin. That’s all it is. She just likes to make her uncomfortable and upset. That’s what it is. Damn her. 

She feels one hundred times lighter after getting the dirt of last night off her body, out of her hair and out of her mind. She doesn’t want to think about her for just one second if she can help it. 

She walks back into the bedroom to dig through her dresser for something to wear. Luz is laying on her side with her knees tucked close to her stomach and she’s hugging a pillow to her chest. Amity doesn’t say anything and neither does she. Having gotten her clothes, she heads back into the bathroom and gets dried off and dressed. 

And she wants to do something for herself so she decides to put on some fresh makeup. That’s when she finally gets a good look at herself in the mirror. Her eyeliner is not _terrible_ for everything she’s been through but it’s extremely unflattering and she doesn’t know why Luz even sticks around at all. 

She makes a mental note to make it a priority to remove her makeup every night because leaving it on always ruins her skin a little bit more. She removes everything with only two makeup wipes and she’s drawing concealer triangles under her eyes when Luz comes in with a towel and change of clothes. “Hi,” She says hesitantly, not knowing what the mood is supposed to be. 

“Hey,” she grins at her, pulling her shirt off and then her bra and—Amity looks away because she does _not_ need anything distracting her. “What’s wrong? You’ve seen me naked before.” She raises an eyebrow, tossing her clothes onto the floor and closing the curtain behind her when she steps into the shower. 

“I’m trying to focus on something else _other than_ you,” she rolls her eyes, pulling her mind back to concealer. Makeup. Right. 

“What was that?” Luz calls from over the curtain. 

“Nothing,” She sighs. 

She finishes up in the bathroom and moves on to laundry. She grabs Luz’s dirty clothes from the bathroom floor, tosses it in the hamper. Pulls the dirty sex stained sheets off of her bed. Her dirty clothes. She wants it all washed away and gone. Thinking about Luz right now just makes her upset. She can’t really understand why. She’s loading the washing machine in the hallway when said girlfriend comes up next to her and presses a warm kiss on her neck. It makes her stomach flip and she remembers how in love with this girl she is. “What are you doing?” She asks incredulously. 

“Wife stuff,” she says after a long moment of overthinking it. She glances at her and she does a double take when she sees that stupid beanie ontop of her head again and after a split second of _should I burn it?,_ she snatches it off and tosses it in the washing machine as well. 

Luz just laughs and pulls her in by the waist. “You’re a good wife,” she giggles and kisses her lips softly. It feels so good. Amity melts into it like an idiot who’s under a magical spell because no person in their right mind would ever do this, let this whole thing get this far. And as she clutches onto her shoulder to keep her balance as Luz deepens the kiss, she realizes, _I’m a moron._

That’s why Luz likes her. 

Amity pulls away, completely wound up but bothered by her sudden realization. Actually, she already knew this. It was just now that she acknowledged it. She’s such a fool. She feels so stupid. Groaning, she pushes past her to go back into the bedroom. She waited because she thought she’d follow her and ask what’s wrong, but no. Frustrated, Amity storms into the living room and finds Luz at the kitchen counter cutting a banana over a bowl of Cheerios. “Hi,” She raises her eyebrows in question. 

“Can you get out of my apartment? And stop eating up my food.” She snaps. 

“What’s _your_ problem?” She snorts, turning to open the fridge. Amity stews in her unprecedented anger, walking up behind her and crossing her arms. She shuts the fridge door and turns to face her with a bored look. “What’d I do _this time?”_

Amity blinks. What _is_ she so mad about? Now that she thinks about, she’s not exactly sure. It’s more of a mixture of emotions and things she’s done before. Instead, she stays quiet and decides not to get herself too worked up and just ignore it. Then maybe it’ll go away. She gets a yoghurt drink from the fridge and leans on the counter, drinking it irritably beside her girlfriend who’s silently eating her bowl of cereal. It’s kind of awkward. She hates this. She hates Luz. 

Simmering in her regret long enough, she can’t stand to be next to her right now. She walks past to head back into the room when Luz stops her with a hand in her shoulder. “Does that hurt?” She asks, poking a bruise on her shoulder between her neck and Amity hisses when she does. 

Shocked, she stays quiet for a moment. “Yes… it hurts a lot.” She looks away, ashamed. Luz stays quiet. “But… it’s okay. I like it.” 

“You… like it?”

Amity nods, staring at her confusedly. She doesn’t know _what’s_ happening. “I… I know it’s weird but. I like the pain.” 

Luz groans and drops her spoon, pulling Amity in for a hug. “You’re so weird. I don’t know what’s going on with you but…” 

“Can you stay here and cuddle with me all day?” She whispers into her chest. “I feel really confused right now.” 

“Wouldn’t it help if I just left?” 

“No. Please stay.” She begs. “Please.” 

“Okay. Whatever you want.” She pets her girlfriend’s head. 

So that’s how they end up back in the bed, with no sheet because Amity forgot to start the washing machine. They’re cuddled together, her head resting on Luz’s chest, her arm wrapped lazily around her. 

They’re watching the Disney Channel. She’s falling asleep, feeling safe and comfortable in her girlfriend’s arms for the most part. A small part of her still feels anxious and desperate, to pull away and scream at her leave. But she loves her so much and there’s nothing more that she wants. There’s nothing she can do. 

She’s restless, despite herself. 

“Luz?” 

“Yeah? 

“... Isn’t this kind of weird?” 

Luz pauses. “ _You_ asked _me_ to stay.” She reminds her irritably. She doesn’t want another argument. She’s still on edge herself and she needs to calm down so she takes a deep breath and places a gentle hand over hers to let her know that she’s not mad. 

“Babe, I just want to talk.” She says gently. “Can we do that?” 

“Okay. Let’s talk.” 

Amity sits up, thinking about what she wants to say and coming up with ways to say it so she doesn’t start anything. All she wants is to express to her girlfriend how she feels so that they can acknowledge it and move on with the relationship. Climbing over to straddle her, she’s met with Luz’s unamused frown. Amity sighs and reaches out to gently cup her face. “Just listen to me, okay?” For a long time it’s quiet while she looks for the words. “I’m… miserable because of you.” 

Luz’s eyes fall away and she sighs quietly. She feels terrible. Ugh. She lays down on top of her, they’re bodies pressed comfortably together and she finally feels like she can say what she needs to say like this, not facing her. “We aren’t good for each other… at all, really.” She says quietly, a melancholy feeling washing over her. Suddenly, she wants to cry. “I think we should start over… and do it the right way. We can have a _normal_ relationship.” she says. “We can get to know each other.” 

  
“Get to know each other…? That’s… we’ve been doing this for two years, Blight. I think I know you by now.” 

“I’m serious, babe.” She gently hits her arm. “I don’t really know you at all. You don’t know me either. Do you even know what my favorite color is?” She asks incredulously. 

“Green?” 

“No.” She hits her arm again, harder this time. “I think we should start going on dates more often, and actually talk to each other about something. You could tell me about whatever you want.” She says and moves to gently interlace their fingers together. “I would love to meet your mom one day.” 

“She would like you,” Luz laughs quietly. 

Amity smiles, burying her face in her neck. “We could pretend we just met and fall in love like real people do. We won’t have sex until we actually get to know each other and that way it’s more meaningful when we’re ready.” 

“No sex?” 

Amity kisses her neck gently. “We _could._ But… we’d have to limit it. Once a week but better if none?” She offers hopefully. 

“Twice.” 

“Hm. Okay. We can compromise.” Another kiss. “You have to be romantic for me.” She grins when Luz doesn’t say anything. “I’ll drive more. I’ll put in as much effort as you do, I promise. I’m sorry I haven’t before.” 

“Amity… I don’t—,” it’s quiet for a moment. “... So basically just pretend I’m in love with you?” Luz asks and Amity’s taped-together heart shatters into a billion more pieces. But she starts picking up the pieces again right away. She feels hopeless. She actually thought she was getting them somewhere. 

“Basically… yeah.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz try to avoid having sex but it doesn’t go well at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️⚠️Trigger Warnings⚠️⚠️  
> Non-con/rape
> 
> There’s lots of sex. Just sex sex sex like RABBITS OMFG
> 
> This chapter is very self indulgent. 
> 
> Consider this my new year’s present to you I guess. Yep, just some good ol toxic relationship to start you off on a positive foot! 😜

She sometimes can’t wrap her head around it, how she got a girl like Amity wrapped so tightly around her finger. 

How did she get such a pretty girl to kiss her like this? How does she tell her it’s all a joke when she gets this sick satisfaction from leading her on? _Just a little longer,_ she tells herself. _Then I’ll leave her._

But how _can_ she when Amity’s so dead set on her? How can she say anything when she’s so enticing with her false confidence… with how hard she tries to carry the dead weight on her back? How can she say she’s not enjoying every second of it, watching her slow descent into madness with each kiss and each touch? 

How can she _not_ laugh? 

She knows Amity is going to leave her, so that’s why she has to do it first. She knows that if Amity ever figures out that she deserves better, and she’s not fast enough, she won’t have the last laugh. And that wouldn’t be a very good ending to the joke, would it? 

Amity’s drawing on her eyeliner in front of the mirror by the door, her steady hand shaking with intense focus. That’s when it all hits Luz. She knows she’s all talk, Amity isn’t a threat and she isn’t dangerous. She doesn’t need to worry about it. About her. She’s tough. She always recovers after every blow, no matter how hard Luz hits. 

And, Luz kind of likes the attention. She knows she’s sick for it but being honest with herself, she doesn’t care. Not when Amity is so close or when she’s naked or when she’s like _this._ It’s amusing, that’s all. She likes being begged and being sought after and she likes being the center of attention, _all the time._

Well, _her_ attention. No one’s ever paid much attention to her before. Maybe, she thinks, she’s as desperate as Amity when push comes to shove and she has to tell the truth. But she doesn’t know what she wants out of this anymore. At first it was to make Amity suffer. What she _really_ wanted was to make her cry.

And how many times has that happened now? 

Then, it was to hurt her. To make her suffer in a way that isn’t physical. Even if she liked bruising her… she wanted her to suffer with a constant thought, and now she _is_ that thought but… does she even want to be that thought anymore, when Amity’s so dead set?

She doesn’t like Amity. 

“Ready to go?” She asks cheerfully, smiling that pretty smile that she knows is just for her. 

Luz jumps to attention, lifting her head from her hand and sitting up straight in her seat, smiling back at her beautiful girlfriend. “Yeah,” 

Amity walks over to her and offers her hand. Luz looks apprehensively at it. She doesn’t deserve this girl. She’s so amazing, so breathtakingly beautiful and _achingly_ better than Luz to the extent that it’s almost unbelievable how this whole thing even happened. It’s too bad she doesn’t realize it. It’s too bad she’s such a stupid fucking idiot. Luz grins, quickly taking it and she stands up over Amity. 

She wants to kiss her but she knows she doesn’t have to because Amity is practically drooling over her already. All she has to do is wait. She bites her lip and Luz already knows. She’s trying to control herself. Tentatively, she leans in and presses their lips together in an urgent, warm kiss. 

And, Amity isn’t hard to kiss. She learned how to deactivate her, to get her begging at her feet like a lovesick maniac. She puts a hand on her back, pushing the kiss deeper and Amity arching her back, readily melting into it. Her other hand slips up the back of her neck, combing through her hair and that’s when she distracts her with kisses down her neck. She feels her go light on her feet and that’s how she knows she’s floating away—and that’s _usually_ when she pushes her against the wall. 

But not today. 

Amity grumbles, begrudgingly pulls herself out of the kiss with one last peck. She puts stern hands on Luz’s shoulders and looks at her wildly, she almost looks offended. “Come on babe,” she pleads a bit breathlessly. “We’re doing so good. Don’t make me jump you today?” 

She knows she has this girl. A vindictive grin spreads across Luz’s face and she ruthlessly takes another one of Amity’s sweet hesitant kisses. She pulls away when it quickly turns hot and heavy again. 

“I wanna kiss you,” she says with little effort because she knows Amity will take anything and blow it out of proportion. “Can’t I kiss my girlfriend?” 

“Who’s your girlfriend?” She asks playfully, biting back a smile as she struggles to push Luz away. But she doesn’t want to entertain her stupid antics because she knows how insecure Amity is. She craves validation for every little thing, and if Luz doesn’t give it to her then it hardly counts. That’s the way she likes it because no one’s paid attention to her quite the way Amity does. “Say it, babe.” 

Luz hums, looking off to the side. “You’re my girlfriend,” she says finally and then glances back at Amity. She looks so desperately hopeless. Amity quickly pecks her lips again and pulls herself out of her arms because she knows if she stays any longer then things won’t go the way she wants them to. And all Luz really wants is to see her fail. And she _knows_ that all she has to do is merely be beside her to make that happen. 

Because she practically strains under the weight of it all. She sees her put a hesitant hand on the doorknob and she pauses before pushing the door open. Before walking out, she turns to flash Luz a smile. “Ready?” 

And so they walk out, hand in hand, the girl and her willing victim, out on their first (real) date. 

They go to some lazy cafe not too far from the apartment. Amity drives them because she thinks that’ll make Luz proud of her. They’re sitting in the back in front of a big window that looks out into a garden. 

Amity is excited, she can tell by how antsy she is. Luz is annoyed and she makes sure that Amity knows it. She sits back in her chair, a leg crossed over the other as she sips her overly salted coffee. She likes the coffee from work better. 

Amity watches her expectantly. She rests her head in her hands and leans on the table and she sighs dreamily. “So. What _is_ your favorite color?” She asks. 

Luz rolls her eyes, despite how incredibly endeared she is by such a pathetic first date question. She can’t help but smile. “Green.” 

“Why is it green?” She giggles. Luz rolls her eyes again. She really doesn’t know what Amity expects from her. Or really why they’re even doing this in the first place. It’s hopeless. She doesn’t know why she keeps trying. 

“It’s the color of your hair,” Luz says sweetly to her desperate girlfriend and luckily it does its job. She smiles, laughing quietly and burying her face in her hands. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she nods into her hands, then anxiously combs her fingers through her hair. “I mean…” she bites her lip. “Let’s at least try. Come on. Tell me something.” 

“What do you want me to tell you?” 

Amity thinks for a moment. “Tell me about your family.” 

“Uh. Okay,” She shrugs and sets her mug down, leans on the table. “I have like, a million cousins.” she laughs when Amity raises an eyebrow. “Okay, more like twenty.” 

“Do you know all of them?” 

“Not all of them,” she shakes her head. “I know most of them on my mom’s side. But, my dad…” she shrugs. 

Amity pauses. “Oh. Is your dad… ?” 

“Eh. I dunno.” She looks away and picks her cup back up again to brush it off. “It’s whatever. What about your dad? He’s probably got you a trust fund or something like that, right?” 

_“No.”_ She glares at Luz. “I’m completely independent. I don’t need any of their money…” she looks away. “And besides, I don’t even remember the last time I’ve seen my dad sober.” 

“Is he an addict?” 

“He’s… yes. I guess you could say that.” She shrugs. There’s an airy pause while the two of them simmer in their daddy issues. “This is awkward, isn’t it?” 

“Kind of. But hey,” she reaches over the table and playfully flicks Amity’s nose. “I think we should keep trying.” 

At that, her eyes light up and she smiles. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Luz shrugs again, looking away as she sips her coffee again. 

“Okay,” she starts with a newfound confidence. “What’s your _actual_ favorite color?”

Luz snorts, rolling her eyes. “Be serious.” 

“I don’t know!” She groans excitedly. “I’m not good at this stuff. I know nothing about dating or romance or…” she looks up at Luz again. “I just wanted us to understand each other better.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you,” she says, only half joking. “You really confuse me sometimes, Blight.” 

“You confuse me too.” She chokes out an anxious laugh. “I can’t ever tell what you’re thinking. I don’t know if this is serious or just a joke to you.” 

“Could be both.” 

Amity glares at her again. “So like,” she bites her lip. “Have you ever… done anything with anyone else before?” 

“No.” Luz raises her eyebrows. “Have you?” 

_“N—no,”_ she stammers incredulously. “You were my first… you _know_ that.” 

“Hm,” is all she says, humming observantly. Sips her coffee again. 

“ _What?”_

“Nothing. I’ll pay the bill, okay?” 

“Okay,” Amity hesitates. “Luz?” 

“Yeah?” 

“So… do you actually love me? Or am I really just…” she looks away. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to know why you’d spend so much time just messing around with me if you don’t really care?” 

Luz is quiet for a moment. _Shit._ She doesn’t have anything on the ready to just tell her. She’s not even sure herself. She _doesn’t_ care. She _doesn’t_ love Amity. She doesn’t _know!_

She stares down into her cup, there’s a corner left of her coffee and she tilts the cup to swish it to the other side. “Because… it’s really starting to make me feel crazy, not knowing.” Amity says quietly. 

“I… I don’t know.” 

The silence that followed was finally broken by Amity’s delirious giggling. Luz looks at her, confused. “What?” 

“I don’t know either.” 

After their date, they go to the park. She guesses maybe this is still part of it. She glances at Amity and her heart pinched at the sight of her, blankly gazing ahead. She’s wearing her beanie. 

They walk quietly beside each other for a while and Luz searches desperately for something to say to her. She feels so awkward now about everything, almost ashamed. Was she supposed to act differently now that Amity was? Was she supposed to pretend that she wasn’t only here for her own selfish reasons…?

Amity drifts off of the trail and she twirls around in the grass, giggling like an idiot. And Luz can’t help but smile because she’s so beautiful and amazing. “Come on,” she holds her hand out. And in a guilt ridden haze, Luz crosses the trail to take it. They stand there in silence as they hug, Amity’s face buried in her neck. 

She wishes she were enough for her. What’s a way to just be competent? 

“I love you,” Amity whispers softly, pressing a little kiss on her neck. 

“I love you too.” Luz tells her but she doesn’t really know if she means it. She definitely feels like it, right now at least. And now that she thinks about it, she can’t really remember _not_ feeling it. She pulls back to softly kiss her lips. She holds her face in her hands and they stare at each other with a charged kind of tension in the air between them. 

Amity looks so beautiful. She’s so perfect. Her green hair is messy under the beanie, her soft kissable lips, her eyes and the way she’s looking back at her with such captivation. 

She hates her. 

And anyways, she leans forward to kiss her again. And again. And again. And again. 

She loves her urgency when they kiss, she loves feeling her hands tangling in her hair. She loves how Amity is so here and so willing. There’s so many other things for her, so many other _better_ options. 

But instead she stays. 

* * *

She doesn’t know why they chose _this_ as one of their dates because well… it definitely wasn’t going to end the way _Amity_ wanted it to. Luz _knew_ that from the moment she walked out in stockings. The stockings were hot and Amity is hot and they haven’t had sex in how many weeks? 

They're at the club on their third shot. Runs from the bar and then back to the dance floor were frequent and surprisingly for Amity too. Amity was dancing, like _really_ dancing and all Luz could really do was just stand there while her drunk girlfriend practically jumped her right here for everyone to see. “C’mon baby! Dance with me!” She says loudly over the obnoxiously blaring music. All of the words are running together and she can’t really string a coherent thought together to even object her. “I’m gonna get another shot, ‘kay?”

“Bring one for me?” She gives her this lopsided grin that she _knows_ she can’t resist and Amity takes it upon herself to lean in and kiss it away. 

“Of course,” she says and then disappears off into the crowd back to the bar. When she gets back, she’s got three small shot glasses in her hand that are half empty. It’s no secret what happened seeing as how she can barely walk in a straight line without stumbling. Either way, they’re both happy campers because well, alcohol and each other is all they needed to have a good time. 

“I feel like shit,” Amity screams and tilts her head back to take her first shot. Luz giggles, quickly downing hers and she gets the strong urge to just hold her girlfriend’s body close and feel her. She wants to pull her apart and make her scream like never before because she loves her so much. And she totally _could_ have because they’re in a building full of sweaty drunk people and she’d most definitely be excused for her bad behavior. 

But… 

After coming back from another trip to the bar to return the shot glasses, the two of them primed and ready for anything, Amity stumbles through the crowd again, crashing into Luz and wrapping her arms around her neck to keep herself upright. “Hi,” She grins up at her, biting her lip. 

“What?” Luz screams over the music. 

“I said hi,” she says much louder, pushing up on her tiptoes to give her girlfriend a sloppy, wet kiss. Luz moans and does her best to kiss back but it’s like all of her senses are heightened and everything is so intense and she’s really just infatuated with this idiot girl hanging onto her for dear life. Amity stumbles forward, breaking the kiss. The only thing they can do is laugh uncontrollably before she presses herself closer and they get into a softer, deeper kiss. 

Luz slips a hand down her back, shamelessly reaches down under her skirt to grab her butt, squeezing it tightly in her hand. Amity yelps, thrusting herself forward and almost making her girlfriend lose her balance when she stumbles against another person. “Fuck, babe. Stop that,” she warns her between kisses and much to Amity’s disregarding grunt, she slips her tongue into Luz’s mouth. It’s warm and when she swirls her tongue around hers, she can taste each and every one of the shots she took. Good girlfriend. She’s becoming so adventurous with her alcoholic endeavors. 

“Hold me, babe,” says Amity in a frisky voice, rocking her hips to the music, tracing her tongue along Luz’s bottom lip and then nipping playfully at it. “Don’t ever let me go.” 

“I’m _never_ letting go,” hands slipping down to her waist, she feels Amity grinding against her. Luz is filled to the brim with excitement and control, she wants to take her back. Amity’s got way too much lead right now and she needs to put her back in place before she gets too carried away. She pushes Amity away and holds her face just a tickle away from hers. 

“What’s wrong my love?” She asks and flicks her tongue over her lips. Luz gives her a chaste little kiss and pulls away again. 

“Don’t get _too_ carried away,” she tells her sternly. 

“I won’t,” she promises and immediately it’s just as probable as them _not_ doing anything tonight. “God, babe. I want you to touch me,” 

“Be patient,” she says and moves to hold her hips again, pushing her into a deep kiss that Amity has to arch her back under. She leans back farther as Luz pushes forward and her hands slip up to hold her face. She pinches her ear, the black studs there too. Then her hands slip up into her girlfriend’s hair, clutching and pulling at it for dear life. They’re like that for a moment, deeply making out like there’s no one around, Amity whining and begging for more. Just the way Luz likes her. 

Then a new song comes on and Amity pulls away excitedly. “Hold me,” she tells her again as she starts to jump around to the beat. She gets wild and starts tossing her head around, messing her hair into a wild green mane. Luz hooks a finger in her nets somewhere near her inner thigh to keep her from flying away as she thrashes and jumps and crashes around. Their bodies press together deliciously and it drives Luz mad, how much of a total wreck Amity’s being with just a couple shots. But she loves it. 

And as Amity humps herself against Luz, shamelessly trying to find new angles to press up on her and rub one out right on her leg, Luz absolutely loses control. She wants to get lost in the feeling, get lost in her, make her scream and hear her cries. They get lost in the night, give into the feeling and she gets so helplessly turned on by her small little girlfriend. She’s such a handful. 

She jumps up and down like a crazy bitch, air bound to the beat but Luz manages to keep her hold on her hips as she jerks them around because she knows it’s driving her crazy. But Luz leans in to kiss her neck and she throws her head back, clutching onto her girlfriend’s shoulder and for a moment she has to stop dancing as she sucks her skin, trying to get another hickey there as fast possible. “Babe!” She whimpers in helpless ecstasies and Luz traces her finger up her arching body to gently grab her breast, squeezing it through the thin fabric. “Yes, yes,” she breathes, holding her tighter. “Yes. _Fuck.”_

“Let’s do it,” she says into her neck, kissing her jaw. “I can’t keep my hands off you.” 

“Babe, no,” she goes a bit stiff under her and Luz feels her hesitance again. Dammit. She thought she’d had enough shots to forget about her stupid no-sex thing. “I don’t want to have sex,”

“But _I_ do.” Her hand comes down to press against her clit under her skirt, there’s a huge wet spot already on her underwear. “You want it too.” 

“Fuck. I want it,” rocking her hips against her, she anxiously bites her lip. Then she groans. “Babe. I don’t want to do anything,” she says apprehensively. She moans when Luz slowly rubs her finger against her entrance through the fabric, feeling her up right here on this dance floor full of other people to see because she’s so out of control and she doesn’t care. 

“You want it so bad,” Luz dares her. “Tell me what you want, babe.” 

“I want you inside of me,” she says shakily, letting out a nervous breath. “I want you to make me lose control…” 

“Let me do that?” 

“Yes,” she says and melts into another deep kiss. And when Luz slips into her underwear, she pulls away. “Wait, babe, no,”

“What’s wrong?” 

“Let’s go somewhere private.” 

And that’s how they end up trailing through the club, Luz pulling Amity along behind her past the crowds and off to the side and into the bathroom. They stumble into a stall and she pushes her against the wall after locking the door. “Fuck, I’m so drunk,” she pants, letting her girlfriend unzip her dress down the front. “I can’t think straight when I’m this drunk.” 

“Good.” Is all Luz says and she peels her dress down, revealing just her bra underneath. She quickly unclasps it too and she lets it hastily fall to the ground. She takes a deep kiss from her before moving on to tease her nipple with her mouth. Amity gasps and her mouth drops open, her head falling back against the wall. 

“I don’t want to do this,” she begs, weaving a hand in her hair, whining under her girlfriend’s teasing hand and tongue. She squirms and moans as she’s helplessly taken advantage of and Luz _knows_ she loves it. That’s why she isn’t stopping. “Babe, we were doing so good… _you_ were doing so good.” 

“I don’t care about that.”

“But… I care.” 

“ _You_ told me you wanted somewhere more private.” 

“I can’t… please.” she whispers. “Please stop.”

“Make up your mind. Tell me what you want.” She stops and Amity whimpers disappointedly. She rolls her eyes because she already knows Amity. She already knows what she wants. “You want this as much as I do.” 

“ _Fuck._ You always do this to me, babe. You always make me choose.” she cries. “I can’t choose.” 

“Then don’t.” 

“Just… _please.”_

Luz slips her hand under her skirt again and hooks a finger on her underwear to pull them down. They slip down her stockinged legs, leaving her exposed. “Tell me what you want.” She tells her again sternly. 

“Go inside of me…” 

Luz slips her two fingers inside of her entrance, her soft, warm walls pulling her in with slick ease. Amity moans and drops her head back again, clutching onto Luz. “Like this?” She asks sweetly, slowly slipping in and out of her, pressing tightly against her clit. 

“Yes. Don’t stop,” she begs and more tears roll down her face despite her rocking hips and her jagged breaths. “Don’t stop, babe.” 

“You wanted this all along,” she says pointedly and tries spreading her fingers apart inside of her to stretch her out a bit but she’s too tight to do it without making her scream a little bit. Later. She’d _really_ stretch her in the privacy of Amity’s bedroom. 

“I've been aching for you…” she laughs a little bit and it comes out like a sob. “You know that.” 

“Why didn’t you wanna have sex?” 

“I wanted to save it for us… for later.” She hesitantly traces her own hand down, combing slowly through her pubic bush before gently circling her fingers over top of herself. She sighs, bringing her other hand up to tease at her nipple. “But you don’t care about anything.” 

“...Touching yourself?” She raises an eyebrow and fucks her a little faster, in and out in a mesmerizing rhythm of Amity rocking her hips, swirling her fingers faster, squeezing her breast harder as her breathing gets faster and louder. 

“You never trust me with anything…” she trails off in ecstasy, moaning carelessly loud. “All you want to do is _fuck me._ You don’t even love me, do you?” 

“Nope. I _hate_ you.” She laughs. “You’re so fucking stupid. You know that?” 

“I know. I’m such a fool…” she gasps and Luz feels her clenched tightly around her fingers. “You always do this to me…” 

“Because I like seeing you like this,” Luz tells her sweetly, watching her beautiful girlfriend. “I like being in control of you.” 

“Babe,” she hisses, arching her back and squeezing her eyes shut. “Please take it out.” 

“I think you like it when I’m inside of you.” She insists still, keeping her fingers in and pushing them _deeper_ inside of her. Amity relaxes around her with a shivery moan, allowing her to slip in even farther. Then she tries again to spread her fingers apart but she’s just so tight that she can barely do anything. “Fuck. You’re so hot babe.” 

She hums in response, sucking in a deep breath. “It hurts so much.” 

“You like it.” 

“Please babe. I’ll do anything you want. Please just take it out.” She tries to rock her hips forward but flinches in pain, rushing to stay as still as possible. Luz raises an amused eyebrow, goes _deeper,_ eliciting a pained yelp from her girlfriend. This gives her such a rush of something, having her so worked up, seeing her like this. 

She’s so indecent and in trouble and this is wrong but Amity is wearing stockings so what did she expect? She’s hot and Luz wants— no, _needs_ to hurt her. 

But she thinks this is her favorite of all the things she’s seen and done to her. Her face flushed red from the alcohol, her bra completely discarded and her small breasts exposed. Her skirt hiked up and clutched in her hand. Her panting and gasping for air, struggling to keep quiet because they’re in _public._ Her fingers pushed deep inside of her as tears of agony rolled silently down her face, ruining her perfect eyeliner. 

She’s so broken. 

Suddenly feeling _incredibly_ horrible, Luz quickly pulls her fingers out and much to Amity’s painful scream at the fastness of it. She looks away, guiltily wiping her fingers off on the front of her own shirt, her girlfriend’s shameful fluids soaking into it. 

Amity tentatively wraps her arms around Luz, pulling her in and burying her face in her chest. She gently pats her back as she sobs deeply into her shirt, her shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry,” Amity croaks out, sounding completely broken. “You wouldn’t listen…”

“...Sorry,” Luz rests her chin on her head, messy green hair in her face. 

They take a taxi back home because they’re much too drunk to do anything else. Walking causes Amity so much pain that she cried just walking out to the parking lot. She’d make it up to her with her tongue later. This time, she’d make sure to control herself and go extremely slow and gentle, just the way she deserves. Luz is glad now because she’s asleep, her head resting on her shoulder... she snores quietly. 

She looks down at her with a flurry of feelings rushing inside her chest. Guilt and shame. She remembers her tears and screams. Despite everything, it still brings a little smile to Luz’s face, how pathetic and incompetent her little girlfriend is. _Mine,_ she thinks like a possessive freak, combing a hand through her wild hair. 

* * *

They’d had a long day and the question on whether or not they were going to have sex hung unpleasantly in the air, like it was an option. 

But Luz was tired and she didn’t really care that much anymore, not for now at least. She kicked off her shoes and climbed into Amity’s bed like it was hers and she lived here and paid the rent. 

She sat up for a while and aimlessly scrolled through her phone to take her mind off of things. Her and Amity had argued on the way back. Well, Amity cried and Luz said terrible things to her that she probably didn’t really mean. Some of them she did, like how she doesn’t love her, even if she’s a bit confused on that one herself. 

Amity quietly walks into the room and Luz quickly glances up at her, flicking her eyes back down to her phone and scrolling casually. The silence is confusing and sad but already she knows Amity forgives her. _She_ doesn’t need to be sorry when she knows Amity already forgives her. She doesn’t have to feel guilty or try to be better when Amity doesn’t want her to. 

She stands stiff in front of her dresser, slipping her jacket off and tossing it over the chair in front of her mirror. She slips out of her shoes, her pants and then her shirt, leaving her in her underwear. “... I’m sorry,” she says hesitantly, still facing the wall. “I don’t want you to be mad at me.” 

“I’m not mad.” Luz supplies quickly, a bit unsure. And even if she doesn’t have to… she always feels a bit guilty, no matter how much she wasn’t willing to admit she was wrong. Amity being the one who cracks first is just the way it was. It was just to get back on Luz’s good side so things could go back to normal. It’s just so pathetically typical of her and every time it feels worse, the burning shame in her chest knows that she only does it because she thinks the only way to fix this is to have sex. “Are _you_ mad?”

And Luz can’t really blame her. Even if sex _doesn’t_ fix this problem, it works for the moment. 

“I’m not.” 

“You definitely _were.”_

“I _was,”_ she admits. “I have every right. You don’t treat me very nicely.” 

Luz rolls her eyes, pressing the button on the side of her phone to turn it off and then tossing it to the side. “You don’t treat me that good either.” She says. 

“I know…” she hugs herself, turning to face the bed and their eyes meet. She sighs defeatedly and crawls into bed as Luz watches her with a raised eyebrow. She doesn’t lay down but instead stands on her knees over Luz’s lap. It’s quiet for a moment as she contemplates something and then she walks her fingers up her shoulder, smiling gently. Luz hates how much she loves this girl. It’s insane and every touch burns with shame. She knows she shouldn’t put her hands on this stupid kid who has no clue what she’s doing or getting herself into every time they do this. 

But she was practically asking for it.

“Babe?” She asks sweetly and tilts her head to the side, her pretty green hair framing her sad face. Her hand moves to gently hold the back of her neck. She wants her so bad. But she doesn’t have the words to say it, so she does it with a touch. Amity flinches when she puts a hand on her hip, but it clears everything up for her and she tentatively slides down, straddling her girlfriend. They stay like that for a quiet moment and the whole time Luz can’t bring herself to look her in the eyes. 

She hears Amity take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “I was just upset that my plan didn’t work out… “ she says quietly and slips a lazy hand through her hair, holding her gently. And even if she feels _intensely_ guilty still, it doesn’t really matter because Amity’s okay with it and if she doesn’t care then why should Luz? Because she _doesn’t_ care and she doesn’t _want_ to care but she still feels like a complete idiot and she just wants to curl up in a ball and die. “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t plan stuff like this,” she tells her sternly, leaning forward to bury her face in her idiot girlfriend’s neck. She smells so good, like her coconut shampoo. Her soft, warm skin. The gentle hand that strokes comfortingly on her head. Even if she feels guilty, it’s okay. 

“I know. I should have known…” she laughs a little, resting her chin on her head. “I’m so confused.” 

“About what?” 

“About… everything. I don’t know _what’s_ going on or what you want from me or what _I_ should do...” she trails off distantly. “I’m trying to figure out how to get out of this. Away from you.” 

Luz is quiet for a moment, lets her eyes flutter closed with the full intent of falling asleep like this in her girlfriend’s arms, her warm body sitting on top of her. She doesn’t know if she should be concerned about anything Amity’s just said because she says it so often that it’s sort of lost its meaning. She doesn’t know if she should even acknowledge it anymore. “You’re just stupid.” She tells her very candidly with a little kiss on her shoulder to ease the ache a little bit.

Amity responds with a needy little moan. “ _Yes,”_ She’s turned the cheap insult into something completely unprecedented and Luz is _almost_ endeared by it. She thinks her girlfriend has a thing for being talked down to because it almost always results in what exactly is about to happen. “I’m _very_ stupid. That’s why this is so easy for you.” 

“You’re the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” she assures her sweetly and brushes some of her hair away from her neck so she can kiss it—maybe put another hickey there too. She knows Amity will let her. “...you’re not exactly hard to convince.” 

“You don’t ever need to convince me on _anything_ ,” she hisses when Luz presses a sloppy kiss on her collarbone and then trails up her neck. She pauses on her jaw, brushing her lips there to tease her. “You know how weak I am when it comes to you.” 

“Why did you let yourself get like this?” She kisses softly up her jawline and then flicks her tongue on her earlobe. Amity shudders, whimpering. “You’re so careless.” 

“You make me that way…but I _don’t_ care.” 

“I know you don’t. You’re destroying your own life.” She nips her earlobe, then moves back down to her neck when Amity tilts her head back. 

“No. _You’re_ destroying my life.” She sighs, helplessly out of control. “And… the crazy thing is… I _want_ you to.” 

“You’re _crazy._ You shouldn’t say things like that.” 

“I don’t care,” moaning, she clutches her hair as she presses soft, lazy kisses up her neck, light like butterflies. “Ruin my life.” She says it like a challenge. And Luz likes a challenge. Easy challenges with great prizes even more than that. 

“Don’t say that.” she warns her. 

Amity leans in, pressing their bodies closer and she arches back slightly when she bites down on the spot between her neck and shoulder. She tilts her head and pulls her hair over to the side as she begins to gently rock her hips on her girlfriend’s lap. “I just thought that… if I tried to fix it then things would get better.”

“Things _aren’t_ gonna get better. You _know_ that.” She says grimly. “You don’t want them to.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I’m right, babe. You don’t even _know.”_ Amity gasps and she knows it’s the smoke in her voice that excites her. Even if she feels like an incompetent cry baby, at least this is doing it for Amity. It’s almost funny how stupid her little girlfriend is. “You _want_ me to keep hurting you. You _want_ me to take everything from you.” 

“You’re right babe. I want it,” she cries. Satisfied, Luz laughs, just absolutely baffled by this crazy person she has at her mercy like this. She doesn’t know how she did it, end up in bed with this girl. 

“You _want_ me to destroy you. Because you’re _sick._ There’s something seriously wrong with you.”

“I _know,_ ” Amity’s hands search desperately for somewhere to grab, she clutches Luz’s shoulders, slips down to her arm. “Babe, please.” 

“You need help.”

_“I know._ But I don’t want to do anything about it.” She whines. “ _Not yet._ ”

Luz rolls her eyes and gently pulls her bra strap down her shoulder, kissing there too where it covered. She wants to kiss every inch of her body and feel and take everything. She wants her humanity and her happiness and her laughter and all the things in between to be hers. She wants to make it taste like love.

That way it hurts even more when she leaves her. 

She traces a finger up her side, a hand to gently hold her breast. She feels so soft and warm that it’s intoxicating. A sudden wave of possessiveness washes over Luz and as she kisses tenderly on her smooth skin, getting so turned on by Amity’s quiet gasps and whines and her begging. _Ugh,_ the begging drives her _wild._ She thinks she wants to just snap her in half and watch her suffer. 

“But… don’t you think we should break up?” Luz asks softly, relishing in Amity’s little whimpers and moans. 

“Absolutely yes, but… not yet.” She says it in a breathless whisper, trembling very gently under each ticklish kiss and lick and touch. Like they’ve got any time left at all. “Can we have sex?” 

“Because that’s all you want me for.” 

_“I know._ I’m sick and I’m out of my mind.” She says, sounding a bit ashamed despite how thoroughly she’s enjoying this slow wind up. But Luz has something better in mind to make it all pay off beautifully. “I want you to _keep_ using me.”

“...We keep using each other.” Luz pauses and then laughs quietly. Each little noise she makes is driving her insane. The heaviness of her breath and each time she rolls her hips and leans into her touch, getting lost under her fingers that trace her and the hand that holds her gently. The way they feel up against each other like this. It’s making her a bit stuffy and distracted. “All for what?” 

“For sex.” Amity says simply.

“That’s how I _know_ you don’t love me.” Luz says sternly. “You just love how I make you feel.” 

“How can you tell me how _I_ feel?” she sighs, pulling away to glare at her. “You don’t get to do that, Luz.” 

“I can do whatever I want,” she raises her eyebrows, daring Amity. “It’s not like _you’re_ doing anything about it.” 

“I _hate_ you.” 

“And yet you’re still here.” 

“God. _Fuck_ you.” They kiss angrily and Luz bites down hard on her lip, pulling it with her teeth. Amity moans in pain, pulling away when it becomes too much. “Stop doing this to me.” She huffs, close to tears. 

“I’m just gonna keep hurting you.” She says affectionately. “And you’re gonna let me.”

“I don’t care. Hurt me as much as you want.”

She melts under her soft tongue trailing up her neck and then her wet, sloppy kisses. “I want your worst. Don’t hold back.” She whispers, gently pulling at her hair. 

“You need to make up your mind.” 

“If you get it out of your system then maybe we can just move forward with this. I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore.” 

Luz sighs. What is she even talking about? “Can you lay down for me babe?” She asks her gently while she pulls her bra strap lower and Amity helps to pull her arm out of it. 

“I’ll do anything you want,” she says lovingly with sadness in her eyes. She pulls her other arm out of her bra, leaving it still on her but below her chest, the shoulder straps hanging uselessly to the sides. “Can you tell me you love me?” 

“I love you.” Luz leans forward and presses a sincere, chaste kiss to her lips, trying to sound as earnest as possible because she at least owes Amity that much. And though she’s unsure most of the time, she is most definitely in love with her right now. She wants to be with _this_ Amity. The desperate, gentle girl who just wants _her._ All she wants is her but she won't let her all because she can and it’s fun to watch her cry sometimes. 

“ _Again_ ,” she whispers. 

“I love you. Amity?” 

“Yes my love?” 

She takes another quick kiss. “Love you.” 

“I love you too baby,” she reaches up to gently hold Luz’s face and she rests her forehead against hers. “I’ll always be here, waiting.” 

“What are you waiting for, princess?” 

Amity is quiet for a moment and she takes a deep breath. “I’ll wait as long as you need if it means you’ll love me.” 

_She doesn’t know if she should care about anything Amity’s just said._

She doesn’t know what to say. 

Instead, she puts a gentle hand on her girlfriend, just below her bare chest and she leans forward to kiss her deeply again. Amity just slightly bends back under it, her eyes fluttering closed as she passionately kisses back. She feels her soft chest pressed against hers and as they swirl tongues she discreetly slips her hand up to feel her. Not that she _needs_ to be discreet about it, it’s not like Amity minds much. She has every right as much as she does to her own body. They pull apart, breathless and disoriented from the gentle moment so that Luz can demand of her again. “Now lay down, okay?” 

Amity nods and silently obeys, taking a pillow to place behind her head before she lays back on the bed, looking expectantly at her girlfriend. Luz looks over her body, naked except for her underwear and bra still around her. She notices the bruises on her legs and around her nipple. She remembers biting her there and how much Amity screamed when she pierced the sensitive skin there. Their eyes meet and Luz grins fondly, playfully flicking her there on her nipple. “Good girl,” she tells her sweetly. 

“Only for you,” she bites her lip, her eyes anxiously following Luz’s finger that traces down her stomach and over her damp panties. “What are you going to do to me?” 

Luz hums and then says, “Don’t worry your pretty little head, okay?” pulling her panties down on one side, Amity’s hair becomes visible when it springs out from under the fabric and Luz takes it upon herself to comb her fingers slowly through its tangled mess. “I’ll make sure you feel _so_ good. I’ll give you _exactly_ what you need.” 

“You know exactly what I need, don’t you?” She moans, steadily rolling her hips under each stroke through her hair. After every successful comb through, Luz starts _lower_ to run her fingers through again, disturbing Amity’s excited, wet clit. “You know what I want.” 

“I _do_ know what you want,” she lovingly assures her. “And I’ll give it to you _exactly_ how you need… _if_ you’re patient. Got that, Blight?”

“I understand.” She says dutifully. 

Giggling quietly to herself at the sight of her pathetic girlfriend, she feels bad for just a second. And then she goes back to being incredibly turned on, being so in control makes her feel something complicated that she can’t exactly explain. She just wants to see her in tears, begging for it. She wants it so bad. But she knows Amity wants it even more. 

“Amity?” She asks sweetly. She responds with a breathy little sound that makes Luz feel like a maniac. She loves her girlfriend’s noises and her helplessness. She loves how she hands herself over so willingly just for sex. Just for her touch. Does she have no morals or standards? Does she have any idea how bad this is for the both of them? Somehow, Luz has the audacity to feel used just as much as Amity. And even if she knows she hasn’t felt the extent of it, not all of the torture she’s put her through, she feels a little bitter somewhere buried under all of the bad thoughts and feelings she has for Amity. 

Does it help if she knows that’s selfish of her? No matter how many times Amity tells her that she loves her, she can’t quite believe it, not fully. Because she _knows_ she loves her hands, the fingers deep inside of her and making her feel _so good._ The same ones making her scream and cry of pleasure and pain. She knows she loves the parts that make her feel good. She can’t possibly love _her,_ because she’s a terrible person and the bad ultimately outweighs the good at the end of the day. The sex is for a night. The terrible things she’s said and done to her are forever. 

If she loves Amity then why does she want to hurt her so bad? 

Suddenly, she stops everywhere with one more kiss and then pulls away, leaving Amity panting for air, her hair splayed messily behind her. Her mouth drops open and she looks wildly at her girlfriend. “What’s wrong my love?” She whispers, reaching up to gently hold her face.

Luz looks away, trying her best not to burst out laughing. She’s so incredibly cute and desperate that it’s almost sad to watch. Amity makes a little sound, leaning up just to brush her lips gently in a sloppy almost-kiss because it’s the best either of them could manage. It turns fervent and _deep_ and passionate in a matter of seconds and Amity falls back down under her girlfriend’s gentle force, readily melting under her touch. 

“Babe,” she whines, letting out a breath to steady herself. “You’re all I want. I don’t know what to do.” 

“Tell me what you want then.” She says quietly. “Because… I don’t know.”

Amity looks up at her with desperate eyes. “Touch me babe,” she begs urgently. “I want to feel your hands on me.” 

Luz sighs again. She’s so confused and conflicted and all these things. Amity’s never going to be satisfied but all she wants is to feel her hands on her. Luz buries her face in her girlfriend’s neck and gently traces her hand down, touching her and caressing her and tracing her because she doesn’t know what else to do. “Is this good?” She asks her softly. 

“Mhm,” she feels Amity nod and she puts a gentle hand on her girlfriend’s head as she relishes under her touch. “I want you to make me come. I was so close.” 

“Okay,” she sighs and traces her hand between her legs. She lazily swirls her fingers over her clit, pressing a kiss to her neck as she moans feverishly, squirming under the thoughtless motion from her girlfriend. She comes with a contented little moan and her whole body relaxes from its tense state as she basks into the afterglow. Her clit feels so soft and wet, happy from the orgasm it just received. She’s glad she could make her feel good even if it’s just for a little while. “Better?” She asks and just for fun, slips _deep_ inside of Amity’s entrance to fuck her tight, insatiable walls. 

Amity shivers from the feeling of it and she reaches down to soothe the pain of Luz’s rough fingers. “That felt so good, babe.” She whispers, biting her lip. “Please… stop. That’s hurting.” 

Luz kisses her neck again and begrudgingly pulls her fingers out of her cute, tired girlfriend, wiping her sticky arousal off on her tummy. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. That was really hot. You always make me feel so good…” 

Luz grimaces, pulling away to lay on her back beside her naked girlfriend, their shoulders pressed together. “We failed.” 

“That’s okay. We’ll try again tomorrow?” 

“Sure. But it’s not gonna work.”

“I know.” Amity sighs. 

  
  


* * *

Because they can’t keep their hands to themselves and because they’re incredibly drunk, they fail once again. And right now it’s not a very big deal in Amity’s head, it’s actually the best idea she’s had all day. _Of course,_ she has such a beautiful amazing girlfriend and _of course_ she should have sex with her. Why _wouldn’t_ she have sex with her hot girlfriend? It’s almost laughable when she thinks about it. Why was she actively trying _not_ to do it? 

And then another part of her knows—she _knows_ she’s going to regret this. She tries and tries to resist her even as they make out, she tries to kiss the feelings aside and focus on the bigger picture. She tries to not think too much about her girlfriend’s lips or her hands or her tongue. She tries to get herself away and in control again. But that’s a little hard when she’s had six too many shots of whatever it was Luz convinced her to drink. 

She somehow gets out of her grasp and tries to run away. There aren’t many places she can go seeing as how they’re in her apartment and it’s tiny and she doesn’t have the mental capacity to do anything too elaborate like telling her to leave. 

She escapes to her bedroom and she stumbles onto her bed because she can’t even walk in a straight let alone do—whatever it was that she was trying to do. She has a mini panic attack right there on her bed and she tries to pull her thoughts together so she can actually speak and stand up for herself. She’s never drinking again. She’s never letting herself get this bad with Luz around anymore. She hates being unable to hear her own thoughts. She hates alcohol and she hates, hates, hates Luz. 

She gasps when Luz stumbles into her room, her mind’s gone delirious and even more chaotic than before. She hates how Luz makes her. She hates how much she loves her. She hates how much of a mess she is for her. “Hi babe,” she says restlessly watching her with an uneasy tremble. God, she hates how trapped she is. Her girlfriend closes the door, locking it with a gentle click. And then she turns to face Amity, watching her from the bed. 

“Hey,” she grins cheerfully, sounding very much so like she’s drunk. “I wondered where you went. I missed you.” 

Amity’s heart shatters a bit. She never meant to make her feel that way. She kind of missed her too for the few minutes they were apart. Head spinning, she pulls herself up to sit on her knees and she looks at her girlfriend who’s still standing by the door, wobbling on her legs. “I missed you too,” she says lovingly and reaches a hand out to her. Everything clicks into place when Luz takes it and closes the enormous gap that once separated them and it all makes sense. Her hand in hers, she thinks she feels her warmth and her love just from the simple touch. 

Now standing in front of Amity on the bed, Luz lifts a hand to cup her face and pull her into a deep kiss. Amity moans into it, letting their tongues dance together. She doesn’t know why she’s ever wanted to _not_ do this. She feels like such a fool, a stupid idiot for letting herself be like this. But at the same time she can’t deny the way she feels being hers. She likes being controlled and told what to do. She likes living for someone who finds some use for her. The whole thing is shameful and dirty and wrong but she doesn’t care. 

“Amity?” Luz asks quietly and she shivers from the way it sounds. She knows this is the part where things fall apart again. 

“Yes my love?” Amity answers obediently and she wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s neck to pull her closer. 

“Can you do me a huge, _huge_ favor?” 

“Anything for you. You _know_ that.” 

Luz laughs and puts a hand on her arm, leaning forward to press a grateful kiss on her lips. “I want you to take off _all_ your clothes.” 

“All of them?” She asks incredulously, swallowing back her nervousness. 

“Yes. Right now.” She leans forward again and bites that smile right off her face, nipping at her bottom lip and swiping her tongue across her top lip and it elicits a sensuous, deep moan from Amity. “Don’t make me wait, Blight.” 

“I want you to _beg_ me for it. Show me how bad you want it.” She tells her sternly, keeping her eyes trained on her girlfriend’s. She loves how she can just feel her impatience and annoyance. 

“You don’t get to make me beg.” She says belligerently and she lunges for another kiss that’s somehow frustratingly soft but angry and authoritative. It knocks the wind out of Amity and she leans back the deeper Luz pushes her, kissing back roughly to assert herself and bug her a little bit. She pulls back to look at her sternly and Amity only mirrors it. Then she kisses her again, their lips brushing softly when she says, “Be good.” 

“What will you do _after_ I take my clothes off?” 

“I’ll hurt you for being bad.” 

“I don’t want you to hurt me,” she pulls back a bit before Luz can kiss her again. “You get too carried away sometimes.” 

“Then I’m breaking up with you.”

“Babe, no,” Amity’s tone immediately turns desperate and she rushes to please her girlfriend. “I was just kidding.” She yelps when Luz roughly pushes her down on the bed, falling on her back. 

“Then do it _now.”_ She warns, staring down at her as she fumbles the zipper on her jacket. “I want to see you completely naked.” 

“Okay babe,” she says obediently. She tosses her jacket aside, hurriedly slips out of her top, unclips her bra and tosses it too. And with shaky hands she struggles out of her pants. Pulls her socks off, peels her underwear off of her wet crotch and throws them away, all under the intense scrutiny of her girlfriend. Now exactly the way she wanted her, she meets her gaze expectantly. 

“Spread your legs,” she says. Amity gets a rush of arousal, quietly obeys and slowly opens her legs, exposing her aching clit to her girlfriend. The idea of being so uncovered and vulnerable excites her a bit and the thought of her hands touching her wherever and however she pleases builds the sweet anticipation in her chest. “Why do _you_ get to be so beautiful?” She looks over her naked body with sad, envious eyes, stopping brazenly between her legs. 

“Babe,” Amity croaks, looking up at her with desperation in her eyes. Just laying here and doing nothing is making her incredibly impatient. “I’m yours. You don’t need to be jealous, remember?” She tries to comfort her. 

“Touch yourself,” she demands, pointedly ignoring her. 

“But babe… I don’t like doing that.” She bites her lip anxiously, her eyes falling away because she suddenly feels ashamed. She knows there’s no way to get out of this— Luz is going to make her touch herself no matter what. She hates doing it, she hates feeling herself and she hates herself after she _does_ do it, the few times she’s had to resort to it. It makes her feel so uncomfortable and wrong in her own skin and she’d much rather just let Luz do that kind of stuff for her. “I’ll do anything you want.” 

“I want you to touch yourself.” 

She sighs and slowly slips her hand down between her spread legs, gives herself a gentle test stroke. It’s just as bad as she remembers. She bites down harder on her lip and closes her eyes and starts to pleasure herself at a steady pace. Just get it over with. She moans, pulsing and aching under her own stubborn hand. Even though she feels so terrible doing this, the one thing she appreciates about it is being able to give herself exactly what she needs. She doesn’t have to worry about sudden stops or unwanted touches. It’s kind of nice. “Are you enjoying this?” She asks weakly to her girlfriend who’s watching so intently, seemingly mesmerized by the tight circles she massages herself with. 

“Mhm. Good girl,” she purrs. “Keep going until you make yourself come.”

“I want _you_ to make me come…” she sighs, whining under own touch. She imagines it’s Luz making her feel this intense guilt and pleasure, pressing so tight against her favorite spot. She thinks about how Luz knows _exactly_ where the spot is, and how she’d probably force her two fingers _deep_ inside her to hit it just right until she’s forced to come. Slipping her own two fingers inside of herself. Just the feeling of her own warm, soft clit closing tightly around herself turns her on even more. Luz would probably do this to her. So she goes much faster and harder and even though she hates it and it hurts and she wants to stop, Luz _wouldn’t_ stop so she doesn’t either. 

She lets out a frenzied yelp, her eyes flutter closed again and just for a moment she feels dizzy with shame and pleasure until she hears her girlfriend call her. “Keep watching. I want you to see what you’re doing to yourself.” 

“Babe,” she whines. “I can’t look. I really don’t want to do this.” 

“Keep going,” she says and quickly pulls her shoes off to climb in bed. Amity gets excited, flushed with relief for a split second when she thinks Luz is finally going to do something and take her out of her misery. She lays down right next to her and unbuttons her pants. 

“I want _you_ to touch me.” She whispers. “You _know_ how much I hate doing this.” 

“Keep going,” she says again, turning to press a kiss to her temple. “For me?” 

Amity sighs and pulls her fingers out of her aching clit. She can’t do it for very long periods of time. “Please, babe.” She begs. 

Luz just grins and shoves a hand down her own pants, uses the other one to flick Amity in the face. “Stop being such a baby,” she laughs. “Now keep going. I was really enjoying watching you.”

“Was it hot?” She bites her lip again. 

“Mhm. Really hot. You made me wet, babe.” She kisses the side of her face again before she curls up next to her and buries her face in the side of Amity’s neck. “Now, please…”

It suddenly dawns on her that Luz is practically _begging_ her for this. And that turns her on more than anything. She’s never been _begged_ before… “ _Babe,”_ she whines, insisting still and hoping she can get some more out of her because she’s addicted to the feeling now. 

“Touch yourself babe. Please, please?” 

“Beg me.” She says sternly. Luz groans but then reaches her hand between Amity’s legs and gives her a rough, chastising little stroke. It feels so good and so bad that she yelps and tries to get off from that touch alone but sooner than she wanted, Luz stops. 

“Come on babe?” She grins at her. 

“What will you give me if I do it?” 

“... Whatever you want.” 

Amity relishes at the idea of that, _whatever you want._ Even if she most definitely didn’t mean anything by it and probably just said it in her list ridden brain, Amity was going to hold her to that. “Promise?” She asks, skeptical.

“Promise,” she assures her, gently kissing her neck. “I wanna see you make yourself feel good.” 

“I will, babe.” She whispers and with a deep breath, she reaches back down between her legs to touch herself. At first it’s revolting and it makes her want to die, but with each stroke and touch and swirl, she warms up to her own hand. She feels Luz’s breath hitch and she moans quietly as she touches herself too. She really doesn’t get the point of this. If they have each other then why should they have to touch themselves? Though it does have a certain appeal to it… she still hates it with a passion but if Luz likes it then she guesses she can put up with it for a bit. 

“Good job,” says Luz quietly into her neck in a blissful mewl. “You’re doing _sooo_ good, Amity.” 

“Thanks babe,” she says, whimpering miserably. She hates this so much but why is she so turned on? She’s so ashamed and guilty and jealous of her girlfriend pressed up against her, getting off to her own misery. It was a new kind of twisted and it was really turning Amity on against her will. 

She can’t take it anymore so she fakes an orgasm. She was already wet enough to pass, she thinks. After a moment, she whispers, “Babe.” 

“Did you come?” She asks sweetly and kisses her gently again. Amity shivers from the lightness of it, how completely unsatisfied she is. 

“Yes,” she hesitates before moving to sit up, suddenly feeling intensely uncomfortable being next to her. “I did what you wanted. I was good.” 

“Good girl,” she chirps, smiling up at her and reaching a hand up to lazily slap Amity’s face. “You get a reward.” 

“What is it?” She asks breathlessly, her heart skipping in her chest. 

“When I go to the store I’ll get you a gold star,” she says and then pauses. “Unless you had something else in mind?” 

“Another date?” She asks shakily, pulling her knees to her chest and staring blankly at the stained sheets. For a moment, she thinks about reaching down and finishing the job as quickly as possible because being this turned on was a new kind of torment that she never wanted to feel again. 

“Sure, I can take you on another date. That’s _easy.”_ She says, almost as if to brag. “Dating you is easy.” 

Amity lets out a bitter little chuckle, looking away. 

* * *

She feels so vulnerable and exposed under her gentle touch, the way she handles her with such care. It’s almost jolting, how soft and slowly she’s being with her tonight. But Amity won’t ever complain about it because this is what she craves, the special, quietly intimate atmosphere of the room. Neither of them have said anything yet but Amity likes it because there’s a kind of quiet understanding between them in the comfortable dreamy silence as she moans and whines under her girlfriend’s lovely touch. 

And she doesn’t mind the way that she’s naked against Luz, who is still fully clothed just like always. It pales compared to this _new_ type of pleasure that she’s feeling. She thinks that, maybe Luz finally understands. She likes the gentle press of their chests as they softly make out in teasing little kisses that only winds her up more. She likes the way Luz traces her bottom lip with her tongue, how warm and wet she is. The quiet sounds of their wet kisses is almost as endearing as the hand gently holding her where her back arches as a helpless way of trying to stomach all of the intense things she’s feeling right now. 

And everything is a ghost of a touch tracing gently on her skin, the anticipation and disappointment of it is what gets her excited more than anything. She likes how Luz is so careless, how she touches and grabs like she’s hers which— she supposed she was. She _wants_ to be hers. She’s given every inch of herself, every tear and every thought is _hers._ There’s nothing she wants more than to be in her arms like this, feeling her close and taking her touch and knowing that she has her at least for now. She _wants_ to please her and be something for her, even if it’s temporary and just her pass time, something she does when she’s bored. 

She likes how Luz pays more attention to her. When they have sex, it feels weirdly disconnected. Like it’s a task that they do and don’t really think much of it. It’s supposed to be intimate and romantic and fulfilling and special, but to them it’s sort of lost its meaning. All the time, it’s rough and angry and sad and she feels like she _has_ to do it that way when really, she prefers to take it slow and enjoy each sensation and every little touch and kiss and sound. 

That’s why she likes it when Luz licks her as a show of affection, as if kissing isn’t enough for her anymore. She likes it when she teases her, deliberately brushing against her nipple, biting her neck and nibbling at her chin. All of the slow, teasing strokes, the foreplay and everything else in between that makes Amity so very _happy_ and Luz knows it. 

But of course, there’s always a reason for everything Luz does. 

Amity’s feeling so special and loved and cared for that she thinks she can come just from the idea of it. She smiles as Luz licks around the sensitive skin on her nipple, she combs a hand through her short brown hair, it’s so soft and she thinks she can cry from how beautiful her girlfriend is. She feels so amazing, having her here like this, pleasuring her so good just like she always does. 

She bites her lip and lets her eyes flutter closed, dropping her head back against the wall. She starts to get into a slow and steady rhythm that Amity starts to steadily rock her hips to. She absolutely should not be _this_ turned on by something so simple and yet here she is, she feels herself getting so tight and wet down there with helpless arousal that she takes with such grace. 

So that’s why it comes as a shock when she feels Luz stop. “I want to hurt you,” she whispers into Amity’s ear. It sends a shiver down her spine, an ache between her legs. She _doesn’t_ want to be in pain anymore. Not now. Not when she was feeling so good. “Please babe?” 

“Okay.” She agrees hesitantly, swallowing hard. She’s mainly disappointed by the way her hesitation went unnoticed, but the soft kisses of approval up her neck made up for half of it. The other half was made up by the hand that massages her aching clit excruciatingly slow. “How do you want to do it?” She asks, wanting to get an idea on how sore she would be for the next few days. 

“What do _you_ want me to do?” She asks sweetly. 

“At least a couple of bruises…” she hisses when she gets fingered in her favorite spot that Luz knows so well. She briefly loses the ability to speak as she endured the intense pleasure and soft neck kisses. “As much as you want.” 

“I wanna make sure you’re in pain for at least a week.” 

“Why so long, my love?” Amity asks innocently, suddenly nervous. 

“I always want you to suffer,” she says it, painfully blunt but in a sweet way that makes Amity clench excitedly on nothing. She wants it more than ever now. “What hurt the most?” 

“...The strap on.” 

Well, Luz’s next mission was to get Amity in bed to get started on her night of pleasure and romance turned torture session. The soft, cool sheets of the bed feel comfortable against her skin, it’s almost sad to feel before the pain she was about to receive. 

She ends up on her stomach with a pillow supporting under her hips and another under her chest for her to hug and squeeze when the pain gets especially bad, and Luz wastes no time with getting things started. From the very beginning it’s _too big_ and stretches her out in the most agonizing ways. But still, the mixture of Amity’s pain, the sweet friction of each push and pull inside of her, the warmth and pressure of her girlfriend fucking her gently from behind. She loves and craves the tragic feelings at the cost of her sanity. She doesn’t know what she’s doing here with this girl but— she guesses she thinks about that every time she’s in some kind of ridiculous situation with her. 

“Does this feel good, Blight?” Luz seems to have gotten the wrong impression from Amity’s low, carnal little moans and cries of pain and pleasure. She feels so terrible and disgusting and guilty for how much she loves this. She loves feeling so small and incompetent against her girlfriend. She loves feeling like an object and being used for sex. She loves how _badly_ it hurts, how with each thrust she’s dizzy from the pain. Nearing tears, she lets out a sob, just waiting for herself to come so she can stop because no matter how much she likes it, it’s excruciatingly, excellently painful. 

“It feels so good. Fuck, babe. It hurts so bad,” she says shakily, a few tears spill out and roll down her cheeks. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” she said, sounding a bit distracted. She shifts back a bit and rests a firm hand on Amity’s back. Now she’s farther away so that she has to push her hips in farther to _really_ get inside of her sweet obedient girlfriend. “You always take everything I give you so well,” she says fondly. “You’re such a good girl.” 

“Don’t hold back, okay my love?” She whispers weakly, clutching at her pillow until her knuckles turn white. “I want _everything.”_

“I _know_ you do. You’re so beautiful… I can’t let you go.” 

“Don’t let me go, babe. I want you no matter what.” She begs and pleads, taking each stroke with all the competence and willingness that comes with the hope that maybe, Luz would tell her she loves her again, and they could talk about real things and their feelings afterwards. Maybe she’d listen to her and maybe she’d get to see her pretty smile again. 

After they’re done and Amity has had many painful and guilty orgasms, Luz finally stops. She’s only mildly sore right now but she knows it’ll come full force in the morning. She enjoys the dull ache deep inside her as she roughly makes out with her girlfriend. She can’t feel much of anything with how worn out and just utterly exhausted she is. 

And as they both lay there flat on their backs, staring blankly up at the ceiling, Amity steals a glance at Luz. She hesitates before asking, “Are you okay, my love?” 

“Yeah. You?” 

“Never been better,” she says breathlessly. She looks away, rolling to her side and bringing her arms up to cover her naked chest. She always feels so ashamed after they have sex. Even if she consented, she still feels violated and _wrong._ But she wanted to do it if that’s what would please her girlfriend. Whatever she wants. Whatever makes her happy. It doesn’t matter if she’s not fulfilled or happy most of the time afterwards. 

She hears Luz yawn loudly behind her and then, “I’m hungry. Wanna go get something?” 

“I’m not hungry,” she replies in a small, shaky voice. Her shoulders shake gently as she cries. 

Luz is quiet for a moment. “What’s wrong?” She asks quietly, like she doesn’t have any idea. 

“Nothing. I just…” she sniffles, smiling sadly to herself and shaking her head. “Nothing.” 

Nothing’s that bad if it feels _this_ good, right?

* * *

A wave of relief washes over Amity when she opens the door and her older sister is standing there. She’s so happy to see her that she launches herself into her before even letting her _in_ the apartment. “What’s the matter, Mittens?” Emira asks teasingly, gently patting her younger sister’s head. 

It feels weird being in her arms like this, in the arms of someone who loves and cares about her. She knows that because she can feel it, and this is her sister. She almost forgot what it felt like to be reciprocated. She’s been waiting for that yearning, lonely ache in the pit of her stomach to melt away every time Luz pulls her into a hug or when they kiss or whatever else they get into. 

And touch is supposed to be fulfilling. Maybe that’s why she’s never satisfied when it’s Luz. She wants to be close to someone, she wants to feel loved and acknowledged and _real._ That’s why she nuzzles into her sister’s chest, even if it’s thoroughly embarrassing and she sort of hates how she let herself get like this.

Eventually and thankfully, Emira gets to come inside. She flops down on the couch while Amity finishes stirring a pot of off brand tomato soup because she’s starving and doesn’t have anything else to eat. “How’s Ed doing?” She calls from the stove. 

“He’s good. He’s busy over at Hallmark,” she says and Amity can just hear her eye roll. “They’re already starting to film those shitty holiday romance movies so they’ll release on time.” 

“Ed on Hallmark…?” Amity’s face scrunches up in second hand embarrassment for her older brother. She tries to picture him in a turtleneck sweater, kissing some Disney reject actress under a mistletoe. It’s low, even for him considering the bar isn’t exactly _high,_ not to her at least. But when you’re desperate, you’ll take anything. And they have to pay the bills somehow. 

“Yep. And I’m _never_ letting him live this down.” She laughs. 

“Me either.” She giggles. It goes quiet for a while and Amity keeps cooking the soup. She thinks maybe she burnt it. Wait, you can’t burn soup. Right? But it’s starting to get clunky and it’s thick and sticking to the pot and—why does she even try to do anything? She thinks for a moment and decides to just pour it down the drain and start over. “What about you? Doing anything these days?” 

“Nope,” Em replies cheerfully. “I’m taking a mental health break, you know? It really does get tiring to do that stuff for long periods of time.” 

“I get it.” 

It’s quiet again and Emira comes into the kitchen to help Amity because she can’t do anything food related for the life of her and she loves her sister so much and she’s so happy she’s here because she’s so broken and she doesn’t know what to do. She’s standing beside her sister as she stirs the pot much slower and— _oh that’s why it was chunky—_ when Em gently asks, “So what about you, Mittens?” 

“Disney Channel,” she says, a bit ashamed. Her sister is just so much better than her, doing so many big projects and getting amazing acting roles and here she is, in her stupid apartment, can’t even make _soup_ , working on Disney Channel. She blinks when Em laughs. 

_“No,”_ she says. “I meant, you know. How’s life treating you?” 

Amity’s heart suddenly kicks into overdrive and she panics. She didn’t want to think about _life_ right now. She wanted to enjoy her sister’s company and _not_ think about Luz and how she misses her so much. Suddenly, she wants to cry. Biting her lip, she looks away. “Is everything okay?” Em raises an eyebrow and turns off the stove. She moves to get some bowls out of the cupboard and Amity feels relieved for the extra space. She thinks maybe she’s going to pass out from her anxiety and panic. “I already know you’re with someone, if that’s what you’re freaking out about,” she laughs. 

“You do?” She asks shakily. 

“Yeah. I just wanted to know how it’s going, that’s all. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want. I know how you kids are when it comes to that kind of stuff.” She says with a suggestive grin, glancing briefly at her sister whose face is greatly resembling the color of the soup she’s pouring into bowls for them. 

“No, no!” Amity rushes to say. “I’m not… it’s not like that.” She lies. 

“Whatever. You’re old enough. I just want you to be careful, ‘kay? Use protection and all that,” she waves her hand dismissively. 

“Always. I’m always careful,” she hesitates, suddenly not hungry anymore. Maybe she over compensated for that. _Shit._ Em definitely knows there’s something up. She feels so stupid and ashamed of herself for letting it get this far. Letting herself get this bad. With everything in her, she clears her throat, holding back the tears that beg to come out and she smiles shakily at her sister. “Let’s talk about it later, okay?” 

“Of course.” She says, sounding a bit concerned. _Shit._

A lot of time goes by and Amity and Em are sitting on the couch watching a movie and just chatting when her phone buzzes, lighting up beside her. She quickly snatched it up, hoping and praying to all things good that she didn’t see who it was. 

**Luz🧁**

**_Omw💋💋💋_ ** is the message on her lock screen. In a panicked motion, she unlocks her phone and shakily texts her back. **Hi babe don’t come!! My sister is here right now.** Then as an afterthought she puts, **I miss you** , so she won’t be mad. 

She sets her phone back down to find her sister watching her suspiciously. “Are you sure everything’s okay, Mittens?” 

“I’m good,” she assures her, not very confidently. Her phone buzzes again. **What time is she leaving**

**I don’t know. Just come tomorrow ok babe**

**Ok 😭😭😭**

“Is that your boyfriend?” She asks teasingly and Amity stiffens. _Boyfriend. Ugh._ She hates this. Did everyone expect her to have a _boyfriend?_ She stays quiet, unable to speak because if she does, she’ll start crying. She’s feeling so sensitive lately and she doesn’t know why. Any mention of her love life or anything having to do with romance just makes her extremely uncomfortable and sad. Isn’t love supposed to feel _good_ and make your life better? Why does she feel so miserable when they kiss? Why does she never feel satisfied with anything? Why doesn’t she feel loved? 

If love isn’t what she and Luz have then she doesn’t think she wants it. She doesn’t know and she can’t imagine what a normal relationship is supposed to be like. Would she even feel _anything_ with a healthy, sound and respectful relationship? Would she get anything from it? Does she _like_ not being treated well and feeling helpless? 

She thinks maybe Luz ruined any chance she has at a relationship with another person in the future with how damaging she is. But Amity wants it and she craves it. Ugh. There’s something seriously wrong with her. Finally, the tears spill out in an overwhelming flow and she lets out a pathetic sounding sob. Emira looks horrified and she quickly pulls her sister into a hug. They don’t say anything as she cries. She just loves her sister so much. She’s happy that she’s here right now. She doesn’t know what she’d do if she weren’t. 

After a while, Amity’s laying down on her sister’s lap as she gently strokes her hair. She hasn’t heard a peep from her and she thinks she’s asleep until she looks down at her to see that she is, in fact, awake and staring blankly at the TV. She gently asks, “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Oh god, no she _doesn’t_ want to talk about it. “Yes,” she croaks out, sniffing. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I want to. I need to.” Sniffling again, she moves to sit back up. She makes brief eye contact with Em and she wants to shrivel up and die. “Don’t look at me, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

She leans her head on her shoulder and takes a deep breath. “Don’t judge me okay?” She laughs a little bit. “Actually, don’t say anything at all until I’m done.” 

“You’re starting to scare me, Mittens.” Em laughs uneasily. 

“I’m sorry. It’s okay. I’m fine. Just listen, okay?” she takes another steadying breath. She can’t believe this is happening, she always thought she would take this to the grave with her. But where does she even start? What does she even say? “So I’m dating this girl,” is what she says and already she sounds like a maniac. She feels Em take a breath to say something but she thankfully decides against it. “Actually, I don’t think we’re dating. We’re in this… _relationship._ I don’t know. It’s weird.” 

Step one complete? She goes dizzy for a moment with how unbelievable this is. She can’t believe she’s doing this. She’s probably going to get in a lot of trouble for this. “Um. I’m really, really, really in love with her. I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. And I don’t know if she loves me back or— what. But we basically…” 

She’s pretty sure she doesn’t have to say it. She feels so ashamed to be saying this to her sister. “We have sex,” she bites her lip, pausing to feel her reaction. But she stays quiet. “And she uses me and she hurts me and I let her!” She laughs, a little bit delirious. “I like it, I think. I _like_ how she treats me like shit.”

“And she’s very abusive. She didn’t hit me or anything but she verbally abuses me all the time. And… I like it,” she says quietly. “I think she… raped me one time?” 

“Um, _what?”_ Emira coughs and she starts choking. Amity pulls away to see her, a melancholy kind of sadness in her eyes. “ _Amity,_ that’s—,”

“Em, _please.”_ She pleads. “You said you’d listen.” 

Her mouth falls open and she stares incredulously at Amity. “That’s _not.._. I’m…I don’t know what to say!” 

“ _Please?”_ She says. She reaches for her hands and Em squeezes them gently. Amity looks away. “It’s not like you think.” 

“That she _raped_ you?” 

“No. I… I told her she could and then she didn’t stop when I told her to. She always does that.” 

Em gives Amity the dirtiest look and she feels very _judged._ She wants to curl up in a ball and cry again. “Now that I’m saying it, it sounds really bad…” 

“ _Yeah.”_ She says slowly. “I’m calling the police.” 

“Em, no. I don’t want you to do that. This is my problem. I need to handle this.” 

“You aren’t going to handle this. You’re going to let it keep happening because you told me yourself, you _like it.”_

“I… I know. I’m going to break up with her. I just need time.”

“Mittens, what do you need time for? Are you waiting for her to _change?_ Because people like that don’t change. She’s using you, Amity. You have no reason to stay.”

“I know. It’s useless and I’m crazy and this is really bad but… I love her,” her voice cracks and she feels her eyes watering so she leans into her sister again. “A lot.” 

“No, Amity. You need to leave her. Does she know where you live?” She asks sternly. When Amity nods, she groans. “Oh my god. Do you wanna come back home with me until we figure this all out?” 

“No,” she nods vigorously. “I’m just going to talk to her.” 

Emira narrows her eyes. “Amity.” Then she says, “This isn’t that Luz Noceda girl, is it?” 

Amity’s face burns with shame and her palms turn sweaty. She hopes she didn’t make a face because if she made a face then Em definitely knows. She looks away calmly, nodding her head. “No. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay?” 

“Okay…” She sighs begrudgingly. “Amity I… really don’t know what to say. How did this _happen?”_

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says again and waves her off. She suddenly moves to stand up and anxiously, she laughs. “Um. Can you leave?” 

Emira looks up at her in disbelief. “I need to be alone for now.” She adds hesitantly. In a flurry of frenzied moments, she pushes her sister out of her apartment. Before she leaves, she turns to Amity with worry in her eyes. 

“Promise me you’ll leave her?” 

Amity smiles reassuringly. She hopes it works for her because even Amity doesn’t believe herself when she says, “Promise.” 

She’s laying down in her bed, curled up in a ball, a puddle of messy feelings raging inside of her. But it doesn’t stop her from reaching for her phone and texting Luz, **she left.**

They’re kissing softly in the kitchen a little later and Amity just can’t bring herself to do anything. Not yet. She can’t push her away when she’s making her feel so good, so special all the time. She doesn’t want her to leave right now when things were just starting to get good, she was kissing her so slowly and gently that it almost felt like love.

“Show me how much you want me,” Amity says in a low voice between kisses. She feels so good and so bad. She can’t believe this is happening. She thinks of Em and how worried she was and she feels like an idiot standing here doing this. Her whole body burns with shameful arousal. All she wants is her hands on her… everywhere. She doesn’t care if this is also the same girl who’s the cause of all her misery and regret. 

“If I show you… you won’t be able to walk for a while.” She giggles and kisses her girlfriend deeply as she swoons over the thought of it all. She wants it no matter what. Luz pulls away with this smug grin on her face and Amity just wants to punch her. Ugh. She’s so full of feelings that she doesn’t even know the names of. She feels like her helpless victim by choice but also by force? There’s no way she could get out of this even if she wanted to. She’s too hot and her hands feel too good on her skin for her to care _too_ much. 

“Then do it,” she begs breathlessly, taken by the swelling and intense want she feels right now. “Don’t make me wait.” Her heart skips when Luz leans in again so she lets her eyes flutter closed and she awaits the feeling of her girlfriend’s soft, warm lips on hers. But it never comes. She whines, opening her eyes and all she’s met with is that stupid grin again. 

Then she sees her eyes flick down to her lips and Amity’s heart almost explodes with sweet anticipation. “What babe?” She asks, giggling softly and she clutches onto her shoulder because she feels almost lightheaded with excitement. And _then_ she sees Luz just _slightly_ bite her lip. _Wow._ She must really want her. 

“Your mouth,” she reaches up to gently trace over her lips and then shoves two fingers inside of her mouth. Amity sucks them submissively, moaning because she thinks she might explode from how hot this is. “It’s _mine.”_

“It’s yours,” she says lovingly with her mouth full. They don’t lose eye contact as she twirls her tongue around her fingers and she can see Luz trying not to laugh. Then she pulls them out, wiping them off on her shirt. They kiss deeply again and this time Luz bites her lip, swiping her tongue over the sensitive skin there. 

She trails down to her neck and Amity’s gasping and moaning and taking it like a champ when suddenly Luz tells her, “You’re such a slut.” 

She blinks with confusion and for a brief moment she’s offended. But then she realizes that it’s _really_ hot when Luz talks down on her like that. Maybe she _is_ a slut then. Either way for argumentative sake and because she’s so turned on, she says, “I’m _not_ a slut.” 

“Yes you are,” she insists still. “You’ll do anything I want you to.” 

“I thought you liked that.” 

“I _love_ that.” 

Amity giggles, fawning under her sweet light kisses. Each one tickles and it makes her a soaking wet mess between her legs. “You _are_ a slut. Admit it.” She says quietly. Amity moans, bucking her hips forward in a desperate attempt at getting some friction. Just the feeling of her girlfriend against her like this is enough to make her dizzy. “Say it, babe.” 

“Mmm, babe. You’re right. I am a slut. Only for you.” She sighs dreamily, gasping incredulously when she feels Luz’s hand in her underwear, brushing _deliciously_ against her sex. 

One thing led to another and then… 

She pins her arms to the bed, kissing her so deeply that the mattress squeaks under them. She pulls away with one last peck to give her this sultry smirk and Amity can’t help but feel like she’s in trouble, even if she’s thoroughly turned on. Then she reaches down to gently tug at her shirt, watching her helpless girlfriend expectantly. 

“Babe, I don’t want to have sex tonight,” she says quietly, as gently as possible. But it doesn’t deter Luz one single bit. 

She sweetly brushes their noses together and kisses her softly again before whispering, “Hold on. Please?” Hand slips underneath her bra strap and she tugs it playfully. “I wanna try something.” 

Amity’s eyes widen calmly and her mouth drops open with panic. That same feeling of dread drips into her chest whenever Luz says that. It almost always involves pain and that fear slowly turns into dread with each passing moment. Luz wanting to _try something_ was almost always never good. “...Like what?” 

“I was thinking earlier and…” she traces a gentle finger over her lips. Amity shivers under the teasing, tickling feeling it leaves on her and she quickly bites her lip. She almost feels charmed by the thought of Luz thinking about her. It feels good to know that she’s not the only one who's hopelessly infatuated with her girlfriend. “What if I tried _stretching you out?”_

Just the thought of it already makes her sore. She moans when Luz nips at her bottom lip, much too distracted to even realize that she had her hand already under her bra and teasing her nipple. “H—how?” She asks breathlessly. 

“With my hands.” 

Goodness. “I don’t want to.” 

Luz groans and kisses her, roughly this time. She almost feels bad for a moment and she thinks, _I should just give her what she wants._ But she has the right to say no and stand up for herself because it’s her body and she doesn’t want that. Somehow she gets so wrapped up in feelings and pleasure that her girlfriend ends up with her tongue swirling around her nipple and Amity just can’t resist the teasing torture of it. 

As she arches and begs under it, she pleads with Luz, careless and stubborn as she is. She ends up trying to pull off Amity’s underwear but she stops her. “I said no,” she reminds her weakly, trembling and despite her body screaming and burning for more, she firmly stands her ground. 

“Stop being such a baby. C’mon,” she grins at her. “I’ll make you feel good. I promise.” 

“I don’t want to…” she huffed as Luz _continued_ to slide her panties down her legs, her pulsing, aching clit exposed for her to do whatever she wanted to. And Amity in her lust ridden misery opens her legs, allowing Luz to comfortably rest her head against her inner thigh, her face dangerously close to where she aches. She puts a hand on her knee to keep her open and she watches Amity, daring her as she slips her tongue slowly across her sex. “ _Stop.”_

“Let’s face it, Blight.” She uses her other hand to gently finger Amity, fucking her entrance slowly. “You’re not gonna do anything about it. You want me to.” 

“I told you I don’t want this!” She rocks her hips against each thrust of her fingers, her breaths becoming jagged. “I said I didn’t want this. But you aren’t listening to me.” 

“You want me to keep going.” 

“No, I really, really… don’t…” she trails off in helpless ecstasy and suddenly she loses her nerve. Because no matter how much she hated it, it _did_ feel _really, really good._ Like, so good that she feels like she wants to cry. And she’s so in love with her, the person who gives her these indescribably amazing feelings and can make her want things even if she really _doesn’t._ She lets out an incredibly contradictory sound and she whimpers, begs for more. “Please, please…” 

“Please what?” Luz asks innocently and she keeps going against her girlfriend’s wishes, because that’s what she wants right? Amity definitely doesn’t want her to stop but also… 

“ _Fuck.”_ She groans, her stomach aching from the pleasure. It’s such an addictive feeling and she knows she’s a slave to it. She’ll do anything to get this feeling and she needs it and she can’t live without it. But if she pushes Luz away then how will she get it? How can she go without it? Go without _her?_

* * *

She wants to do something different this time. She’s tired of sex being a chore and something she’s so conflicted about when it’s supposed to be gratifying and feel _good._ She knows the nature of their relationship and the way they are is beyond repair and it’s not exactly worth saving, even _she_ realizes that now. But she doesn’t want to let go just yet. 

It’s not much, but she’s going to try and talk to Luz. She wants to try to set some boundaries again and have sex but still be respectful to each other. That’s really all she wants. 

She lights some candles in the room and she puts rose petals on the floor and a few on the bed before Luz gets there. When she walks in the room, she pauses. “What’s all this for?” She asks teasingly. 

“Nothing, I just thought…maybe we could use a change of scenery,” she walks closer to her cute girlfriend, pressing up against her. They just look at each other for a moment until Luz slips her arms around her waist, pulling her _closer._ “Isn’t it romantic?” She whispers, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder when she buries her face in Amity’s neck. 

Luz takes a deep breath, sighing. “Mhm. I like it.” Amity rests her chin on her head, enjoying the quiet peacefulness and the way Luz is holding her so tightly. She doesn’t know why, but she feels incredibly sad right now. She has everything she wants and the only person she ever thinks about is right here in her arms and she feels so soft and warm. Her whole body tingles with nervous excitement at what the next few hours has in store for her. She doesn’t want anything _but_ her and for some reason she still isn’t satisfied. Luz seems to be having similar thoughts when she says quietly, “I don’t deserve you.”

Amity gets even more depressed because she knows that’s right. But she doesn’t want Luz to be sad about it too. “Yes you do,” she pulls away and holds her face in her hands. “Don’t say that.” Leaning forward, she kisses her sweetly but her heart is not in it somehow. Luz lifts a hand to hold Amity’s face and she kisses back more passionately. Her fingers tangle through her mint green hair and even if her head’s somewhere else, she lets out a delighted moan. 

She thinks what she really needs right now is to feel loved. 

They stumble against the bed and she’s ready to succumb to her girlfriend when she suddenly remembers. She swallows back her nervousness and clears her throat. “Luz?”

“Hm?” 

“I um, I wanted to talk to you about something before we get started…”

“Let me guess,” she raises an eyebrow, giving Amity a bored look that makes her want to cry. “You wanna break up.”

“N—no…” she bites her lip, looking away. “Do… do you?”

“No.”

Amity sighs in relief and gets her mind back on task. Her eyes feel so heavy and she wants to break down sobbing. But she’s also very horny for her girlfriend and all she wants is to have sex with her. But she needs to tell her this before she gets hurt again. With a deep breath, she puts a firm hand on Luz’s chest and says, “I think we should start listening to each other more.” 

“Okay,” she shrugs and leans forward to kiss Amity deeply. For a moment, she forgets what she’s doing to melt under her soft lips, but luckily pulls herself back together and pushes Luz back. 

“Wait.” She tells her sternly. Luz groans and pulls Amity closer and make out briefly before she pulls away again. “I’m serious, babe.” She says and then immediately contradicts herself with another kiss. “Please listen to me.”

“I’m listening,” she giggles when Amity gets carried away and starts kissing her all over her face. After she regains her composure, she clears her throat again. 

“Let’s set boundaries, okay?” She raises her eyebrows. 

“Okay. Let’s do it,” she says it like she agrees, like she respects any form of boundary anyways. 

“Listen to me when I tell you to _stop._ It makes me really upset when you don’t listen to me.” 

“Okay. I’m sorry.” She says sweetly and steals another kiss from her stern girlfriend who passionately kisses back because she’s desperate. Pushing her back again, she continues. 

“I want you to be gentle. No more rough sex.” 

“Okay.” 

“Anything you want to add?” She asks, tracing her fingers over her chest. Luz nods and pushes her into yet another deep kiss. She gives up and lets it happen. She doesn’t know if that went well or if Luz took it seriously or if she’s going to listen. She guesses she’ll find out later. 

They’re making out on the bed, Amity on top of Luz when she asks, “Can I touch you?” 

As always, she’s hesitant at first. But she thinks the reason she lets Amity ever do anything is because she loves her. And _that_ is a delicious thought. One that she feeds even if it’s absurd and false and completely delusional. 

She looks embarrassed as she reaches around to unhook her bra. She always acts a bit strange whenever Amity tries to undress her and she’s not exactly sure why. She looks so beautiful that she can’t possibly imagine what the problem is. She kisses her lips tenderly before asking, “What’s wrong my love?” 

Luz looks away, ashamed. She groans impatiently under the slow strokes Amity traces over her stomach. “I just…” she takes a deep breath. “ _Really_ don’t like being naked.” 

“Why not?” She asks sweetly and slowly moves back to try and pull her bra away but Luz quickly slaps her hand away. She remains patient and waits for an answer. 

“I really hate my body.” She says quietly, not meeting Amity’s eyes. Her heart shatters and for a moment, she doesn’t know what to say or do about it. She isn’t giving up because she wants her girlfriend so bad. 

Unsure of what to do, she bites her lip anxiously. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” She squeezes her eyes shut and reaches up to pull her bra strap back up her shoulder. “Can we just…” 

“No, babe. I want to do this.” She puts a gentle hand over hers and softly pushes it away. She slowly pulls her bra back down and then removes it entirely. Luz hisses, putting her arm over her eyes. “Don’t worry, okay? You’re fine. I just want to see you.”

“But…”

“You’re fine,” she says lovingly and pulls her arm away from her face. “Look at me.” She smiles gently and leans forward to kiss her passionately. She wants to show her that everything’s alright and she isn’t judging. She wants to show her that she’s beautiful and that she _wants_ to see her. All of her. She pulls away and brushes their lips together. “You don’t have to be ashamed, see?” She grins and buries her face in her neck, reaching down to hold her small breast in her hand. Luz yelps and thrashes a bit under her teasing thumb swirling over her nipple, biting her lip. “I’ll make you feel _sooo_ good. I promise.”

“Stop it,” she says weakly, even if her hips are still rocking to the touch. Something _venomous_ bubbles up inside of Amity. For some reason, it only made her want to keep going, just to torment her. It all feels so familiar… 

“Just let me show you, okay? I only want to make you feel better.” 

“No,” she chokes out, moaning. “I don’t want you to.” 

But Amity lovingly ignores her, eventually slipping down to trace her tongue over her nipple instead. Luz makes so many delicious sounds that she feels almost crazy with power and arousal. She feels her girlfriend’s hand tangle through her hair and she inevitably changes her mind about the whole thing. “Don’t stop,” she breathes out and strokes her hair. Amity feels like such a good girl, smiling as she gently bites her nipple between her teeth, just wanting to pleasure her girlfriend. 

“Do you like it when I do this?” She asks sweetly. 

“Mhm. You’re so good. Your mouth feels so good.” She praises her sweet girlfriend’s best efforts, and she feels so good. She wants nothing more than her words of praise and to hear her cries of pleasure, all because of her. 

Eventually, she gets down between her legs, smiling with amusement at her girlfriend’s already glistening wet clit. She strokes her first and after Luz’s frenzied moan, she asks, “Does that feel good?” and all she gets out of her is a quick nod. Good enough for her. All it means is that she’s speechless, she thinks. So she spreads her open with two fingers and pokes her tongue inside of her, right in the middle. She then takes long, slow strokes of her trembling girlfriend. 

“Amity,” she moans, almost incredulous of how good she feels right now as her girlfriend relentlessly goes down on her, each lick long and slow and satisfying. It doesn’t take her long to come, panting and sweaty and exhausted. But Amity isn’t anywhere _near_ finished. She gave her girlfriend sweet, easy, teasing pleasure, but now she wants to be _inside_ of her. She wants to give her everything she gives her. 

Excited, she climbs out of bed and digs through Luz’s bag for the strap on. She quickly buckles it around her waist. Taking control of the thing that caused her so much pain and took so many of her sweet orgasms. Now she’s going to hurt _her_ with it. “What are you doing?” Luz asks at first, visibly nervous. 

But Amity is completely undeterred. She forces her legs open and gently slips the thing over her clit. She really doesn’t know what to do, she’s just copying what Luz did to her. “What’s wrong babe? Never had some this _big_ inside of you before?” She asks lovingly, bumping her hips forward to slip inside. It’s tough and doesn’t go in easily at first, but ignoring her girlfriend’s moans of pain, she forces it inside with a bitter feeling in her chest. She holds onto Luz’s knees for support and she hammers away, sending her girlfriend into pleasure filled ecstasy. She knows how good it feels and how she’s probably _burning_ with intense and paralyzing pleasure, the pressure on her clit is probably driving her mad. 

She gives her girlfriend another strong orgasm but she _doesn’t_ stop. She keeps going to drive her own sadistic fantasies of her girlfriend suffering and aching from the pain. She keeps going until Luz says, “Stop it!”

“What’s wrong babe?” She asks bitterly, pushing her hips even harder than before. Luz whimpers and weakly jerks her hip against Amity’s relentlessness. “Had enough yet?” 

“Please… stop.” 

“I’m not stopping,” she says sternly and she pushes harder, trying to get enough friction on her clit to come to the sight of her helpless girlfriend writhing in pain. 

“Stop it you crazy bitch!” She squeaks. “Get off of me!” 

“ _No._ You never stop for me, so I’m going to keep going until you start crying. I’m going to make you hurt.” 

Luz groans and pulls herself away, pushing back and sitting up. “What is _wrong_ with you?” She glares daggers at Amity and in her revenge ridden haze, she feels terrible, like she’s just committed a crime. Panting, she looks down with the sudden realization. 

They both lay on opposite sides of the bed curled in on themselves. The silence is deafening. 

* * *

“You’re late,” Amity tells Luz. She’s standing at the door in her leather jacket and sweatpants like they’re going _anywhere_ this late in the afternoon. They were supposed to be going on a date again, the first one following another inevitable minor setback. 

“It’s not _that_ late,” she shrugs and rolls her eyes. Then she raises a hand to stop Amity from running off on her wild tangent. “Before you say anything, I got you this.” She pulls her other hand from behind her back to reveal a red rose with a long stem. Amity’s mouth falls open because she’s at a loss for words. Luz has never brought her a rose before. She rarely does anything even remotely romantic. 

But she shakes her head, trying to pull herself back together and steel her grip because even if Luz brought a rose, she was _late._ “What took you so long?” She glares sternly at her. Luz sighs and Amity stumbles aside when she pushes past into the apartment. She trails behind her into the kitchen, glancing curiously at the rose that’s now lying on the counter when there’s a vase of water right beside it. 

“Traffic,” is what Luz supplied, taking one of Amity’s water bottles and downing half of it in thirty seconds. 

“I made reservations. And I paid for a nice spot for us to have some privacy. Now we’re late by _two hours_ and I don’t think they’re going to let us come anymore.” She says, her eye twitching aggravatedly. 

“Aww,” Luz grins, opening her arms and watching Amity expectantly. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” she sighs and begrudgingly lets herself be pulled into a hug. They stand there like that for a moment, Amity leaning comfortably against her girlfriend who she’s kind of upset with but also very in love with. 

Luz pulls back to gently kiss her, and with the audacity of only herself, she says just above a whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she says shakily, feeling a bit defeated by her, like she always is. 

* * *

  
  


They’re both naked, Amity’s laying on top of her girlfriend. Their bodies are pressed together in an overwhelming flush of milky white against tan, skin to skin contact that she absolutely craves with everything in her. It's a carnal desire. She almost feels dizzy with pleasure and urgency, she needs something to hold, something to clench but like always, she’s left feeling empty no matter how close they are. 

So she clutches her shoulder, traces her curious hand down her girlfriend’s creamy smooth skin. She relishes in the little moans and trembles that she elicits with just her hands and fingers from her terrible, terrible girlfriend. She grabs anything and anywhere she can because desperate people take what they can right? And even if they were naked and so physically close, she still wonders why she _still_ isn’t happy or satisfied.

Frustrated, Amity groans and moves to sit up, straddling Luz across her hips. Her legs pin her on either side, pressing her clit deliciously against her girlfriend’s crotch. Each touch of their skin makes Amity’s heart ache with need and want and sweet, sweet sexual _frustration._ They both decided to take off all of their clothes and see how long they could resist each other without stirring the pot and starting the fire. It’s been an hour and a half. At first, it was easy because Amity was just smitten by the fact that Luz agreed to be _naked_. She spent the better half of an hour just being star struck over her girlfriend’s body. She discovered naked cuddling and for a while, it was nice. 

She suddenly got the intense urge to touch her, everywhere. She wanted to make her girlfriend whine and cry with her hands and her mouth like she did her so often. She wanted to explore her and feel her in a way she never had before. But she _couldn’t touch._

Now she was just getting impatient. Being so close like this really was tempting her to do _bad things._ She didn’t care about self control or how long she could keep her hands off. She was so turned on that she couldn’t really think straight. So in a desperate attempt, she resorted to grinding. She straddled her hot girlfriend and she was going to hump her crotch until she came, that’s all. Nothing to see here. She starts off with a slow, steady pace, teasing herself slowly and building up the anticipation. 

“You’re making this really hard,” Luz tells her sternly. Amity doesn’t really care much about anything anymore, not right now at least. Her eyes flutter closed and she slips into her own little world of pleasure and good feelings as she rides the waves to success. She wants to grind a bit harder so she holds onto Luz’s shoulders for support because she needs something to keep her grounded here in reality or else she’d float away. “ _Amity.”_

_“_ I don’t care,” she chokes out in a whiny moan, clearly distracted. She takes her lip between her teeth and she grinds herself _harder,_ pressing just right on _just_ the right spot. It feels so good, she could cry, the thought of her girlfriend being the thing she’s getting off on turns her on even more. She almost feels like Luz in a sense, she thinks. She’s using her body for her own selfish desires and she doesn’t actually care if Luz wants it or not because nothing can stop her anymore and she’s _going_ to come right here and just like this. 

* * *

“Is… everything okay, Mittens?” Edric asks Amity over the phone one day. He sounds so worried, it’s almost wholesome. 

“Yes, why?” She asks innocently. “Did Em tell you something?” 

“Yeah…” he pauses cautiously. “She told me… everything.” 

Amity stays quiet. “Do you need help?” He asks slowly. 

“No, I’m fine. I’ll handle it, okay? And tell Em to stay out of it.” 

_“Okay…_ Mittens? What’s gotten into you? Seriously…” 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” She says again, getting a bit impatient. She doesn’t want anyone’s help. She doesn’t want to stop because the pain feels so good. She thought maybe she wanted to break up before but now she’s never been more sure of anything more in her _life,_ how Luz is the only thing she wants, that is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✨🌈Official IOFTC Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5u8H9Rtli85sN9ajnijFai?si=ehQxZ3eXTz6l0mR65DsJ_g
> 
> Leave a comment to add a song to the playlist!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luz and Amity struggle through their relationship by having sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - Rape/non-con  
> ⭐️ Listen to the It’s only for the cameras playlist on Spotify! (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5u8H9Rtli85sN9ajnijFai?si=6kCj68dKTwe_oJGclOTo_g) Leave a comment to suggest a song! 
> 
> ✨Little note for anyone who cares
> 
> Hey sickos!! This chapter is actually approximately 50k words long. Get a snack, get comfortable and enjoy (yikes). This is the standard ioftc chapter: Luz and Amity fuck a lot, amity gets abused, some fucked up shit happens lol
> 
> Sorry this took like two months haha. From here it’ll probably also be a bit to update again and my hot new lumity university AU will probably be up before chapter Eighteen comes out. (Subscribe so you don’t miss that hehe) 
> 
> I spent at least two hours beta reading this and gave up half way because this is A LONG CHAPTER. ITS 2AM. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. FUCK. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for tuning in. Have fun :)

Luz blinks, flinching at the smack of papers on the desk. She’d been called to a meeting at work. She initially thought it was the standard weekly meetings that all the cast had to attend but her assumptions were crudely proven wrong when she walked into the office and no one else was there. 

“We’ve gotten anonymous reports about the concern of the relationship between you and Amity Blight,” says the manager boredly and Luz immediately knows who it was. Probably Willow when she caught them in the cafeteria all that time ago. It’s not like there was anything inherently wrong with their relationship and it’s not like it was anyone’s business in the first place. To show it here was just… 

“Did they mention anything in specific?” She sits back in her chair and tries to stay her usual smug self. She doesn’t know if she should be worried about losing her job or if she should laugh. Really, she couldn’t care less about _this_ job, but the people looking at her resume would. She needed to stay on a steady source of income for when her mom finally kicked her out, which, she knew was probably coming as soon as she turned nineteen. 

“That’s not for me to disclose. And being honest, we really don’t care,” she sighs. “Just… a relationship like that on professional property is inappropriate. Tone it down.” 

Luz rolls her eyes.

Later, driving home, she casually mentions it to Amity. “I think Willow reported us,” she laughs, glancing at her cute girlfriend in the passenger seat beside her. Amity eyes her for a moment, not believing. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. It was anonymous and they wouldn’t give me any details, but like…” 

Amity stays quiet and she looks away. The silence in the car is weirdly loud as she thinks it all through and then comes to a very contrived conclusion. “That’s okay. I’ll just start driving to work by myself.” She says. “I just don’t want to get fired so early on.”

Luz just shrugs and she stays quiet for a moment. 

She’s tired. She wants to curl up under a blanket and just sleep for a week. Not worry about anything. Not Amity, not work, not school, not anything. Just for a while. 

She’s tired of her schedule and how she barely has time to catch a break. Her days are so long and repetitive and she’s only got a handful of hours to herself and whatever she uses them for is up for her to decide— but no matter what she chooses, it always bites her in the ass later.

If she wants to have sex, she always regretted it because she’s _tired._ If she wants to study, she will regret it because _tired._ If she wanted to play video games or literally do anything for her own enjoyment, it was never a good idea because in the morning when she had to get up and go to work, she was going to be tired. It’s hard trying to balance work and life on such a cluttered scale. 

And how was she supposed to give Amity what she wanted? Give her the attention and love that she deserved?

She steals another glance at her. She’s staring off into space and her head is resting against the window. Crap, even lost in thought she looks so beautiful. Luz quickly directs her attention back to the road, a tingle of shame rushing up her back. 

As much as she _doesn’t_ care, as much as she _hates_ her, she wants to make her happy. She loves seeing her smile when it does come naturally. She loves being in her arms. She loves kissing her soft lips. She loves her. But she feels like it’s too late, that even if she wanted to be good enough for her, she couldn’t. Amity wouldn’t believe her and she wouldn’t understand. She’d rather keep treating her like shit and have her come running back. 

That’s easier than trying to put in any effort. That was better than being honest and feeling the things she was feeling. 

Her bottom line was that for Amity, she didn’t require any. No effort required at all. But how can she come to the same conclusion everytime and still not feel satisfied? How can she get rid of this constant pang of guilt in her chest everytime she looks at her girlfriend? 

How does she get out of it this time? How does she escape when things are happening and her feelings are real, blossoming like flowers under Amity’s gentle touch? What’s the way to just be competent? 

Maybe if she was prepared for this, she’d have something to say to her. But the plan wasn’t to be like this, helplessly falling in love with her. 

She wondered how long it’d take for Amity to notice. 

An idea pops into her head just as she’s changing lanes and she catches a glance at a lively bar off the freeway exit she just missed. It’s not a _good_ idea, and would only perpetuate her problem, but she doesn’t care. She’s not going to let some stupid schedule ruin her fun. She’s young and would do what she wanted.

She doesn’t want to think about work or their relationship because it’s stupid and not worth thinking about. If things got really bad then she’d just break up with her. No joke was worth her job or reputation or sanity. She steals another look at her pretty girlfriend and she looks worried still. “Wanna get a drink?” She asks to cheer her up and— by ‘a drink’ she definitely means multiple. Amity pauses. 

“No.” 

Amity’s downing her third shot when Luz wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, leaning on her as they sit side by side in a booth. She nuzzles into her neck, feeling the pleasant buzz of warmth in the back of her throat and the alcohol melting away her stress. She presses a warm kiss on her jaw and pulls her closer when Amity lets out a squeaky little moan. “Stop babe, I almost choked,” she giggles, slamming her shot glasses onto the table and playfully tries to push Luz off of her. 

“It’s not my fault you’re so sexy,” she smiles, kissing down her neck and bringing a hand up to— not so discreetly— squeeze her breast, poking her where her nipple is under all of that stupid clothing. She wants to take it all off. She wants to fuck her. She doesn’t care if Amity is pushing her away or if they’re in public. She would feel her girlfriend up anywhere she pleased, dammit. _“I want you.”_ She whispers closely into her ear. 

“We’re in public, babe,” she whines quietly and Luz delights to know that her eyes are closed and she’s trying to keep herself under control. Luz presses harder over her nipple and kisses her neck again when Amity inhales sharply. _“Babe!”_ She gasps. 

Her next order of operation in seducing her hot girlfriend was to gently rest her hand on her thigh under the table. Being an aisle table where people and waiters constantly walked by, that would be a little hard. But that was half the fun. 

The other half was witnessing and being the direct cause of Amity’s immense terror, her shameful arousal. She bites down on her lip and and lets out a quiet moan, luckily inaudible under the loud music playing over the restaurant. It’s like Luz’s little secret, being pressed so closely against her and being the only one to hear her desperate little pleas. 

“Lay back,” she tells her and it’s almost funny how quickly she obeys the command for being so against it just all but two seconds ago. She leans back against the booth and spreads her legs open on the seat as Luz slips her hand between them. It frustrates her that there’s not much she can really do here. Not from this angle and the way that she’s sitting. 

And even if she’s already started to feel blissfully drunk, she still had some decency and didn’t want to fully fuck her girlfriend at this restaurant. Just wanted to loosen her up a bit and get her ready. “Now try to stay quiet, okay?” 

Amity nods and both of them immediately know that that’s just as probable as them _not_ doing anything tonight. She starts with her hand trailing up from her knee, sensually walking her fingers up her inner thigh to unzip her shorts in the front. “I don’t want to have sex right here,” she says quietly into Luz’s hair. For a split second, she pauses but then she remembers that it doesn’t really matter what Amity says. She liked it when she didn’t stop. Even if she cried about it, she still liked it. She knew Amity. 

So she slips under her shorts from the top and then under her panties as well. She finds her sex deliciously wet already and she gently fingers the top before slipping a single finger shallow inside of her. Damn this angle. She can’t do anything. 

“ _Fuck,”_ she breathes, trembling. “Fuck, babe. I need it,” 

“I know,” she purrs and kisses her neck softly, pulling her finger out to teasingly circle the top of her clit again in a slow and gentle motion. “I’m gonna give you _exactly_ what you need. I’ll take care of you,” she giggles as her girlfriend squirms under her. In the small space, she manages to get _two_ fingers inside and she slips a bit lower to quickly fuck her tight walls, warm and wet around her fingers. 

_“Fuck!”_ Amity whines, panting for air and clutching at her girlfriend’s hair. “Don’t stop,” she bucks her hips forward and rocks slowly into the touch, pulling her fingers deeper and deeper inside of her desperate, aching heat. She needs it and Luz needs it and she wants to taste her and hurt her and make her cry and all these terrible things but she just can’t right now because they’re in a stupid fucking restaurant. She should have taken her straight home to fuck her amazing cute girlfriend. Now she has to wait. “Babe!” 

“Quiet,” she reminds her and pulls her fingers back out to tease her clit again. She loves feeling her nails digging into her hips and hearing her whines and screams. God, she’s so hot and she wants nothing more than to eat her out _right now._ She wants to torment her all night and she wants to feel her body on hers. 

By now, they’d gotten plenty of weird stares and people turning red upon looking in their direction. It was pretty obvious with what was going on at table fifty four down the aisle. It wasn’t her fault that Amity couldn’t keep her whimpers and cries on a low volume. 

Luz was still shocked when they were asked by the manager to leave. 

Okay, maybe they weren’t being very discreet. 

Luckily, Luz hadn’t had but three shots so she was still in good condition to drive. Not that she cared— she was still going to take her beautiful girlfriend home and rail her as soon as they got in the door. The restaurant they were at was much closer to her house, but she wasn’t about to risk her mom coming in early from work while they were still having sex. She didn’t want that to be the way she found out she was dating someone, let alone it being a girl. So she drove an extra thirty minutes to get them back to Amity’s apartment, where they would be alone and unbothered for the entire night. 

But, Amity on the other hand, was very drunk. She had a much lower tolerance. It’s not like what they were drinking was particularly strong. Luz would need _at least_ five more of those shots to get as loose as Amity was. 

Doesn’t mean Luz wasn’t struggling to walk. They stumble to the elevator, arms slung around each other’s shoulders for support. Luz is staring blankly at the shiny metallic doors as they go up when she hears Amity giggle. She glances down at her girlfriend, her head resting on her shoulder and she’s looking up at her with a hazy grin on her face. She teasingly bites her lip and it takes everything out of Luz. 

“Do you want to have sex with me?” She asks innocently, eyes fluttering closed when Luz leans down to bite her lip so hard that Amity moans in pain. She feels her tongue slip past her teeth as she sinks deeper into her soft lip. They kiss deeply and they swirl tongues, she can taste the bitterness of tequila on the warmth on her mouth. It makes her so happy and warm inside, to be blissfully drunk with her girlfriend. 

They both fail to notice that the elevator door had opened for the first thirty seconds, so lost in each other. 

It’s funny when Amity drags her along down the hallway, and when she struggles to get the keys out of her bag to unlock her door. They end up making out as she struggles with the lock, pushed up against the door by her hot girlfriend. As they make out, Amity twists the keys around behind her and ends up unlocking the door, opening it and the two of them almost falling in. In the dark of the apartment, they’d been through this exact scenario enough times to know exactly where they’re going and exactly how to get into the bedroom without ever pulling away. 

They’re kissing against the foot of the bed when Amity pulls away to catch her breath. “Babe, I can’t kiss you for that long because I need to breathe,” she giggles and struggles to push Luz off her. “Fuck! I can’t think straight,” she lets her head fall back as Luz slowly kisses down her neck. “God, babe. You’re making me so wet.” 

“You’re funny,” Luz laughs and gives her collarbone a soft kiss before pulling herself away to look at her cute girlfriend. Her face is flushed from the alcohol and she looks absolutely desperate. But they’re here in her apartment all by themselves and they’re drunk and they’re both really turned on. She has this girl all to herself and she can do whatever she wants. 

That thought is numbing to her. Her heart races with excitement, but then she sees Amity biting her lip and she reaches up to gently hold Luz’s face. 

“Babe,” she whimpers quietly, leaning in to give her a sweet little kiss. “I want you. You’re everything I want.” 

“I love you,” Luz tells her and kisses her again. “I just don’t know…what to do.” 

“What do you mean, babe?” She looks at her with such concern, such love that it makes her heart hurt. She loves Amity so much and she can’t imagine not being with her. She wants to keep having sex and she wants to date her but what is it all worth? She’s been so terrible to her… she can’t see why Amity still bothers. 

Why this is still happening makes her want to laugh. This whole thing is so stupid and it _wasn’t_ supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to feel like this about her. “Talk to me,” she whispers and pulls her into a hug.

“I want to be with you,” she admits quietly, squeezing her eyes tight with shame. “I want you.”

“I want you too. Let’s do it. Let’s be together.” 

“But we don’t make any sense.” 

“We don’t need to. I don’t care about anything, I just want you.” She pulls her closer and she yelps when they stumble back and fall onto the bed, Luz falling on top of her. “I don't care if we don’t make sense,” she says and she reaches up to hold Luz’s face again when she pulls away to look at her. 

“But… I treat you so badly.” She nuzzles into her girlfriend's soft hand, feeling so guilty for it. She knows she’s never going to be enough for this girl even if she did love her. She would never be what she deserved. And she didn’t need to be if Amity didn’t want her to. But things staying like this scared her a little. It all sinks in when Amity stays quiet and she looks away. “I still want to hurt you and do all of these bad things…”

“I don’t care, babe. If…” she sighs. “If that makes you feel good then I’ll do it for you. I want everything.” 

That’s horrifying.

“You… _want_ me to hurt you?” 

Amity nods vigorously. “I want whatever you want. You’re my life.” 

Luz sighs and buries her face in her neck again. She’s so confused and she doesn’t know what to do anymore. Part of the satisfaction of hurting her was her resistance. Now she _wants_ it? What does that mean, that now she wants it? Has she really been so conditioned about everything, that now she’s blindsided, addicted to the point of confusion?

She needs to leave her. She’s broken her beyond repair now. She can’t love her. That would be so wrong. “Amity?”

“Yes, my love?” 

“I love you… so much.” her voice cracks, and the absolute shame she feels saying those words almost crushes her. 

“I love you too!” She cries. Luz pulls away again and is surprised when she sees a tear rolling down her cheek. She wipes it away with her thumb and kisses her lips softly. Amity moans and clutches at Luz’s hair, her other hand holding on tightly to her shoulder. The kiss is tender but passionate, yet somehow different from any other time they’ve kissed. It’s quiet and understanding and romantic. She feels Amity’s grip loosen on her shoulder and she traces down to gently rest on Luz’s back, leaning deeper into the kiss. 

This feels serious. But Luz can’t exactly determine how seriously she should take this, judging by the drunkenness of her girlfriend. She tastes it on her lips… she’s so soft and sweet. She’s beautiful. She doesn’t deserve to be in her arms like this, hearing her moans or feeling her hands on her. She shouldn’t be here right now. She doesn’t deserve her. 

Luz pulls away only to give her another quick peck when she immediately misses kissing her. Amity brushes their lips together, gently dragging her warm tongue over Luz’s bottom lip and then biting it softly. _“I don’t want anything but this.”_ She says quietly, her breath hot on her lips. And it’s enough confirmation, at least enough for right now. If she wants this then so does Luz. She wants her more than anything. 

* * *

  
  


It was finally over. 

She’d changed so much. Really, she has Disney to thank for the worst _(best?)_ thing to ever happen to her. Because working on their show, she met the love of her life. She was so young when it happened, and she wasn’t ready. But she guesses the best things happen unexpectedly. 

She wouldn’t have it any other way. 

And she knows it’s messed up—their whole relationship is messed up. It’s like a rotten, molded apple, but Amity still insists to herself that it’s delicious and juicy and _worth it._

To her, it was. The bar was low, but Amity was lower. She can’t help but feel sad all the time these days, and she thinks it’s because of Luz. How can someone make her so happy and yet so incredibly sad at the same time? 

She doesn’t know, but it doesn’t need an answer. She doesn’t want an answer. She doesn’t know the answer. 

Amity was a woman without dignity. She was seventeen when this all happened, and somehow the time left her in the past years. She’s an adult now, responsible and independent but still stuck with the same person. She does her job and goes through the motions only because she has to. Maybe she’d just have sex with her girlfriend for a living if that was possible. She felt like that’s the only thing she was good for anyways. 

She thought she had something to her, she thought she had dreams and goals before, but now she can’t quite remember them. She thinks about it, and it’s sad how Luz is the only thing in her brain. She forces herself to want other things because she can’t have one wish and it be the only thing unreachable. She knows she’s capable of a lot of things, but she cuts herself short. 

For what, she doesn’t know. 

Even then, she’s still pretty successful. She’s an actress, and she gets to meet some amazing people, but no one compares to Luz Noceda. She’s so pretty. So perfect. She’s everything Amity’s ever wanted, and she realizes that now. Even if it wasn’t. 

Neither of them actually watch their shows because well, they’re full grown adults on Disney Channel, and why would they? That’s embarrassing. They kind of just film for them every day and are never aware of the products at the end because they can’t be bothered to. Something about dignity. Which, Amity has none of. Luz definitely does, or— acts like she does. She doesn’t. 

She’s so different from the girl on the TV to the girl she’s in bed with every night. 

She’s got this persona and with her popularity has quite literally become the new mascot of Disney with her cheery attitude in the interviews. It’s no wonder that she’d become so successful here. Amity’s not sure she fits here anymore. 

Everyone’s so nice and happy, but Amity feels everything but that. They’re so hospitable to her, truly she has a great crew and even then she couldn’t be bothered to try and show an ounce of respect, because all of it is reserved for one person only. 

All she can think about is Luz. It kind of hurts seeing her so happy, so friendly, so focused at work when she struggles to even remember lines sometimes. 

It’s a shame they pay so well. Neither of them would be leaving anytime soon. 

It’s a cool night in October, a week after the finale of The Owl House aired on TV. It’s been three years she’d worked on this show. 

She was glad it was over. Judging by the way everyone else looked tonight, so did they. The wrap party was at some restaurant that Amity couldn’t remember. Luz drove them there and as they walked in, her arm wrapped around her waist, receiving a soft kiss on her temple, she didn’t really care where they were. 

_“Be good tonight, okay?”_ Luz says quietly close to her ear and nips there softly which, ooh, scandalous. It sends a daring shiver up her spine and she relishes to wonder about what Luz might do if she misbehaved a little tonight? What delicious punishments might that get her?

Amity only hums, deliberately avoiding giving a definitive answer to her controlling girlfriend. 

Of course, immediately upon walking in, they pulled away because they didn’t want to raise anymore suspicion about their ‘relationship’. At this point, Amity doesn’t know what it is. But she doesn’t care. She’s past the point of no return. She’s here until the end, hers until her heart dies. 

  
  


Everyone is here, looking quite nice. Willow wore a cute cardigan to smartly combat the cold, unlike Amity who only dressed to impress one person. 

Gus wore a nice dress shirt, making him look formidable and at least Amity could take him a bit more seriously than usual. There was Eda wearing... whatever it was she was wearing and her in-show sister Lilith, who was always wearing dark colors, which looked surprisingly good with her dark raven hair. A lot of people who worked behind the scenes like editors and boom mics and what nots. 

Still, Amity couldn’t care less about anyone except her girlfriend right beside her. Her girlfriend! For tonight, it’s her little secret. She wouldn’t slip up. She would behave. 

Standing off to the side, Amity watches as everyone greets and mingles together like the upperclassmen that they are. They’re from Disney Channel for god’s sake. She watches and— more specifically Luz as she smiled and hugged and shook hands, acting so bright and cheerful. Telling jokes and being her charming, beautiful self while Amity couldn’t be bothered to do any of the casualties. 

After Luz makes her rounds, she comes back to Amity who’s standing by the receptionist booth looking gloomy with her arms crossed. 

“Anything wrong, _hermosa?”_ She asks, and it makes Amity’s heart skip a beat only slightly. She leans back against the wall beside her and she leans in to give her girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek. Amity freezes up, but realizes that there’s a wall and divider blocking them from the view of their TV family. 

“I’m fine,” she hesitates, rubbing her arm absentmindedly. 

“You don’t look fine.” Amity looks up at her girlfriend, feels overcome with love and desire for her. She struggles to speak with her breath taken away and ends up making a weird little noise that makes Luz laugh. “C’mon. Talk to me.” 

“I just…” she sighs. “I _really_ didn’t want to come to this. I don’t think I can do it.” 

“Do what?” 

“Pretend and… act like I’m…” 

“We’ve done it for three years, right? You can pretend for a couple hours.”

Amity bites her lip. “I guess so.” 

“Well, neither of us have a choice. We’re here. So I’ll tell you what.” She eyes Amity carefully. 

“What?” 

“You’re going to behave, and you’re going to stay quiet and let me do all the talking.” She shivers when Luz leans in close again. _“You’ll be a good girl, yeah?”_

Amity nods silently. 

Having something to live up to really did make this more interesting and fun. She had a purpose to be here, finally, and that was to be Luz’s pretty little secret, stay quiet and earn her reward later tonight. Easy and fun and hot. She was so happy and excited. 

They eventually sit down in a crowded little area at the back of the restaurant reserved for the crew. There’s constant traffic along the aisles as people get up to go to other tables and what not. Of course, Amity’s sitting with Luz because would it even make sense if she didn’t? 

Sitting with them is Gus and Willow until Gus gets up to go to visit a table where Boscha and Mattholomule and a few others were sitting. And Amity’s unsettled because to her, he was the peacekeeper. Which is petty because— adults. She remembers her little encounters with Willow and the way she treated her even if she was probably the sweetest girl she’d ever met. She wants to shrivel up on her seat and turn to ash. Or maybe she’d rather curl up on Luz’s lap. 

“So,” Willow starts off cheerfully even despite everything, and she brings her cup to her lips to sip her iced tea. Everyone appreciates her efforts. “You guys been up to anything?” 

Amity stammers because— what did she mean? _You guys_ as in _Luz and Amity together?_ She probably meant that loosely, like as a phrase. Like maybe—

Luckily, Luz swoops in like the superhero-princess she is and answers the question like a normal person. “Yep, I already got casted on another show,” she grins broadly and Willow’s jaw drops. 

“Already?” She gasps. “That’s so amazing, Luz!”

“Ehhh,” she bites back a guilty smile and shrugs. “I’m exhausted. You know. I have to pay the bills somehow.” 

“Hey, I’ll drink to that,” Willow giggles, and Amity fights one because she bets Willow doesn’t even know the name of _one_ alcohol. Granted, neither does she but, she’d drank before. That was the main takeaway. And Willow saying that was unsettling. She can’t imagine Willow drinking. Luz laughs, seemingly thinking the same thing. “I just recently moved out too.”

“Oh yeah? Where’d you move to?” Luz asks, easy breezy. Amity can’t help but watch her and feel so pleasantly helpless. She loves the thought of being hers. Keeping quiet and protecting their little secret. She likes that maybe people are suspicious of them, that they don’t know what she and Luz get up to sometimes. How only she knows this different side of her girlfriend that no one else ever will. She wants to kiss her and feel her hands on her. She wants to be punished. Maybe... maybe she should misbehave a little. Maybe. Just to feel her pain and the pleasure. 

“—Amity? What about you?” Willow asks. “Amity?” 

Amity jumps to attention, her cheeks flushing. All she can think about is Luz. Her hands touching her, her mouth kissing her and her tongue... sigh, her tongue. She bites her lip and takes a deep breath to steady herself. “I’m, uh. I moved a while ago. I’m near here.” She glances to Luz for approval and feels a pang in her chest at the little look she gives her, that glint in her eyes. She wants to go home right now and show her what that look did to her. 

“Oh, nice. I didn’t know that.” She smiles politely. You can see her searching for something else to say. She directs her attention back to Luz and asks, “So, you’re nineteen next week, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Luz laughs stiffly. 

It goes quiet and Amity feels kind of bad. She would want to be Willow’s friend and talk to her about cookie recipes if she hadn’t remembered that she maybe kind of sort of turned them in at work. She doesn’t have any real proof that she was the one who’d said anything, and something deep down inside of Amity knew that Willow wasn’t that type of person. 

But like all of her inexplicable rage, she needs somewhere to place it. Even if the person filling her heart with most of it is also her future wife. Amity chews on her straw, taking a sip of her water as she watches Luz again. Her finger tapping idly on the table. 

She looks so easy, in control and at peace. Amity knows it’s all a facade and she wants to take that away from her, just a little bit, just to see what she’d do. Maybe she’d get lucky again tonight. So, with a mischievous grin tugging the corner of her lips, Amity clears her throat and addresses Willow. “Anything going on with you?” She asks politely, and the both of them stare at her in shock. 

“Me? Oh, I’m fine. Um, no, nothing.” Willow laughs, a bit unsettled. “Just, you know. Busy with work. What about you?” 

“I’m well,” she pauses and glances at Luz who looks confused. “Actually, we got reported at work a while ago.” 

“Wh—at?” She laughs awkwardly. “Luz sneaking alcohol again?” 

“No. Apparently we’re in an unprofessional and inappropriate relationship, and, oh, what was it, Luz?” She turns to her companion, a whiny pout on her face. Luz looks completely caught off guard. Hah. She wasn’t expecting that. “For us to please _Tone it down.”_

“Wow.” 

“Yeah. Odd, isn’t it?” Amity smiles bitterly, resting her head on her hand and leaning on the table, watching Willow with guilty pleasure twisting in her chest. “I wonder who reported us.” 

Amity got a couple of bruises that night. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


She spent the better part of the afternoon squeezing her legs together, shifting her posture, standing in different ways to try and ease the dull aching between her legs. It’s a constant nagging and reminder of her big problem that she had no plans to fix in the near future. For a while, she likes the feeling and she loves sitting in it and thinking about Luz and what she might do to her this time if she begged hard enough. 

And then when they finally had sex that night, she sighed in relief to have it finally be taken care of. Not gone, because it never went away, her constant longing to be touched by her girlfriend. But at least this helped for about an hour at most, her blessing and her curse. 

She rolls to her side, deliciously spent from their long night together. She doesn’t think she’s ever going to get tired of _this_ feeling. She never wants to stop, even if she knows too much of a good thing is _not_ a good thing. She knows she really shouldn’t be having sex as often as they do but something about Luz has her hormones _raging,_ she thinks. She’ll get over it soon enough. 

But she feels like she can never get enough, no matter how much they do it or how fast, slow, or how hard. She feels so insatiable these days and all she wants is her girlfriend’s head between her legs and her hands on her chest to send her off into voidless pleasure filled ecstasies to soften the intense longing she feels even if just for a little while. 

She’s sort of like a drug at this point. A beautiful, insufferable, hot, miserable drug that she takes every day. 

She watches her girlfriend in her exhausted and dream-like haze and they just stare at each other with a thick infatuation in the tense air between them. Her hair is stuck to her forehead from sweat, sweat that she is more than pleased to know that _she_ caused, and she is deliciously naked. She takes so much pride in seeing her bare shoulders and feeling her skin to skin like she’s always wanted and so deprived of. 

“You’re so amazing,” she says, breathlessly panting for air. She can’t believe the burning pleasure she gets to feel every night because she has such a fantastic girlfriend. Desperate, she pulls herself closer to her and buries her face in her neck, feeling the dampness of sweat against her cheeks, breathing it in and even sticking her tongue out to taste it, salty on her taste buds. 

She doesn’t care if that’s extreme. She feels like one of those creeps, intensely obsessed with the feeling and thought of this girl that she’s in bed with, so she does everything she can to feel her. She wants her in every corner of her life. She wants her in every dream. She wants to be crushed under her and she wants to be suffocated by her. She wants her warmth and her body so much that it aches. She wants _her,_ but she just can't get close enough. She groans and because she’s selfish, she demands, “Pay attention to me.” 

Luz brings a gentle, exhausted hand up to the back of her neck, slipping into the hair smoothly on the nape of it, and presses a warm kiss to her forehead, but that’s about all she gets. All it does is aggravate her more, her heart eating it up in a matter of seconds and then yearning desperately for _more_ touch, _more_ love. The rational part of her knows that _yes,_ they just had sex and they’re both worn out and can barely move, but the irrational side of her brain feels extremely undercut and incredulous. _She doesn’t feel close enough! She can’t feel her!_

_“I said_ pay attention to me,” Amity demands again after a while, because she is nearing her wit’s end. But she was never going to give it up. She couldn’t. 

“Stop being a bitch,” Luz tells her sternly and pushes her away with a hand on her face. Amity’s sexual frustration pushes her to bite it, trying desperately to catch a finger or anything in her mouth and show her what it’s like to hurt— but she quickly pulls that hand away to hit her in the lip. The dull pain pulsing from the impact makes her emptier, because somehow her confused heart has turned it into affection because _it was a touch affecting a sensation,_ and that Luz did anything at all was a dream come true. 

“Please,” she begs as Luz moves to turn over in bed, her back to her. How dare she? Amity puts a stop to that and climbs over her, pressing their naked bodies close and trapping her in a deep and bitter kiss. They both push into it because it’s like their way of talking it out and that’s the only way to ease the ache in her chest. It’s painful when Luz bites her lip between her teeth and digs her nails into Amity’s back and it feels so good to be feeling something again. She lets Luz take control and lets her take it out on her, and finds herself pleasantly satisfied, at least for now. 

They unprecedentedly have sex again, and she lays alone in bed when Luz gets up to shower, feeling empty and devoid of purpose once again. What is she going to do? 

_Ugh._

She hates feeling like this. 

* * *

Amity is glad when she finally gets to spend time with her girlfriend. She’d been so busy with her new show. But she thinks she’s the happiest she’s ever been for a long time and it was something new for her to do. 

She’d gotten so used to her usual routines. She somehow feels like she’s making progress being apart from Luz. She thinks the distance is making them grow stronger, and when they finally touch, it’s that much sweeter and that much better. 

Maybe Luz didn’t feel the same that way. But Amity likes it because her girlfriend was being clingy. More so than usual, and that’s not a normal thing for her really. She likes having Luz pick her up from work, likes being interrogated on who she saw that day. She likes that Luz is worried. Finally she feels like all of her pain is paying off. 

It’d been a full week of auditions and then rejection, but Amity was finally able to get a part on something feasible, something that would pay her bills. She’s been working hard, and she hadn’t had any reassurance on that for a while as Luz was also busy with work. 

But now, it was finally time. Amity was so excited. She wanted to make it special. It was the weekend, she had been waiting for news on two other auditions she’d done, the anxiety of it plaguing her thoughts. She wanted to relax and feel good with her girlfriend for tonight and all during the weekend. Everything was perfect. 

She even bought new lingerie.

Finally. Sitting here like this on her girlfriend’s lap, safe in her arms, she feels so incredibly powerful. She wants to stay right here forever, pressed against her warm skin, feeling her hands on her body. 

And even if she was tremendously turned on, too much for her own good, she wants to be in the moment for a little while. 

When things get started with them it’s such a blur and things tend to go so fast when she’s desperate and in the heat of the moment. 

Trembling with nervous excitement, she wraps her arms around her soft, cute girlfriend, kissing her neck affectionately. She feels so special under the finger that traces the intricate lacing on her new bra, just being close to her puts Amity in a hazy daydream. “How do you feel?” She asks gently, just wanting to hear her girlfriend’s voice. She’s missed her so much. “Talk to me babe.” 

She feels Luz take a deep breath and Amity just about dies under the feeling of it—their stomachs pressing together and then the bitter ache in her chest when she exhales and they aren’t so closely pressed together anymore. It only makes her cling tighter and want her even more. Goodness, she’s so helplessly obsessed with this girl and the way she feels that she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with herself. 

After a quiet moment, Luz says with shame in her voice, “I dunno. I’ve been getting so… upset over you lately…” 

Amity blinks, confused but very endeared to finally be the heart throb for once. She has some questionable standards, yes, but she couldn’t care any less. “What do you mean?” 

She struggles for the words and Amity can just feel her embarrassed hesitance. She loves it when Luz gets like this, it lets her know—or at least makes her think that she’s been thinking about her, spends time uselessly trying to remember the feeling of her touch or the softness of her kiss just like Amity did so often that it may as well be her new hobby. But that’s besides the point. Everything inside her jolts when Luz quietly admits, “I feel so possessive over you.” 

“You feel possessive?” She bites back an ecstatic grin and fights the urge to kiss her again. She has to maintain her assertiveness or else Luz could just pin her to the bed and give her a million reasons to stay in her place when it came to power dynamics with them. 

“Mhm,” she sighs and Amity feels her nod. “I hate that I let myself get like this.” 

“Like what, babe?” 

“Like… how I can’t stand it when you’re talking to anyone else. I hate it when other people make you laugh and I hate when you aren’t paying attention to me.” 

“It’s okay to feel that way,” she says, even if she knows she shouldn’t have. It’s enabling even more toxicity that she doesn’t want to even think about— but why is her stomach in knots at the simple confession? She’s already experienced Luz’s possessive and controlling behaviors and even if it’s overbearing at times, it’s extremely hot to her. She _wants_ her to. “I like that.” 

“I know _you_ do. It’s just exhausting, worrying about another person all the time.” She sighs, a gentle hand holding her girlfriend’s back. “I wish I didn’t care.” 

_Wow,_ she thinks, feeling so accomplished and sexy. Was this her mission? Does this mean she loves her? 

“So... you’d care if I kissed someone else?” She asks in an innocent voice, softly trailing little kisses along her girlfriend’s shoulders and up her neck. 

“...A little more than ‘ _care’._ ” 

“What would you do to me?” She dares to ask. 

“I don’t know. Something _bad.”_ She giggles. “I’d make sure you regretted it.” 

Amity gasps incredulously, the sweet little nothing going straight between her legs and not to her head where she _would have_ realized how concerning that was, even if it was just dirty talk. Things get a little bit off topic when Luz slips under her bra and teases her nipple. It feels so good and she gladly rides that wave of teasing pleasure until there’s a guilty little wet spot on her underwear. She wants _more_ and she wants it _faster_ and _harder._ “What if I had sex with someone else? Would you be mad?” She asks, moaning teasingly. 

“Don’t even say that, princess,” she grins, almost delirious. “I’m not planning on _that_ happening.” 

“Why not? I could be cheating and you don’t even know it.” 

Luz is quiet for a moment. 

“You’re too much of a coward to cheat on me,” she says matter of factly and swipes her tongue quickly up her neck, holding back another laugh when Amity moans again. _“No one makes you feel the way I do.”_

_God,_ she hates how right she is. She’s trapped no matter how much she tries, how much she loves her. No matter how much she butters her up and sweet talks her, she’s always the one that gets burned at the end for it. Because she knows Luz doesn’t exactly love her, not fully. Not like the way Amity does, so sick and in love enough to come crawling back to her even after everything. 

The only thing she feels is pain, even if it’s masked or feels like love. It’s all caused by the absence of her. But it doesn’t matter anymore when she’s pushed down onto the bed, rocking her hips against her girlfriend’s body on top of her and receiving her frenzied, deep kiss. 

She clutches desperately for her hair and pants for air, that same familiar warmth builds between her legs as she lets herself edge closer and closer to her demise, the feeling she's a slave to. She doesn’t care if Luz is only here for fun or if she doesn’t love her. She’s a fool and even if the signs are obvious and glaring, she feels her hands and she feels her kiss, and so it’s alright. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


She’d been missing Amity a lot. She was always gone, going to auditions and trying to get herself back in business, which Luz can appreciate. There really wasn’t much time for _them_ these days because they were so busy. Luz would come in late, Amity would leave early. 

Then something weird started happening, and Luz didn’t know what to do.

It all started three weeks ago, when Luz had just come in around eleven at night from a long day of work. She stumbles into the bedroom, body aching and tired. She hopes that maybe Amity would touch her and make her feel better. 

She finds her sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, papers spread out in front of her. “Hey,” Luz says, confused. She drops her bag on the ground by the door. 

“Hi, babe,” she looks up, smiling her pretty smile. She quickly climbs out of bed to invite herself into Luz’s arms, pulling her down by the neck to kiss her deeply. And their kisses are never normal kisses, Luz guesses that’s the problem. There’s always tongue and there’s always lip biting, mainly because of Amity. Luz was exhausted and ready for bed, but her little girlfriend was such a handful sometimes. Still, Luz couldn’t really complain. Amity pulls away, playfully brushes their noses together. “How was your day?” 

“Fine, I guess.” She sighs, feeling empty again when Amity takes herself out of Luz’s arms to get back in bed. “What about you?” She asks as she’s taking off her jacket, tosses it on the dresser. She takes off her shoes and gets into bed next to her girlfriend. 

“It was great. I just got the script for my new show.” She takes a page and hands it to Luz. She takes it, blinking at its contents. She hadn’t read a script in ages. So cryptic. Something about a magical forest, blah blah, standard Disney junk. 

“Cool. When does filming start?” 

“Three weeks,” she takes the page back, places it neatly back in its place. “I’m trying to get a feel for the world, really get into my character, you know?” 

Luz laughs a little, turning to lay on her side and she props her head on her hand, watches her Amity with intense longing twisting through her chest. “You’re excited.” She points out. 

Amity hesitates. “Yes. I guess I am.” She shrugs. “I’m happy to be part of something new. I think I like acting.” 

“You do like acting. And you’re great at it.” She closes her eyes when Amity reaches over to brush her fingers through her hair. It feels so good, so soft. She loves her so much that it’s insane. _“I missed you,”_ she whispers, and the ache in her heart pulls her closer to Amity. She rests her head in her lap, Amity continues to gently stroke her head. 

“I missed you too, my love.” 

Luz hums, content and comfortable. It’s quiet for a while, a companionable silence as Amity reads her script and Luz dozes off in her lap. She wants to fall asleep just like this. 

And then something hits her. Suddenly, she wants to know, “Have you met the crew yet?”

“On Thursday. There was an orientation and I got to meet a few of the people on the show.” 

“What were they like?” 

Amity hums. “They were nice. They weren’t all there, but I got to meet the main girl. Her and I hit it off quite well.” 

Something foreign pinched inside of Luz then, and suddenly she feels… bothered. “Oh yeah?” She keeps her tone easy breezy.

“Mhm,” she hums again and she playfully pinches Luz’s ear. 

But Luz is not tired anymore. She’s pretty annoyed, actually. She feels exhausted already, thinking about how much she’s going to have to stress over this. It’s stupid and she tries to tell herself that she’s overreacting. Besides, she hadn’t met this girl. She would have to meet her first, then decide if she should be worried. 

But this was Amity. And they were practically in a committed relationship. Amity is in love with her, no one else. Luz is the only one she loves, thinks about, wants, needs. Amity’s told her before, that she’s the only thing she wants. Amity is hers. She belonged to Luz, forever. 

Luz feels like she needs to do something, and nothing’s even happened yet. Suddenly, she sits up beside her girlfriend. She looks so cute, so alluring in her oversized t-shirt and her shorts. Luz wants her. She watches her Amity for a moment, and when she catches her, she raises an eyebrow. “Yes, my love?” 

“Nothing. Just looking at your cute face.” She grins. She leans in to kiss her cheek, and Amity bites her lip. Satisfied, Luz continues, kissing down her jaw and neck, slow and soft. “Aren’t you almost done?” She asks quietly. 

“Almost.” She hesitates, her voice desperate. “But if…” 

“It can wait.” 

“Of course, babe.” She pushes the pages away and she pulls herself into Luz’s lap. She feels so warm, fits so perfectly there. She wraps her arms around her neck and they stare at each other. _“Anything for you.”_ She leans in, nipping at Luz’s bottom lip. She tries to pull back, but Luz is much too impatient and she pulls her in by the hair, kissing her hotly. She’s so stuffy from it, her quiet moans and her warm tongue swirling around hers.

_Ah. There it is._ There’s her confirmation. Especially the way she’s kissing her so deeply, so passionately. Luz has _nothing_ to worry about. 

  
  


And then she sees her. The first time is a little while after Amity starts filming the new show. She comes to pick her girlfriend up, scope out the area, get a feel for where her Amity would be spending her days. It’s a much nicer building than the one Luz filmed at, for sure. She texts Amity for the gate code, drives through the strong security system and is thoroughly, incredulously impressed. 

She pulls up in front of the main entrance, and right away she spots her girlfriend standing out front, chatting with some blonde girl. Luz’s heart dips, and she feels a bit dizzy all of the sudden. She thinks that girl is definitely the one. She’s definitely someone Amity would be into. She could picture them together, and in her mind it made sense. She seemed nice. 

She wonders if she should make a scene of it. Should she go introduce herself? Should she be nice, or act rude? Should she finally harness her social dominance and use her status as a _Disney Channel Star_ to assert herself? 

No, it’s probably better to wait. 

Nah, she’s definitely going up to her. Before Luz can stop herself, she gets out of the car, and it’s only then when Amity sees her. They’d been so deep in conversation that she hadn’t even noticed. She wonders what they were talking about that was _so_ important. “Oh, Luz!” She motions her over. Luz sighs, suddenly nervous. Which is weird, because she shouldn’t be intimidated about something like this. Someone like her. 

She wants to make an impression, she doesn’t care if it’s good or bad. She just wants that girl to know what type of couple they are, she wants her to know who’s in charge, who she’s up against. 

So her entrance is grand, and she walks up to Amity and pulls her into a deep kiss. Her girlfriend hums in shock, trying her best to kiss back. Luz holds her for as long as she can, and when Amity pulls back she shivers, stumbling for her balance and clutching onto Luz. 

_“Hi, babe,”_ she whispers, biting her lip before stealing one last kiss. She pulls herself out of Luz’s arms and joins her little friend by her side. “This is my girlfriend!” 

“Nice to meet you. Luz Noceda,” she says, her tone light and easy. She reaches out for a friendly handshake, and the girl’s hand feels soft and delicate in hers. She holds it tightly, giving her a firm shake, then shoves it back in her pocket afterwards. 

“Oh, wow. Right! You _are_ Luz Noceda. What an honor. I’m Sabrina.” She stammers, her voice shaking. “You’re from The Owl House!” 

“Yeah, that’s me.” She smiles broadly, but her breath hitched in her throat when she noticed the way that Amity is hanging onto Sabrina. She’s pressed up against her, which is only something she ever does with Luz. It drives her crazy, kind of. “I’m uh, Luz Noceda. We’re gonna get going now, I think.” 

“Oh, okay then,” she nods and then turns to pull Amity into a hug. No one hugs _her_ Amity. No one gets to _touch_ her Amity. That hug lingers a bit too long for Luz’s likings and she starts to get hot. She tugs at her collar, trying to get some air. She has to think fast. 

She laughs awkwardly and clears her throat. “We’re gonna be late for our reservations,” she lies. 

Amity gasps and pulls away to look at Luz, her eyes begging the question. “We’re going on a date?” 

Luz nods vigorously. “Mhm, so let’s hurry.” 

She takes a deep breath and literally pulls Amity away, taking her hand, she can’t handle it anymore. Luz tugs her in, causing her girlfriend to stumble into her arms. “Babe!” She laughs, trying to pull herself away, but Luz is an insecure asshole so she traps her into a hug. 

“How was your day?” She asks sweetly and kisses her forehead, making a show of it just for her pretty little friend standing there and watching them. Amity struggles, eventually being able to successfully pull out of her grip and she glares at Luz before turning to her friend. 

For some reason, that really upsets Luz. That really makes her feel bad. A wave of anger rushes through her, hot and unprecedented. Amity is supposed to be obedient and answer to Luz’s every beck and call. Why is she acting like she’s different now? All for this… girl? 

Luz grabs Amity by the shoulder and jerks her around to face her again. She eyes her, stern and expectant, hoping that she doesn’t say or do the wrong thing because Luz doesn’t know how she’ll react if Amity resists her again. Amity stares back disapprovingly. “I asked you a question.” She says slowly, daring her. 

“My day was fine.” She says sternly. 

The girl clears her throat awkwardly behind them, and they turn to look at her. Amity’s face flushes, and she yanks herself away from Luz. “I have to go, Bri. See you tomorrow.” She says and pushes past Luz to get in the car. 

“See you later, Ami!” The girl calls back hesitantly, her voice soft and sweet. It takes everything in Luz to not murder her. She stands awkwardly for a moment, wonders idly if she should even attempt to say anything. She’s already butchered that, no sense in trying to repair what this girl probably thinks of her. Instead, she rushes after her girlfriend. Amity’s arms are crossed and she’s staring out of the window when Luz gets in the car. 

_“Really?_ What was _that_ all about?” She glares at her. Luz shrugs and puts the car into drive. “Answer me!” She yells. 

“I was ready to go.” 

“Oh yeah? Well you embarrassed me _and_ yourself in front of my coworker.” 

“Don’t care.” 

Amity groans. “You can forget about that date.” 

“Good, cause I didn’t have anything planned anyway.” 

The car goes silent for the rest of the drive, and when Luz tries to pull her girlfriend close as they walk into the apartment, she pushes her away. “Don’t touch me.” She says and storms to the room. And that really upsets Luz. 

She’s going to hurt her. She doesn’t care. She will not be coming in to work tomorrow. 

“Hey,” she follows after her, catching the door before it can slam in her face. She tackles her to the bed and Amity shrieks. She pins her arms over her head, keeps her down with her hips. Amity thrashes and struggles, trying to get her arms free. It’s a good thing she’s so small and easy to take advantage of. “What the hell is your problem?” 

“Let me go!” Is all she says, her voice strained and desperate. Luz traps her in with her knees on either side of her hips, pressing herself against Amity’s thrashing body. 

“Answer me!” She tightens her grip around her wrists with one hand, and with the other, she takes the first step to calming her down. First, she traces two fingers down to her lips, forcing them into her mouth. “Suck,” she demands and Amity only retaliates, biting it hard. Luz hisses in pain, quickly pulling her fingers out to flail her wrist. It hurts so much, but it only turns Luz on more in this wrong, sadistic way. 

_“Never.”_

Luz groans quietly and starts to get deliciously impatient. She forces them back inside of her mouth and presses her index finger down on the very back of her tongue near her throat and causes her to gag. “Be good, Amity. Be a good girl for me.” 

“I don’t want to.” 

She finally pulls her fingers out again and drags the thick trail of saliva down Amity’s soft, pretty lip, down to her chin and slowly down her neck. Luz leans down and brushes her lips against hers. _“I’m gonna have to punish you for that.”_ She grumbles quietly, her voice is soft but ominous, just enough to elicit a moan from her girlfriend when she forces her into a deep kiss. 

She sits back up, leaving Amity panting to go to the next thing. She lifts up her shirt and exposes her pretty pink lacy bra. Amity closes her eyes and turns her head to the side, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She weakly bucks her hips, moaning in protest. 

For a moment, Luz feels like herself for the first time since whenever. Overwhelmed with control, relentless and intense. She’s filled with envy, that fire she always felt inside for Amity, the one that makes her crave her screams, to destroy, to see her in pain. And right now she’s so helpless, so vulnerable and so irresistibly open for Luz to do anything she wants. 

_“Stop.”_ She begs quietly, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough to deter Luz. She slides the bra strap down her left shoulder because it's the closest thing to removing it. She wouldn’t be able to fully take it off because she only had one free hand and Amity was laying on her back. She was not about to let her go. “Luz, _stop._ I don’t want this.” 

“Yes you do,” she tells her sweetly. She proceeds to tug at her bra until it’s low enough and she has good enough access to cause some damage. This would get her back on her knees in front of Luz. This would reset her. This would show her who’s in control. She starts from her collarbone, traces her finger all the down her chest, drags it over her nipple. As soon as she touches her, Amity hisses and arches her back. “You like that?” She asks, trailing her finger back up to do it all over again.

Amity bites her lip. “No. Stop.” But Luz doesn’t stop. She swirls her fingernail around her nipple, tugging gently at it just to hear those sweet reactions from her cute, obedient girlfriend. “Sto—op.” She moans breathlessly. 

“I’m _not_ stopping. You need to tell me what your problem is. This is punishment.” Luz grabs a handful of her small breast, squeezes it tightly in her hand and kneads it roughly, making the girl under her cry out. “I’ll keep going until you cry. If you answer my question, I’ll stop.” 

“Fine,” she huffs, twisting and squirming under her hand. She bucks her hips again, but it’s to no avail. Her arms suspended over her head, her body completely trapped and pinned to the bed, she’s deliciously and perfectly helpless. Just the way Luz likes her. She doesn’t know why she ever stopped with this. “I can’t focus like this.” 

“I don’t care. Now go on.” She ominously leaves her chest alone and shifts up higher on her body so that she’s straddling Amity’s stomach instead, leaving her whole bottom half accessible. And Luz doesn’t care. She wants to make Amity lose control, so she doesn’t hesitate to slip under her leggings and then her underwear. She doesn’t mind the wetness of her girlfriend already, and the fact that anything’s barely even happened yet. She knows Amity likes this, being forced and punished. Luz likes it too. She first swirls her index finger over her clit, slow and easy with her arousal making it so addicting. 

Amity moans, gasping for air. She spreads her legs open wider, jerking her hips into the touch. “I’m waiting, Amity.” Luz says sternly while she still massages her clit, she uses her two fingers to spread open her folds, and then slips between to sink deep inside her warm sex. She jerks them in a thrusting motion, in and out while her index still circled her clit. And all of her best efforts don’t come short of praise, because Amity lets out a string of lewd noises, panting for air and jerking her hips along with each thrust of the fingers unrightfully inside her, invading her. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” 

“I fucking hate you!” She cries, weakly rolls her hips. “I don’t want this! Please stop!” 

“You don’t want me to stop. If I stopped, you would beg for more. I already know you, Amity.” 

She whines, forcefully defeated. “I just—… I just hate how you always have to control everything I do.” 

“And?” 

“And I can’t ever do anything without you—!” She mewls when Luz slowly drags her fingers up and down her clit, rubbing and flicking and fucking her into oblivion. “You never trust me!” She huffs. “Stop, stop!” 

“But you’re so close,” she purrs innocently, and keeps teasing her clit, slowing the pace. She only knows because she’d been with Amity for so long. It’s been years of this. She knows her better than she knows herself. “Keep going, babe.”

Amity writhes in place, yanking her pinned wrists. “I wish you would stop trying to control me! I’m not your toy!” She gives up, and Luz feels her soft walls clench around her fingers. She lets out a long sigh before she pulls her coated fingers out of her girlfriend. Amity pants heavily, her eyes closing. And just like every time, she felt guilty, only for a moment. 

She lays down on top of her and finally releases her wrists, burying her face in her neck softly. She listens to her girlfriend’s racing heart, her heavy breath. Despite everything, Amity gently strokes her hair because she knows she likes that. 

Damn her. 

It’s quiet for a long, uncomfortable moment, and eventually she starts to hear the quiet sobs of her girlfriend, the shaking of her shoulders and her little sniffles. It’s gratifying in a way, because this is what she did it for. To hear her cry and to make her weak. She knows Amity liked that. And she’ll beg for it because she’s addicted to Luz and she’s addicted sex and Luz can give that to her! If only… 

After a while, Amity finally speaks, her fingers scratching gently in Luz’s scalp, her voice shaky and careful. “Is there something bothering you, my love?” 

“I’m jealous,” Luz blurts out before she can stop herself. “I don’t like your new friend. It makes me mad how you have to see her every day.” 

“Luz, …she’s my co-worker.” She sounds annoyed, her voice watery and weak. 

“I know, but that’s what I was too. I was just your co-worker. And then what happened?” 

Amity stays quiet. Her hand stops, and she doesn’t stroke Luz’s hair anymore. “I have a life, Luz. Whether you like it or not. And you’re being petty.” 

“I… I don’t care. I don’t want you seeing her anymore.” 

“I’m not ‘ _seeing’_ her.” She says incredulously. 

“I don’t want you working with her.”

“Well… you’re just going to have to trust me, because I have to go to work. And I’m not leaving just because you’re acting like a child about it.” She says sternly, but her resolve briefly wavers when Luz pulls back to glare at her. “You… you need to talk to me and communicate how you feel if we want to make this work.” 

Luz looks away, ashamed. 

“And I don’t know what gave you the idea that I’d _ever_ do anything like that, but it hurts because I know you don’t trust me.” 

“You’re right, I don’t.” 

“You need to tell me why.” 

She eyes her, expressionless for a moment. Amity sighs and hesitantly leans forward to give her a soft kiss. 

She knows why, and it’s petty. Luz feels like Amity is slipping away. Things aren’t the way that they used to be and change wasn’t something to better their relationship. She doesn’t want it to get better. She wants someone to control, someone at her feet like Amity was. What if Amity leaves her? 

“I don’t know.” She says finally and sighs, leans in to her girlfriend’s touch again. 

Her insecurities only worsened, and Luz didn’t handle uncertainty well. 

She saw her Instagram posts, felt her happiness for someone else. She knows Amity would never cheat or anything like that. She was right, her reasons are just petty and plain stupid. She missed their old way, where it was only them and nobody else. Amity had no interest in anyone or anything except Luz. She wants her all to herself. She doesn’t want to share at all. 

Luz takes her rage out on her girlfriend. They have rough sex. Every touch is bitter and possessive, every little word is to put her down. Luz marks her up. There’s at least ten bruises on her entire body at one point, hickeys all along her neck, bite marks and scratches. They’re shameless and in broad daylight for the world to see, because Luz wants everyone to know who Amity belongs to, what she’s been through. She ignores her boundaries and takes advantage of her, and that puts her little girlfriend in a deep depression for a bit. 

And Luz is not sure if that’s what she wanted. 

Like blind obedience. She likes her weak Amity, her sad smiles, her bruised body, her soft kisses, her begging and pushing herself to the limit only for Luz. She likes her loyal, dedicated Amity. She got her back. She got what she wanted. 

But it’s still not quite enough, because she’s still working on that show. With that girl. She doesn’t know how much more she can ruin this poor girl, and it’s getting sad to watch. Even if she loved it. 

“Babe,” Amity purrs, they’re in bed after a long day at work. She’s naked, and they’d been making out, her girlfriend perched obediently in her lap. “I wanted to ask you something.” 

“What is it?” 

Amity climbs off of her, and she rummages through the bedside table drawer. She pulls out a Sharpie and hands it to Luz. She takes it, albeit confusedly. “What’s this for?” 

She sits back in her lap again and she’s quiet. She takes a deep breath, taking Luz’s hand to guide it on her hip. _“I want you to mark me as yours.”_ She whispers.

Luz’s eyes widen calmly, and her heart races a bit. But Amity kisses her worries away. She’s so soft and warm and sweet. She never wants to let go of her girlfriend, ever. Luz moans, gently holding Amity’s face. She must really want this, because her lips are urgent and passionate against hers. She would do anything for her Amity, and this was no exception. 

She pulls away, the want and love she feels for her girlfriend dangerous and strong inside her. Luz swallows nervously. “Where should I do it?” 

“I was thinking… my back. You can choose the spot.” She says sweetly. She gives her another soft kiss before she moves to position herself on Luz’s lap but with her back to her. She pulls her hair to one side and puts it over her shoulder. Luz leans in, gently kissing the back of her neck and down to her shoulder. She snakes an arm around her waist and rests her hand on her thigh, stroking up her midriff and holding her girlfriend’s cute, small breast in her hand. “I love you,” she moans quietly. 

“I love you too.” She takes the cap off the permanent ink marker, hovering shakily over her skin on the back of her shoulder where she thought she was going to do it. She doesn’t want to embarrass Amity too much, if she decides to wear a fancy dress or shirt. So she drifts lower, definitely below where her bra would sit. She gently nudges her back and Amity slightly leans forward, but it’s not enough for Luz to write comfortably. “Can you go forward, my love?” She asks close to her ear, kissing her neck. 

“Of course,” moving to sit on her knees, she rests on her hands for support so that she’s on all fours now. Luz relishes at the sight, her cute little girlfriend’s ass in her face, she’s so obedient and quiet and soft. She rests a gentle hand on the small of her back before slipping the back of her index finger along her sex. Amity shudders, letting out a deep moan. “ _Fuck,”_ she breathes out. 

“I’m going to do it now,” 

“Do it.” 

Fuck. This is crazy and weird. But nothing about them is normal, so she guesses this was fine. She decides on the spot right where her back stops and the small curve of her butt begins. Not too low, not too high. It would be covered by her underwear, and they wouldn’t risk anyone seeing it on a normal day. She presses the marker to her girlfriend’s smooth skin and writes, _property of: Luz Noceda,_ right in the center. It’s stupid and idiotic, but fuck it turns Luz on so much. 

From behind, she would have a perfect view of the little brand. A constant reminder of who she belonged to, in case she was lost and needed to be returned to her owner. 

“All done.” 

“Thank you, baby,” she lets out a shuddering breath when Luz experimentally presses her face in between her legs, swipes her tongue quickly over her desperate, aching sex. Amity whimpers, struggling to stay in her position and press herself back into her tongue further. _“Fuck. Yes,”_ she wiggled her hips, Luz poking her tongue to the center of her clit. Her breathing picks up, and as soon as it starts, Luz stops. “Fuck!” 

“I want to fuck you,” she says, and they both know that that’s as good an answer she’s going to get. 

Amity ends up back in Luz’s lap, and she’s kissing her up because she thinks that’s her ticket out of it. She says she doesn’t want to have sex tonight because she’s sore and tired, but Luz only sees an obedient and willing Amity to let her do whatever she wants with her body. But she feels bad, receiving her soft kisses and hearing her moans as she touches her, so she lets her get away with it just this once. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_Ugh._

She hates when _that time of the month_ rolls around. Really, the cramps don’t bother her too much and she gets through it alright. She doesn’t mind the blood and she doesn’t mind the cravings or everything else that comes with it. 

It’s just the feelings that she gets that drives her insane. Sure, she cries a lot more and she finds _everything_ either incredibly sad or amazingly great, no in betweens. She notices the little details more often, like the softness of her girlfriend’s voice in the morning. The warmth and the feeling of her. It’s no secret that Amity’s wound up for her every day of the week. 

She’s never _not_ ready for— whatever Luz wanted to do. She wasn’t opposed to it when she touched her or kissed her. But when it was _that_ time of the month, Amity was shameless _._ She actively looks for trouble, actively is trying to provoke Luz. She felt bad, but not when she got what she wanted— not when she was pinned under her on the bed and getting the punishment she desperately needed. 

She was just so… horny. And there was nothing she could do about it. And she was _glad about it._ Except that she can’t exactly be eaten out while she was leaking blood. That’s… less than sexy, but sometimes Amity doesn’t care. It’s understandable why Luz avoids that until she’s off of her period. That just means she’ll have to get her fix of her hot girlfriend another way. 

Amity groans after having finished pleasuring herself for the third time today, pulling her hand out of her pants to rinse the red off. She tried to avoid sex with Luz because it’d only disappoint her more when she refused to do anything more than fingers over a sanitary pad. This was the _only_ time she would willingly resort to touching herself because she wasn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty, even if she hates it and it’s chipping away at her sanity. 

But it was useless when she came so many times already and that heavy ache between her legs didn’t let up at all. She’s pissed, really. She likes being turned on but not to this extent. She’s turned on for no reason. Any slight touch or brush up against something sends her mad. If Luz is doing mundane things like stretching, her arms over her head and her shirt comes up to reveal her smooth tan skin— Amity is distracted for the rest of the evening. 

If she sits down, she’s suddenly acutely aware that the seat is pressing up against her clit just right and, _if she just rocks her hips forward a little bit,_ glances over at Luz while she’s focused on the road, getting them to work like the amazing girlfriend she is, watches her hands steady on the steering wheel, her fingers flexing idly to the beat of whatever stupid song is on the radio, _pretends those fingers are inside of her, making her feel so good, making her come so hard—_

She’s basically a sex-crazed maniac for about a week every month. And right now, her own hand isn’t cutting it, so she pulls her pants back up and storms out of the bathroom and into the living room where Luz is lounging on the couch just watching TV and drinking a juice box. Amity stands stricken for a moment as she stares at her girlfriend. There’s something so sensual about the way she’s lazily sprawled over the couch, her leg hanging over the armrest. Maybe it’s just the hormones making her think that, but the rational side of her head wants to laugh because that _isn’t sexy_ and she’s almost nineteen and she’s drinking out of a _juice box._

“What are you doing?” Amity huffs impatiently, leaning over the back of the couch and staring longingly at her girlfriend’s body. So fit, so sexy, so perfect. She bites her lip thinking to herself, _wow, I really scored. I want her to fuck me right now._

Luz doesn’t look away from the TV, sips her juice box again before answering. “Nothing.” 

“Can you… pay attention to me? I’m so…” she sighs and her heart races when Luz finally looks up at her, amusement in her eyes. Why is that the thing that makes her want to jump her bones, the silent promise in her eye? 

“Not everything is about you,” she says lovingly, raising her eyebrows like a challenge. Damn, Amity knew she was going to say that. She likes it though. Amity pushes down a little giggle when Luz gets up from the couch and she comes around to pull her close, their bodies pressing together deliciously. They kiss deeply for a moment until Luz pulls away to lift Amity up like she’s nothing and sits her on top of the couch. 

Her heart races, but that’s because she’s never had sex on the couch before. Something about the thought of it thrills her to the bone. So unsanitary. She wraps her arms around Luz’s neck and pulls her closer between her spread legs, relishing the new height difference. _“Fuck me,”_ she whispers quietly in her ear. Luz giggles and rests a firm hand on her thigh. 

“You know I can’t do that,” she says, condescending sympathy twisting guilty arousal through Amity’s whole body. “You need to be patient. Control yourself, Blight.”

“Shut up,” Amity retorts, frustration teasing her patience. She wants whatever Luz will give her, even if it’s just her fingers through the sanitary pad. She doesn’t exactly know how to ask for it, though. Breathing steadily, she shakily grabs Luz’s wrist and shoves it down between her legs. Thankfully, she gets the hint and starts to gently put pressure over her clit through her pants. It’s not much, but it’s all Amity needs to get going. 

Immediately, her breathing picks up and she slowly starts to roll her hips into the soft, relieving touch from her cute girlfriend. She feels so loved and cared for, Luz giving her exactly what she wants, so dutiful and diligent like the way that she is. It’s so amazingly hot that she gets lost in her bad thoughts for a little while, feeling annoyed when she slows down and doesn’t press as hard anymore. 

“You’re not leaving until I come,” Amity sternly tells her and shifts forward a bit to allow her hand better access. Luz rolls her eyes but sweetly leans up to kiss her cheek— which, any other time would be accepted with open arms. But the fact that it _wasn’t_ on her lips and that she isn’t being fucked is excruciating. And she is upset. “Stop teasing me!” She screams. 

“Stop being such a bitch about it,” Luz retorts smartly and then as punishment, (yay) she thankfully starts to deep massage her again through that damned pad. Fucking period. She wants to have sex, dammit. Luckily it’s relatively thin and even if it’s not as devastating as skin to skin contact would be, it gets the job done well enough for Amity. “Is this what you want?” She asks harshly, kissing up her neck. 

“Yeah, just like that. If you stop, I’ll fucking kill you,” she pants, letting herself be overtaken by the thrill of this, hanging on so tight to her girlfriend’s shoulder and tipping her chin up for more kisses, light like butterflies on her skin. Part of this is mental, and even if she can feel Luz’s fingers playfully pressing her here and there, it’s not nearly enough to get her off. So she uses her thoughts, memories of other nights they’ve had and the feeling of her warm mouth, the feeling of her body against hers and the thought of who she is. Just the thought of their entire relationship and the way that it’s so wrong makes her feel crazy, and the way that they still do it despite everything is what tips her over the edge. 

Like a match made in hell. They’re perfect for each other. 

Begrudgingly, Amity gets down from the couch and follows Luz into the kitchen like a lovesick idiot and clings onto her arm as she washes her hands. “You’re so mean. You never pay attention to me.” She says quietly, pouting like a baby. “I feel used.” 

“You’re so annoying,” she groans, roughly shoving her away and laughing when Amity stumbles for her balance. Right away, it’s as if she hadn’t just had an orgasm two seconds ago and she aches for more, deep inside. The way Luz just pushes her around turns her on so much, like she’s just a toy and when Luz gets bored she throws her away. 

  
  


Determined, Amity throws herself back into her girlfriend’s arms and they kiss deeply, her lips soft against hers. She gets so lost in the feeling and the pain that rises up low in her stomach like the start of a bad tummy ache, she knows that her cramps are probably going to be pretty bad today. But she can distract herself all day if need be. 

They kiss, and she knows it’s not mutual. She feels sort of guilty, doing this for the thrill and for her own selfish wants and not because she’s particularly in love with her or anything. She _is,_ and usually she can feel her love for Luz all the time. Like feeling full, it’s heavy in her chest and yet so empty as it waits to be reciprocated, knowing full well that it will never happen. But she keeps loving her anyways, heart full of hope and longing, not being reciprocated only makes her want to retaliate more. That’s what her love feels like. It’s constantly regretful and nagging.

Even if she’s already hopeless, chained to Luz forever and has made it up in her mind that she would _not_ give up on her and she would love her no matter what, she still gets frustrated and impatient sometimes. Is it so wrong to use her just a little like Luz does her every day? 

  
  


They stumble into the room and Luz hastily drops Amity on the bed, her legs hanging over the edge. She scoots herself back to make room for her hot amazing girlfriend to get on top of her but they end up staying just like that, with Luz standing over her. 

“When this is done, I want you to fuck me until the sun comes up,” she says, only half joking. She would rather not have said that but she can’t exactly help herself. She’s a completely different person when she’s like this. She’s always thinking about her girlfriend but something about this time of the month has her desperate beyond comprehension and she couldn’t care less about her horny word vomit. It hasn’t even been five minutes and already she’s feeling stuffy again. 

She grabs a fistful of Luz’s shirt and pulls her against herself, kissing her girlfriend deeply, just wanting to distract herself from the sharp pain building below her stomach.“You’re insatiable,” Luz mumbles in between kisses, pinning Amity to the bed underneath her. 

_“I know,”_ she groans, unsatisfied. She yanks Luz closer this time and jerks her hips against her body to get herself feeling something. “Babe. Again.” 

“Already?” Luz pauses, incredulous. Amity groans again, feeling hot and irritable. She’s so impatient that she takes her girlfriend’s hand and shoves it down between her legs again. She just laughs and slips under her pants this time which delights Amity beyond belief. She’s half hoping she goes into her underwear and takes her out of her misery and just worries about the mess later but— she stops outside of her panties and fingers her over the sanitary pad. 

“Yes, babe. Don’t stop,” she sighs and weakly submits, letting her body go limp under the intense pleasure and weight of her girlfriend on top of her. She fingers her so roughly to make up for the extra barrier between them but it’s almost overcompensating so much that it hurts just a little bit. But Amity _loves_ it. She loves this new pleasurable pain that overpowers the miserable one in her uterus.

And even if this is completely unsanitary and disgusting, something about the absurdity of it makes her want it more. She isn’t going to let anything get in the way of her having sex with her girlfriend. It doesn’t take long for her to come and when she does, it’s strong and exhausting even more than the first. Amity lets out a shuddering breath and she pulls Luz closer after she takes her hand out of her pants again. “I want to marry you,” she says breathlessly. 

“Why, because I can make you come in two seconds?” She asks teasingly and Amity can just feel her stupid grin. 

“No. Because I love you. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll buy you a ring and propose tomorrow if you like.” Amity wraps her arms around her neck and pulls her _closer._ She wants to be crushed under her. She wants to be trapped and feel her girlfriend against her but she just can’t get close enough. “I’ll be your wife. I’ll cook and clean for you. I’ll have your kids. Whatever you want.” 

Luz laughs and presses a gentle kiss to her neck. She lazily brushes a hand through Amity’s hair and sighs. “I don’t want kids.” 

Amity whines, frustrated and feeling like she can’t get through to her. “What _do_ you want?” 

She’s quiet for a moment and they lay there in a peaceful silence, even if Amity’s desperacy is getting the best of her right now. “Just… keep loving me.” 

“Of course, babe,” she races to say and she pulls her _closer._ “Forever and always. You’re all I want. You know that.” She hears Luz sigh and she gently brushes her lips against her ear. 

“Keep needing me.” 

“I need you, babe.” She reaches up to clutch at Luz’s hair. Anywhere and anything she can grab. She doesn’t feel close enough no matter what she does and the ache in her chest is worsening. “You love to be needed, don’t you?” She asks quietly. Luz nods into her neck. 

“That’s fine,” she assures her gently and keeps stroking her hair. “Do you need me?”

“More than anything.” 

“Good. Then we both have exactly what we want…” Amity sighs, closing her eyes. She feels so achy and tired. She’s in pain but at least she’s glowing from the exhaustion of orgasming twice in a row to her girlfriend’s amazing hand. Goodness, she’s in trouble. She loves this girl too much for her own good. 

After a while, Luz moves to pull away and stand back up but Amity holds her tight. “You should get cleaned up,” she nuzzles her jaw, kissing her again. Her stupid heart eats everything up, she loves the way she feels when Luz is being gentle, her soft voice, her warmth and the ache between her legs that she just can’t satiate. She loves her girlfriend so much that it hurts. She wants to be hers forever, no matter what that entails. 

“You’re right,” Amity sighs, the disappointment of not having her pressed against her is deeply upsetting. She forces herself to sit up and once again she finds herself teasingly close to Luz’s face. So many feelings well up inside of her at once and she knows she isn’t going to get anything done if she gives in. She flushes, helplessly aroused again and at the mercy of Luz and her smug smile. “You aren’t helping. Bitch.” She bites her lip, desperately waiting for her to do _something._

“Fuck you,” she says back affectionately. “What do you want me to do?” 

“Anything,” it comes out like a cry. “Fuck me. I’m so beside myself. I can’t think about anything but your hands on me and…” she groans at her girlfriend’s growing smile. “I just… I can’t think straight.” She drops her forehead against hers and closes her eyes. 

_“Okay,”_ Luz says slowly and brings her hand up to hold Amity’s face. It feels so warm and soft on her face that she wants to cry and beg at her knees for more. “So in other words… you’re _really_ horny. That’s okay. I can help you with that.” 

“Fuck. Really?” She whispers, tears begging to come out. 

“Yeah. And I’ll make sure you get exactly what you want. But first, I want you to take a shower.” 

“Okay babe. Whatever you want.” She lets Luz kiss her softly and deeply for a blissful moment before she pulls away again. She rushes to take a shower just like her beautiful girlfriend told her to so she could get back to her as soon as possible. Afterwards, she decided to put in a tampon because there’s no way she was going to get anything done with a pad stuck to her all night. Plus, it’d be a lot cleaner.

Inserting it is a shameful little ordeal because anything that comes in contact with her there automatically gets her all worked up, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable going in. It reminds her of how complicated her stupid little relationship is and how it hurts more than it feels good but still she focuses on the good and chooses to ignore all of the bad. If only she had a bit of respect for herself, she’d be able to see how jacked up this whole thing really is. But things were good right now. And this was her first relationship. Firsts are always hard to let go of, aren’t they?

Just a little longer… 

When she comes back into the room, all the lights are off and Luz is laying in the bed typing on her phone. Her heart races with excitement and happiness. It’s almost like they’re a married, domestic couple who live together and respect each other. The quiet and darkness of the room makes her feel so helpless and turned on. 

She rushes to get in bed and cuddle up close to her girlfriend, pressing herself close in all the right ways that she needs. Her clit is rubbing deliciously against her hip and her chest is pressed against her side. She tries to be discreet with her rutting but she can’t keep it up for long. She knows that Luz knows exactly what’s happening and she’s more than fine with it. She goes nice and slow to tease herself and to make it last as long as possible because she’s going to be here all night and she wants to make use of her hot girlfriend if she isn’t going to do anything herself. 

Amity groans when Luz still hasn’t put her phone away, still scrolling through some thread while she relentlessly humps her hip. So she reaches across her chest to hang onto her arm and have something to hold onto while she enjoys herself. But she wants Luz to acknowledge that she’s so shamelessly using her for her own guilty pleasure to somehow get back at her for last time. “Babe,” she whines. “Pay attention to me.” 

She finally shuts off her phone and sets it blindly on the nightstand. She just lays there for a moment and scrubs at her eyes. She yawns and turns toward Amity, ruining her perfect angle and the waves of pleasure she was riding on. She excuses it for a moment when Luz pulls her into another soft kiss and rests her hand on her hip. It’s more than enough to get her all worked up and ready for more. “I want you,” she tells her in a blissful state of euphoric arousal, it’s almost like an entirely different feeling. She feels so happy to be in her girlfriend’s arms and feeling her this close. “I want you, babe. So bad.” 

“I’m right here,” she says gently and she reaches up to hold her face again, cradling the back of her head and pulling her closer to kiss her _deeper._ Amity pulls away when she feels like she’s suffocating and she puts a hand on Luz’s chest, panting. 

“I don’t feel close enough,” she looks away, feeling ashamed all of the sudden. Her skin is crawling with arousal and she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She wants to be romantic and make out but also wants to be eaten alive in, preferably, the next few seconds. She wouldn’t ask Luz to do anything like that while she’s on her period but she wishes… _ugh._ “I love you too much and…—I don’t know if you want me the same way I want you.”

“How do you want me?” 

“All of the ways you can imagine. I want everything and I’m willing and ready to do anything you want… but I don’t know if _you_ want to.” Luz cuts her off with another kiss and she pulls Amity’s lip into her mouth to trace her tongue over it. That makes her _maniac._

“Amity… what are you even talking about?” She laughs after a moment. “You must be out of your mind.” 

“I am, babe.” She tilts her head back when Luz kisses down her neck and she shivers when she feels her hand tracing down the front of her body to slip under her pants again. 

“Let me help you,” she says soothingly like she’s a baby or something. It feels condescending and she’s embarrassed and obsessed and so, _so_ desperate. “I’m sorry, my love.” 

“I love you,” she whispers softly into her hair, her heart thrilling at the sound of her voice, and all is forgiven. She rarely ever called her that. 

And then she completely forgets about it when she feels her fingers go inside of her panties. She feels like an animal, so desperate and focused on grinding against her girlfriend’s hand that she temporarily melts out of reality for a moment. 

Never has she craved anything more than this, out of all the times they’ve done it, nothing ever compares to when she aches for it like she needs it to survive. Her jaw drops and she clutches tightly at her hair as she jerkily grinds her hips against fingers tightly circling the top of her clit. “God, babe. Don’t you _dare_ stop.” She cries out, shivering urgently and thrusting into the touch. She feels her gently tugging at the string of her tampon before moving _lower_ to do more damage to her sanity. Her fingers slip inside as deep as possible before hitting the tampon when she devastatingly pulls back out again. “Fuck,” she groans, her stomach dipping like it’s the end of the world. “Put them back in _right now.”_

“Bossy,” Luz nips at her bottom lip and her hand moves back up to the top to circle her clit again, her middle finger swirling in a methodical and slow motion that makes Amity want to cry. It’s not even the _best_ thing she’s ever felt, but for some reason it was right now. She longed to have her fingers thrusting quickly inside her, but this was simple and sweet and was already getting the job done. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and with everything inside of her, ruts into it as she comes, just to make it harder and all the more satisfying. She lets out a sob, tears stinging her eyes as she rides it out. 

“That was so fucking amazing,” she greedily pushes Luz into another deep kiss and their tongues battle while her hand plays around in the softness of her clit spasing out from the intense orgasm she pushed herself into. “Again.” 

Luz’s eyes widen, and she’s incredulous even hours later after they’d done everything possible in the book and _still,_ she woke up from her post-sex nap to find Amity rutting her leg again, breathing heavily as she nears probably her fourth orgasm of the night. Woof. 

* * *

“Let us take you to lunch,” Emira had told her over the phone one day, her voice full of concern. Amity felt bad, for having her siblings so worried. That’s the only reason she agreed. 

It took her forever to pick out the perfect outfit to cover all her bruises just right— and lots of makeup to cover the ones too high on her neck. They picked her up that weekend, when Amity was happiest/saddest, (it’s interchangeable) that was when she finally had some free time. That was when she had the best/painful (this was interchangeable as well) sex with her amazing girlfriend. 

It was the weekend, she wasn’t supposed to be feeling stuffy and miserable at some cafe in the middle of Los Angeles with her two overbearing siblings. She was going to get eaten alive by them. She was practically melting under their glares of disapproval. 

She ordered an iced tea just to cool herself off a bit. She ended up choking on the first sip when Emira and Edric both say, “Mittens, we need to talk.” 

Twin thing. But very inconvenient right now. She doesn’t know if she should laugh or die of shame. “About what?” She asks coolly, attempts to sip her drink for the second time. 

Ed and Em share a look, and Em slightly nods when he sighs, his eyes falling away awkwardly. He’s useless but he’s... trying. “Listen, Amity.” Em speaks up, and Amity jolts at the sound of her name. She knows it’s serious when she is no longer Mittens. “We’re just... worried about you, that’s all.” 

“And we wanna help,” Ed pipes in. 

“Guys,” she laughs, nearing her wit’s end. “I’m fine.” 

Em narrows her eyes, thinking for a moment. “You’re not fine. Something’s going on.” 

“There’s nothing going on.” 

Em stares evenly at her younger sister for a moment. She pulls out her phone, scrolls for a moment. “Well… have you seen all those articles about, uh… the rumors?” Amity’s heart suddenly slams violently in her chest. _Rumors? What rumors?_ “About you and Luz Noceda?” 

Amity feels herself go dizzy for a split second. “I…” 

Em laughs as she scrolls. “There’s some crazy stuff on here. Apparently it’s been going on for a while. At least Disney’s got your back. From… Twitter.” 

“It’s fine that you’re with her, Mittens, and we’re happy for you,” Edric rushes to say, ever the peacekeeper. But somehow, that makes it worse— that they’re _happy for her._ Because it _isn’t_ happy and it _isn’t_ good. It’s _bad,_ and scary and miserable and Amity loves it too much for her own good— “But I saw some pretty… bad stuff.” 

“So you’re just going to believe what the internet has to say about _my_ relationship?” She sneers angrily. “Why don’t you ask _me,_ who is _in_ the relationship?” 

Ed and Em watch her for a moment. “That’s what we’re trying to do, Mits.” Em taps something quickly on her phone and holds it over the table for Amity to see. Dread fills in her heart at what it could possibly be, and she swallows down her fear before looking down. What greets her is some kind of far fetched headline with a zoomed in picture of her neck. There’s a slightly dark blink-and-you-miss-it spot there. _Amity Blight domestic violence or abuse?_

She blinks, unbelieving. For some reason, she feels angry at those speculations. That’s no one’s business and they have no right at all to comment on it. 

“This wouldn’t happen to be something along the lines of what’s going on, is it?” Em asks softly. _No. No, no, no, no._

“We can help— if it is—,” 

_“Can it, Ed. I’ve got this,”_ Em cuts him off and he sighs. “ _Please,_ just talk to us, Amity. Please. We just want to help you. I’ve been worried _sick_ ever since you told me…” 

Amity snaps, completely engulfed. “Are you two _serious?_ You wanted me to come here—for what? Just to interrogate me?” She suddenly pushes her chair back and stands up. 

“Hold on now a minute, Mittens,” Ed also stands up to block her from storming away. Amity groans. She’s tired of them bulldozing in on her life. This is none of their business. “We just wanna talk.” 

“Well damn, why in a cafe? Why couldn’t we talk about this at home?” She struggles against her older brother’s strong arms holding her back. 

Em slowly nods her head, incredulous. She stands up and puts a hand on her shoulder. “We can go home if you want to, Mittens. But you’re not leaving until you tell us what’s going on with you. This has gone on long enough.”

“What—,” 

  
  


Suddenly, Ed places a few dollars onto the table. “You’re coming with us for now.” 

“Who do you two think you are?” Amity finally is able to yank herself away. She’s always getting grabbed and pushed and pulled. She’s tired of that. “I’m an adult!” 

“You’re making a scene,” Em sighs. “Let’s go.” 

“I’m not coming with you.” She stands, her arms crossed. It’s an empty threat because she’s not got a car and she’s practically stranded without them, but the intention is sincere and burning hot. Em rolls her eyes and grabs her hand, pulling her along with a firm grip. Ed stays behind to guide her out of the restaurant. 

She sits silently in the back of the car as her older siblings cart her away, and she’s stuck. 

Somehow, she appreciates it. 

They’re worried about her, that’s all. And Amity owed them the truth. She was going to tell them when they got home. She was tired of holding it in, crying to herself about it. She loves Edric and Emira so much. 

When they get into Ed and Em’s shared condo, Amity immediately lays down on the couch and curls up in a ball. “Do you want some tea, baby sis?” Em calls from the kitchen. 

“Yes, please,” she answers sulkily. Ed comes and silently sits down next to her. After a while, Em finally joins them, carefully setting down two teacups on the coffee table in front of them. She sits down close to Amity and pats her lap. 

She’s so embarrassed. But all she wants is to be close to her siblings and to tell them the truth. She needs to get this off of her. So she gets up to lay her head in her sister’s lap, and Ed scoots closer for her to rest her legs in his lap. She closes her eyes when she feels Em gently stroking her hair. 

“Whenever you’re ready, Mittens.” 

Amity grimaced, ashamed. Fuck. This is weird and bad. She doesn’t know what to say. She wishes things were good. They’re fine. As long as she kept Luz happy, things were okay. She wanted to make it work, like carrying dead weight on her back. Something sadistic inside her liked trying to change a terrible person who just wouldn’t change. She liked the burns after getting too close to the fire. Liked licking the wounds and throwing herself back in just to get hurt again. 

She’d come to this conclusion so many times. She _doesn’t_ want to stop, at all. No matter how much it hurts and no matter how many times she’s cried, it feels so good. 

And that’s got to be worth something, right?

“It is Luz…” she starts off pensively. She feels rather than sees the look that her two siblings exchange. “And it might actually be domestic abuse. I dunno.” 

“You say it so casually,” she hears Ed say. 

“It’s casual for me. It’s been so long. I can’t tell _what’s_ wrong or _what’s_ right anymore.” She laughs a bit, maniacally. 

“And I’m going to get her arrested.” 

“ _No.”_ Amity pushes herself to sit up and she glares sternly at her brother. “You’re going to stay out of this, because it’s _my_ business.” She turns to Em and raises her eyebrows. “That goes for you too.” 

“Hey,” Em chuckles stiffly, raising her hands up defeatedly. “We _just_ want to help.”

Amity looks away, sighing. “I know.” She leans to the side to rest her head on her brother’s chest, feeling warm and safe when he wraps his arm around her back. 

Em scoots closer and hugs Amity from behind. She’s safe. She’s here. She’s real. Everything’s fine. 

“I love you guys.” 

“We love you too, Mittens.” Ed sighs. “Please let us help you.” 

  
  


“Thanks, but… there’s no way that you can help.”

“Yes we can. You can stay here until you figure out what to do next, and we’ll make sure she leaves you alone.” Em says. 

A little shock of anger jolts through Amity. She’s slightly offended considering the circumstances. And besides, she can’t just _get rid of her._ Luz is her whole life. She needs her. “It’s not that easy,” she sighs, biting her lip. “I love her.” 

The silence that follows is mortifying. 

“Okay,” Amity hesitates, trying to think of a way to get them to understand, even if she knows it’s futile. “Try to put yourselves in my position… she’s my first love.” 

_“Which are always the worst,”_ she hears Ed mumble— she wants to agree but it wouldn’t help her case much. 

“She’s all I know. We’ve been together for about three years now and I haven’t had anything _but_ her.” She pauses for a moment. “I’m so stuck on her…and I don’t think I can let her go unless she’s the one to leave first.” 

“Mittens… she isn’t going to leave if you keep letting her take advantage of you.” Em says, and she’s right. 

“I know. And I don’t want her to have that last laugh on me. But I think she already has…” 

“It’s not too late. You can still leave.” 

“It _is_ too late,” she stiffens with the realization. “It was from the very beginning…”

She pulls herself off of Ed, feeling stuffy and miserable and _bad,_ her eyes wide. 

She knows it’s useless, and that there’s nothing she can do. But she can still try. 

*****

“Let’s breakup.” Amity hesitates. They’re sitting in the parking lot in front of Amity’s filming location. 

“For how long?” 

She bites her lip, ashamed by how right she is. “A month?” 

“Sure,” Luz shrugs. She drops her hands in her lap, sitting back in her seat, sighing. “So... what is it this time?” 

“There’s a lot of rumors about us.” 

“So?” 

She eyes her. “...I’m not comfortable with something so personal being public, Luz. I don’t want the entire world to know who I’m in a relationship with.” 

Luz laughs, turning to glare incredulously at Amity for a moment. “You’re kidding, right?” 

“...No?” She looks away, her face burning with shame and her eyes stinging with tears. She’s tired of Luz laughing at her. She’s tired of not being taken seriously. This is her whole life, and it’s slowly becoming a snow storm of uncontrollable feelings. She can’t control what people know about her personal life being in the public eye the way that she is. 

“You’re... there’s literally nothing you can do about it.” She raises an eyebrow. “You do know that, right?” 

“I know.” Amity huffs. “But why are you acting like this is just _my_ problem? You’re in this relationship too.” 

“I’d rather not worry about things that are out of my control,” she gives her a pointed look. “I mean... come on. What do you want me to do?” 

“At least act like you care,” she mumbles as she’s unbuckling her seatbelt, pulls her sweater over her shoulders. 

“What? Do you want me to cry with you about it next time you accidentally scroll past another Buzzfeed article?” She grins bitterly, a daring fire in her eyes. Amity hates it, how everything is just a game to her. 

She sighs and pushes the door open to get out of the car. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Great. So are we broken up? Cause I was gonna say see you tonight,” 

“Don’t.” She says, trying to bite her tongue. She slams the door and glares at her girlfriend through the window. “Don’t come near me.” 

Luz smiles, playfully resting her head on her hand. “‘Kay.” Is all she says, and the fact that she doesn’t say anything else hurts more than her dismissal. “I’ll just wait for you to call me at two in the morning to tell me how sorry you are and that you wanna get back together.” 

_Be the bigger person._ Instead of saying something she might regret later, she holds her head high and turns around to head inside. She turns back once she’s inside to check if Luz is still there. She’s not. 

Amity doesn’t call Luz. And Luz doesn’t call Amity. She’s not mad, just tired. Annoyed. She’s so worn out from being with her, so she uses this time apart to take care of herself a bit. She takes it easy, gets her body back to where it needs to be. She takes extra care to heal most of her bruises, actually thinks about herself for once. 

She gets on a steady, healthy routine, and whenever she wants to think about Luz, she denies it and she keeps going. Because if she does, she’ll cave in sooner than she wanted to. 

She never wants to actually break up with her. She can’t. It’s not actually possible for her to be without Luz for too long, and if she did then it’d kill her. It’s just nice to have a break, to get herself back together again. 

She gets on a healthy sleep schedule, wakes up bright and early to drive herself to work. One thing she is glad for is the opportunity to improve her driving skills, even if it’s not much. 

She’s happy. 

It’s been just about a month when Amity is relaxing at home, listening to music while she tries to cook something healthy for herself. 

And then she hears a knock on her door. She panics a bit since it’s so late at night. What if it’s a murderer? What if it’s a solicitor? She doesn’t have the mental capacity to actually speak to anyone right now. She just wanted to listen to Mitski and chop up some vegetables. 

Sighing when there’s another knock, she quickly unties her apron and tosses it on the counter, tapping her phone to pause her music. She rushes to the door and pulls it open after straightening up her hair a bit. And the girl standing there is worse than anyone else she could have imagined. 

“Hey,” Luz laughs awkwardly. “I’m sorry. Can we make up?” 

Amity falls silent, her stomach dipped and her heart ached to be close to her. She blinks, clutching tighter on the doorknob. 

“You missed me,” she points out with a very smug grin. She pulls Amity into a hug and she immediately melts into her girlfriend’s strong, warm embrace. Why did she ever want to leave this? It’s amazing. She... she loves her so much. “Can I come in?” 

“Um,” she swallows, nervous to answer. She knows what’s going to happen if she lets her in. She’d missed her, but she wasn’t quite ready to be a useless sex object again. She pulls out of the hug and she meets her girlfriend’s eyes. So beautiful, so perfect. Luz pulls her face toward hers to kiss her deeply, and Amity moans, feeling light on her feet. Luz uses that and drives her back to let herself into the apartment. 

_“Thanks,”_ Luz abruptly pulls away, pushing past her to head into the living room. Amity stands stricken for a moment, idly sucking on her tingling lip. She shakes her head to try and gain her composure, her head rushing with confusion and regret and anger. She closes the door, locking it and sealing her fate. She comes back into the kitchen and doesn’t see Luz is the living room. She must’ve gone to the bathroom. 

Distracted, Amity tries to go back to cooking. She doesn’t have much else done by the time Luz comes back. 

“Hey there,” she says smoothly, leaning on the counter and watching Amity with a grin on her face. She tries to ignore it because she knows what that face does to her. “What’re you making?” 

“I was trying to make dinner... I was thinking we could just spend some time together, without having sex.” She glances carefully up at her and sees Luz’s little pout. “Don’t expect it to be amazing though,” she laughs to lighten the mood. 

“I’m sure it’ll be good.” She says, distracted. After a moment of idly watching Amity chop up some vegetables, she goes to lay down on the couch, turning on the TV. Except that she doesn’t watch it, she’s laying there scrolling through her phone while the TV watches her instead. Amity can’t help the frustration that bubbles up inside her. She wishes she cared a little bit. She wishes she said _something._ Anything. 

Instead, she focuses on precision with cutting carrots to get her mind off it. There’s no point in worrying over futile things. Luz isn’t worth the stress. She can’t let the little things bother her so much anymore. Still, it chips away at her sanity and she can’t help but be confused. A little. “Luz?” She calls sweetly, trying to keep her tone even. 

“Hm?” 

“... Why don’t you get over here and help me?” 

Luz pauses, looking away. “Sure,” she sighs and gets up from the couch, coming behind the counter. Amity doesn’t fail to notice how extra touchy feely she’s being, deliberately brushing against her and resting a hand on her. She knows what she’s trying to do and it isn’t— she’ll try not to let it work. “What do you want me to do?” 

“You could cut these while I make the rice,” she suggests encouragingly and pushes the cutting board in front of Luz. She glares confusedly down at the chopped carrots and then hesitantly takes the knife. “Just cut them thin like this,” she takes the knife from her to show her a few example cuts. Luz giggles and presses a kiss to her cheek, gently pulling her close. For a split second, she gets distracted. 

And even if she was adamant about standing her ground, it was going to be a little hard when Luz was being so damn cute. She _knows_ that Amity is bursting at the seam and she _knows_ she shouldn’t be pushing it—so her kisses are hesitant and slow up her neck and then especially apprehensive when she softly kisses her lips. Amity moans begrudgingly and achingly kisses her back. She’s been longing for her kiss and touch for so long and she feels so great doing it. It’s a grueling effort to pull herself away and being so close but _not_ kissing makes her stressed beyond comprehension. 

She tugs herself out of Luz’s firm grip and stumbles over to the stove, her mind rushing with shame and regret. “I’ll cut the carrots but… I’ve never done anything like this before,” she says playfully. Amity takes a deep breath to steel herself before answering. 

“That’s okay. I’m not really good at cooking either. I’m just following an easy recipe for now.” She absent mindedly starts to boil the water, turning the knob on the stove. She goes through the motions, staring off into space and the sound of Luz cutting behind her fills the kitchen for a short, peaceful moment. 

“All finished,” Luz says and then immediately comes to stand by the stove with Amity. She leans in to kiss her ear and whispers, “ _Are you proud of me?”_

“Don’t distract me,” she ducks away. She gasps when she feels Luz wrap her arms around her from the back and she rests her chin on her shoulder. “I’m trying to focus Luz, please,” she says quietly, desperately trying to keep herself together. 

“I’m not doing anything,” Luz insists stubbornly and kisses her neck, her hands resting firmly on her hips. Amity wants to push her away but she just can’t bring herself to do it. Something in her likes the frustration and the ache. She likes how her girlfriend’s hands are slowly tracing up the sides of her body as she sweetly kisses her shoulder. She likes the shameful wetness building between her legs at the thought of what could happen if she gave in. 

_“Stop…”_

“Don’t act like you don’t like this,” she says hotly close to her ear, her hands coming up to rest on her chest. Amity knows she isn’t going to get out of this when she swirls her finger over her nipple, feeling it teasingly through her shirt and bra. She sighs in despair and quickly turns the knob to turn the stove off, her hands clutching desperately for the counter. “You like it when I distract you.” 

And, Amity doesn’t bring herself to say anything. Because she kind of wants it to happen, no matter how much she’ll regret it later. “I like it when you try to do things for me.” She presses her hips closer, making Amity blissfully aware that they’re so incredibly close. “You’re being such a wife. What if I asked you to marry me _right now?_ I know what you’d say.” 

Amity’s heart thrills at the idea of it, being her wife. She would gladly be that for her. She would do anything she wanted. “What would you say babe?” She feels her grin against her neck, hears her quiet laugh as she kisses up her jaw again. 

“Yes,” she chokes out, moaning. 

“Mmm, I know. You would be my pretty little wife. So cute,” she purrs, and sends Amity for a ride when she starts to casually rut herself against her back, a sensual pressure building inside her at the feeling of Luz gently rocking her hips. “This remind you of anything?” she nips at her ear, pinching it painfully between her teeth. “What are you thinking about?” 

“You’re so… you’re such a tease,” she gasps. “I hate you.” 

“You love me. Now tell me what this reminds you of… the way I’m _bumping into you_ like this. It’s familiar, yeah?” 

“Reminds me of the way you fuck me. How you make me feel so good and stretched out,” she arches back and jerks herself hips into the hand that Luz has placed deliberately between her legs. “Fuck. Why can’t you let me do anything?” 

“This is all you want to do.” 

“Fuck you,” she pants. “But you’re right. I haven’t been able to get anything done because of you.” 

“Because you couldn’t stop thinking about me?” 

“Yes…” she hesitantly reaches down to hold her hand. 

“How were you thinking about me?”

“Like this.” 

“Like how, Blight?” Luz demands, slipping under her pants again and slowly pushing lower to brush against the wetness on her underwear. But she frustratingly ignores it and rests her hand on her inner thigh, deliberately flexing her index finger to agonizingly dig into her folds through the fabric. “Like this?” 

_“Yeah, like that.”_ She whispers, and her resolve melts away with her sanity. Each slow and deliberate flex of her finger biting away at her will to _not_ let this happen. This was _not_ how tonight was supposed to go. She was not going to let Luz take advantage of her like this. She can’t. And she _will_ pull away, right after this. But then Luz hooks a finger on her underwear and pulls it down to gently circle the top of her clit before slowly slipping down and dipping deep inside of her folds, crooking the tip of her finger to dig into just the right spot at the bottom of her. “Just like that.” 

“You’re such a naughty little girl. You shouldn’t be thinking about these things.” She pulls out to insert two fingers and she slowly pushes until she’s deep inside again. For a moment, she stays completely still besides twitching them a bit— which drives Amity wild. She feels so bad again, being so easily distracted. Doing this in the kitchen like a couple of delinquents. She whines, feeling herself losing control, losing to her. “Especially not about your _co-worker._ How inappropriate. You’re so dirty minded.” 

“I can’t help it. You always give me bad thoughts,” she huffs when she starts to slowly fuck her fingers in and out of her, gradually speeding up the pace. Amity yelps and pants for air. She can’t believe this is happening. So stupid. But it’s so sexy and hot she never wants to stop. It helps when Luz kisses her neck softly and nibbles at her earlobe, licking gently. “ _—So good_. Please don’t stop.” 

“You’re such a pervert. I bet you fantasize about this all the time. You wish I would fuck you at work in the break room don’t you? You’re _always_ thinking about getting fucked by your co-worker,” she teases quietly next to her ear. All that Amity can manage is a frenzied whimper, jerking into her girlfriend’s amazing fingers and riding each wave of pleasure rolling through her clit. Each thrust inside is so sweet and miserable and degrading, and she wants all of it. It’s so, so delicious and she can’t breathe and it’s so great. She doesn’t want anything but this. 

“Yes, I’m a disgusting pervert. Punish me for it,” she says, her voice frisky as she loses her mind. She’s in a state of pure bliss and her thoughts briefly turn white when the good feelings flood her entire body. She comes hard around her two fingers, and just like that she’s automatically hooked again and wants to fall on her knees in front of Luz and beg her for more. This was a bad idea, letting her in. She just wanted to make dinner and watch a movie and cuddle with her girlfriend. But she knows it’s partly her fault because what did she really expect to happen? 

  
  


“That was hot,” Luz laughs and devastatingly pulls her hand out of her pants. She holds her two fingers up to let Amity see the glossy sheen covering them, driving home her guilt. She moves to the sink and washes her hands. “I could get in some serious trouble if the higher ups found out I did that.” She winks at the flustered and disoriented Amity, her face flushing. Goodness, she’s such a puddle for her. “Should we keep cooking?” 

“N—no. Forget that. Can…” she bites her lip. “Can we go to the bedroom?” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Amity is scared. 

Luz watches her with a fond little grin on her face as she pulls herself out of her top. Out of all the times they’ve done this, times they’ve seen each other’s bodies, it makes her a bit nervous to see her looking at her like this. It’s a gaze full of something like longing and need and— it’s different somehow. Amity wants to tell her that she feels it too, everytime they touch. 

“Come here babe,” she says gently, watching her girlfriend with a voidless pit in her heart. No matter how much she tries, she can’t seem to get through to her. No matter how much she loves her, she can’t change her. Luz walks over to her slowly, and when they finally press together, her body screams with desire. She wants her girlfriend so badly that she doesn’t even know how to process it. And her hands are stuffed in her pockets, _not_ resting on her body. She hates that. 

But they’re so close. And Amity wants nothing more than to be hers, even if that meant pain. It was worth the pleasure and the long nights of being so helplessly in love with this girl that she’s tied up with. This isn’t her one night stand or a hookup. This girl is her life and she wants her. She leans in and brushes her lips against hers, teasing herself with the temptation of her soft kiss that she longed for. She stays close but bites her lip, tilting her head slightly as she brings a hand up to gently hold her girlfriend’s face. _“Touch me babe,”_ she whispers, pushing their bodies closer. 

For a moment, she clenches on nothing, just the thought of her. She feels her hand rest on her hip, the bare skin just above her pants and she presses a deep kiss to Amity’s lips, her other hand coming to rest satisfyingly on the other side. 

This is what she loves, the burning hot passion of her tongue against hers, the heat of her body. She delights under the finger tracing the lace of her bra and toward the front, up the side of her neck and eventually her hand lovingly cupping her face. She feels so overwhelmed by her that she doesn’t know what to do. She has no choice but to surrender herself to this girl and let her take control. 

She’s okay with that. She thinks maybe, if this was the rest of her life then she’d be fine. She wants to be with her girlfriend always. This is what she lives for, these nights with her. She doesn’t want anything else in her whole life. Luz slightly pulls away and brushes their noses together affectionately. “Take your clothes off, babe.” She whispers. 

“Okay,” she says, eager to please her girlfriend. She kind of wanted Luz to take her underwear off because it’s hot and cute when she does it, so with that in mind she only removes her pants. She takes her time and Luz moves to the bedside table to dig through her bag. Amity swallows nervously, watching as she pulls out a small candle and sets it down before removing the lid. That was what she was going to be tortured with tonight. She’d never be able to look at candles the same way after this. 

Now in just her bra and panties, she hesitantly gets up from the bed and quietly comes up behind her cute girlfriend. 

She wraps her arms around her waist and buries her face into her navy green jacket that she always looks so pretty in. She nuzzles against it, taking in her girlfriend’s smell and her softness. She loves her so much. But no matter how excited she was, she couldn’t deny how nervous she felt about this whole thing. Luz had been wanting to do the candle thing for a while now. She felt like their relationship was especially struggling these days and she thought maybe if she did this then it’d make Luz happy. She’d do anything for her. 

She watches in anxious excitement as Luz lights the candle, a small flame dancing on the tip of the wick. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes to imagine what it might feel like. Was it going to hurt as bad as she’s anticipating? Would it leave marks on her body? Would she have to see a doctor about it later? She gently kisses the back of her neck and sighs, watching the fire melt the wax. “Everything okay?” Luz asks quietly. 

Amity nods behind her. “I’m just a little nervous...” she whispers and hugs her girlfriend tighter. “But… I want to do this. No matter what.” 

  
  


“You’re such a good girl,” she purrs, turning around and pulling her close. Amity’s heart thrills at the sweet little nothing and she moans, melting into the tender kiss Luz gives her. Much too soon, Luz leaves her lips to kiss hotly down her neck and Amity slips a lazy hand through her hair to clutch on for dear life. “So beautiful.” 

“I just want to please you…” Amity succumbs under the pressure of her girlfriend and playfully tumbles back onto the bed as Luz is still kissing her. She wraps her legs around her waist to pull her down on top of her so that she can grind herself against her body while they make out. “I want you.” She murmurs distractedly, starting slowly with rutting her hips shamelessly on her girlfriend, getting her clit nice and wet for her. 

“You’re so cute,” she laughs quietly, pulling away. “Control yourself.” 

“I will, babe. Just for you.” 

_“Good girl.”_ She purrs, dragging a finger down from her neck, gently over her bra. “Didn't I tell you to take your clothes off?” 

Amity’s heart leaps to her throat with anxiety. “I wanted you to do it, babe.” She stammers. “I like it when you undress me.” 

Luz leans in to kiss her again, smiling. “Okay then.” Teasingly, she traces her finger down her girlfriend’s creamy skin, over her flat stomach. She shamelessly fingers her clit through the damp fabric of her panties before slipping back up to pull them slowly down. “You like it when I do this?” 

“With everything I am,” she hums, rocking herself into her girlfriend’s gentle touch. “I love you so much.” 

“And I love you.” She says sweetly, ever so slowly inching her panties lower, and then reaching to the other side to pull them down. It’s excruciating and Amity is impatient, desperately waiting for her girlfriend to do something. She feels her panties peeling away from her sticky arousal when Luz finally gets them down to her thighs, and she pulls away with a soft kiss on Amity’s jaw. “Now get comfy, okay?” 

Amity swallows nervously but nods. Without a word, she moves herself to the middle of the bed and sits up as she watches her girlfriend pull a few other things out of her bag. “I love you,” she tells her again as she waits. Luz laughs and finally joins her on the bed with a bottle of baby oil in her hand. “W—what’s that for?” She asks shakily as her girlfriend sits on her knees behind her. 

Luz presses a soft kiss on her neck, her voice low and soft. It’s enough to melt Amity like the wax on a candle. _“Don’t ask questions.”_

  
  


Amity shivers. “Why not?” 

The next thing she feels is a quick shoot of sharp pain when Luz nips at her ear. “Hey. What did I say?” 

“Okay, babe. No questions…” she sighs, biting her lip. 

“Good girl,” she says again, and it’s like a reward to her ears. She feels her girlfriend’s hand rest on her shoulder before she slips down to unclip her bra. It falls off seamlessly and Amity tosses it away, her heart racing and her clit aching at the thought of being so exposed in front of her girlfriend like this. The next thing she hears is the bottle of baby oil clicking open and Luz squirting some on her hands. She rubs it in and finally rests her hands on Amity again, feeling her head resting on her shoulder. 

She slowly rubs it in, starting on her midriff in slow circles. Amity whimpers. “You’re giving me a massage?” 

Luz sighs. “I have to put this on so I don’t actually burn your skin.” 

“Ah, okay.” She smiles, excited again. She leans back against her girlfriend’s firm body, hoping to feel her hand drift lower to touch her clit. Somehow, it’s more exciting than anything, feeling her glide her hands close to where she longs to be touched and massaged, but not quite there. It fills her stomach with butterflies and she feels slightly dizzy as Luz slowly kisses her neck. “I like it, babe. This feels good.” 

“I’m glad.” She laughs quietly as she’s rubbing the excess oil on her collarbone area, and then she sits up to move to her shoulders. Amity waits in suspense as she gets more oil, then starts to rub her back starting from the top of her shoulders and then down to her sides. 

She takes a sudden detour to the front again and she gently brushes over her right nipple. Amity gasps quietly as she teasingly pinches it, cupping her breast in her hand. _“Yes,”_ she starts to pant, her clit immediately pulsing at the feeling of it. She moans, her heart racing when she feels her other hand come around on the left side to slip down between her legs. 

“So sensitive,” Luz giggles, carefully running her index finger between her slick folds before swirling tight circles over her clit when she reaches the top again. Amity drops her head back and rolls her hips desperately into her girlfriend’s hand, moaning incredulously. She feels like she’s going insane, climbing closer and closer to the perfect orgasm. Luz continues to tease her nipple while she fingers her crazy little girlfriend, and she knows exactly how close she is. 

_“Mmm, baby,”_ Amity cries out. _“I’m about to come. You’re so amazing. I love you.”_ She jerks her hips against Luz’s hand when she presses harder, circles her clit faster. She squeezes her breast in her hand, warm and soft, and it’s so, so perfect. She whimpers urgently and she can feel how close she is. It’s crazy how amazing it feels, and for a moment, nothing matters. Not her terrible girlfriend, not her job, not even herself. Just her hand doing lovely things to her clit, her other hand—

And then Luz stops. Amity’s heart shatters, being seconds away from coming. She takes a deep breath, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “If you’re good tonight, I’ll let you finish,” Luz says simply, her voice light and easy. “No questions, no complaining and no whining. Got that?” 

“Yes, my love,” she agrees shakily. 

“Good girl,” she rewards again. “Now lay on your stomach.” She instructs her as she gets out of bed to stand in front of the nightstand. Amity nods and with a slight tremble, she takes a pillow to hug as she lays on her stomach. That's in case the pain gets to be too much, she’ll have something to help her cope. The air is thick and teasing while she waits. 

Luz takes one of the light colored candles from the nightstand. She wants to run away and hide. She doesn’t want to be burned. Anxiety twists in her stomach and she squeals nervously, burying her face in the pillow. “Nervous?” Luz side eyes her with a little smile tugging at her lips. Amity hurriedly lifts her head again, her eyes falling contemplatively to the bedsheets. 

“Mhm.”

Luz reaches over to gently run her fingers through Amity’s hair, the other hand resting idly around the candle. She watches her nervous girlfriend with a pensive look on her face for a moment. “I’ll be extra careful, okay?” 

Amity stays quiet, nodding hesitantly. “I’ve got everything covered just in case. I did a lot of research on this.” 

“You’re always looking for ways to torture me,” she laughs bitterly. Luz wrinkles her nose and grins down at her. 

Eventually, Luz whispers, _“Ready?”_

“Y—yes,” she blinks, and she’s definitely _not_ ready. She panics as her warm girlfriend gets back in bed to get on top of her, straddling her waist. She feels so helpless and trapped underneath her. There’s no going back. This was it. She feels Luz’s warm hand flat on her back and she gently strokes up to her neck. 

“Just relax. You’ll be fine.” She carefully brushes her fingers through the hair on the nape of her neck, fingers crooking to gently scritch her scalp. “Just trust me.” 

“I trust you, babe.” She says, but she’s torn even still. She believes herself right now, feeling her sweet, soft girlfriend on top of her. She is so in love with her. She’s going to marry her. She loves being hers. 

“Good.”

She tilts the candle just a bit to test it on her hand, because she’d hate to burn her little girlfriend too much. The wax drips ever so slowly, and has even Luz herself in suspense. It’s _very hot._ Luz sucks in a deep breath, shocked by the pain. She quickly climbs off of Amity to swish her hand around in the bucket of water on the ground. 

“What’s wrong?” Amity eyes her suspiciously. 

“Nothing,” 

“Was it too hot?” 

“... Maybe.” She pouts. “I think it burned for too long. “ 

_Oh boy._ Geez, Amity was in for it. She was going to feel so much pain tonight. Maybe it’d all be worth something in the end. She just has to get there to find out. 

Luz starts over with a different candle and only burns it for about five minutes before putting out the flame and trying again. She’s back on top of Amity again, and she stalls just for sweet anticipation. “Okay, I’ll start slow so you can get used to the feeling. It’ll be uncomfortable for a bit.” 

Amity shivers, put off by Luz’s calm tone of voice. This was absurd. Sex was supposed to be enjoyable and feel good, not anxiety inducing and painful. Did this even classify as foreplay? This was— Amity yelps, feeling three drops of hot wax on her skin. As soon as it made contact, it only burned for a second before cooling to a comfortable warmth and then dripping down her side.

“How was that?” 

Amity is quiet for a moment, frozen with shock. “It hurts.”

“Does it hurt really bad?” 

“... No.” 

Luz sighs, leaning down to whisper close to her stupid girlfriend’s ear. _“The whole point is for it to hurt a little, Amity.”_

“I… I don’t like it.” She whines. “Can we stop?”

“No, I think we’ll finish up.” She hums thoughtfully. “Ready for it again?” 

“Yes…”

This time when she pours, she holds it a bit higher so that the wax isn’t burning by the time it hits her girlfriend’s delicate, creamy skin. But to compensate, she pours longer. Maybe that defeats the whole purpose, but she’d rather hear Amity’s little noise instead of nothing. It falls on her skin, immediately trailing down her side and back to harden. “Was it alright?” 

“That burned _more_ than the first time.” She says irritably, her voice shaky. 

“Ah, okay. I’ll pour higher. Keep telling me how it feels, alright?” 

“...’kay.” 

This time she pours at the same height, just in little _drip drip drips_ instead of a continuous pour— which was admittedly very evil of her. She does it higher up on her shoulder so that when it drips down, it trails all the way down to Amity’s cute little nipple. It wouldn’t possibly still be burning then, but _what if it was?_ Luz gets a bad idea. 

You’re not _normally_ supposed to pour it near the sensitive parts…. but her Amity was a deliciously ignorant exception to that. She didn’t have to know. 

“Was that too hot?” She asks sweetly. 

“It’s alright,” she says, her voice quiet and shaky. Luz feels her heart pinch at the sight of her little girlfriend. She affectionately strokes her finger along a trail of dried, hardened wax over her shoulder and Amity moans quietly, burying her face into her pillow. 

“You’re doing so well, aren’t you?” She smiles, brushing her pretty mint green hair out of her face. She leans in to whisper in her ear, _“I’m so proud of you, mi amor,”_ she pulls away a bit and sees her girlfriend cracking a pretty little smile. _Perfect._ She’s so beautiful. “... Wanna flip onto your back for me?” 

“Anything for you,” she mutters obediently. Luz moves off of her to allow her to move, and when she’s on her back, perfectly naked and exposed, she straddles her waist again. Amity bites her lip hesitantly before sitting up slightly and pulling Luz in from the back of her neck for a passionate kiss. It briefly catches her off guard and she wraps her arm around her back, holding the candle far away from her skin. _“I need to feel loved.”_ She says quietly, holding Luz’s face. 

“You are very loved, _hermosa,”_ she distractedly assures her, using her free hand to gently trace circles on her back. She kisses her small girlfriend deeply, feeling her satisfied moan as she tries to kiss back. 

_“I don’t feel like it,”_ Amity sighs, sadness in her eyes. “It feels like you just want to hurt me.” 

“... _I’m sorry. I do like hurting you.”_

_“Why?”_

“I’m jealous, of you,” is what she tells her, but she’s not exactly sure. That’s part of it. But she doesn’t want to think about _why—_ it’s more fun not knowing the reason she has this sadistic tendency with Amity Blight. This was a fun and hot and safe way for her to explore that, and it wasn’t _too_ weird. People did this with their partners— poured hot wax on them just to see them writhing in pain. 

That was normal. 

Luz swallows nervously, kissing Amity’s neck softly. Without warning, she holds the candle over her shoulder and pours a little drop close to her neck. Immediately, she hisses, recoiling in shock. She glares at Luz, her eyes watering. She watches amusedly as it leaks down the front of her shoulder and between her breasts. “What are you jealous for?”

Luz doesn’t know. Ignoring her, she gently pushes Amity back down to lay on her back. “Can you lay flat for me?” She asks lovingly. Amity graciously obeys and does so, watching Luz confusedly, on the verge of tears. 

“Can you please talk to me? You don’t have to be jealous of me, baby. I want you to be happy.” She says, her voice watery. 

Luz stares at her incredulously, her shoulders slouching. She takes everything way too seriously. “Forget I said anything,” she idly swirls her finger in the wax dripping down her chest. “Can I keep going?” 

“...If—if that makes you happy. Go ahead.”

Oh man. 

Luz leans over Amity for a moment to swap the candles on the nightstand. This one hurt to even hold. It had been burning for a short while until the other one cooled, but now she thinks it might be too hot. She tests it on her hand and is careful to hide her reaction since Amity can see her now. One little drip, and she can feel a pleasant but just slightly too hot sensation on her wrist. It’s not nearly as bad as the first time, but she isn’t sure about her girlfriend’s heat tolerance. 

“Ready?” 

Amity nods. 

“Hands over your head.” 

Amity does it without wasting a second, holding her hands together and stretching her arms over her head. Before pouring, she makes sure to hold it extra high so it’s at least relatively cooled when it hits her. She wants to burn her but not damage her nerve endings. She’s not that evil. 

She tilts the candle slightly, allowing a small drop to fall down on her girlfriend’s chest, and she watches her reaction. It’s nothing strong, just a jolt of shock from the initial sensation—which is not good enough for Luz. She needs _more._ So she follows that up with a longer pour, only somewhat lower. Satisfied, she gets an audible reaction this time. 

Amity whimpers softly. “That was too hot.” 

“My bad,” she giggles inwardly and does one extra higher pour just in case. 

“Is this turning you on?” She asks through clenched teeth, arching her back in pain as the burning hot wax drips down her side and onto the bed. 

“Mhm,” Luz hums delightedly, biting her lip. She goes crazy with it, doing a long zigzagging line across her chest and down to her midriff. Amity actually screams and she thrashes wildly. After Luz stops, Amity hisses, squeezes her eyes tight and a few tears stream down her cheeks. 

_“Why did you do that?”_ Her eyes fill with tears and she cries. “I’m sorry Luz. I can’t do this anymore!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” She quickly sets the candle down on the nightstand and she grabs the towel to wipe up the still liquidy wax mess all over her body. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. Can we please stop?” She squirms, and Luz is a little concerned about her unease. 

“Did I burn you?” She moves off to lay down beside her, watching confusedly as Amity squeezes her eyes closed tightly and tries to take deep, slow breaths. 

Eventually, she huffs, turning her back to Luz and curling in on herself into a pathetic little Amity ball, so full of bad feelings. She sheds hot, angry tears and they stream down her face quickly, feeling every inch covered in wax of her skin burning and tingling. 

Luz sighs loudly. “What’s the problem?” She asks condescendingly. But Amity ignores her and curls up tighter, sniffling. _“Answer me.”_ She says close to her ear. Amity jolts with unprecedented anger as she feels her girlfriend wrap her arms around her waist and she pulls her close. 

“Let go of me!” She growls, trying to wriggle free but she becomes trapped in her steel grip when she wraps her legs around her waist as well. She groans, thrashing and struggling. 

“Hey,” Luz hugs her closer, so tight that’s almost hard to breathe. “Relax. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Stop acting like you’re so innocent, Luz,” she sobs. “You _really_ want me to tell you what’s wrong?” 

“Yes, please.” 

“I’m mad because you didn’t stop when I told you to. Shocking, isn’t it?” She pants, trying desperately to pull away from Luz. “And you really hurt me. I’m just so… _tired_ of you disrespecting _my_ boundaries!” 

“I’m sorry.” She says quietly. Amity freezes. “I’ll… be better about that.” 

“You always say that!” 

Luz holds her tightly with one arm wrapped under her body and across her chest, and she brings her other arm around the front to stick up her pinky finger for Amity to see. She presses a warm kiss on the back of her neck. _“I promise.”_

Amity lets out a shaky breath, eyeing the empty promise carefully. She doesn’t know if she can trust her. They’d been through this so many times before, but this was the one time she felt a little bit of assurance. Luz had never promised before. 

Carefully, she raises her own hand to hook her finger around hers, but stops abruptly. “Promise?” She bites her lip. 

“I promise… with everything I am. Please, give me another chance?” 

Amity nods hesitantly and finally hooks their fingers together. Luz sighs, kissing her neck again and she intertwines all of their fingers together to tightly hold her hand. “...I’ll never give up on you, babe.” Amity says shakily, pulls their hands to her lips to kiss the top of Luz’s. 

“Thanks.” She sounds relieved. “I…love you.” 

“I love you too. Always.” 

Luz is quiet for a while before hesitantly asking, “... I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” 

“No. I’m fine. I… I like the pain.” 

“ _Ay ay ay._ Because you’re sick.” 

“Not any more than you.” 

“Fair.” She laughs quietly and pulls her in closer. “We’re sick together.” 

“...We’re perfect for each other.” Amity shudders. 

  
  


*****

  
  


When Amity wakes up the next morning, she is not in her girlfriend’s arms. For a split second and a half, she panics. Not because she’s scared but because she misses her, and that empty yearning ache in her chest is especially strong right now, the way it usually is the morning after. She shifts to sit up in bed and that’s when Luz comes back in the room from the kitchen. “Hi,” Amity greets her softly and she feels her heart pinch with want. Luz gets back in bed, crawling on top of Amity and knocking her back down. 

She comes delightfully between her legs, her soft body pressing her perfectly through her dress. She feels guilty for being turned on this early in the morning and in such a tender moment but nothing’s ever made sense with Luz—so she guesses it doesn’t matter. There’s always a variety of feelings involved when she’s with her and she’s learned to just accept it all. She holds herself over her with her arms pinning her on either side of her and they just look at each other for a quiet moment. 

“Noceda,” she looks up at her with a playful glint in her eye, biting down on her lip. She feels satisfied when that grin spreads across her face and she leans down to bury her face in her neck.

_“Blight,”_

“Good morning my love,” she giggles, whispering into her hair and receiving her soft kisses up her neck. This is the reason she stays, the happy cuddles and mornings together with her girlfriend after they’d had a long night. She willingly melts under her, feeling her everywhere and breathing her in. 

“Morning,” Luz trails up to her jaw and then stops there. Amity moans in disappointment, clutching her shoulder to fill the hole in her heart. “ _Beautiful…”_ she whispers. 

“What were you doing?” She asks casually, subconsciously biting her lip again when she feels the added pressure of her girlfriend’s stomach against her crotch. Everything is so intense due to her lack of underwear… it doesn’t help that she’s ever so slightly rocking her hips forward and then back again, causing an agonizing type of friction for the both of them. 

“I was packing up my bag… they want me down there super early today.” She sighs, kissing her again. “But I’ll see you later. And tonight, if you want.” 

“Of course I want to, babe. I want you all the time.” 

Luz hums, content and comfortable and they rest quietly for a moment like that. “Thanks for last night…” 

“You’re welcome,” she says, gratified. She couldn’t imagine that she’d ever be happy about something like that, but if it made Luz feel good then she was glad to do it. Even if her skin still hurt from the burns, it felt good rubbing against her and feeling the ache of it, a reminder of their night together. “You know I would do anything for you.” She slips her fingers up the back of her neck and into her hair, takes the affectionate brush of her lips on her chin. 

“I know,” she says quietly and then, “but… I couldn’t help but notice…” her hand slowly slips down from her shoulder to gently hold her breast in her hand. She brushes her thumb over her nipple and it immediately hardens, Amity’s helplessly turned on again. It’s sensitive and warm through the thin fabric of her dress and each touch sends a shock of pleasure through her. Luz twirls a finger around it, tickling the tip with her fingernail and getting her girlfriend nice and wet between her legs. “No bra?” 

“It’s more comfortable to sleep without it… you know that.” She whispers defiantly, squirming for her hand to tease her other breast. 

“But you always put your bra back on.” 

“It was hot last night.” She insists. 

Luz is quiet for a moment before she hums, not fully convinced. “Wanna know what _I_ think?” 

“What?”

“I think that you left your bra off for more… naughty reasons.” She gently squeezes it in her hand. “And I think that you _wanted_ this to happen.” 

“And what if I did?” She bites her lip and tilts her chin up when Luz kisses up her jaw. “What if I wanted you to touch me like this?” 

“You should cover yourself up.”

“I don’t want to cover up. I want you to see my body and I want you to touch me. I want you to have access to me all the time.” 

“I _always_ have access to you,” she says with a delicious frisk in her voice and she kisses Amity deeply. “If you’re not wearing a bra then what else are you not wearing?” She walks her hand down her leg and traces up her thigh, slipping easily under her dress. 

“I guess you’d better check.” She moans. 

Her hand inches up ever so slowly and when she finally reaches her clit, completely uncovered and naked under her dress, she clicks her tongue disapprovingly. “You naughty girl, Amity.” she tries to hold back a grin, kissing her neck softly. 

_“I guess you’ll just have to punish me for that.”_ She whispers, feeling her girlfriend’s hand lightly circling her entrance with the tips of her fingers. “I’m too bad.” 

_“Legs apart.”_ She demands hotly as she’s hiking up Amity’s skirt, and she moans to obey, not wasting a second. She carefully opens her legs for her girlfriend, exposing herself more for Luz to do whatever she wants to her body. She starts right away with the good part, pumping her fingers in and out of Amity’s clit roughly, not wanting to be late to work. 

Amity lets out a weak little noise, deep and carnal from the back of her throat as she enjoys feeling herself getting fingered by her hot girlfriend. She starts to pant and she rolls her hips against each wave of pleasure crashing through her body. She’s so lucky. So happy. Life is great. She’s fine. And everything’s just wonderful. She wants this forever. She’s having the time of her life. “Go faster or you might be late,” she rasps, yanking Luz closer by her hair. 

Luz giggles and bites her neck softly, thrusting inside her girlfriend roughly, enjoying Amity’s loud sounds of approval. “Fuck. Just like that, babe,” she sighs as she finally tips over the edge. It’s such a weak little orgasm, but it does wonders for her. Like magic. Like a fool under a love spell, she cuddles closer to her girlfriend and wants nothing but her, everywhere she goes, anything she feels and everything she sees, she wants it to be Luz. She’s so in love with her. _“I love you so much, babe. I only want you.”_

“That’s not good…” she chuckles, sounding a bit concerned. 

“I know but… I don’t care. I want _you.”_ She moans again but this time it’s for the feeling of their lips brushing together again. The two of them seem to like the delicious delay of a kiss, making it all the more sweeter when they do melt into each other. And Amity knows that she wants everything, the good and the bad. It’s every night after sex when they’re laying together that she tells herself that she _doesn’t care._ She doesn’t have any sense of self anymore. Everything’s Luz and she’s okay with that now. 

“I know babe,” she kisses her softly and Amity melts under her intoxicating warmth. “I’m right here. I’m yours.” 

“You’re… mine?” She looks at her with concern in her eyes after she pulls away, her heart racing. What does she mean by that? Is it possible for her to truly love Amity the way she loves her?

Luz looks away, suddenly looking ashamed. Then she nods and sighs anxiously. “I love you. And… I don’t know. I didn’t _want_ to love you. I don’t know what my problem is.”

“You can’t control the way you feel, babe. But… I know what you’re feeling.” She hesitantly reaches up to hold her face, brushing her thumb over her cheek. She leans up to sweetly kiss her before laying back down. “For a long time… I wished that you’d love me back. I feel like we’re getting nowhere… but at the same time I don’t care because I still want you. No matter what.”

“I just don’t know how to be good enough for you.” she hesitates. “I don’t think you and I could ever be normal after everything—…”

They kiss deeply again and Amity actually sheds a few tears because she’s so confused and her hopes are up but she’s been with Luz long enough to know that everything is hopeless. She pulls her girlfriend closer, not feeling close enough. “You’re right. I don’t think we’ll ever be normal… and this is really bad, but I don’t care.” She laughs, slightly maniac. “I don’t care if we’re terrible for each other. I don’t care if you don’t love me. Hurt me as much as you want… but I’m so in love with you that I can’t think rationally anymore.” 

“Amity, what…” she sighs. Speechless, she opts for kissing instead. They kiss deeply again and Amity moans into it, desperately clutching at her hair. “We’ll talk about it later, ‘kay?” 

Amity nods. “And… sex again tonight?” She asks sweetly. 

“Of course.” Luz laughs, and her heart hurts when her girlfriend pulls away, leaves her. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Everything except the ache in between Amity’s legs has cooled down, so even if Luz is tired, her fingers are still working to get her girlfriend off, for the moment at least. It’s become unbearable and she’s getting quite tired of being so on edge all the time. 

At least she has an amazing, hot girlfriend to help her out with it. 

When she finally comes to the lazy fingers dipped deep inside of her and she hits an especially sensitive spot that pushes her over the edge, she still isn’t feeling satisfied. She still wants more. She showers Luz’s face with grateful, desperate kisses and feels empty when she pulls her fingers out. All that Luz can manage is a little kiss on the corner of her mouth before she rolls onto her back and huffs. 

Even if Amity shouldn’t, she feels guilty for being so selfish sometimes. She’s lying in bed with the most selfish person she knows and somehow she feels like the bad guy. Biting her lip, she crosses her arms over her chest to ease the ache in her heart as she stares at her girlfriend with intense longing. She feels guilty for being insatiable and the only thing she can focus on now is the way her fingers felt inside of her. She lusts for them to be back inside and to use Luz for her own guilty wants just for a moment. 

But she doesn’t ask anymore. It’s been hours that they’d been going at it and she knows Luz is tired. They have work tomorrow and it’s probably already so late. Amity hesitates when she pulls herself closer to wrap her arms around her girlfriend and she asks, “...Do you want to cuddle?” 

In response, Luz gives her a sweet little kiss and sighs. “Can’t. _We_ need to get ready for work.” 

“Already? What time is it?” She asks, shocked and thoroughly pleased by how long they must have gone. Never a dull moment when the two of them are together. Luz blindly gets her phone from the nightstand, turning it on and squinting when the bright screen lights up. 

“Two thirty.” She blinks. 

“Wow…” she remembers Luz getting here around ten and then not wasting any time with getting to the bedroom. Her body feels exhausted and achy, pushed to its very limit and then even more to soothe the pain of wanting. She wants, wants, wants what she can’t have. And Luz is here and she’s naked and she’s in her bed, she has her all to herself but still she doesn’t feel close enough. 

Her heart aches, watching her get out of bed with her pulse in her throat. She wants her close, not walking away. Not this time. “We’d better get a shower before we fall asleep again.” 

“Okay,” Amity agrees because— whatever she wants. And she’s right, if it was already so late and they had an early day then they might as well be ready to go when they wake up. Her girlfriend was so smart and reasonable. Thank goodness she had a clear head to think with even after sex, unlike Amity. She couldn’t think about much for the first hour afterwards because her mind is still flooding and rushing from the events of before. It’s been so long and still she’s not gotten over the thrill of her girlfriend’s touch. 

She throws her cover off and, briefly wobbling on her feet, trails behind Luz into the bathroom, her arms wrapped around her waist and her face nuzzling against her back. She just can’t get enough of her. She kisses her shoulder gently and her eyes hurt when Luz flips on the light. “You’re gonna make me trip,” she grumbles, but Amity doesn’t care one single bit. 

“Deal with it,” she shoots back, only halfway joking. She hopes it makes Luz teach her a lesson about… obedience or something like that. It didn’t matter to her, as long as it involved her hand between her legs. She likes to think she’s obedient for her most of the time. She most certainly would know it if she were doing something wrong. Perhaps the soreness between her legs would be stronger and bruises on her neck darker. “I’m getting in with you,” she invites herself in and feels a rush of excitement when Luz doesn’t object to it. 

“‘Kay,” is all she says and turns on the water. Amity watches in silent amazement, her heart rushing with affection as she stares at her girlfriend leaning against the shower wall, letting the water run over her. After a moment she opens one eye to see Amity just standing there like an idiot biting her lip. “Get in here.” 

At that, she practically flies to take her offer and ends up stumbling onto Luz, clutching her shoulders for support as she slips on the wet tub. They’d only ever showered together one other time and she missed doing it. There’s something so intimate about showering with the one you love, she thinks. It really makes things real. 

She has a hard time believing this is real, that this is her life and this is her girlfriend. If she’s dreaming, she doesn’t ever want to wake up. She gladly leans into Luz’s arms that tug her closer by the waist, blissfully lets herself float away under the soft forehead kisses. And when that became too much for her heart to handle, she tilted her chin up to gently kiss her girlfriend’s lips. 

Of course, she gets awfully sidetracked and they start making out, Amity distractedly reaching up to push the shower head away so it stops spraying in their faces, and then dreamily places it back in Luz’s wet hair. She wants to kiss her girlfriend in peace, right here, naked in the shower with her, both of them worn out from their long night of lovemaking to each other. 

It’s so romantic, she thinks idly, letting Luz take control again. The sound of the water hitting the tub, the soft sound of their kisses, the quiet lovely little moment happening between the two of them, her knowing that tonight, they’d do it all again. Knowing that it would feel so good and all she had to do was wait, try her best at work today and claim her easy reward. 

Even if they’re in the shower and that means _get clean,_ they’re still too lost in each other to care much. They briefly pull away to catch their breath, and because it’s already going on three in the morning and because she’s sleepy, Amity teasingly ducks away when Luz leans in to kiss her again to reach for the wash cloth hanging on the rack and get some soap. 

She’s halfway through the task, her mind stuck on the girl behind her when Luz grabs her from behind and busies herself by playing with her girlfriend’s small breasts, one in each hand. Goodness, it feels so good and is incredibly distracting. She wants to give up on trying to wash herself and just let Luz have her way right now. 

“Babe, stop,” she complains halfheartedly, dropping her head back against her girlfriend. She isn’t exactly mad about it but it _is_ getting hard trying to stand up on her legs that beg to give out underneath her _and_ wash herself. 

“We just finished and already you’re so worked up again,” she laughs quietly into her ear, and Amity almost misses it over the loud sound of the water. “You’re never satisfied.”

“I love it too much,” she admits, closing her eyes to fully take in the moment, the teasing pleasure of the way she’s so shamelessly being toyed with. “I love how you…” 

“How I what?” She slips a hand down her smooth, flat stomach and stops brazenly after hooking her fingers between her legs, pressing deliciously on her clit. Amity’s much too worn out to have another orgasm— even if she knows anything’s possible with Luz— but just the isolated pressure of her finger pressing her right where she aches is so, so good. Too good to even deny. 

“How you make me feel so good… all the time.” Her breathing picks up when Luz dips inside her and steadily fucks her fingers in and out at a dizzying speed. She rocks her hips into it and her mind races. How did she end up like this… with her? In this endless loop of pleasure and pain… Despite being wet and cold, she manages to break out into a cold sweat. _“Yes, don’t stop. Don’t stop,”_

“You’re so cute,” Luz laughs again and keeps going with a new kind of fondness in the way that she pleasures her girlfriend. “So perfect.”

“I’m yours,” she moans, her voice obedient and pleading. “Yours, yours, yours…!” She hates it when Luz stops and pulls out to drag her fingers back up slowly over her stomach, spreading her sticky arousal as it washes away under the water and soap. She doesn’t bother asking anymore when she stops. She’d been so close to tipping over the edge that she’s not really in the right headspace to even try speaking anyways, so what ends up coming out is a miserable and pitiful sounding little noise that only makes Luz relish even more. 

“You know I love making my girlfriend feel good… I love pleasing her. But I want you to feel it for a while.” She says playfully and devastatingly pulls away. For a moment, Amity is dizzy with annoyance and she nearly slips when she whirls around with a curse on the tip of her tongue. She flails and falls into Luz’s arms again and after regaining her composure, she tries kissing her again to see if that would ease the pressure a little bit. “I want you to be distracted, all day.” 

“Okay,” is all she says again, even if she’s still angry and confused and irritated about being denied her sweet release to her girlfriend’s diligent, strong hand, working so hard to get her off and then… not? She rests a hand on her chest, dragging the other one with the washcloth to subconsciously scrub Luz’s shoulder and it lathers nicely on her chocolatey skin. 

She bites her lip, tempted again. Goodness, it’s just an agonizing cycle of being helplessly turned on to helplessly in love and desperate to feel her close. She feels _helpless,_ but it helps a little when Luz leans in to kiss her neck while Amity idly drags the washcloth down her shoulder to her chest, scrubbing especially teasingly over her breasts and grinning when she moans, kissing roughly up her jaw. 

“You always make me wait… but I won’t do that to you, okay my love?” She assures her affectionately and drags the washcloth lower to circle over her stomach, and then back around her waist as an afterthought. It’s just a sort of unspoken agreement that neither of them care about getting clean anymore. “I’ll make sure I take care of you, so good. _We’ll take it nice and slow,”_ she whispers. 

“You’re so annoying,” Luz groans despite herself. “Why are you so good at this?”

“What am I good at?” She bites back a laugh and suddenly stops with her sensual wash-up and places the washcloth in Luz’s hand. “Your turn.” 

“What?” She pulls away irritably. Amity almost feels bad, knowing exactly how it feels to be trailed along all night only to be dropped at the very last second— but then she remembers all of the things Luz has done to her, lets herself feel the ache of the many bruises covering her body just for a second, thinks about her looming dilemma, how she loves this girl with everything inside of her to no avail— and she thinks this is the least she could do to get her back for just a moment. Because of course, she can’t deny her sweet girlfriend when she’s breathing so hard and holding her so close, not when she’s practically begging for her touch. She doesn’t leave her hanging for too long. 

“It’s your turn to wash me. I need to be clean too, you know.” She strains on her tiptoes to brush their lips together but doesn’t fully kiss her until Luz does it herself. “I’m still so dirty and… sweaty from you fucking me all night. You made me sweat, babe. Now wash it off.” 

“Alright, fine.” She takes the washcloth and washes over her breasts, but rather roughly. Lately she’s been feeling quite sensitive there and any little touch has that quiet ache. It hurts when Luz washes her but somehow Amity likes the pain. She likes getting her frustrated and making her ask for it. She loves making her wait. 

“Be gentle,” she sternly reprimands her impatient girlfriend. “Like I did you.” 

Luz sighs but slows her roll a little bit. After soaping up her entire body, she rinses her off with the shower head. Amity starts to get antsy when she teasingly sprays her in the face with the water. And confusingly enough, they stumble against the wall again and make out deeply for a while. _This is my life,_ Amity thinks to herself quite blissfully, kissing her girlfriend back in a daze. She likes it when Luz pins her arms above her head to the slippery cold wall and she loves the press of their wet bodies. 

Luz kisses down her neck and Amity moans, happily aggravated and ready for anything. She eventually gets down to her breast and flicks her tongue around her nipple, playfully sucking it into her mouth and popping it back out. She feels something warm building between her legs again and she thinks, _oh… this is incredible. What was I so worried about? I love her so much. I want this, all the time. For the rest of my life. I want her._

“Babe, let’s get out. I’m cold,” she says after a while and gently nudges her away, thoroughly disappointed when her amazing, warm, beautiful mouth _isn’t_ on her body anymore. 

They wrap towels around themselves and brush their teeth, Amity rushing to finish because she’s eager for what’s next. After getting dressed, clean and fresh, they cuddle up together in bed under the blankets and they try to get some rest before having to head to work at around six. But, Amity _isn’t_ tired. Not anymore. She’s all riled up and she feels like her underwear came back on much too soon. She hadn’t gotten a chance to receive her punishment yet.

She ached for Luz’s tongue swirling her clit, fingering her entrance and making her come all over her face. She drooled at the thought of her hands on her, getting fucked with the strap on from behind and Luz pulling tightly at her hair so hard that it hurts. She longed to be bitten and bruised and torn apart and in pain and to feel tears stinging at her eyes as she endured whatever sick thing Luz wanted to do to her. 

_Sigh._

Frustrated, Amity straddles her girlfriend, catching her by surprise and the slight panic on her face when her eyes flutter open makes her _very happy._ Amity sighs and attempts to gather her thoughts, so cloudy and rushing with confusing feelings. She thinks about bad things, how she could pull her pants down right now and sit on her face and _force Luz_ to eat her out until she comes. She could rut her leg until she tipped over, or she could move just a tiny bit and be between her legs, go down on her girlfriend and get off to her loud moans, the feeling of her hand in her hair. There were so many things she _could_ do, being on top. She had so much control that it was almost overwhelming. 

“What are you thinking about?” Luz asks quietly, an amused grin tugging the corner of her mouth. 

“Fucking you,” Amity admits boldly, even if that hadn’t been what she was originally thinking. But now she was most definitely thinking. Imagine Luz, her smug and stubborn Luz underneath her, falling apart and getting herself destroyed by Amity’s relentlessness. Imagine her tied up and naked, getting fucked from behind and— oh goodness Amity almost dies just from the mere thought of it. 

And when she looks at her again, clueless as to the thoughts running through her mind, she thinks— _you have no idea what I want to do to you._ She almost feels bad for her. 

“No way that’s gonna happen,” she laughs and then closes her eyes again, smugly ignoring Amity’s impatient groan. 

“Why not, babe?” She asks sweetly, suddenly getting an idea in her head. She leans down to kiss her lips, soft and chaste. Then she buries her face in her neck, taking in the smell of soap and feeling her smooth skin against her lips. She kisses there too, bringing a hand up to gently hold her shoulder while she gives her girlfriend all of her love. Luz lazily slips a hand through Amity’s hair and she gasps quietly when Amity unexpectedly nips at her neck. “You like this, don’t you?” She asks gently, relishing in the reactions she’s getting. Maybe she’s better at seduction than she thought. 

“Yeah,” is all she says, very quietly. 

“You don’t ever let me love you. You should be better about that…” another soft kiss and then experimentally, she drags her tongue up to her ear, giggling when she feels Luz shiver. “I know you like to be touched and kissed. You just need to let me. I have so much to give you, babe.” She whispers close to her ear and then nips her earlobe as an afterthought. 

“I love you,” she chokes out. 

“I love you too. Let me show it to you.” She pulls away to sit back up, and to her great surprise she finds Luz looking flustered. Realistically, she would have broken down seeing her like this, but she keeps her brave face on. “What’s wrong my love?” 

“I just…” she shakes her head, deciding against herself. “Do whatever you want, okay?” 

“I just want to make you feel good,” she says, breathless. “Because you’re always so good at making me…” she trails off when Luz moves to sit up and pulls her into a deep kiss. It feels earnest and so very pleasant that she moans delightedly into it. She loves when Luz is like this, all sensitive and lovey dovey. She loves the gentle hand in her hair and the urgency of her kiss. All that she can do is weakly kiss her back and hope that it says, _yes, kiss me because you’re all that I want._

“I want you to.” She whispers, slowly pulling away. 

“I will babe. I will.” She closes her eyes and holds a hand to her face, affectionately brushing their noses together and says jokingly, “I think you’re falling for me,” which was a big mistake. There’s an airy silence and alarmed, Amity opens her eyes finding Luz staring at her with an indignant and almost embarrassed look on her face. 

“Never.” She grins and even if it makes her stomach dip with disappointment, something in her doesn’t quite believe the way she says it. She won’t give up, ever. Not on her one true love, the light and misery of her life. It’s a losing battle at this point, Amity thinks. There’s no way a person could stay in a relationship like this one for as long as they have and there still are no feelings there. 

* * *

  
  


Luz is nineteen and Amity is twenty when Luz moves into her own apartment. It’s especially aggravating for her, considering her income and ability to afford something better. But somehow she’d ended up here, in this four walled dumpster fire. For some reason, she always finds herself jealous of Amity. She always had everything so easy. Her family was practically rich (even if she claims she doesn’t use any of the money), she had a nice apartment, beautiful body, everything about her was everything any normal person sought after. She can never measure up. 

Amity has everything, enabling her so many options, so many opportunities, and still, all she wants is Luz. 

She really doesn’t get her. Something in her wishes she’d realize that and just go. It’s starting to eat her up, how incredibly guilty she is with each passing day. 

And like it’s an afterthought, she stays and begs for more. It’s not like Luz would deny her. 

Amity helped Luz with unpacking, which was just a small table in the livingroom/kitchen/entrance/hallway and then her bed. Amity’s making it up like the amazing girlfriend she is, smoothing the sheet around the corners of the mattress and fluffing up the pillows while Luz watches her apprehensively. She feels bad. Like maybe she should help but also she knows Amity is perfectly happy with doing it herself. And Luz doesn’t deserve that, not at all. 

She doesn’t deserve Amity, not with how pretty she looks, her hair spilling over her shoulders. She’s wearing a particularly pretty summer dress today. Luz has always liked how she dressed, it was always so unique and beautiful like her. She feels a certain pang in her chest when she notices the light bruise on her collarbone, proudly showing itself off to the world, the one that she’d noticed again and again throughout the entirety of today. Luz thinks she does it on purpose. Maybe she’s proud of her scars. 

“Let’s hang up your clothes next?” She asks and Luz blinks when she realizes they’ve made eye contact. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that she was staring, because of course it hadn’t. This was Amity, the Amity that was so very in love with her, the one that relished in every detail. “What?” She asks again, incredulous. 

“I was just looking at your bruise…” she says, and it’s not the whole truth, but she isn’t lying. “Don’t you think you should cover that up?” 

Amity looks away, going quiet for a moment. “Not when I’m with you.” She hesitantly comes to the other side of the bed where Luz is standing and she invites herself into her arms. Luz doesn’t mind at all, pulling her close and kissing her lips softly. “... Why were you looking at me like that?”

“Just thinking about stuff,” she says a little too casually.

“Like what?” 

She looks at her Amity, her cute amazing girlfriend Amity. She loves her so much that it’s crazy. And she’s mad at herself because she _wasn’t supposed to love her._ But she can’t do anything about it because she’s too far gone. She can’t deny it to herself anymore so she’ll keep trying with Amity, as long as she’s a fool and as long as she’ll believe it. 

“Just happy that I could finally do this. I’m finally out on my own.” 

A brief flash of disappointment in her eyes, and then they’re tangled in another deep kiss. “I’m proud of you, babe.” She says, just like Luz knew she would. “We’re adults now. We’ve got responsibilities and… adult things to take care of.” She trails off as Luz kisses down her neck, holding her face gently. 

“Mhm, _adult things._ ” she laughs. “What kind of adult things did you mean, Blight?” 

“Not anything you’re thinking, you pervert. I meant… you know. Bills and rent and insurance, life stuff.” She squeals with delight when Luz pushes her down on the freshly made bed and leans over her. Amity wraps her arms around her neck, giggling and drops her head back to allow more kisses under her chin. She bites her lip, moaning and Luz can feel the pleasant vibration of it on her lips, happily indulging her girlfriend. “Luz,” she sings lazily. “I don’t care about anything but you,” 

“That’s concerning,” she says playfully, (even if it makes her _more_ nervous) and keeps kissing her. Amity just giggles some more and holds on tighter for dear life. 

“I know,” she laughs and clutches at Luz’s hair. “Even I get a little worried about myself.” 

For a moment, Luz gets extremely anxious and starts to feel stuffy. Even if something in her liked the attention and severity of Amity, she does believe that she takes it too far sometimes, and she knows that Amity knows. She must think it’s cute. 

And… admittedly, it is for Luz, in her own sick and twisted way. 

Eventually, she knocks her down fully onto the bed and leaves her for just a moment to take her pants off. 

“You don’t want to finish unpacking before we get too distracted?” She asks excitedly as she shifts to the center of the bed, the both of them already knowing the answer. 

“We worked hard enough today. Let’s just relax a bit, yeah?” She grins at Amity, pulling her shirt quickly over her head. She hears Amity’s excited little noise and aches to be on her right away. “I want you _now.”_

_“Oh my,”_ gasps Amity. She distractedly pulls a pillow under her head and lays back when Luz stands over her on her knees. “Come here babe.” She slightly bites her lip and tugs at Luz’s bra strap to pull her down. She likes being on top of Amity, because she’s so small and cute and easy to dominate. She tries to act tough and scary, but she’s really just a coward. She’s easy to take advantage of and easy to use. She’s such a fun girl to kiss and touch that Luz has found herself very much addicted. 

She touches her girlfriend, even if it burns with shame. She gently touches her soft lips, feeling her warmth. Pulls her lip down slightly to tease her and laughs when she moans. Then she rests her hand on her chest, the soft and sturdy part of her collarbone, trails sweetly to the swell of her chest. Swirls her finger teasingly around her nipple before pressing it down with her fingertip. Amity moans louder this time and twists her hips a bit at the sensation. “You’re so sensitive here aren’t you?” She teases lightly, pulling at the collar of her dress to get more access. She has to hear more of her noises.

“Only for you,” she huffs, incredulous when Luz gets her collar down low enough to pull her bra away and take her breast into her hand, gently squeezing and pulling and making her feel so good. “I love your hands,” she hums. 

“You love my hands?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Mhm. You make me feel so good. I can’t describe it.” 

“Just enjoy it,” she suggests and traps her nipple between her fingers this time, trying to come up with other ways to please her girlfriend. “This feels good, right?” 

“Of course,” she hums. She can’t believe the cute girl underneath her, she can’t fathom the girlish little moans she’s making, how warm she feels to the touch. She’s so perfect and she wants to please her. Something about how much she’s enjoying this makes Luz jealous in this weird way. Her stomach dips when she yelps at the hand that twists her nipples in a pinch, the sadistic side of her wants to squeeze harder and actually hurt her to hear more. She wants to tease her with a pleasuring ache and then turn it into an agonizing sensation all over her body and make her suffer simply for being her pretty little self. 

She wants to turn her delighted sounds into whimpers of pain, wants to see her tears and mascara streaming down her soft cheeks, screaming in agony. Is that weird? Maybe it is, but Amity’s made her to feel like it’s normal, the way she enables Luz and her bad behaviors. That’s why she loves her. Because she lets her get away with so much. How can she not have this weird attachment to the girl who’s always throwing herself onto her, begging to be touched no matter what the cost? 

At this point, Luz had slowed down and she blinks back from her freaky torture reel to see Amity watching her with those bright, beautiful golden eyes. “Why did you stop?” She gently places a hand over hers, concern and love in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry my love,” she says sweetly, knowing the effect it has on her when she says that. Amity bites her lip, holding back a delighted little grin and reaches up to tug her bra again but much harder this time. Luz gives in and lays down on top of her, just wanting to be closer to her girlfriend. 

_“You’re my everything,”_ she whispers and rests an affectionate hand on her shoulder. The guilt and shame of the simple touch makes Luz stew in regret, feeling incredibly inadequate and stupid and like she’s _not_ supposed to be here, receiving the attention and love from this beautiful girl. She almost feels ashamed to have such terrible thoughts about her. How could she want to torture this sweet, soft angel who is taking her in despite all her faults, coming back for more even if she always gets burned? 

Luz lets out a sigh, catching Amity’s attention. “Just relax, babe. I’ll make sure you enjoy yourself tonight. I want to make it up to you.” 

“Make what up to me?” She asks, mortified by her persistence. 

“Er… everything. And consider this a congratulations… for everything you’ve accomplished. You’ve come so far.” She slowly slips a hand in her hair and strokes her head gently, immediately making Luz feel drowsy. She huffs incredulously and leans in to her neck, begrudgingly melting into the soothing touch as Amity gently scrapes her scalp with her fingertips. “You’re capable of so much. What do you think you’ll want to do next?” 

She takes a moment to think about it all. She had been thinking about where she wanted to take her career, because she didn’t want to act forever. It’s not that she enjoys it anyways. There were so many options and professions in the world and somehow she felt incompetent to them all. Maybe she ought to stay in acting since she could at least manage to pretend to be someone else, if not anything else. She isn’t good at anything more than pleasuring Amity and even that takes little to no effort. She couldn’t ever see herself being an accountant or in retail or anything that required brain power. She feels like such an idiot. 

Sighing again, she finally says, “I don’t know. I’ll quit acting and just work at the register at McDonald’s.” 

“I couldn’t even call that a downgrade. More like a nosedive. Don’t sell yourself short, babe,” she laughs. “I could see you doing lots of things. But why would you _ever_ give up acting?” 

“I’m not even good at acting, and I don’t _like_ doing it. Why spend the rest of my life being miserable when I could enjoy what I do for a living?” 

“You’re right about that.” She hums thoughtfully, slipping her hand down to hold her face in her hand and splaying her finger teasingly over her lips, giggling when she feels her tongue swipe quickly under them. “But who said that you weren’t good at it?” 

“You told me.” 

Amity pauses. “I did? When did I say that? Don’t say—,” 

“When we first met.” 

Amity sighs. “Don’t listen to anything I said— back then.” Luz pulls back slightly to give her girlfriend a look. She pouts her lip slightly and searches in her eyes for something, Luz doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand her. Then, she reaches up again like before and just holds her face gently, as if she can’t get enough of her. 

“But, you weren’t wrong,” Luz insists. 

“Yes I was,” she laughs quietly. “I was only like that because I liked you.” 

“I know. I knew that.” 

“... I was only hard on you because I was hard on myself about it,” she pauses, looking away. “That I felt the way that I did.” 

Luz sighs again and she thinks over the variety of things she could say, like _I’m sorry,_ or she could tell her the truth, the one that she probably already knew, the one that she wouldn’t care to know, the one that wouldn’t change anything. “It really used to bother me.” 

“What did?” Her cute girlfriend asks, attentive and concerned again. And oh man, she can’t help herself. So Luz absolutely helps herself to her pretty little girlfriend and buries back into her neck, her skin warm and smooth and comforting against hers. She contemplates asking to be touched again, but it’s like they’re connected right now and the way that she starts to gently massage her scalp again is mind boggling because all Luz can think about is how she doesn’t feel worthy of this, how good it feels. 

“I know the way we… _happened—_ was… unexpected.” She starts off slowly. “But I only did that to get back at you. The way you treated me before really bothered me and I knew you were in love with me, so I took advantage of that.” 

Amity is quiet for a moment. “That makes sense.” 

“Yeah, and— I know that’s really bad. And I’m sorry. This is pretty bad. How far it went.”

“That’s okay. And I’m sorry too, for acting like that before. I’m… not very good at handling my emotions sometimes.” 

Luz laughs. “Yeah. No shit. So I was thinking about it a lot and maybe—,” 

“No, I don’t want to break up.” She feels Amity pull her tighter. Luz winces because that wasn’t exactly what she was going to say, but to that effect and enough for Amity to figure that out is just… 

She’s quiet for a moment before she whispers, _“But… we need to.”_

“No. I don’t care about that.” 

“Amity…” 

Her girlfriend is such an enigma. She doesn’t understand. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” She breathes. 

“So… you don’t care about how I—,” 

_“No!_ I really, really don’t.” Her laugh comes out a bit hysterical. “I know that’s weird but I just… I can’t. I don’t. And I don’t know if you…” 

“If—if I what?” 

“... I don’t know what you want from me. But I can give it to you.” She says, her voice soft. “Just tell me what it is.”

“I don’t want anything,” Luz says, indignant. 

“Okay. That’s fine too. I just want to be with you. You’re all I want.” Amity pulls Luz closer, and she starts to feel just down right terrible about all this. What even is this? Did she… is she under some kind of spell, so far gone that she can’t even see the problem with this anymore? 

She guessed, the more you do something that you _know_ is absurd, it becomes less and less of a problem and it’s normalized in your own head. That’s what’s happening here and she knows it. If they keep going like this then… 

“Can I keep touching you?” 

Luz blinks. “If you want to,” 

“Of course, my love. I do…” she giggles quietly, and Luz starts to wonder if she should be concerned. She’s in bed with this girl who is crazy and it’s making _her_ crazy and she doesn’t know. It’s like an endless cycle, a loop-de-loop of pleasure and guilt. And in the moment she doesn’t care, especially not this moment with the way Amity’s taking such good care of her. 

For goodness’s sake… this was never going to end was it? 

To her immense horror, Luz finds herself to be the one with the least amount of clothing on. Usually, Amity’s the one in her underwear before Luz even thinks about removing her jacket. But now, today on the first night of being a real independent adult, she wants to let herself feel loved for once. She wants to let her girlfriend pleasure her like she always asked. So she enjoys the gentle hands touching her bare skin, tracing up her side and respecting the places where her underwear covered. She loves Amity so much as they kiss passionately, loves her for listening. 

There’d been so many times and counting when Luz disregarded boundaries. She doesn’t know why, except that she knows Amity likes it. Even if she cries and objects to it, Luz still does it but she doesn’t know if it’s to please her so much as it is to punish her. She doesn’t do it to feed Amity’s twisted fantasies but instead to fuel her own. 

Then again, the two of them were never on the same page with anything. Perhaps Amity really did wish to be respected, maybe she didn’t like figuring out how to cover a new hickey on her neck before work as much as she thought she did. Luz is so confused about everything and she can’t help but feel a bit stupid. Should she ask? 

Either way, Amity respected _her._ As many times as they’d done this, Luz still hadn’t gotten used to touch. She barely let her on most days. Even if she did like it when her girlfriend did touch her, something about it was just… mildly uncomfortable. Her mind was enjoying it, but not quite her body in the same way. She always had to mentally prepare herself beforehand to get herself ready for it—because a lot of the time Amity gets carried away, _which Luz secretly loves._

Amity always asked. Always went slow and soft, listening and respecting Luz. Because love and respect were two different things. And she didn’t quite know if she had both. Maybe if she did, she wouldn’t be so reckless with Amity’s body. But the bottom lining was always that Amity liked it and if it was fine with Amity then it was fine for Luz. 

Part of it was about ownership and petty possessiveness. Luz knows that she has Amity more or less forever and under her thumb. That excited her and sometimes she gets a little carried away as well, not like Amity minds. 

She liked seeing her naked bruised body, knowing she caused it, hearing her screaming in pain and holding her close, even if now her feelings on it have started to change. She liked claiming what’s hers, showing Amity the consequences of her actions. Liked the horrified expression of other people noticing the marks with grand realization. She’s a little sick, but only because Amity lets her be like that. 

How can she not want to take advantage of this girl, so willingly handing herself over? So sweet and small and perfect. She fits so nicely in her hands. 

“Don’t stop touching me, okay?” asks Luz very embarrassedly, her face now burying into Amity’s neck. 

“Of course babe, whatever you want. How do you want me to touch you?” 

“Just like this, for a little while…’’ she closes her eyes, allowing herself to feel the soft circles her cute girlfriend traces on her back, just below her bra. 

More and more, she finds herself craving for her touch. Her heart flutters sometimes when Amity puts her hands on her, even if it’s just a simple gesture like hand holding or touching her face. 

_“Of course,”_ she whispers lovingly. _“... I’m really happy, babe.”_

“Why?” She asks, because she really, really doesn’t understand how she could possibly be happy. 

“Because I’m with you. You’re letting me touch you. I just love you so much,” she sounds breathless. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. You don’t need to say anything… and, Amity?” She asks quietly. 

_“Yes, my heart?”_ She breathes, and Luz knows that she knows exactly what she wants to say. 

“I love you too. So much. I’m sorry if that means nothing to you anymore, but, um.” She swallows. She feels so wrong saying this, partly because she doesn’t even _deserve_ to be saying it and that she’s partly torn, even still. She’s so confused. “But, I do.”

“No, Luz. That means everything to me. I love you too.” She pauses for a long time, keeps touching her girlfriend with loving gentleness, tracing softly around the waistband of her panties in the back. It makes Luz shiver and the only thing she can do is weakly kiss her neck with everything she can muster up. Then she asks quietly, _“... but you can understand why I’m unsure, can’t you?”_

Luz thinks about it for a while, simmering in her shame. “Yeah,” is all she says. 

“You’ve told me before… and I believed you, even if I know you’ve never meant it.” She hesitates. “Could… could you tell me what makes this time different?” 

Damn her. She always knows exactly how to catch Luz off guard. She _does_ know and Amity deserves to know too. But it’s not like she can actually put it into words. She wants to try, because that’s what Amity deserves. 

But if Amity doesn’t want or care for her to, then what’s the point? Anything’s good enough for her. It’s not her fault that her girlfriend has such low standards.

“I guess it’s not any different.” She mumbles. 

“Alright then,” Amity sighs. She brings her hand up to slowly pull her bra strap down her shoulder. Luz feels amazingly terrible and flinches away a bit. Amity really confuses her sometimes. She wants to just curl up in a ball and die. She wants to put her clothes back on. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got time. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, okay?” 

“Me either.” 

“That’s fine. Let’s just go slow. I want to do this with you, okay my love? Whatever it takes.” She sounds wistful and falsely determined. Luz pulls herself away, unable to rest comfortably in her arms anymore. When she meets Amity’s eyes, she looks confused, and all Luz wishes to do is answer all of those questions and validate those feelings. But she doesn’t know how. “Do… do you still want to have sex?” She asks shakily. 

“Let’s just rest for tonight,” she moves off of her but cuddles up close next to her girlfriend again after a moment. She’s tired. She’s exhausted. She wants to cry. Why is she like this? 

_Ugh._

“Luz?”

“Yeah?” Her heart leaps to her throat. 

“Is—… Is there something wrong? You can talk to me, you know.” 

Luz is holding back tears and she doesn’t dare say anything or she’ll just start crying like a baby. How pathetic. This isn’t supposed to be happening. Amity turns over to face her and she gives Luz a soft kiss, delicate and understanding. Luz whimpers and holds Amity’s face, pulling her close and kissing her deeper. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


When Luz gets to Amity’s apartment, she finds the living room dark and empty, and she knows right away that her girlfriend only means business. She was okay with that because well, they were adults and they didn’t have time for needless games anymore. 

For some reason, Luz is a bit nervous this time. She’s never nervous. Maybe it’s just because she knows what Amity is expecting, that it’s Valentine’s Day and she wants her to be romantic. Really, Luz isn’t in the mood for romance and she most definitely isn’t in the mood to talk. 

She’s been feeling so sensitive lately. She sighs and looks down boredly at the bouquet of red roses and the stupid obnoxiously pink, heart shaped box of chocolates in her hands that she brought for Amity thinking to herself, _when did I get like this? When did I start caring?_

All of the other Valentine’s Days weren’t like this. They were bitter and intense and spiteful. Because she only did this whole thing out of spite. _Spite,_ she reminds herself to no avail, setting the roses down on the counter and sticking the candies in the freezer— only because it was going to be a while before either of them ever thought about it again, and that Luz spent money on it was enough for her to care what happened to it. 

She’s standing in the dark, slowly helping herself to a glass of water because it was going to be a long night, and she listened to the sounds of Amity rustling around in the closet in the back room. After a while, she comes out into the living room and watches Luz for a quiet moment. They just stare at each other with what, she doesn’t know. But there’s something about her stupid-but-insanely-Amity casual red dress, and as Luz is thinking that she’s never seen her in red before, she notices her lips, stained red with the glossiest lipstick she’s ever seen. 

She almost feels stupid for not dressing up, even if this wasn’t really a very _special_ occasion for them anyways and like they were a normal couple. She sees Amity’s eyes as they fill with golden wonder when she notices the roses on the counter. She looks back up at Luz, the confusion in her face begging the question. She looks hesitant when she picks them up to sniff them, and Luz rolls her eyes, endeared to her core because who smells the flowers anymore?

Besides, she’d smelled them on her way up the elevator and it wasn’t anything special. 

“Thank you,” she says quietly and she unwraps them from the paper to set them in the vase sitting on the corner of the counter. Luz just sips her water, unsure of what to say. 

“Welcome.” 

“Is everything alright?” She eyes her, concerned. And damn her for caring. Damn her for being such a good girlfriend, damn her for giving Luz another reason to be guilty. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she decides to finally set the glass down and come around the counter to give her the attention she deserved. When she pulls her in by the waist and their bodies pressed together, it’s like an electric shock because Luz almost forgot what it felt like. 

Maybe this was a tiny bit special. The two of them had abused sex for the entirety of the relationship and for Luz it was a way to torture her, a way to tie Amity down to someone she would eventually have to leave. It wasn’t something occasional or anything to be excited about. To them, it was as normal as the next generic relationship ritual.

It becomes tiring and fruitless a lot of the time, and Amity is usually the one to suggest a break. Especially for occasions like Valentine’s Day when she wanted sex to be special and sweet and romantic. This was only the first of a _however-many-days_ streak. It’s only their nature to build up for days and then spend days getting off, only to wear themselves out again and repeat their stupid process. 

But they both love it so much, in this weird way. 

_“You look so good,”_ she whispers softly, their lips brushing together when Amity leans forward to wrap her arms around Luz’s neck. 

“Thanks babe,” she giggles and they finally kiss deeply for the first time in days besides little pecks. It takes her breath away, how good it feels to kiss her. They fit so perfectly together, like they’re meant to be, somehow and even through everything. 

She loves the little delighted moans she makes, pushing herself deeper into the kiss and she loves the softness of her lips on hers. She loves the curve of her back where her arms fit perfectly, holding her tight. Amity tilts her head to the side, her body lazily drifting as the kiss gets longer and deeper, Luz having to lean with her because she would rather die than stop kissing her. 

Before long, they’re breaking apart and gasping for air, not before Luz has caught Amity’s luscious red bottom lip between her teeth and biting it deeply, Amity moaning deliciously in pain. Something about the lipstick makes her mouth so much more alluring and she finds herself wanting to feel it on her more and more. 

She wants those red lips kissing her neck and leaving hickeys down her chest. She wants her tongue tracing her skin, wants those hands touching her body, so much that it makes her a bit dizzy. “You like my lips,” Amity points out when she catches Luz staring. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“Does… does it look good? The lipstick, I mean.” She asks apprehensively and subconsciously bites her lip again, which drives Luz wild. 

“Yeah. You look sexy. You should wear it more often.”

“Okay,” she looks up at Luz and before she can do anything else, they’re tangled back up in another soft kiss. And Luz thinks she could do this forever, kissing her. She’s starting to feel like maybe she’s the one who’s nuts. This is a bigger deal in her head than it actually is. But it’s not her fault that she’s in love with her girlfriend. 

“Let’s skip the casualties, yeah? I wanna get right to it,” says Luz with her lopsided grin, the one that she knows Amity can’t resist. Somehow she does, biting her lip, she breaks the kiss to give Luz a daring look. 

“You have to be patient,” she says slowly, her eyes challenging and playful. “Control yourself, Noceda.” 

And, Luz can’t exactly be mad about that, her shameless reference. Not with the way she’s looking at her and not with the way she feels against her, not with how badly she wants her. Really, she’d do anything for it. For her. She steals one last kiss before Amity pulls away and goes back into the kitchen. “I got us something to drink,” she says, not so confident anymore as she digs through the refrigerator. 

What she pulls out is a bottle of red wine, and Luz laughs a little. “I’m pretty sure you’re _not_ supposed to refrigerate wine,” 

Amity winces at that, pouring them two glasses. “Well, I don’t know anything about wines. Or really anything alcohol related at that. I just thought we could try it,” she sets the bottle back down and is quiet for a moment. “Haven’t you ever had wine before?” 

“Once. But it’s not strong enough for me so I usually avoid it. I’m not drinking just to drink, you know.” Luz takes the glass that Amity offers her and peers down at it curiously. If anyone asked her, wine was stupid and pointless. It’s not good and it definitely isn’t worth most prices being charged for it. She’d have to down four bottles before she started to feel anything. Really, she preferred the stronger stuff. 

Amity groans apprehensively but she offers her girlfriend a gentle kiss over the counter and she says, “Let’s make a toast.” 

“Toast to what?” 

She pauses. “I’m... not sure. I don’t actually want to condone us. We aren’t…” she looks away. Luz wants to pull her into a hug and tell her everything’s okay and that she’s sorry. She loves that she dressed up and she loves that she brought wine, even if it’s stupid. She loves that this is a holiday for them and that they’re together for it. She places a gentle hand on hers and sighs. 

“Well, it’s been this long, right? Who gives a fuck?” She lifts her glass and so does Amity, hesitantly clicking it against hers. “To us. Whatever we are. Whatever this is.” 

“Yes... to us. I love you, Luz.” She smiles her pretty smile and puts the glass to her lips, recoiling at the smell of it. 

“I love you too. Drink it all for me, ‘kay?” She takes a quick sip and immediately wants to spit it out. It’s disgusting, but that’s the fun of it, right? It’s overwhelmingly sweetened and at the same time extremely watered down. There’s no burn and she doesn’t relax as it hits her tongue. She feels like she’s drinking Kool-Aid. Frustrated, she groans and downs the whole glass quickly and just to humor Amity, she says, “Mmm, that was good. What do you think?” 

“It’s… fine.” She coughs a bit, her eyebrows furrowed in disgust. She’d only taken three sips and already she looked sick. “I’ve had better,” 

Luz rolls her eyes, nodding her head affectionately. She bets that Amity couldn’t even remember the name of one alcohol she’d ever had. She sets her glass down on the counter and watches the dark red liquid filter into the cup as Amity gives her a refill. “But like, why wine?” She asks, taking another sip. “You could’ve literally gotten anything else.” 

“I… I don’t know! I just thought that since it’s Valentine’s Day that we should stick to a theme. And I was curious to try.” She gags after a particularly big sip. “I don’t care about taste. I just want to wake up tomorrow with the worst hangover of my life.” 

_“That’s a weird thing to want but to each their own,”_ Luz mumbled as she poured herself another glass. It’s disgusting but it’s kind of starting to grow on her, the empty flavor of it. 

“I want to be completely wasted. That way it’s more fun.” She says as she’s finishing her first glass and moves to pour herself another. “I’m starting to feel it,” she hums. 

“I don’t feel anything,” she snorts and gets another glassful. Amity eyes her incredulously as she sips. 

“Are you sure you’re not drunk?” She asks her skeptically. 

“I’m not drunk. I could drink ten of these and still not be drunk,” she tilts the bottle in Amity’s hand to fill her glass again for the fourth time. “You can’t get drunk off of wine. Well, _you_ probably could. But normal people, no.” 

“I’m normal,” she slaps Luz’s hand lightly but because she's _not_ drunk, she flinches and spills a little down the front of her shirt. Luz gasps and Amity’s eyes widen—she grabs a handful of napkins to press over the deepening red stain. “I’m so sorry,” she pleads, hurriedly pushing her glass away and trying to rub it out of her shirt but ends up only spreading it. 

“It’s okay. It’s coming off anyways right?” She playfully shoves Amity away and because she’s _completely_ drunk, she stumbles back against the refrigerator. Something in her eyes flash and as she stumbles to come back to the counter, clutching the edges to steady herself, she starts laughing with the sudden realization. 

“Of course. Yes! You’re completely right.” She says and there’s an odd hysteria in her eyes, and there’s a moment of silence as they stare at each other, Luz confusedly setting her glass down. Amity chuckles awkwardly and her eyes fall down to the bottle of wine slightly to her left. She flinches as if it’s a snake or something and pushes it farther away. It slides, stopping just barely enough that it thankfully doesn’t fall off of the marble counter. “I’m not drinking anymore of that- shit.” She ever so slowly walks around the counter, holding on cautiously and then stumbling into Luz’s arms, feeling safe and warm and like her life is complete. 

“You’re so fucking weird,” Luz huffs, holding her tightly in her arms and soothingly rubbing her back as she nuzzles into her neck. Luz shivers, feeling her soft, sloppy kiss on her jaw. She wants to see her girlfriend. She tips her face up with a finger under her chin and Amity looks up at her with wonder in her eyes, her mouth slightly hung open. She’s looking at her like she’s the best thing ever. And she does _not_ deserve to be looked at like that. But Luz isn’t going to be emotional tonight. Tonight, she needs to be _sexy._ She needs… 

_“Wow, you’re so beautiful.”_ Amity whispers. _“Your stupid face makes me insane.”_

“Your face is stupid too,” she says, equally as entranced with her girlfriend. She’s… 

Amity lifts her trembling hand to hold her face and it's soft and warm and everything Luz has ever hoped for. And it might be all that wine she had but damn, she’s so amazing. Amity leans in and kisses her so tenderly that it makes Luz dizzy. How did she get this girl to kiss her like this? How did she get her so in love with her, someone so… incompetent? 

“Wanna go have sex now, baby?” Asks Amity very sweetly, tracing her finger idly down her neck, like that’s as casual as the next thing to ask another person. But she guesses maybe it is. For them it is. And Luz doesn’t really have to answer, her picking her girlfriend up as they kiss, arching under her weight and stumbling as she sways for her footing is enough of an answer, she thinks. They tumble into the bedroom and Luz gracelessly lets Amity back down and holds her by the shoulders as she struggles to stand. 

They tangle into another kiss and Luz pushes her against the bed, the loud thump of her calf hitting the frame makes her wince and she pulls away to check if she’s okay. “I’m sorry babe,” she pants, gasping for air. 

“It’s okay my love,” she puts a hand on the back of her neck and pulls her close again, their lips brushing against each other’s. “Let’s have sex.” 

“Okay,” Luz idly agrees and places her hand to rest on her girlfriend’s side. Their kisses turn fast paced and frenzied, building a deep tension between her legs, one that she was not eager to get rid of just yet. Amity pulls away and Luz is a needy little idiot so she leans in to kiss her neck. She hears Amity’s little noise, something between a whine and an incredulous gasp as she drops her head back. Meanwhile, Luz travels her hand down the slight curve of her hip, slipping easily over the silky fabric of her dress, taking her time with feeling her girlfriend. 

Eventually, she gets to her thigh, where the dress cuts off and she briefly wonders what’s under it, even if she probably already knows. Besides, she’s getting a little stuffy anyways, hearing her noises and feeling her clutch tightly at her shoulder. Luz stops kissing to tease her a bit while she folds the edge of her dress over, tracing the skin there. “You know… you look _so_ sexy in this dress. But do you wanna know what I think?” 

Amity doesn’t respond except with a little nod. Luz laughs quietly. “I think it’s time to take it off.” 

“You’re right babe. Take it off,” she says, her voice just above a whisper. Luz wastes no time with trying to do just that. She reaches around the back and searches for a zipper or some form of removal but doesn’t find anything. 

“How… how _do I_ take this off?” She laughs nervously and pulls away to see Amity’s cute face. It’s futile when she pulls her back in to kiss her softly and affectionately. 

“I’ll do it,” she says after pulling away to sit down on the bed. She pulls the sleeves sensually off of her shoulders and peels it down to her legs, slipping her feet out. Luz is mainly mesmerized by the fluidity of it, but then when she sees the lingerie that she’s wearing underneath, she’s pleasantly unsurprised. It’s a red one-piece, see through and lacy and not very astonishing in a good way. It only accentuates her body, makes her want it more. 

She can see her nipples covered under a swirly pattern, and she notices a zipper over the chest area. Her eyes trail down between her legs to prove her theory right about there also being one there too. It’s probably the stupidest thing she’s ever seen—but the fact that this is Amity, and _of course_ she would buy and wear something like this only makes her heart swoon and pulls her closer to touch her warm girlfriend. 

Luz leans on top of her, kissing her neck softly. _“This is sexy,”_ she whispers. She traces her hand down the length of her smooth, flat stomach, rests her hand gently between her legs. She hears Amity’s breath hitch and she reaches up to hold the back of Luz’s neck while she kisses her up again. She wants to take it slow tonight and things are relatively calm right now. She wants to feel and touch and taste her girlfriend everywhere. Giving her crotch a gentle pat, the dampness of it just barely enough to wet her fingers, she brings her hand back up to cup her breast. Amity twists into it, arching her back slightly off the bed and moaning. 

She loves her girlfriend’s body, so soft and delicate and small. She could destroy her if she wanted to. She could injure her. She could crush her. 

“I want you to touch me,” Amity chokes out. “Please, babe.” 

“How do you want me to touch you?” She teases, giving her breast a little squeeze and giggling quietly when Amity moans. 

“However you want,” she says, her voice quiet and obedient. “I’m all yours.” 

It drives her crazy whenever she says that. 

“That’s right,” she assures her sweetly, tracing her finger along the lace over her chest to reach the zipper. She pulls it back sensually to open the chest area, exposing Amity’s warm, creamy skin. “You’re _mine._ Now be a good pet and tell me what you want.” 

“I… I don’t know, baby. I don’t know what I want.” She whispers and puffs her chest up when Luz slips her hand in, the feeling of skin to skin is an electric shock for both of them. Amity lets out a little whine as Luz feels her up so shamelessly, playing her body like an instrument, like it’s hers. Luz can’t help herself when she makes a little noise, watching her girlfriend in ecstasy as she twists and squirms under her hand. She pinched her nipple between her fingers, playfully pulling and tugging at her. “Don’t tease me.” 

“I need you to tell me what _you want.”_ She pulls her hand out of the chest pocket and trails back down between her legs. She makes out with her girlfriend, their tongues dancing as she distractedly feels around for the zipper. “You need to start speaking up, Blight.” She slips inside after having successfully unzipped her and teasingly rests her hand over Amity’s wet clit, patting her gently. 

“I want you to touch my…—ah,” she gasps when Luz starts to massage her with two fingers, gently at the top in slow circles. She feels her girlfriend relax under her and she rolls her hips in a slow rhythm. 

_“Like how?”_ Luz laughs delightedly and kisses her neck softly, listening intently to Amity’s long, heavy breaths and slipping her fingers a bit lower to massage her center, using her index finger to stroke her at the bottom. “You need to talk.” 

“This is perfect,” she struggles to say, whimpering and gasping for air. “You’re wonderful. Don’t stop.”

“I’ll never stop, baby,” she whines into her neck, getting hot and stuffy just from her little girlfriend’s enticing reactions. She grazes over her clit again, resting her palm over it to thrust her fingers inside of her. 

Amity moans in low, continuous whispers, each one louder than the first. She sounds desperate and helpless like a cute little kitten. She arches her back, angling her hips for Luz to fuck her easier and faster and harder. She holds Luz’s hair so tight that it hurts. It’s all so wonderfully lewd and hot that she can’t even think straight. “Fuck, babe,” she cries. “Fuck, fuck,” 

“Don’t come yet. Show me how long you can last,” she challenges. 

“That’s not fair!” She whines. “I’m, so close,” 

Luz ignores her, but keeps pumping her fingers while slowing the pace until she finally stops and pulls them out of her cute, small girlfriend. It’s crazy how absolutely coated her fingers are and knowing the fact that Amity hadn’t actually come yet. 

“If you’re gonna come, I wanna taste it,” is all Luz says and she quickly moves to be in between her legs, forcing her open. Amity squeaks, wrapping her legs around Luz’s back. “Be a good girl for me and keep your legs open?” 

“Yes, baby,” she looks down at her, smiling lewdly and biting her lip. “Wanna hold hands?” 

“Of course, beautiful,” she reaches up to gently lace her fingers with her cute girlfriend and places a soft kiss on her folds. Amity moans and sucks in a deep breath. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine. Just please eat me out already,” she whines. 

Luz giggles. She feels so in control being here, her cute girlfriend so vulnerable and exposed just for her. She gently strokes down her inner thigh with her free hand, experimentally poking her tongue out to get the first taste of her soft clit. Right away, Amity bucks her hips and softly grabs for Luz’s hair, moaning. 

She quickly twirls her tongue around before folding it in to press deeper inside of her. She’s so soft and sweet and warm inside. So sensitive and tight, flinching softly against her invading tongue, making her feel so good. “Like this?” She pulls out just to teasingly ask, slowly slipping back in to satisfy her. 

“Yeah babe,” she jerkily grinds her hips against each slow stroke, sounding delirious and panting for air. “Just like that. That’s the spot,” 

“You’re so desperate, aren’t you? Haven’t had anything so deep inside of you in so long?” She purrs soothingly, pulling her tongue out with one last stroke and pressing a kiss to her thigh while she eased two fingers to fit inside her entrance, and when they slip into her tight walls with ease, she gives the center of her clit an affectionate little lick while she slowly fucks her fingers in and out. Amity lets out a miserable cry, breathing so heavily and rutting her hips so violently that it almost distracts Luz, trying to get every last bit of friction. 

_“Fuck!”_ She whines. “Fuck, don’t stop, Luz. Please, please. I need it, please,” 

“Beg me, babe,” Luz whimpers, fucking her fingers faster and flicking her tongue frivolously, getting so helplessly turned on along with her hysterical girlfriend. She can’t help but breathe a little bit heavier, watching her lose it and hearing her cry. Fuck, it’s so hot. 

“Yes, yes, _yes._ Please, please,” she cries and squirms. “Don’t stop. I love you so much. I’m about to come… so soon,”

She can’t help but laugh. “Do it,” she dares her and crooks her fingers inside, hooking on her soft, sticky walls that are so incredibly warm. That’s what does it and pushes her over the edge when she lets out a sob and Luz feels her clench tightly around her two fingers. She makes sure to give her a little extra so she can ride it out, slowly pushing and pulling her fingers back out and stroking her clit with the tip of her tongue to taste her sweetness. It’s so cute and amazing how she did this to her, pleasured her so well that she made such a mess of herself over it. 

What a pathetic sight, her girlfriend so indecent and out of control like this. 

“Good girl,” Luz tells her and examines her coated fingers after pulling them out, and after a decisive moment decides to stick her tongue out and taste her sweet girlfriend all over her fingers. “Hm, you’re so delicious my love,” she says just to embarrass her. 

“Sto—op.” She squeezes her eyes shut, but wraps her arms around her neck when she moves up to hug her. They kiss and Luz really makes sure that Amity gets to taste herself, their tongues dancing in a weak but passionate makeout. 

When Luz finally pulls away, she gives her girlfriend a hot little grin, biting her lip because she’s overwhelmed with bad ideas and things she wants to do to her little Amity, so she reaches behind her to pull down the zipper in the back to get her completely naked, but Amity stops her. 

“Babe, wait,” she sounds breathless, excited and anxious for what the rest of the night has in store for them. 

“What’s wrong?” 

She sits up slightly, holding Luz’s face in her gentle hand and kisses the corner of her mouth affectionately. _“Tonight is about both of us. Let’s be equal, okay?”_ She whispers, brushing her thumb over her cheek. “I want to please you too.” 

“Okay,” Luz nods after a moment of apprehension, but Amity’s softness makes up for it. At the gentle push of Amity’s hand on her chest, she sits up for her cute small girlfriend to straddle her. She takes her passionate kisses and lets it reassure her while her hands trace down to her shoulder. 

“I’m going to take this off okay?” She pulls her bra strap down, then on the other side before kissing her lips with a soft peck before she can object. She pushes herself close, their chests pressing comfortingly together as Amity carefully reaches around to unhook Luz’s bra. Then she pulls back to take it fully off and she hastily tosses it away to kiss her deeply again. “Nothing to worry about,” she says gently after pulling away. 

All Luz can do is look at her, her chest swelling with an intense feeling of _something._ She can’t gather her thoughts fast enough for when Amity leans forward to kiss softly down her neck, stopping at her shoulder to sink her teeth there, biting down hard. She gasps and tangles a hand through her hair, the sensation leaving her breathless. _“I love you, Amity,”_ she whispers, her mouth dropping open incredulously at how good her cute little girlfriend is making her feel. 

“I love you too.” She assures her sweetly and brings the hand resting on her shoulder down to her breast, tracing around it lightly. Her kisses trail down her collarbone and she places more around her other breast, light like butterflies before flicking her tongue deliberately over her nipple. “I love your body and I don’t ever want you to be ashamed. You trust me, don’t you?” 

_“Of course,”_ she says breathlessly, loves her with all her heart. 

“Good. You’re so amazing. So beautiful.” She twirls her tongue around and uses her other hand to playfully flick her nipple. “Do you like this?”

“I… love it. Please don’t stop.” 

Amity giggles, a satisfied little smile as she bites her lip. Gives her nipple a decisive little lick. “I like it when you praise me.” 

Luz gets embarrassed, but it doesn’t stop her from enjoying herself. If Amity wants praise, she’d praise her all day if only she’d keep going. She strokes her pretty hair gently and lets out a little moan when Amity starts to get a little rough, grazing her now sensitive nipple between her teeth. Then she starts to suck, and the feeling of it is weird but oddly satisfying. She can’t believe how great this is. She’s so happy. This is the best day ever, really. She loves her girlfriend so much. “Amity,” she shudders and clutches onto her shoulder. 

“Yes, my heart?”

“You’re so perfect... don’t stop.” 

Amity does exactly that and pulls away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I won’t, babe. But I need you to lay down, okay?” 

Luz nods and quickly obeys, feeling excited when Amity returns to bed with the strap-on clipped around her waist. She straddles her again and Luz peers up at her anxiously. She has something else, twirling it round her two fingers. “What’s that?” She asks. 

“You remember.” She tells her, a stern look in her eye. Oh, yeah. That stupid ribbon she bought all that time ago. How does Amity have it? “Wrists together.” 

Luz huffs but begrudgingly does that too. She can’t believe what’s happening right now, never once did she think she’d ever be the one to get tied up. And by a girl like Amity at that! She makes sure to tie it nicely, her fingers going cold with the strained blood flow. Amity forces her arms over her head and tells her to keep them there. 

“This must be a tough moment for you,” says Amity distractedly as she angles herself perfectly to start fucking her girlfriend. She ends up standing on her knees between Luz’s legs. 

“Yeah, well. Enjoy it because it’s never happening again.” She rolls her eyes, staring boredly up at the ceiling. She gasps, her entire mood shifting when she feels Amity guiding it in, hard and slightly too big to fit inside of her, but still she forces it forward. Her persistence is pretty hot, Luz admits to herself. She seems adamant on doing this, even if she doesn’t know why. She can’t help but feel a bit nervous, remembering what happened last time. 

Once it’s inside, she does a few test strokes to get an easy rhythm going with her hips. Those are especially painful because Luz has barely had anything inside of her like this, and she knows Amity isn’t about to go easy on her tonight. She’s always heard about the first few times being painful and even if the circumstances are different, she’s proud to finally have that confirmed. Though she couldn’t help but wonder if it was _supposed_ to hurt. 

“How’s this?” Amity asks sweetly, her hips now moving back and forth at a slow pace inside of her.

“Feels good,” she says shakily. Again, Amity shifts her position a bit to lay down over Luz to bury her face in her neck, kissing her softly, ultimately distracted by the pattern of her hips. “This is nice,” she sighs, moaning and squeezing at every little thrust inside and every little tinge of pain somewhere deep inside her. 

“I’m glad, babe.” She kisses her tenderly, holding onto Luz’s shoulders. “You think this is hot, don’t you?”

“This _is_ hot. You’re so beautiful…” 

“I think you’re hot too, Luz. I’ve never told you how much I like you, have I?” 

“I have a pretty good idea, I think.” She laughs despite herself. To her delight, Amity gives her another soft kiss and she sweetly brushes their noses together, laughing a little bit. 

“I like how you try to act tough. Like you don’t care about anything. But in reality you’re just as bad as me.” She huffs, and even if Luz is delirious she’s indignant as well. She hears her girlfriend’s soft breathing as she rocks her hips back and forth, lovingly slipping in and out of her and giving her that antagonizing pleasure. It’s almost torturous, how great it feels. She guesses she deserved it after all this. “I like it when you let me take control.” She whispers. _“And I know you like it too.”_

And anyways, all that Luz can manage is a whiny moan as her affirmation that yes, she absolutely loves this— which was not part of the plan and is completely unacceptable, but it’s not like she can do anything about it. 

She’s stuck, hands tied and trapped under this cute and maniacal girl giving everything to her like it’s her day job. And even if she’s way past it, her heart can’t help but swoon at the feeling of just Amity on top of her. She loves her hands clutching onto her shoulders, loves the pressure of their bodies pressed up against each other and the feeling of her hips working against hers. 

“I like it when you’re out of control.” 

“I’m not,” she insists incredulously, but they both know it’s futile by the sound of her voice, whiny and desperate. 

“Yes you are. I know exactly what you think of me like this,” she says, out of breath from exerting herself to take out all of her feelings on Luz. She sounds manic and Luz is mostly confused, but this was probably the hottest thing to happen to her, so she wasn’t complaining. 

She takes everything her little girlfriend gives, feels her pressing and thrusting so perfectly against her clit, and so she doesn’t pay much mind to what she’s saying— even if it’s true. “You think it’s hot when I dominate you because I’m so weak. You like seeing me try. You’re trying act _sooo_ tough, but really this is too much to handle for you, isn’t it?” She roughly bites her neck. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

“You’re so right,” she chokes out. “You’re so beautiful…” 

  
  


She loves it when Amity kisses her, touches her so gently, and tangles a hand in her hair. Luz has just about had enough with Amity kissing her neck, bothering her nipple and of course still fucking her to her wit’s end, and she says quietly, _“Please,”_ because she doesn’t know how much more she can take. 

“Please what, babe?” She asks innocently, and gives her nipple one last pinch between her fingernails before she moves to sit up slightly and kiss Luz again. “Are you close?” 

Luz nods, biting her lip. 

“Okay. Let me help you my love,” she brushes her fingers through the hair stuck by sweat to her forehead and then traces up her arm to lace her fingers together with Luz’s useless tied up hand. Her hips start to move jerkily and she squeezes her hand tight. “Go ahead. I’ll wait for you.” She says sweetly. 

“Fuck… fuck you.” Luz groans bitterly, mad that she’s so worked up over this. Why is she so cute and sweet and soft? Why does she… 

“I love you,” Amity pushes her into a deep kiss and bites down hard on Luz’s bottom lip. The pain is so bad that all she can do is take it along with everything else, and she finds that it’s an oddly pleasant mixture of sensation, pleasure and pain. She can understand why Amity craves it all the time. Now she thinks she’s addicted. 

Addicted to her warm, dutiful girlfriend so dedicated to making her feel nice, making her feel all these crazy things at once. Luz is kind of happy to be like this, so helpless underneath her. It gives her a weird feeling that draws her in and wants more of this side of Amity, and she gets hot thinking of all the things she’s done to her. What if this was her getting payback for everything? What if she’d finally had enough and was taking control now? And why does that idea get Luz weirdly excited?

And when she finally comes, it’s to the great feeling of her girlfriend whispering sweet nothings in her ear, her hand in hers, guiding her through it all. She’s so gratified, so grateful for her. They lay there tangled together in a sweaty mess, Luz panting and Amity gently stroking her hair. She never wants to leave. She never wants to stop this… 

A sudden wave of guilt washes over her, wading through the gentle blanket of calm and peace she’d been feeling only a moment before. She doesn’t know why, but she wants to do whatever it takes to make it go away, to make it up to her. She squirms a bit, swallowing anxiously. 

Amity tries to pull away but Luz stops her. “Wait,” she hurries to say because the thought of not being pressed up against her is worse than anything else she can imagine. Her girlfriend kisses her neck with only her tenderness and she sighs softly in exhaustion. 

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“Don’t leave me,” she says like a massive idiot, pathetic and incompetent. 

“I’m never leaving you.” She assures her, and there’s a brief pause as they kiss deeply for a moment. “Let me take this out of you. You must be so sore.”

“A little…” she looks away, embarrassed. Her chest aches when Amity sits back up on her knees, the feeling of her sticky skin up against hers is nothing but a hazy daydream and Luz wants to _die._ Her girlfriend pushes her legs open with a little force, and she strokes the top of her clit to ease the ache a bit. Luz lets out a needy little moan, even if she’d been spent for the next few weeks tonight. She already felt like she wanted more, whatever Amity would give her. 

And the next thing she feels is a pulsing ache throughout the entirety of her vagina— _WHICH IS NOT PLEASANT AT ALL._ She yelps in pain and she sees Amity wince. “I’m sorry my love. It’s going to hurt a lot, okay? I’ll go quick.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Just hurry,” she said through searing pain, and what follows is another quick shoot of something terrible going up exactly where Amity had spent the time, and then it’s out. She takes it off and practically launches herself back on top of Luz. 

“I’m _sooo_ sorry,” she wraps her arms around her neck and hugs her tight. Luz takes it for a moment, feeling her soft girlfriend on her again, which she loves, but— 

“Untie me,” she says irritably. 

“Oh! Right, sorry.” She scrambles to undo the tight knot, Luz feeling the immediate rush of blood flow back in her hands when she takes it off. She sits back and is quiet for a moment, watching Luz. 

“It’s fine,” she says and with her hands—(yay) she is able to reach up and touch her girlfriend. She pulls her in by the back of her neck and they kiss deeply until their lungs beg for air. 

“I love you,” Amity tells her again. “Do you want to cuddle?” 

“Yeah. Yes, please,” she says weakly. 

Amity nods and she sadly moves off of Luz again to lay beside her on the bed. She gets in nice and close and they tangle up into each other again, Luz’s face buried in Amity’s neck. She feels so small and useless as she leans into her girlfriend, feeling her fingers gently tracing her skin. She has _got_ to get a grip on herself. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. She doesn’t know what happened, one moment she was completely in control and now she’s all melty and obsessed with her little girlfriend, clinging onto her for dear life and wanting nothing more than to just be _close?_

_“The hell did you do to me?”_ Luz mumbles sulkily into her chest, pleasantly spent. 

Amity giggles, and she sounds deliciously, evilly amused. “Hehe. Sorry. That might be sore for a few days.” 

It might be all that wine finally starting to catch up to her, but she thinks she likes the ache. She feels tingly and amorous when Amity tilts her chin up to tenderly kiss her lips, and Luz gladly returns it. _“I missed you so much, babe,”_ Amity whispers, their lips still close together. 

“I’m sorry,” Luz blurts out. It’s weird because usually Amity is the one to apologize first. She’s the one who begged to get back together. Not Luz. Never Luz. Amity pauses, pulling back slightly to look at her. “I didn’t mean anything I said when we… when we broke up. I was just mad.”

“I know. I was too.” She kisses her again. “That’s okay. Fights happen when you really love someone. It means we’re normal.” 

Luz watches her for a second, unbelieving. “...We aren’t…”

“Want to just pretend?” 

Luz nods quickly. “Yeah, sure.” 

Amity giggles and kisses her softly, slipping a hand up the back of her neck. “Okay. Girlfriend.” 

“Fuck. We’re so fucking doomed.” She laughs along with her girlfriend, and they both become a bit hysterical. She ends up rolling on top of her, kissing roughly down her neck and pinning her to the bed underneath her. She bites down and sinks her teeth between her neck and shoulder, getting so worked up over Amity’s little whines and moans. She sucks on her skin to get a hickey there as fast as possible, marking her territory on her girlfriend’s body. “I can’t think straight.” 

“Me too. I can’t… I’m so…” Amity struggles for words. 

They have sex again. 

  
  


“Can you pull my hair while you fuck me?” 

Luz is confused for a moment, and she sits up from her position to smooth her hand up the soft, warm skin of her back, taking a handful of minty green hair and wrapping it tightly around two fingers, tugging at it roughly. “Like this?” 

“Yes, just like that,” she breathes, her voice desperate. “Now fuck me.” 

Luz lets out a little laugh, amused at her girlfriend’s urgency. “Okay. But why do you want me to pull your hair?” She asks teasingly to distract her, moving her hips forward and drawing back out to get herself on a steady rhythm again. 

“I don’t know,” she whines. “It’s so hot. I want you to hurt me.” 

“I’ll hurt you then. Gladly.” She tugs at her hair roughly again, yanking her head back, even if it was already falling back from the pleasure she was feeling. 

“Fuck me harder. I need you to go harder.” 

She raises an eyebrow. “Harder?” She’s confused because she knows she’s not going to hear the end of it later, how sore she is from being fucked so hard. 

“Yes. And faster. And pull my hair,” she says sternly. 

Luz sighs, rolling her eyes. She can’t help but be endeared about it though. If her needy little girlfriend wanted to be sore in the morning, she’d give it to her. _“Bossy,”_ she sings-songs and pulls her hair much softer just to annoy Amity. She whines and just to shut her up, Luz starts to move her hips faster as per her request.

  
  


After a while, Amity starts to complain about it hurting, but she doesn’t stop. This was what would make her sore, just like she asked. She keeps going and going, until she feels like she’s going to collapse and when Amity starts to cry a little. 

She pulls out and Amity falls onto her side, breathing heavily. 

“You okay?” 

Amity is quiet for a moment, sniffling and wiping away her tears. She nods, a watery smile. “It hurts so much.” 

  
  


Then sometime during the night, Luz ends up on the edge of the bed, Amity on her lap bouncing up and down with wild abandon. Luz is beyond exhausted but her girlfriend seemed like she was just getting started. The only thing she could do was hang onto her tightly, her earlobe caught between her teeth as Amity moans sweet little nothings, hanging onto the back of Luz’s neck. 

_“Fuck, yesyesyes!”_ She whispers and her motions become jerky, her hips grind weakly and Luz sighs because her girlfriend is such a handful. She’s glad she’s having a good time, using her for that sweet, sweet pleasure. It goes quiet for a moment and Amity finally giggles quietly in her ear. “That was amazing,” she says, her voice hoarse and raw from all the screaming she’s done tonight. She nips weakly at Luz’s neck, her breath heavy as she tries to get some air in her chest. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” she sighs, falling back on the bed and Amity slowly pulls herself to climb off of the strap on, wincing when it hits a sore spot. “Tired yet?” 

“Yes,” she pants. “But I bet you must be so tense from having me on top of you like that?” 

Luz inwardly sighs. Goodness, when does she plan on stopping tonight? Even if she was exhausted, Amity wasn’t wrong. “Mhm,” she swallows, feeling her girlfriend’s hands working to unclip the strap on and pull it off of her waist. She hears it thump against the bed when Amity tosses it up, her mind going blank when she forces her legs open. She closes her eyes when Amity kneels down on the floor, standing on her knees between Luz’s legs hanging off the bed. 

“I can help with that, if you want.” She offers casually, already slowly grazing her tongue gently over her wet entrance. And, how can she say no to that? She shivers, feeling her girlfriend’s diligent mouth kissing her just below her pubic bone and then poking her tongue on the sensitive part at the top of her clit. Luz can’t help but let out a cute little moan, clutching at the bedsheets because Amity is too low to reach. “Did you want me to?” 

_“Fuck._ Yes, Blight.” 

“Good. This is what you deserve… fucking me so good all night.” She hums and uses two fingers to spread her open, sticking her tongue _deep_ inside. She laughs when Luz bucks her hips weakly, teasingly wiggling around before drawing back out again. She gives her a long, slow lick along her clit and presses her tongue to fold inside again. She keeps going like that, folding in and out and then stroking the outside with the tip of her tongue, swirling on the top of her clit and then folding back in at a slow and agonizing pace.

And Amity knows exactly what she’s doing. It’s slowly breaking Luz down and making her sound so desperate. She is _not_ desperate for Amity, her gentle hand resting on her knee as she goes down on her girlfriend and making a fool of her. It’s so hot when she has to reach up to tuck her hair back behind her ear, and the teasing suspense when she stops tormenting her sanity to wipe her mouth off because Luz is making such a mess on her like that. 

“Does this feel good, my love?” She asks sweetly through Luz’s panting, rolling her hips forward to feel Amity’s mouth on her, deeper inside as far as she can go. Every inch of her burns with hot pleasure, that hopelessness pooling low in her stomach when her girlfriend pays some extra attention to one particular spot right where she knows it’s unbearable. “Do you want me to keep going until you come?” 

And, she can’t exactly answer her as she does exactly that, crying out like a stupid idiot when she comes to her girlfriend’s teasing, soft tongue, swirling in and out of her like that. She can’t help herself. “Fuck,” she breathes out. 

“Did I do good?” She laughs and gives her another slow stroke all the way up to collect her sticky come, which is disgusting and just, ugh. But there’s something so weirdly hot about Amity being so good and sitting down there, licking it off like the good girlfriend she is. 

“I…” she says for lack of a better word. She’s got nothing else to say. Nothing to add. She’s utterly exhausted and feels like she could just die a happy woman now. She feels so happy, so proud of her girlfriend. But then Amity gets back up on bed and she watches Luz with a little smile on her face that exhausts her even more. 

But she actually can’t do it anymore. Amity watches her for a moment, biting her lip decisively. Then she leans down to kiss her, soft and sweet. It’s delicate and ticklish like her pretty hair dangling in her face as they kiss, gentle like the hand she rests on her chest. She just… loves her so much. 

Amity takes the liberty of slipping her tongue into Luz’s mouth, and she can taste herself all over her girlfriend. She moans in shock, but it’s mostly an off putting taste. Something about it is insanely hot though, and if her head was clear she might be able to tell. Amity decides to torment her with it, because she knows she’s embarrassed about it. She makes sure their tongues touch and she swirls the taste onto hers, trails the tip of her tongue along her teeth and then pulls away with a wet kiss. “Do you taste yourself?” She asks playfully, their lips still close together. 

Luz nods shyly. Why does she feel like this, so swooned under Amity? Why does she look like an angel, her messy hair and her pale, bare shoulders exposed just for her? Why is she so perfect, so simple in concept and yet she can’t grasp the idea in her clouded mind that this girl is _hers?_

She reaches a hand up to gently cup her pretty face, feeling her soft, warm skin. She’s so real and bright and perfect. She’s here, and she’s really, really good. She’s so pretty. “You look cute.” Luz says, a lopsided grin on her face. The words tumbled out before she could stop herself, but she was happy it did because the smile it got out of Amity was perfect and worth it. 

“Thank you,” she giggles and presses forward for another kiss, she hums happily into it. “Mmm, you taste good, babe. I want more of you.” She says after pulling away, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Luz’s heart dips with fear and excitement. 

“I’m too exhausted,” she complains, but it doesn’t deter Amity. 

Instead, she gives her another sweet kiss and strokes her collarbone gently. “There’s this thing I wanted to try…” 

“Amity—” 

Without a word, Amity moves and she climbs on top of Luz, except that her butt is hovering deliciously over her face, and she feels her hand resting on her midriff. Luz knows exactly where this is going. She pouts, tired and aching and ready to sleep but her little girlfriend is still going at it. Begrudgingly, she sticks her tongue out and drags it quickly over her sex. She whimpers, carefully lowering down to actually sit on her face. “Just like that, baby,” she hums, gratifying and frisky, and Luz wonders does she ever run out of steam? 

Either way, she continues to eat her girlfriend out, sucking harshly on her clit and swirling her tongue around in between her folds, trying her best to pleasure her like this. She feels rewarded when she feels her starting to slowly rut her hips against her tongue, rolling and squirming under the sensation. She lets out a strained whimper, one low, continuous breathy moan. “Yeah baby, don’t stop,” she rasps, pressing herself down to push her tongue _deeper._ Luz laughs into her a little, absentmindedly grabbing her thigh and stroking it gently. “Please, please. You’re so beautiful. You’re so amazing.” 

She wants to say _I love you,_ but she can’t really speak much with a mouthful of her cute little girlfriend. She was practically suffocating with her girlfriend sitting on her face, but who needed oxygen when she had Amity’s soft, sweet little clit to suck on, so dutifully like it's her day job? She moans, her jaw starting to hurt with the straining of her tongue as she flicks and pokes and tastes her girlfriend in all the different spots, seemingly endless reactions. 

“Careful,” Amity stammers and jerkily grinds her hips against each slow stroke of Luz’s tongue, her voice shaky. “If you keep going like that, I’ll come all over your face.” 

In response, Luz grabs a handful of her soft, firm butt and squeezes tightly, spreading her open to stick her tongue deeper inside of her tight sex, thrusting her tongue in and out quickly. Amity moans loudly. “Fuck, yes, yes, yes.” She squeaks. “Keep doing it like that. Don’t stop,” Luz feels her hand trace down her stomach and shamelessly between her legs, and she circles tightly over her clit. She doesn’t think she can possibly come again, but it still feels incredibly good and she can’t help but let out a little moan. 

She feels Amity press lightly on her clit, and then slips down to finger fuck her at a matching pace that she licks her to. She hears her girlfriend whining and babbling sweet nothings as she bounces lightly on her face. “ _Oh yes,_ fuck. Yes _yesyes,”_ she hums delightedly, her voice going high pitched and Luz wants to laugh because she’s so cute. She tastes more of her girlfriend’s come and she loves it because it’s from her. She wants all of Amity. 

Amity eventually crawls off, weakly collapsing on the bed beside her. She stares blankly at the ceiling, panting and trying to catch her breath. She laughs after a moment, turning on her side and reaching over to wipe Luz’s mouth with the back of her hand. “I made such a mess,” she says quietly, biting her lip. “I’m sorry, my love,” 

“It’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s—,” 

“Shh,” she cuts her off, pressing a finger to her lips to silence her. She shifts closer, smiling shyly before kissing her deeply. “You really know how to work that tongue. What else could you do with it?” She asks hotly. 

“Nothing else tonight,” Luz grumbles and pulls her in for another kiss. After a while of them just shamelessly making out, sloppy and drunken and happy, Luz pushes Amity slightly away just enough to break the kiss. A fog passes through her head, and she stares confusedly at Amity’s lips for a comically long time. “How… how is your lipstick still perfect?” 

Amity giggles and kisses her again before tracing her tongue slowly over Luz’s lips. _“It’s sex proof.”_

“Hot.” She nips at Amity’s bottom lip and bites down hard, causing her girlfriend to yelp. “I’m tired. Wanna go to sleep?” 

“Hm, okay. But I wanted to have more wine.” 

“ _More?”_

Amity nods, anxiously biting her lip again. “Is that alright?”

Luz sighs. “Of course, _hermosa,”_

They stumble back into the living room together after having put on some clothes and Amity pours herself another glass of wine while Luz drinks water. They’re both leaning against the counter in the dark, the bright moonlight filtering through into the kitchen. Amity hugs Luz from the side, resting her face on her shoulder. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love,” she says quietly and kisses her cheek. 

“Oh, yeah. That’s today isn’t it?” She giggles, turning to kiss her girlfriend on the forehead. “I got chocolates, for you.” 

“Really?” 

“Mhm,” she pulls away to take the stupid heart shaped box out of the fridge and she sets it on the counter to pull the lid off. “Eat one.” 

Amity giggles after sipping her wine, lifting up on her tiptoes to kiss Luz’s face again. “I appreciate it baby. But you know I don’t eat sweets.” 

Luz slouches. “Come on. It’s good for you. These ones are my favorite,” She says, picking up a square shaped chocolate with caramel inside. Amity eyes it with a renewed interest, and she is suddenly ready to try it. Luz feeds it to her slowly and when she finally finishes it, she hums with delight. “Is it good?” She smiles, licking her fingers where some of the chocolate had melted. 

“Delicious,” she nods, absentmindedly sucking on her lip while watching Luz. She blinks with the sudden realization and she gets a sly grin on her face, gently licking her fingers. Amity whimpers. “Stop being so hot,” she complains. 

Luz just laughs and tugs her girlfriend in by the hips. They kiss gently, Luz tasting the sweet caramel on her girlfriend’s warm tongue. It’s better than the real thing, somehow. 

  
  
  


She’s going to propose to her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that are in fear, let this be your head canon for now:❤️
> 
> —  
> AU where it’s only for the cameras is just a movie that Luz and Amity worked on. They’re actually just good friends, just professionals doing their jobs. During the intimate scenes, Luz asks, “is this comfortable?” Or “woops, sorry. Is this okay?” And Amity just laughs it off. 
> 
> It’s a bit awkward doing those scenes but Luz and amity are great actors so it doesn’t deter them. Sometimes during kiss scenes, they get the giggles and have to do multiple takes. The movie is just to spread awareness about toxic relationships, and Luz and amity thought it was an important subject so they are glad to be a part of it. 
> 
> There’s hours and hours of behind the scenes footage of them being goofballs and messing around with each other. There’s one where they’re doing stupid dances during a short intermission and Luz is kneeled on the ground, holding her hands out while amity tries to step in them for Luz to lift her up. 
> 
> Another one where they’re sitting in the break room early in the morning, Amity’s in her sweatshirt and Luz has on her jacket because it’s so cold in the mornings. In the background, Luz is playing nobody by mitski because it’s amity’s favorite song. She’s attempting to sing the chorus and Luz holds a pretend microphone in front of her while she fans her with her other hand. 
> 
> The car scene from chapter three was actually a hard scene to film because it turns out amity can’t actually climb on top of a car as swiftly as the final takes made it out to be. Luz has a giggle attack on the scene where she has to eat French fries while she drives amity home. 
> 
> Bed scenes are a complete different fiasco.  
> They look away awkwardly as the crew sets up the cameras, and this time Luz has her phone with her. She pulls it out while they wait to read off some egg puns for amity.


End file.
